A/N: Thank you to everyone who reviewed the last chapter! I appreciate your support more than I can say. Thank you also to Rosalie and BK2U, who both reviewed this chapter at different points in time. You're both amazingly helpful!

Chapter 18: Tris – Aftershocks

I wonder if Tobias felt this confused after I pulled him out of the simulation, as we fled from Dauntless. When he abruptly found himself in the middle of someone else's plan and just had to go along with it.

Lauren and the man who communicated with me from the other building lead us through the hallways, guns out as they sweep each corridor before rushing us through it.

Voices echo around us – shouts from a half-dozen different people calling out their names and indicating that their area is clear. They're following a rescue plan that I know nothing about, even though I'm obviously the subject of it, and all I can do is trust that they're really on our side and will get us out of here safely. After everything we've just been through, it's hard to trust that much.

Caleb struggles to keep up, wheezing and moving with difficulty. I don't know how much damage Sam did to him, and there's no time to stop and assess it now, so I just wrap my arm around him and have him lean on me as we run.

Two others who are wearing the same type of uniform as Lauren join us when we reach the sidewalk, and they escort us rapidly down the street to where the car we've been taking around the country waits. A wave of relief goes through me when I see Adam, our driver, at the wheel. Right now, it doesn't feel safe to trust anyone, but his familiar face still seems preferable to all these strangers'.

"Get in the car and go," Lauren says as she grabs Caleb from the other side and helps me maneuver him through the door. "We'll take care of the cleanup here."

"Is Michelle…" I start to ask, but I don't want to finish the question. The odds are high that my second bodyguard is dead, too.

"She's alive," the man I think of as "ally" answers. "But she's probably still in surgery. She'll have to meet up with you later."

Lauren furrows her eyebrows at that, clearly thinking. Then, she turns to him and says, "Micky, go with them. They need a guard, and I have to stay here." Shifting her attention to me, she adds, "You can trust him. He's the one who found you – he heard something in your broadcast."

It's clear from her expression that she doesn't understand that part at all, and I remember that she wasn't with us when we injected receivers into ourselves during the mission. She's probably never heard any of the broadcasts. But this Micky undoubtedly has. And he must be resistant to the serum if he heard the extra information I transmitted – the information that I expected only Peter to be able to hear.

That, plus the fact that he just saved our lives, makes me willing to accept his company. So, I nod. He does, too, following Lauren's orders after a moment's hesitation and climbing into the car next to Adam.

"Take care of Mary, okay?" he says to Lauren before he closes his door.

And then we're winding our way through the town, Caleb's rapid breathing matching my own as we both stare wildly out the windows, uncertain what to expect next.

"How badly injured are you?" Micky asks Caleb.

"I don't know," he mumbles, shaking his head a little. "I've been trying not to think about it."

Micky frowns. "Can you wait until we get to Pittsburgh? It'll take about an hour, but the local hospital is…well, full of wounded from the shooting. Plus, I don't know how much to trust it right now."

"Yeah," Caleb responds immediately, "no problem." I can tell from his tone that he has no idea if that's a true statement or not. But after all the selflessness he's shown today, I know there's no way he'll go to a hospital where he doesn't feel like I'm safe.

I don't want him in one I can't trust, either, but I also don't want him dying in the car.

"Are you sure you can wait?" I ask him softly so that only he can hear. "One of those punches sounded like it broke a rib. What if it punctured your lung?" I bite my lip, thinking of how that felt when it happened to me. If Caleb hadn't gotten me to the hospital when he did, I probably would have died that day.

"No, it doesn't feel that bad," he insists. "At worst, it might be cracked."

"What about your cheek? That might need stitches." But as I look at it more closely, I realize it's stopped bleeding. I don't know much about medicine, but that probably means it can wait the extra time.

Caleb gives me a tired smile. "I'm all right, Beatrice. Really. I just want to get somewhere safe."

So, I pull him gently against me, letting him sag onto my shoulder as he closes his eyes. And I do something I remember our mother doing many years ago, whenever one of us was sick. I sing softly – some ancient lullaby I don't really understand but always found soothing.

Caleb is silent while I sing. So silent that I assume he's drifted off to sleep, but I finish the last repetition of the song anyway, thinking about our parents. About our mother taking care of us, and trimming my hair, and teaching me so many gentle lessons about how to live. And my father running his fingers lightly over my head as he'd smile in greeting or farewell, and the sound of his voice at the dinner table.

"I miss them," Caleb murmurs. His voice is thick, and it echoes the pain going through me.

"I do, too."

"If…." But he stops, choking on whatever he started to say. Swallowing hard, he tries again. "If I had been more resistant to Jeanine's serum, and had been able to refuse to help her, do you think they would still be alive?"

