Hi I'm back
Hope you haven't forgotten about this story.
Sorry for the delay, but Uni is keeping me busy.
A little quiz, can anybody guess who it is that sings the song on Jenny's voice mail? - and no googling folks! ;)
Enjoy
Courage is.
Emma was sitting in front of her laptop trying to work on a paper about the musical Wicked. She had to explain the history of the show and give her interpretation of it and why she thought it had become one of the most popular musicals in the world. She had seen the musical herself and had really liked it. She was fascinated by the story of the two witches and the subtle hints of a possible romance between them. She had done a lot of research on the story and even read the book. Normally it would be an easy assignment for her, however today she found it hard to concentrate. Her thoughts kept drifting off to Jenny and the whole mess with Karin. She hadn't answered her phone or the texts she had gotten from Jenny since she had kissed Karin. She really didn't know how to tell Jenny. She was afraid that Jenny would break it off between them, and she couldn't face that. The fact that she still had to do the assignment with Karin and they probably had to rehearse it again before they performed it in front of the class also frustrated her immensely. So far she had avoided Karin at school: sneaking around the halls, using a different entrance to uni and trying to sit as far away from her in class. She didn't know how to face her. If her grade wasn't so dependent on this assignment she would have skipped it, but there were no way around it, she had to do it.
Frustrated, she threw her pencil on the table, moaning while rubbing her face with her hands, wondering how everything had become such a big mess. She loved Jenny with all her heart and she didn't know what had made her kiss Karin. She missed Jenny so much, maybe it had just felt nice to get some attention from someone. To Emma they were just friendly feelings, or at least that was what she thought they were. She had no idea that Karin had those kinds of feelings for her, or perhaps she did but just didn't want to acknowledge it. Why hadn't she done anything? Why hadn't she told Karin from the start that she had a girlfriend? Did she really, in some subconscious, way like the attention and flirting? Was that what made her kiss her back? Everything was so confusing and she didn't know what to do. Should she tell Jenny or keep it a secret? It couldn't hurt either of them if Jenny didn't know, could it?
She picked up the picture frame with a picture of Jenny and all her STAG friends sitting on the book statue. Jenny was laughing at something Bodo had said. She missed the gang. They had a lot of fun together and always knew how to help and support each other. She remembered that day very well. They had been sitting outside in the sun chatting and laughing after they had finished yet another performance for the school. Bodo had teased them by calling them "Jemma" after she and Jenny had gotten lost in a loving moment of kissing. It had made Jenny laugh when Bodo had explained to them he had given them a couple name and that all of their friends used it now, because they were always together and lovey-dovey. Emma had at first been a little surprised by it and a little afraid of what people would think. She didn't want to attract any more attention to the two of them outside of their group. She still feared that something like when Ronnie and his friends attacked her would happen again. However, Jenny had laughed and actually thought it was a bit goofy, yet sweet. Jenny's laugh and her smile with that lovely dimple did always make her relax and forget about all the worries she normally had. Jenny's eyes were sparkling and she looked so happy in the picture. She really missed Jenny and the days when everything seemed so simple. All that mattered was the love that they felt for each other, and not the worries about distance, convincing Jenny's parents to let her move back to Germany and everything else.
Sighing wearily, she picked up her pencil and started to go through her notes again. She wanted to verify that she had all her notes prepared before she started typing up her assignment.
Sure she had it all ready, she flipped open her laptop and turned it on. Letting out a little sigh, she just wanted to finish this assignment so she could go to bed and forget about everything. Once the dim light of the laptop screen flickered on, she opened Word to start typing in her assignment.
Barely a page into her assignment, she felt like she needed a break. To keep in the mode of her assignment she played the soundtrack from Wicked, poured herself another cup coffee and took a sip, enjoying the warm black liquid while letting out a small sigh and leaning back in her chair, closing her eyes and enjoying the crescendo of Defying Gravity.
She was brought out of her relaxing moment when the song was interrupted by a very familiar ring. She looked up at her screen and saw that it was Luzi trying to Skype with her. Smiling, she pressed the answer button and immediately Luzi's smiling face filled the whole screen. "Hi Emma! Wow, it has been ages since we last spoke, how are you?"
"I'm fine Luzi," Emma lied, trying to sound as if everything really was fine.
"Hmm Emma, that doesn't sound very convincing. And by the look on your face I can tell that something is wrong, so what is it?" Luzi's face quickly changed from happy to worried
Wanting to avoid the question, Emma just shrugged her shoulders. "Ahh, you know, life just can be a bitch sometimes. But more importantly, how are you doing? How is it being on tour?" Emma asked, hoping that Luzi would drop the questions about what was wrong.
