Jorah Mormont stood before her. He had aged, the skin around his eyes was looser, and he was less inclined to smile. His hand hovered near constantly at the hilt of his sword, and his skin had taken on a pale, ill looking shade, as result of the volumes of wine he consumed each night. Dany tried to look past it, tried to see the man she had once known; the one who had walked through the Red Waste at her side, had carried her from the blood drenched tent, had protected her when nobody else would step up to the mark.
She tried to see her bear, the knight, and the pride of her company.
But all she could see was a tired man, thrown around in the wind until he was barely a hollow shell, loyalty keeping his feet on the ground and the last cup of wine un-drank. Even that she doubted, and it was out of lack of alternatives that she presumed he stayed. Or something else. The thought had crossed her mind, when he heard him creaking outside her room in the dead of night. That door is closed, she told herself again, for good.
She wondered if she would ever gain loyalty through anything but coin and lust.
"…he stays below with a candle and the books, and rises covered in dust the next morning." The knight finished. Dany stretched the muscles in her neck.
"Well that is to be expected. We knew of Lord Lannister's nature before we left Meereen. What of it." she said, weariness in her voice
"He is not providing here, Khaleesi. He drinks during the day, reads at night, gives council where it is not wanted" Jorah explained "he has no reason to be here"
"Mayhaps I keep him around for the wit he provides, would that not be ample enough reason?"
"Of course, my princess, but-"
"But nothing. I have not found his council ill wishing or out of turn. In fact he had provided us with the most useful knowledge in terms of Westeros' position and economy-"
"The economy of war" he stressed "but we are not at war any more."
"Careful" she warned, looking him up and down "We are not in the Red Waste now ser."
He ducked his head in apology. She sighed.
The weather was declining fast, snow drifting past her window so thickly she may as well have drawn the curtain. Day was turning into endless flashes of light, followed by miserable dark. Sometimes it was hard to tell what time of day it was except for the nag of hunger or pull of sleep. They all seemed the same. The same company, the same food.
The same Jorah.
She pushed herself up and reached for a fur to wrap around her shoulders as she moved towards the window. The cold was beginning to eat at her skin, making it dry and coarse. The warmth she felt within her was fading to a dull glow, as her determination waned, and this conversation lasted. All week, he had been hounding her, and all week she had denied him. It was starting to tire.
"I don't understand your dislike for him Ser Jorah." She said, not turning to face him.
"It is not dislike, Khaleesi-"
"Then what is it?" she turned then, annoyance creeping into her voice "distrust? I could understand that." He remained silent, staring into the hearth as if it held his answer. Dany huffed another sigh and pulled the furs closer to her. This room was fair enough; large, well furnished, and warm with the fire blazing. But it was lonely. Looking from the window she felt like some lost girl in a story, awaiting her prince. It was solitary, standing alone and above the rest. This is what it is to rule, she told herself, you must be prepared to stand alone. She just wished there was a way to be alone, without being lonely. "He has helped us; he has proven himself time and time again. His council has been nothing but advantageous."
"He has no place here. He is a Lannister, his place is Casterly Rock"
"He cannot return there, you know that" she pointed out "not without my nephew's consent and he would not give it. He…does not trust him."
"Well then he is a fool" Jorah said, voice creeping up in volume "if he thinks that Lannisport and the Westerlands will bow to anyone but a Lannister."
"Whatever advice he is taking you can be sure that was not his decision. He is surrounded by good men, loyal men" Jorah scoffed. Dany was beginning to anger "what would you have me do Ser? Kick him out into the dirt? Send him back to King's Landing? He is outcast wherever he goes! You cannot expect me to send him away."
Jorah took a step towards her, hands held out as he pleaded "All I ask is that you consider the fact that this might not be the best place for him"
Dany watched his face; how his brow creased and mouth turned down into a frown. Even tired and lacking strength, his features were still emotive. She could feel the tension rolling off him, the desperation. He was a resigned man, resigned to his cups and his duty. So why the heartfelt plea?
