Moonlit Wishes
Part XXI

Dear Samantha,

Even though you were tired and grouchy (I can hear you right now I wasn't grouchy-you absolutely were) after we struggled to get the twins to bed we still had the immigration hearing with Mr. Burke to convince him to let me stay in the country. I was starting to get worried; we were running out of time, so I asked you to stay up with me where we could prepare our last round of strategy. You really should have seen the look upon your face after I told you we only had one night to fall in love.

Well sweetheart if you don't know it by now that suggestion was totally meant for you, I mean I only had eyes for you from the first time I saw your lovely face. Now don't roll your eyes at me and start to scoff, you had to have known by that juncture in our rather somewhat peculiar relationship that I was completely smitten with you.

Then you got that wary look on your face and I could see you trying to think of a way to get out of this because if you possibly can you avoid any kind of conversation that might draw us closer to one another. I really didn't know what I was expecting when the comment about us falling in love slipped out, it was just escaped my mouth, one of those times when your heart blurts out something before your head can scream to use some common sense and not try to make you scramble to find a quick exit from the room.

I almost wanted to laugh as you tried to come up with excuses anything to keep me at bay, stating we could cram in the morning as if it were some kind of test at school hoping that last minute studying would keep us from failing. I was afraid if we were asked personal questions about each other our answers would not match up with one another.

You tried to make a joke of it, saying the only phobia you had were of all things DiMera, which really made no sense, you know? Whether you liked it or not (I know you answer is a resounding not!) you were a DiMera and our son was a DiMera and of course I was a DiMera. I didn't think it was funny and asked you to meet me halfway, something that hadn't been a problem for you until Nicole.

When I brought her name up, I could see the fire in your eyes. I'd made you mad because I'd called you on something you didn't want to admit. You refused to believe you were jealous of Nicole in any shape or form. Then you were like ask away, and proceeded to rush me. You were pacing around the room like a caged animal until I finally convinced you to sit down.

You are so impatient, whereas I was patient, really to care about you the way I had really required tremendous amounts of patience on my part, not that you cared about that at all. We did know each other's favorite foods, I guess we had shared more meals together than we realized because it was an answer we both readily knew.

Good and bad habits, oh when I mentioned bad habits your face lit up like a Christmas tree, it was like the wheels started turning in your head almost automatically, immediately you said I made a clicking noise when I was thinking which of course I didn't yet you started making the noise and you were so adorable that all I wanted to do was reach over and cradle the back of your head in my hand to bring your face up to mine and simply kiss you.

I didn't do it, if I had you would have ran out of the room probably screaming how much of I pig I was to try such a thing with you. So I switched tactics asking what about good habits which really seemed to stump you for a few moments and then your answer took me completely by surprise.

You did that annoying clicking sound, which by the way I don't do, and then said the kindest thing to me. You paused slightly before you said I put the twins down exactly the same way every night. I would kiss them both on the nose the exact same way, and you thought I always had this look on my face like I was happy and sad at the same time.

It had never occurred to me that you noticed what I ever said or did in a good way, the bad things you seemed to recall with an uncanny ability. Then your voice grew softer when you told me you noticed lots of things.

After that I wanted to kiss you even more…

I should have kissed you that night.

EJ

Moonlit Wishes
Part XXII

Sami smiled a sad smile, she didn't understand why she was so scared to kiss him and now after reading this latest letter apparently he had some of the same fears too. They had done it so many times before, and when she wasn't completely lying to herself she knew each time had felt so damn good.

Even when it should've been mixed with guilt because she claimed not to have feelings for him, or even when it should've been mixed with hesitance because she knew she was pushing them past some imaginary line in their relationship, going into a more sexual realm with him which made her feel like she'd have absolutely no control over the situation it had felt good, too good in fact. Kissing EJ felt like playing with fire, but in a good way. Was there ever a good way to play with fire?

All she knew was each kiss they shared had a way of igniting a fire she didn't have the strength or the desire to fight. EJ made her feel like she was burning alive caught in a flame that threatened to rage into an everlasting inferno. Every inch of unexplored skin, every breathless moan she earned from him when they kissed, it made whatever she was feeling at the moment grow until she was breathless and anxious for more.