"I'm great Emma, and the tour is just great and amazing. I'm meeting so many people and seeing a lot of different places but, Emma, that's not important right now. Please tell me what's wrong. I know you, and I can see that it's not simply 'nothing'," Luzi firmly stated to make sure that Emma understood that she wouldn't let Emma change the subject.
Sighing, Emma took a deep breath and started to tell Luzi everything that had happened between her and Jenny and her and Karin and about her concerns. It was hard to voice it aloud and tears quickly started to roll down her flushed cheeks. She was afraid that Luzi would be disappointed in her for kissing Karin. "Please don't hate me Luzi, please don't be upset at me," she whimpered, not able to look at the screen at Luzi's face.
"Emma I'm not upset with you and I certainly don't hate you. I'm just a bit surprised about everything. I thought that things between you and Jenny were going well. I know that things have been hard for you and Jenny, but you didn't kiss this other girl intentionally. But I do think that you really need to talk to Jenny about it all," Luzi calmly told Emma.
Emma looked up at the screen "I…. I don't know if I can tell her Luzi. I don't know how too. I'm scared of what might happen. I don't want to break her heart … or mine," Emma sobbed.
Reassuringly, Luzi smiled at Emma. "Emma, you have to tell her, and I know you can and will figure out how. You're strong and you both have such love for each other, so I'm sure you can talk things through. Just think of all the things you two have gone through already. And Emma, think about if it was the other way around. You would have gone out of your mind worrying about Jenny if you hadn't heard from her in over a day, and you would want her to tell you if it had happened to her. Nothing goods comes from keeping secrets from each other Emma."
With a loud exhale, , Emma simply nodded and conceded, "you're right Luzi, as always."
"I know I am," Luzi giggled while turning around to look at someone entering the room. Emma heard someone say "5 minutes."
Smiling, Luzi looked back at Emma. "Look Emma, I need to go. I have to be on stage in 5 minutes, but it was good to talk to you. I'll Skype you again soon and will call to talk with Jenny. I'm sure everything will work itself out. But promise me you'll call her and talk to her."
"Yeah, I will. Thanks for listening. Take care, and I can't wait till next time so I can hear more about your amazing tour!" Emma let out a small sigh as she turned off Skype. She knew Luzi was right. She just had to figure out how to tell Jenny.
Suddenly her laptop beeped again telling her she had gotten an email. She looked at the screen and saw it was from Luzi. 'Hi Emma, thought my new cover song might help you get some courage to call Jenny. I know that right now you are sitting and thinking about what to say to Jenny and trying to muster up the courage to call. Love you Emma, and call or text me any time you need to talk! ps. I'll be in Berlin next month, hoping we can hook up and do something'
Emma smiled and pressed the link, leaned back in her chair and started to listen to Luzi's new song.
"Take all my vicious words
And turn them into something good"
"Take all my preconceptions
And let the truth be understood"
"Take all my prized possessions
Leave only what I need"
"Take all my pieces of doubt
And let me be what's underneath"
Courage is when you're afraid,
But you keep on moving anyway
Courage is when you're in pain,
But you keep on living anyway
She smiled thinking of how Luzi always knew what to say to calm her and make her see the error of her ways.
"We all have excuses why
Living in fear something in us dies
Like a bird with broken wings
It's not how high he flies,
But the song he sings"
"Courage is when you're afraid,
But you keep on moving anyway"
"Courage is when you're in pain,
But you keep on living anyway,
You keep on living anyway"
Maybe Luzi was right; she had to talk to Jenny. If it had been the other way around, she would have wanted Jenny to tell her.
"It's not how many times you've been knocked down
It's how many times you get back up
Courage is when you've lost your way,
But you find your strength anyway"
Listening to the song, she realized there was no way around it. She couldn't keep burying her head in the sand and pretending things hadn't happened. She had to face it. She had to face both telling Jenny and talking to Karin. Hopefully it wouldn't impact the assignment they were doing together.
"Courage is when you're afraid
Courage is when it all seems grey
Courage is when you make a change,
And you keep on living anyway"
"You keep on moving anyway
You keep on giving anyway
You keep on loving anyway"
The song ended and Emma had a new found clarity. Before she could change her mind, she picked up her phone, took a deep breath and pushed the speed dial number. "Here goes nothing," she mumbled to herself as she listened to the phone ring. And ring. And ring before she heard the very familiar voice mail song 'Sorry, I'm not home right now. I'm walking into spiderwebs. So leave a message and I'll call you back. A likely story but leave a message. And I'll call you back'
Frustrated, Emma hung up and hit "send message"