Chapter 16

The next couple of weeks were long and rough as Chrisy worked through her feelings and fear with her therapist. She woke up from nightmares each night and Aaron was always there to reassure her and offer her comfort.

Despite the nightmares Chrisy was beginning to get back to her normal routine around the house and even going out on her own to run some errands.

Aaron was happy to see her acting more like herself. He was planning to return to work the next week but still not yet travel away on cases with the team. He would help out over the phone and computer.

Mr Johnson was checking in always too hoping his teacher would be able to return to her class eventually. Chrisy was a bit hesitant but wanted to try again once she had more time to recover.

Jack of course was glad to have his mom back helping him with his school work and even being back to reading to him at night using her silly voices. As Chrisy was closing the book she bent down to kiss her son on the head and he slipped his hand over her stomach.

"When is your tummy going to get big?" He asked.

"Probably not for a few more weeks." She smiled down at him.

Jack was so excited when she and Aaron told him he was going to be a big brother. He always wanted to feel her stomach to see if it was growing. Chrisy could tell it was beginning to slightly since her jeans were getting uncomfortable around her waist.

She stood up and tucked the covers around Jack and turned off his light and closed the door behind her.

As she made her way down the hall to her room she sighed softly. This wasn't the way she imagined things being for her first pregnancy. Aaron would hug her and hold her close but he had yet to kiss her passionately or show any interest in making love to her. She had hoped that he would be more touchy feely wanting to experience the changes in her body than he had been. He did feel her stomach and expressed his excitement verbally but something was just off with him. She knew what it was. He didn't want her anymore. He was being nice and taking care of her for the baby's sake.

Aaron was making his way out of the bathroom in his boxers and t shirt as Chrisy came in. She pulled her pajamas out of the dresser as Aaron pulled back the covers and climbed into bed.

"Is Jack all tucked in?" He asked.

"Yes." She answered before going into the bathroom and closing the door.

Aaron closed his eyes and shook his head. Chrisy was doing so much better but he was not at all sure if she wanted him to touch her more than he had. He was feeling so cheated that he wasn't able to be more involved with her pregnancy. He wanted her naked everyday so he could kiss every inch of her changing body and watch his baby grow inside her. He was also getting tired of jerking off in the shower instead of being with his wife. Aaron knew that it would take a while for her to feel comfortable with sex again but he hoped at least she would want to kiss him and start to show she was willing to try again.

Chrisy didn't share much of what she talked about with her therapist with him and of course the therapist wasn't going to tell him anything. The last thing he wanted to do was push her and make her afraid and even less affectionate.

The door to the bathroom opened and the light turned off and Chrisy climbed in bed and pulled the covers up around her. Aaron rolled to face her wanting to pull her into him.

"Goodnight." She said and turned on her side facing away from him.

"Goodnight." He answered feeling completely frustrated.

Aaron walked through the glass doors to the BAU and made his way through the bull pen to the stairs to his office.

"Welcome back Hotch." Morgan smiled seeing his boss.

"Hey Hotch!" Emily also piped up.

Spencer just looked up and waved. Aaron waved back to his team and made his way up the steps and down the open hall to his office.

He dreaded the mountain of files that were probably left on his desk while he was gone. To his great surprise he saw only a few sitting there as he made his way to his chair.

"Morgan and I kept up on the paperwork for you while you were gone." Dave said coming into the office.

"Morning Dave and thank you." Aaron said sitting down.

"So how are you? I haven't heard much from you the last couple of weeks." Dave asked closing the door to the office behind him.

"Frustrated." Aaron sighed.

"So what's going on?"

"I don't know how to deal with Chrisy. She's getting better but she still is not showing much affection. I want to touch her. She's pregnant and I want to feel her body as it changes. I want to kiss her."

"You want your wife back. I get it. Has she talked to you about it?"

"No. She hardly talks about it with me."

"Have you asked her?"

"I don't want to push."

"Well Aaron I think you are going to have to at some point."

"I know." Aaron sighed.

Chrisy drove thinking about what she had talked about with her therapist. She knew that her husband said he loved her but he just wasn't showing it. She was tired of feeling like she was sleeping next to a stranger. She rubbed the tiny bump growing in her knowing this was the only reason that Aaron must be keeping her around.

The therapist suggested that Chrisy take a little time for herself and think things out. The one thing she had yet to share is about what Spencer had said. Chrisy hadn't talked to him since that day and she wanted to know if he was alright plus she missed the warmness she felt when she was around him. He was so accepting and took such good care of her when she needed him.

After running a few errands Chrisy headed home. She needed a change and something more to do with her time but she wasn't ready to go back to teaching yet.

Saturday morning rolled around again and Jack was eating cereal in front of the TV when Chrisy came down the stairs. Aaron was sitting on the couch going over some paperwork.

"Good morning." Aaron said seeing her rubbing her stomach.

"Morning." Chrisy said back with a half smile.

"Are you hungry? I will fix you something."

"I think I'll just have some toast. I'll get it." She answered disappearing in the kitchen.

Aaron rubbed his hand over his face. This was starting to get old for him. He missed the kisses and the snuggles that she used to always give him in the mornings. He put down the file he was looking at and got up to go into the kitchen.