Maybe that was why she tried her best to maneuver herself in a way that made it difficult for them to be alone too much of the time or if they did find themselves alone, she tried to argue with him, anything to get her mind off the fact that if she let her guard down she might do something completely stupid like kiss him.

She thought back to that night, had she been that oblivious not to see he wanted her? Well wanting someone and loving someone many times were two very different things. She'd tried to ignore the signals he sometimes gave her, it was best not to let him catch her eye, for them to share a glance, because EJ's smoldering looks to her were enough to make her want to forget reason and then she would have been kissing him.

She was glad he hadn't kissed her that night, of that much she was sure of.

Wasn't she?

Moonlit Wishes
Part XXIII

Dearest Samantha,

I realized during our get to know you conversations that you my dear are a cynic, you didn't even believe most married people were actually in love. Maybe there were a lot of one sided marriages out there, but I held out hope that one day we'd be the married couple that was absolutely without a doubt so in love with each other that people would know instantly whenever they saw us together.

Guess while you were the diehard cynic, I was a hopeless romantic, must have had our roles switched because most times the man is cynical, while the woman believes in love. Well I did believe in love at least for a while anyways, you should be proud eventually you won me over to your way of thinking. I'm not much of one to believe in love anymore, romantic love that is, but that is for another time to share with you.

Right now I'll get back to the disillusionment I felt when I realized you wanted to go to separate apartments when and if we ever got enough money to do so. I just knew you wouldn't be able to hide your true feelings of disliking me, I wasn't even sure you would ever be capable of loving me. I was ready to throw in the towel so to speak and then you wanted to fight for me to stay in the country, telling me you never believed in giving up and thought I felt the same way.

Woman your constant hot and cold attitude was enough to give me a permanent case of whiplash, I really never knew which way we'd be going in next and maybe you liked it that way. If you kept me off balance I'd always be second guessing your motives. I have to give it to you I didn't have anything on you about being a player. You aced playing with my affections almost from the first moment we met, especially after you realized I was a DiMera.

The next morning before the big interview we were at the Pub, really I was too nervous to even try to eat, but I didn't want to seem that way in your eyes so I played it cool asking and answering questions for and about you. It seemed to surprise you that I knew exactly which perfumes you were and the times you choose to wear them.

You did always smell good, there were times I could have pulled you into my arms just to place a kiss on the top of your head and get a whiff of that uniquely scent of yours that drove me absolutely wild oft times.

When I asked you if you knew if I wore boxers or briefs you lied and said you didn't know, but you seemed to recall I wore boxers and could even describe them to me color, monogram and all. Impressive for someone who didn't know anything about me, don't you think?

Don't even think about getting mad, you just hate it when I call you out on something, you know maybe I should have done more of that during our times together. Well I may have changed my underwear habits by now and you wouldn't know. See what all you have missed out on by taking yourself out of my orbit?

I may even go commando now or not…

EJ

PS-Don't you wish you knew for sure?

Moonlit Wishes
Part XXIV

Sami let out a snort of laughter, of course she didn't care if EJ wore underwear or not. She was not going to allow an image of him seep into her mind that he might not even wear a thing under those pants he wore so well. Really he was quite hung so it would probably be in his best interest to wear something.

She threw the letter aside, scolding herself mentally; she didn't need to be thinking about EJ and his build. How did he manage to get her mind to derail into the gutter so quickly? She was not going to recall a thing about him physically especially those regions.

She got up, thinking maybe she needed another drink, but the bottle of Jack EJ had left behind she had drained earlier. Surely there had to be something else in this house even if it had been abandoned for the most part beyond EJ's latest visit and now her visit here too. Could he have left behind something else? She really didn't want to go anywhere to get something or she might be delayed in getting back and finishing up these intriguing and often times even downright infuriating letters from the man who held such a hold on her past.

