Final Fantasy VII: Shinra Mess
Written by Guest Author: Zozzilla

The silence was broken over the city of Midgar as a loud whirring; spluttering, creaking noise filled the air. A growing shadow on the ground pre-empted the black Shinra chopper hitting the ground, sending up a cloud of dust and dirt.

The propellers ground to a halt, choking out a thick black smoke as they cease to rotate. Slowly, the door creaked open and fell off its hinges, closely followed by two figures sliding out of the cockpit to the floor.

"WHAT?! Oh man, this is a nightmare!" Reno cried out, slumping to his knees and raising his hands to tug at his red hair. "Rufus is gonna kill us!"

Rude brushed the dust from his suit and glanced down at Reno over the top of his shades, which had slid down his nose. "No...he's going to kill YOU." He shook his head and reached down, dragging Reno to his feet. "Come on. Let's get back."

"Okay, okay..." Reno mumbled, sighing heavily. He gave one last glance at the mangled helicopter and set off along the dusty trail back to headquarters.

"You did WHAT to our only mode of transport?!"

The sound of something hard and heavy hit the door, proving that Rufus was indeed as angry as Reno had feared. Inside, he was standing glaring at the two Turks while they looked nervously down at the floor.

Reno swallowed hard and opened his mouth, pausing slightly before starting speaking. "I...didn't know it was out of fuel...it just sorta happened..."

The look on Rufus's face could have curdled milk. "You absolute IDIOT! That's it, I can't take it any more...what do I even pay you for?"

"You...uh...don't, Sir," Rude said with a slight cough, then instantly regretted it.

Rufus clenched his fists. "YOU'RE BOTH FIRED! GET OUT OF MY SIGHT!" he yelled, picking up a chair and flinging it at the two. With a yelp they dived for the door, yanked it open and ran off down the steps, only stopping when they were far enough away from any other pieces of office furniture turned projectile.

"Sheesh...that wasn't good," Reno sighed, rubbing his arm. "Now we're on our own out here."

Rude was holding his shades in his hand, a tear in the corner of his eye as he looked at the large crack down the left lens. Reaching into his jacket pocket, he pulled out another identical pair of shades and put them on. "We could always go freelance," he suggested, throwing the broken shades into a nearby bush.

Reno frowned slightly, then a grin appeared on his face. "That's a great idea, big guy! But...just the two of us? Nah...we need someone else. Someone who knows the ropes. Someone who's been in this line of work before." He stood there stroking his chin for a few minutes until an idea popped into his head. "I know! That Vincent guy...he was in the Turks, right? He can join us!"

"Doesn't he work for Cloud?" Rude replied, scratching his head.

"Oh yeah...then we'll just have to steal him from Cloud! C'mon!" Reno said happily before jogging off towards where Vincent was bound to be at this time - Tifa's bar, Seventh Heaven.

Vincent stepped out into the sunlight, raising his hand to shield his eyes from the brightness. Across the street, two faces peeked out from behind a parked car.

"Look! There he is!" Reno whispered to Rude excitedly. The pair had been waiting there for around twenty minutes already, and were attracting strange looks from passers-by.

He was about to step forward when a shadow fell over the pair, and a woman's voice said "Hey, you! What are you doing near my car?"

Looking round, Reno and Rude were faced with an angry-looking woman carrying
a heavy bag of shopping. "Your car?" Rude said, glancing at Reno.

"Oh! We were, uh...we were going to..." Reno continued, trying to think of what to say.

The woman scowled. "I know just what you were going to do, you thieves! You were planning on stealing it!"

"What? No we weren't, we were - OW!" Reno's confession was stopped short as the woman swung the shopping bag she was carrying and hit him round the head with it. "GEEZ LADY! We're not th~AAAAARGH!"

The constant barrage of blows from the bag forced Reno to get up and run as fast as he could, Rude having no choice but to follow him as the woman ran after them, shouting expletives. Vincent heard the noise and turned to watch the two legging it down the street, shaking his head as they disappeared. "What are those two up to..." he muttered to himself before setting off down the street toward the market.

The pair had taken refuge in the sewers to escape the might of the angry woman, and couldn't believe their luck when upon looking out from under the manhole cover they spotted Vincent across the street from them, looking in the window of the Materia shop.

"Now's our chance!" Reno said, not noticing that Rude had focused his attention on the small lizard-like creature that was shuffling up behind them holding a lamp and knife.

"Uh...I think we have a problem," he said, tugging on Reno's sleeve to make him look round.

Reno stared down at the lizard and laughed. "What, from that little thing? Don't be stupid, it's so adorable! C'mere little guy..." he said, climbing down the ladder to get closer to the creature.

As the creature waddled closer, it held up the knife and...

DOINK!

There was a bright flash and the manhole cover flew off of the sewer entrance, causing everybody in the street to freeze instantly. Vincent turned round as the cover descended from the sky and landed on the hood of a car, completely crushing it. He took a deep breath and walked over to the entrance, knelt down and peered inside.

Rude and Reno lay there completely unconscious as the Tonberry waddled off in the direction it came from. "Huh...these two again," Vincent sighed. "Why do they keep following me?" He stood up and headed back towards Seventh Heaven.

"Okay - here's the deal," Reno said, rubbing his stomach as Rude frantically searched his pockets for an unbroken pair of shades. "We're just gonna run up there, grab him, and go. What can go wrong with that?"

"Probably something," Rude muttered aggregately, giving up on the search for new shades.

"Right. After three," Reno said. "One...two...three...GO!"

The pair ran across the street, and unfortunately, right into the path of an oncoming motorbike. Despite the riders' best efforts to brake as hard as he could, the bike crashed into the pair sending them sprawling to the floor.

The door of Seventh Heaven opened, and Vincent, Tifa and Cloud walked out. Vincent raised his eyebrow at Tifa and Cloud, after having told them what had been going on all day. He wandered over to the two who were now coughing and spluttering, and knelt down.

"Say...you two have been following me literally all day. What exactly is it that you wanted me for?"

"F..." Started Reno, sitting up slowly and wincing.

"F...

...FORGET IT!"

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