Chrisy was standing staring at the coffee pot as her bread was toasting. He longed to go and wrap his arms around her and nuzzle her neck.

"It's driving you nuts isn't it?"

"What?"

"The fact that you can't have caffeine." He teased.

"It sucks."

"I can make a pot of decaf."

"No. It doesn't taste the same. But thank you."

The toast popped up and Chrisy pulled it out and began to butter it. Aaron fidgeted around wanting to say something to her but just couldn't bring himself to do it yet. Once her toast was buttered she poured herself a glass of orange juice and sat down at the kitchen table.

"Is the team away on a case this weekend?" She asked taking a bite of the toast.

"No. Why?"

"Just wondering."

"What do you want to do today?" Aaron asked.

"I have a few things to take care of."

"Like what?"

"Just some things the therapist suggested I do."

"I see."

Aaron scrunched his lips together and went back into the living room. A few more details from her would have been nice but he got none.

Chrisy hesitantly lifted her hand and knocked on the door in front of her then waited until she heard the lock turn and it opened.

"Hey Christine. What brings you here?" Spencer's voice cracked.

"Can I come in?"

"Uh sure."

Spencer stepped aside and let in his surprise guest. Chrisy walked into his small living room and dropped her purse on the coffee table. Spencer closed the door and sucked in a deep breath.

"Is everything alright?" He asked nervously.

"Not really. I just needed to get away from the house and be somewhere I felt like I wasn't under a microscope."

"You are welcome here anytime." Spencer said walking closer to his friend.

"Thank you." She said going to him and wrapping her arms around him.

Spencer's heart began to race as he smelled her sweet scented hair under his nose. He knew these feelings he had were wrong but he couldn't shove them away.

"So what do you want to do?" Spencer asked.

"Can I just hang out here for a while?"

"Of course you can." He answered when he really should have said no.

Chrisy dropped her arms from him and went to sit down on the couch. Spencer followed her and sat down next to her. He took a good look at her seeing that she was gaining back a little weight and the dark circles under her eyes had disappeared. Her hair was slightly growing out some from her chopping it all off and she looked more like herself. She was lovely.

"I can't deal with Aaron pretending to care about me anymore. He doesn't want me. He's only taking care of me because of the baby."

"That's not true Christine and you know it."

"It is true. He won't come near me. He only offers comfort if I have a nightmare and he barely touches me. He doesn't even seem interested in the baby. He grazes his hand over my stomach sometimes but not like I thought he would. I just can't take it anymore."

"Have you talked to him about this?"

"Not really. I guess I'm just avoiding hearing the truth."

"Christine, I'm certain that he doesn't feel that way at all about you. He's just probably afraid to push you too far right now. You're still in a fragile place in your recovery."

"I'm not too fragile for him to touch my stomach or hug me close for more than just a second. If he won't do that he's never going to make love to me. I'm stained and dirty."

"The hell you are!" Spencer almost shouted. "You are a beautiful woman Christine. I would have no qualms about making love to you after what happened."

Spencer's eyes became large and his face turned a bright shade of red once that flew out of his mouth. Chrisy looked back at him with longing in her eyes.

"Spencer, that is the second time you've said something like that to me. What's going on?"

Realizing he wasn't going to get out of this without telling her the truth, Spencer closed his eyes.

"I've fallen in love with you again Christine. To be more accurate. I've never fallen out of love with you. I let you go because I knew Aaron loved you and I could tell you had feelings for him too. It was the hardest thing I ever did. Things just got more intense when you needed me right after the attack."

"Spencer I'm sorry." She said softly reaching over to take his hand.

Spencer looked up at her feeling all embarrassed about his confession. He knew he crossed a line he shouldn't have.

"I'm sorry I just dumped all of that on you right now. You don't need anymore stress. You have a husband at home that loves you very much and would never give you up for any reason."

Chrisy's eyes began to well up looking at her friend. She loved him too more than she ever admitted.

"I feel safe around you Spencer. I don't feel like you judge me. I can be open with you right now unlike I can with Aaron."

"You can always come to me if you need to. I will do anything for you and you know it. Right now though I think you should go home and talk to your husband about this."

"I don't think I can." The tears fell freely from her eyes now. "Now I feel like I can't stay here because of what you just told me. The last thing I want to do is make you uncomfortable."

"I can handle it Christine. I've been handling it for a while now."

Spencer wanted to pull her into him and hug her tightly to his chest. She needed comfort and he also knew if he was a bad person he could probably have her all to himself if he just gave the word. No matter how much his bad side was telling him to touch her his conscience would not let him do that.

He got up and went to find some tissues to remove himself from the temptation. Once he found a box in his bathroom he carried them back to Chrisy and handed it to her.

"I'd better go." Chrisy said wiping her eyes.

"You don't have to leave Christine."

"Yes I do. I'm so sorry Spencer." She whispered picking up her purse.

"Don't be sorry. I'm not. Please go home and talk to Hotch."

"See you later." She said opening the door and turning to him before walking out.

Spencer flopped down on the couch and ran his hands through his hair. As much as he hated letting her go he knew it was the right thing.

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