"I doubt this will work." I voiced what everyone was probably thinking. In his hands Mathias held a scrawny stick, bark peeled off, pale wood carved into a straight form with a pointy end. Mathias slashed it a few times through the air, a buzzing sound accompanied each slash, but still the former branch looked too fragile to ever hope to be a useful weapon.
"I don't know, it looks as if it would break the moment it hit something harder than air." Francis mused, causing Tino to pout slightly at the insult to his handiwork. He truly had tried his best, carving off bits of wood following Berwalds instructions but he had struggled with the task.
I doubted I could have made it any better.
Mathias shrugged, "I guess we'll have to try."
"What if it doesn't work?" Emil asked. His question was met with an uneasy silence. We had jumped so eagerly on the idea that no one had really taken the time to think about a backup plan, but seeing how inferior the outcome was, we had to accept that the plan wasn't as great as it had seemed at first.
"Can't we build a sling or something?" Mathias grumbled, after no one had come up with an alternative. "And who would wield it?" Tino demanded to know, still a little annoyed over the critic of his work. "I could." Mathias said, although his expression gave away how much doubt he himself had over his ability to use a sling, "probably."
"It's not that easy Mathias." Berwald interrupted before Tino could press any further. We all were a little tense at the moment, the constant threats and danger and now the uncertainty of the current situation, the failed attempt at solving the problem and the tired state of most of us was taking its toll.
Only now was not the right moment to lose one's cool.
Thankfully I was not the only one aware of that and so after a bit of angry glaring and low grumbling, everyone had cooled down enough to resume a reasonable conversation. We had been through too much to dissolve into accusations and arguments now.
"We need a plan." I thought out loud, forehead creased in concentration as I sorted through our options. "We can still try and use that throwing spear, but we have to be prepared for its failure. There are not many options for hunting; we simply don't have the equipment, the ability or are otherwise impaired." I inclined my head towards Berwald, indicating that I acknowledged his hunting prowess and was rewarded with a nod in return.
"I'm afraid that leaves us with not much of a choice, we will have to enter a city or town at some point to restock. And it definitely won't hurt to get a doctor to look at Berwalds shoulder." And all his other wounds that mostly got ignored due to the severity of his shoulder wound. It would be a shame if he got an infection in one of the smaller ones without anyone noticing because all were focused on the more obvious injury.
"I know it's late in autumn, but there must be some forgotten crops somewhere or fields that couldn't be harvested. And there have to be some plants that still carry fruit." Arthur wondered, condemning the idea of being trapped inside another city as much as I did.
"That's a possibility, but highly unlikely. The attack started after the harvest season, so I doubt that there is much to gain there. But there might still be some fruits on the trees, but if I had to guess I would say that they are either rotten by now or have been eaten." Emil was absentmindedly stroking his puffin, his fingers submerged in the fluffy feathers of the bird, which seemed to like the affectionate gesture. Suddenly I had the absurd idea that we could just roast the puffin over the fire if the need should arise. How was Emil even feeding the bird, there should be no fish anywhere to be found.
But Emil surely would never forgive me if I suggested eating his precious bird, and somehow by looking at Mr. Puffin I couldn't bring myself to look at it as food, it just seemed too barbaric, he was a pet not an emergency ration.
"We still have some food left, don't we?" Arthur was rubbing his forehead as if to fuel his mind with new energy. "We should be able to cover some distance with what we have, and then we could make a quick stop at a settlement, just long enough to buy food and see a doctor and then be on our way again. If any game should pass our path on the way, we'll try and hunt. That way, we don't have to worry about food and still stay out where it's safe, albeit I have to say that I wouldn't rely too much on that so called safety."
I thought over Arthur's words in my head, they sounded promising enough so I wouldn't mind going along with them. Anything was better than to stay here, arguing forever and having to deal with an empty stomach in the end.
"See." Mathias grinned, his mouth almost reaching his ears, "you don't have to worry at all, you are far too precious than to leave you two to fend for yourselves." Arthur shrugged with a slight blush on his face. "Anyone could have come up with that idea." He defended himself, but he seemed pleased nonetheless. Francis smiled and hugged his lover, causing Arthur to blush even more until he tried to shove Francis off of him.
Mathias added to the turmoil by slapping Arthur on the shoulder, complementing him further on his continuously good ideas. Arthur had by now managed to get rid of a clingy Francis and now huffed indignantly but the effect was destroyed by the still obvious blush on his face.