"Do you envy Lord Tyrion, ser Jorah?" she asked quietly after a moment. He straightened, hands moving back to their place at his belt
"Khlaeesi-"
"Ser." She met his eyes; bloodshot and worried and tired, and said no more. She watched him swallow and look away.
"Is there anything else you needed, your grace?" he spoke to the ground.
"I can't send him away" she explained, reluctant to let the subject drop now that they were reaching a conclusion "he is part of this now. If I send him away we lose structure. He is one head of the dragon."
"For now" he murmured, and she was hardly sure that it was meant for her ears. He looked up at her again through his lashes, jaw tight. She narrowed her eyes. "I'll make my leave" he bowed from the waist and stepped quickly towards the door. In a draft of cooler air he was gone.
She remained in her place, furs slipping from her shoulder. And what did he mean by that? Surely he didn't think…but that was never my intention, she thought.
And then, could it be?
For a second she saw the boy's hair flying in the wind above the clouds, and not sticking to his head with sweat. How was it she had considered one without the other. If he was to aid her, if she was to convince him, how could it ever have been any other way?
She decided to leave the heady atmosphere of her chambers and brace the weather. She wrapped herself tightly and ventured into the cold, taking small steps so she didn't slip. She could hear the cries of her dragons in the distance. They didn't like the snow, she knew, so they rose above it, and the rest of their was spent time beyond the wall, swooping over the forests and lakes they did not know. A year ago she might have been afraid of what consequence the land would face for her setting them free, but now she didn't fear. They had their riders, their masters. They may never be tame, but they could be coerced.
If only temporarily.
She didn't make it further than the bottom of the tower, lingering in the doorway out of the wind. The snow was beginning to pile up, something she should see to, but there would be no way of getting out to Mole's Town today, so she let the matter rest in her mind and took a deep breath.
Dany had thought she could make a new start here, if her plan succeeded. Leave the deserts of Essos and find a home in the snows of the North. She'd always worked on opposites – the whimpering girl to the queen, to the dragon rider, and now a princess, discarded by her kin to live a lonely life away from the throne she had spent her life trying to reclaim. Perhaps now was the time to take back her strength.
She was halfway turned when a voice brought her about. Her fists clenched in anger when she recognised it as Ser Jorah.
"Not now, Ser Jorah-"
"Khaleesi, there's been a raven" he explained, ushering her into the tower. He dug into his belt and pulled out a letter. Confused, she held out her hand and examined the seal
"I do not recognise this seal" she murmured.
"That's because it does not exist to us."
"What do you mean?" she asked, looking up at him. He looked troubled, more so than earlier.
"This was meant for a man of the Night's watch – it is a personal seal. How the bird made it through the weather I do not know, but it should not go unread." He nodded at the note in her hand "somebody sent that with urgency"
Dany looked down, running a finger over the cold wax softly. It depicted a bird, like a dove, in pale blue. After a moment's hesitation she put aside her doubts and broke it open. Her eyes scanned the words quickly, written in a neat, feminine hand. When she finished, she had to reach out an arm to hold herself up against the stone wall. "Khaleesi?" Jorah said quietly
"Jon Snow cannot see this letter" she said, half a whisper, half to herself.
"Princess, what is it" he insisted, louder. Dany looked up at him.
"Things are about to change." She rolled the letter back up and deposited it into her sleeve "and Jon Snow cannot see this letter."
A/N part 2: So I've been leaving reviews and private messages unread as of late, considering the brutality I've had in the past (I'm all for criticism, but some of them have been a touch over the line) and I won't be checking them out until this fic is finished. HOWEVER, if you want to talk to me about this fic, to let me know how you like it etc, feel free to message me on tumblr: .com. Of course you can leave me a message here, but I probably won't get round to reading it until I know I'm ready to finish. Thanks a lot for your support so far! This fic isn't my best, but it means a lot to me, and I hope I can give you all something to enjoy.