She went to the desk once more; there were no bottles of alcohol there. Although she did find something she hadn't expected to see, EJ's glasses, the ones he wore when he needed to read something important, the ones he'd worn so many times before and she'd thought they looked really sexy on him.

She swore under her breath, she had already told herself she wasn't going to think of him in a sexual way. EJ DiMera was not sexy!

Liar! Her mind screamed out to her, causing her to shake her head.

She really needed to tell her inner slut to shut up more often.

Moonlit Wishes

Part XXV

Dear Samantha,

Jokingly I tried to tell you I loved you just for the husband part of what you considered was our interrogation aka immigration hearing and I guess you thought it was funny too. You laughed when I said it. Maybe laughing about it made it seem like it wasn't real to either of us.

So I suggested we do things your way which meant cut out any of that lovey-dovey nonsense because it just made us snappy to one another anyway. Of course you readily agreed, I mean acting in any kind of loving manner towards me was such a stretch for you.

I came to the conclusion if the Immigration Officer saw us as a normal couple who's not particularly in love or happy with each other and heading for divorce, then we'd probably be fine.

Then you had the nerve to call me cynical. I was just taking a page from your book sweetheart, nothing more, and nothing less.

I have to say though I did enjoy our dysfunctional time with John and Marlena, really between you telling John about the tryst he and Marlena had hooking up to us asking them to lie for us at the hearing had to be some of the most entertaining times I'd had with either one of them.

It was disconcerting for John to be my uncle, still is, hmmm just don't know when or if we will get along with one another if he and Marlena ever decide to return to Salem one day. I kind of liked the new John much better than the old one, yet who knows how the future will turn out for any of us. I'm running ahead of myself again, sometimes my mind is going from the past to the future and I need to stay on course if I want to finish these letters to you.

Back to the moment at hand, when we actually got to the hearing itself I was surprised your dad vouched for us and me personally. I doubt the same could hold true today, but at least when it mattered back then Roman came through for me. I know how much your dad's opinion means to you and I was glad he stood by us even for that brief moment in time.

When Nicole showed up at the police station which was a rather odd place to have our immigration hearing, but I digress, I thought you might blow a gasket. Nicole does have a strange sense of humor and I did my best to keep you away from her. I needed you calm when it was our turn to speak with Mr. Burke.

Finally the time came, you were asked to go into to speak with him and I asked if I could accompany you. Luckily that sourpuss Burke let us go in together.

So there we were the two of us facing a man who lacked any kind of emotion especially humor trying to convince him we were a family. We talked about the first time we met, how even though we had hit rough patches somehow we always managed to come back together.

Mr. Burke was puzzled considering how my family has tried to destroy your family for years, yet you told him that was all in the past.

When I said I really liked to think that it was my love for you that would be the beginning of a new era for the Brady's and the DiMera's was when he decided to ask the hard question. This was not about whether I loved you or not, rather if you loved me.

You shocked the hell out of me when you replied I do. Maybe I should have let you continue, I don't know if it could have provided me more insight into why you said what you said to him. I never would have guessed in a million years that you cared for me, much less loved me.

So I thought it would be best to put my two cents into the conversation, because I knew there was no way you loved me. I told him the truth of how my life completely changed the moment that I met you. I mean, if someone were to tell me that I would be a husband, a father, married to a Brady I never would have imagined it either. I did appreciate being in America, but this was about my family, you my wife, Johnny my son. Whether you realized it or not you both meant the world to me and I was not to ashamed to beg him to please give me my family, you were all that I had and I needed you both, my family.

I couldn't believe you took my hand in yours and you had tears in your eyes too. Maybe you actually cared for me more than you realized. You, Johnny and Allie meant the world to me; I never wanted to lose that, never. I shouldn't have been so stupid to do some of things I have done since then. I'm not proud of the bad things I have done Samantha. I hope you do believe that.

Now we have Sydney too. My beautiful family I wanted more than anything is now a thing of the past. What I wouldn't give to go back in time to change some of the things I chose to do.

EJ

Sami wiped away a stray tear that was rolling down her face. If she'd just been honest with him from that day onward, things would have been so different for them all today.