I shook off the thought of how we actually ever got something done with this more than chaotic group of people.
But maybe that was what kept us going. We all were individuals with unique traits and abilities, each of us contributed in their own way, allowing an otherwise dysfunctional group of people to work like a well-oiled machine. Who cared about a little chaos, when we were functioning so well?
No I couldn't imagine being here right now, if any of those people had been missing.
We wouldn't be here without Berwald, strong and stout Berwald whose knowledge of nature had guided us more than once out of harm's way into safety, without Tino whose soft gentle nature shone like a light through the darkness, without Emil whose clever ideas had saved us from peril's harm, without Mathias who stood firm in the face of danger unwavering, ready to defend us with his life, without Arthur who kept a level head and sparked our clouded minds with his brilliant wits and without Francis who I owed my life to more than anyone.
And even I had done my part, as little as it seemed in my eyes I had helped to ensure this outcome. And so maybe, as ragged and clueless as we were, we could make it like this.
After everyone had calmed down again we got everything ready for departure, packing up bags after redistributing their contents equally among us, a last check up on Berwalds condition, another experimental slash with the makeshift throwing spear, and we were all set to go.
Mathias had insisted on carrying my bag again, and even though I much rather preferred it to carry my own things I couldn't find the heart to say no to Mathias' huge grinning face. And before we left the clearing I was coddled once more to his chest, as if to make sure that I was real, that I would not disappear again. But I was glad for the opportunity to press my face against Mathias' chest, breathing in his faintly musky scent, and feeling his strong arms wrapped around me. And in the safety of Mathias' arms I could forget for a few fleeting moments the terrible memories that haunted me whenever I closed my eyes.
We had cheated death, yes, but it had been close and I couldn't forget the images of those who hadn't been as lucky. Burned corpses littering the floor, endless rain that rinsed away the blood from lifeless bodies and overall the smell of charred flesh, mixing into the atmosphere of dread and fear that boiled in the air. As little as I had registered back then in the midst of that hell, the more surfaced now, memories collected by my sub consciousness to come and torture me.
Mathias of course noticed that something was not quite right as I wouldn't let go of him, but I couldn't tell him of my demons and so I forced a reassuring smile on my lips. I would tell him when we were safe in his father's house, but not now when we were still in harm's reach and when we had to rely on each other, now was not the right time.
So I let go, albeit reluctantly, of Mathias embrace and straightened my posture, but not without holding true to my promise by tagging on Mathias' sleeve to whisper a timid 'I love you' into his ear. He had earned this much after all.
Mathias was surprised but then his grin returned, even wider as before, as he lifted me up into the air to spin me around in his arms, reminding me that I really had to tell him this more often. He kissed me on the forehead, eyes sparkling with joy as set me down again only to kiss me again and repeating his oaths of eternal love against my ear, again and again until I gently pushed him off of me, for we could not linger there any longer.
We started going then, one after another breaking through the thick undergrowth, leaving a trail of destruction amidst the already rustled greenery. Once outside in the open again, Berwald took the lead, arm in a thick bandage that secured its position so that no accidental movement would disturb the healing process. Tino at his side, observing every motion Berwald made, ready to jump and help whenever the need should arise, but he was soon calmed down by Berwald who couldn't quite concentrate with the jittery male beside him.
Emil and I walked behind Berwald, Mathias refused to ever let me take the rear again and so he had handed me to my brother's care who didn't give away what he thought of the task, and took the rear up himself, watching our surroundings with eagle eyes. Francis and Arthur walked behind my brother and I, immersed in a quite conversation among themselves. I enjoyed the company of my brother; it felt like it had been years since the last time we had really spent time together and although we walked mostly in silence it was as if we were talking and catching up on all the things that had happened.
Neither Emil nor I had ever been men of many words so we didn't need to say it to let the other know what we were thinking. Or at least it was like this most of the time, but recently I had found that it was harder and harder to understand what was going on in his head. But that was probably more my fault than his, I had spent more time with Mathias than with my brother after all.
And I couldn't help but feel a little guilty for throwing myself into a relationship with Mathias while Emil was all on his own. He had never expressed the wish to have a significant other but neither had I and I still ended up with one and I didn't regret it at all. Emil deserved something similar, he was such a good kid and despite being the youngest in our group he had more than proved his worth.
As if he had sensed my thoughts Emil suddenly looked at me, a frown creasing his forehead. "What is it Lukas?" he asked, I wasn't aware of how much of my emotions had shown on my face. Or maybe Emil was just used to see through my usual bland expression. "Nothing, just…" I paused, wondering if it was a good idea to tell Emil of my thoughts, but he was my brother, if I could trust in anyone than it was him.
