Two – Geeks Bearing Gifts

The mysterious Freelancer was still lying prone on the canyon floor as the four soldiers of Red Team cautiously approached. They came to a halt behind a tree and observed him at a distance.

"And then he just showed up and passed out," Simmons was saying.

"Well, that gives us a clear advantage!" Sarge replied. He moved his shotgun from his shoulder to a ready position. "Take the enemy while he's asleep, just like the Greeks did at Troy. Using the most honorable strategy of all time!"

"I don't know if he counts as an enemy, sir." Simmons looked the fallen agent over through the scope of his sniper rifle. "I doubt he's even weak enough to resist."

From Sarge's left, Donut gasped. "Sarge, I think we should approach this guy. You and Simmons take him from the front while Grif and I take him in the rear!"

"Or we could sit here and wait," Grif countered. "I vote for sitting and waiting."

Simmons shook his head. Even after all these years, he could barely believe he was still the only sane person on their team. But as far as he could tell, that was true of every team they'd met. Blue Team had Wash—and before that, Church. But when your IQ is easily a hundred points above Caboose, it's not hard to appear sane by comparison.

"Maybe we should call Doc," he suggested. "He could examine this guy for us."

"But he's a dirty Blue!" Sarge pumped his shotgun in fury. "That's treason talk, Simmons!"

"Isn't Doc supposed be neutral?" Grif asked. "Like one of those pacifists?"

"Ha! 'Pacifist' is just fancy talk for coward!" As he spoke, Sarge swung his shotgun toward Grif menacingly. "And you know how I feel about cowards…"

"I meant Doc could examine the Freelancer's injuries." Simmons took another look at the fallen man and added, "Also, in the event that that guy does wake up and start killing people, I'd rather his first kill be Doc instead of us."

"Hmm, good point." Sarge lowered his weapon. "Donut, you seem to be friends with Doc. Get on the radio and call him over. But do it quietly. I don't want the other Blues to ruin this."

"On it, sir!" the pink-armored private cheerfully replied.

Over at Blue Base, it was another routine Monday. Wash was inside the base running some kind of boring bureaucratic procedure. Caboose was being an idiot somewhere, and Tucker was on top of the base, soaking up the morning sun. It was newly cleaned and drying in the sun for that extra polish. He knew the ladies loved it. How could they not?

From behind, he heard someone approached. When he saw it was Doc, Tucker sighed. It was never a hot young female recruit sent by Command. Not since Sister anyway. He wondered what ever happened to her, then decided he didn't care. Not caring was just another way of being sexy.

"Good morning, Tucker!" Doc called out. "Getting your fill of Vitamin C, I hope!"

"Nah, Doc, I just got this armor cleaned and now I'm polishing myself off." He paused to let that sink in, then added, "And I don't just mean the armor. Bow chicka bow wow."

"Uh, good one." Doc glanced left and right before continuing. "Hey, I just got a call from the Reds. They need me to help them out with something in the middle of the canyon. Can you tell Wash I'll be out?"

"Man, I'm busy up here." Tucker stretched his arms and tilted his head back to catch more rays. "Can't you tell him?"

The medic shrugged. "I would, but he seems busy, too. And mad. I don't why. That meditation exercise I showed him should be helping."

"Oh, please. I told you that would never work. Meditating isn't actually cool. It's something that monks and Jedi do in movies before they go into battle."

"Well, I'm going. If anyone asks, I'll be at Red Base."

"Okay, but no one will." Tucker closed his eyes and leaned back into the sunlight. "Now, about that hot young recruit that Command is gonna send…"

Doc put away his medical scanner and looked up at the Reds. "Well, his vitals are good. I think he'll be all right once he wakes up."

"Yeah, about that." Simmons nodded at the medic's tool. "Any chance of making sure he doesn't wake up? So he doesn't fly into a homicidal rage?"

"Now, that's no way to treat a guest."

"Guest? He's probably a psychopath here to kill us like the Meta!"

"Or just kick our asses on a daily basis like Wash!" Grif added.

Doc shrugged. "I can talk to Wash about it. See if he can keep our friend calm for a while."

Sarge laughed. "Don't even think about it, Doctor Feelgood! You just want to give the Blues one more soldier on their side! But this is Red Team's claim! And we call dibs!"

"You can't call dibs on a person."

"Looks like we just did."

"And I call sloppy seconds!" Donut chimed in. "Now we have to keep him!"

"But Wash might know him," Doc explained. It was like dealing with Caboose all over again. "Look, let me give him a call and—"

He was cut off when the Freelancer suddenly disappeared in a loud whoosh and a flash of green light. Then he heard another whoosh in the distance and looked around. "Uh, where'd he go?"

"Walloping wormholes! He's right on top of our base!" Sarge lifted his shotgun in triumph. "Told ya we got dibs!"

While he led the Reds back to their base, Doc sighed. He switched on his radio and dialed in Wash's channel. "Hello, Wash. Come in, Wash. This is Doc. Over."

In the background, he could hear Wash yelling, "And don't touch anything!" Then he heard the ex-Freelancer clear his throat and reply, "I read you, Doc. What do you need?"

"Uh, I thought I should tell you that we've got a visitor—"

"Caboose, no!" Wash's cry was followed by a muffled explosion and a plaintive "Ow" from Caboose. "Sorry, Doc, it'll have to wait. I've got a bit of a situation here in the mess hall."

"I was just trying to use the ice machine!" Caboose called out. "Now there's a fire!"

"Don't even know how he does it," Wash muttered before closing the channel.

Doc lowered his head. He looked over at Blue Base—where he could detect a faint trail of black smoke appearing overhead—and then over at Red Base, where Red Team had gotten their new Freelancer friend inside.

He decided to go back to Blue Base. Caboose would probably have a few burns to treat. Just another boring Monday.