"Don't you feel lonely sometimes?" My words clearly confused him, his brows wandered even higher up his forehead. "I'm not lonely, I have you." He stated, not quite understanding what I was getting at. "No, I mean yes you have me, but that was not what I meant." I sighed with a little bit of frustration; this supposed to be brotherly talk was harder than expected. "What did you mean then?" Emil asked, lifting Mr. Puffin up to sit on his shoulder before he shook his arms to get the strain from carrying the bird for so long out of them.
"I mean I have Mathias, Tino has Berwald and Arthur has Francis, only you have no one." "I have Mr. Puffin." Emil's voice didn't give a hint if he was joking or serious. "That's not the same." I tried again, growing more and more frustrated at my failure of being a proper older brother. It had been easier when we were still living alone with our and there were no other people to be concerned with.
"Don't you wish sometimes you had someone too? Someone there only for you, who is human and not a bird?" I added the last part for good measurement, not ready for yet another weird statement about bird-relationships. Emil seemed to think for a moment, the sound of our steps muffled by the thick layer of brown foliage on the ground. I let my eyes stray while he was thinking; we were walking along yet another forest's edge on a narrow path that had been trampled by countless feet before us. The sky was still clear and blue and the sun could almost be considered warm and cast a soft glow on everything. The air was fresh in my lungs, smelling of leaves and faintly of snow. I remembered my false prediction when we were still back in the city, I had thought it would snow soon but instead it had started to rain. Right now I could use neither.
"I have never thought of it." Emil spoke up beside me, one hand absentmindedly ruffling the puffin's feathers, causing the bird to whistle in protest. "But I don't feel lonely, I have you and the others and that is enough for me." I smiled at him, I was not completely reassured, but I trusted him enough to not doubt his words. When he said that he was fine, then he was.
"You know, I didn't think I need someone either, but then Mathias came along and now I am happy." It was weird to say it out loud, but it was true. I had never considered myself happy, sure there had been good times and I supposed I was what one called happy at those moments, but I never actually realized that I was happy. But now I was sure that what I felt was happiness, a bit dampened though because of the circumstances but not at all unhappy. "I'm sure that will happen to you one day too." That would be nice I supposed, Emil finding someone by chance and then realizing just as I had, how wonderful it was to have someone with whom one could share his life. But until then, there was no point in worrying about it; such things should never be rushed. "I guess you're right." Emil admitted, casting me a glance of silent appreciation.
But before I could answer, we were interrupted by a loud voice from behind. "What're you guys talking about? How awesome I am?" Mathias clapped a hand on my shoulder and squeezed himself between me and my brother, not caring at all that we might have been in a private conversation. "Come on babe, you could have told Emil how awesome I am." Mathias continued as neither of us bothered to react to his question. "I am thiiiiiis awesome." Mathias stretched his arms as wide as possible to indicate his awesomeness, which made me wonder just how I could have felt content of our relationship just moments before.
"The size of your penis is irrelevant, you know that much, don't you?" I shouldn't be so mean, I knew, but something about Mathias just made it irresistible to tease him. He was a too easy victim and never held a grudge. Emil's face grew a tad bit red at my words, maybe he hadn't realized at what Mathias had hinted with the size of his awesomeness. I somehow expected Mathias to drop some cheesy remark on how I didn't act as if his size were irrelevant at certain moments, but thankfully he didn't instead he pinched Emil in the cheek. "Aww, how cute. You're almost as adorable as Lukas when you blush, maybe you can join us- oww"
So much for that.
Before Mathias could have uttered an invitation for something I definitely didn't want to partake in, I stopped him with a none too gentle slap on the back of his head. Emil threw me a questioning glance before he decided that this was not worth his time and fell back a little to talk with Arthur and Francis, who gladly accepted his presence.
"Sorry babe, I got carried away there, but it has been so long since the last time I had you." Mathias looked almost a bit sheepishly, and I hooked my arm with his to show him that I wasn't truly mad. I could understand him after all, I wanted nothing more than to be touched by him too and especially after I had found him again when I thought I would never see him again, and the need for him had increased. I just wished I could pull him away into the shadow of the trees and have my way with him.
Mathias slung an arm around my shoulder and pecked a kiss on my cheek, whispering into my ear: "Soon babe, when we are alone I will fuck you raw, mark my words."
...