The question fills me with so many feelings and memories I can't possibly answer at first. I can still picture their deaths so clearly – and I still feel overwhelming guilt at the thought of how they died for me.

But of course none of that would have happened if Jeanine hadn't attacked Abnegation. It's hardly surprising that my brother feels the same crippling guilt I do, after he helped her with that attack.

What does surprise me is how I answer.

"I think," I say slowly, "that we need to stop blaming ourselves for what Jeanine did." I take a deep breath, pushing back the tears as I realize that for the first time, I truly believe that. "She attacked Abnegation. We didn't. And yes, maybe there's something we could have done differently, in a perfect world, to make things turn out better, but we aren't perfect."

I give a small shrug. "We did the best we could. It wasn't enough, but maybe…it's time to forgive ourselves for being human." Caleb looks at me, his eyes filled with tears, and I manage to meet his gaze despite the moisture in my own. "It's what they'd want, you know."

He nods, the tears falling down his cheeks now, and I can see him struggling to come up with words.

"I love you, Beatrice," he finally whispers.

"I love you, too."

The hospital in Pittsburgh is busy, but they rush Caleb in immediately. To my relief, they let me stay with him, even through his tests. Their communication, on the other hand, is less than ideal, and it takes more than three hours for us to hear that there's no serious damage from the torture he endured.

The doctors tape the cut on his cheek and wrap his ribs tightly, telling him that he'll heal with rest but that he should expect to be very sore for a week or two. And then they settle him into a bed for the night.

I'm glad when they tell me I can sleep on the other bed in his room. I don't want to leave him right now, and besides, I have no idea where else to stay in this city that I've only seen once before.

Micky sets himself up on a chair outside the door, still guarding us, and I'm grateful for his presence. Just this morning, I felt as if I didn't need anyone to watch over me, but now it seems like I'll never feel safe again.

He only interrupts us once, as we're getting ready to go to sleep. The fear must show on my face, because he gives me a reassuring smile as he asks if it's okay for Adam to deliver a message to his wife and then sleep on their couch for the night. A stab of guilt goes through me as I realize that I never thought to worry about where our driver would sleep – or to think about who might worry when Micky didn't return home at the usual time.

"Of course," I agree quickly, and Micky nods before retreating back to the hallway.

It's not surprising that sleep eludes me, after everything that happened during the day. Caleb's agony repeats through my mind over and over, interrupted only by images of the four people I killed. Those in turn remind me of all the other lives I've taken, until I find myself shaking under the warm covers. I've seen far too much in my almost-seventeen years of life, and far too many people have died at my hands.

It's hard not to jump a little when Caleb speaks. "Thank you," he says softly, "for saving my life today. I know it wasn't easy."

I don't know how to answer that, so I lie there quietly. It's probably selfish, but maybe if I just keep breathing evenly, he'll think I'm asleep.

"You probably don't realize this," he adds after a moment, "but I do know how it feels to be in your position." The words startle me, but I still don't respond. There's no way he could possibly know what that was like.

He sighs – a slow, tired sound coming from his worn body. "When you and Tobias were practicing your broadcasts back in the bomb shelter, he practiced sending a message to me. It was a test, I guess, to decide if I could go on the mission with you."

I turn onto my side, looking at him across the dimly lit room. I remember suspecting that something like that had happened, but I never had a chance to ask Tobias about it before he left. And I had no desire to ask Caleb later.

My brother's eyes are on me as he continues. "He showed me how he felt when he thought you were going to your execution in Erudite." A shudder passes through me. "It…. It was horrible." He swallows hard. "And then he showed me how he felt when Peter brought you in, and he realized you were still alive." I'm staring at him wide-eyed now.

"He knew in that moment that he would have to kill people to get you out of there, and I felt how he made that decision – how he came to terms with it. It was the only way to save you, and to him that was the most important thing in the world. So, he just accepted that you were his priority." He pauses, shifting a little on his bed before adding, "He would have done anything to keep you safe."

Something hard is pushing its way into my throat, and maybe into my chest too. It's difficult to breathe.

"I know that's what it took for you to get me out of there today," Caleb says gently. "And I want you to know that I understand. And I'm thankful."

"I was thinking of him," I manage to whisper past the thickness in my throat. Somehow, it feels right to admit this now. "I think, in many ways, he got me through it."

Caleb's lips turn up a little. "I know what you mean," he answers softly. "He's affected me a lot, too, between the two broadcasts I heard from him." He pauses, catching his breath through the pain in his ribs. "I like to think I'm a better person now than I was. But I know that if I am, it's because of him."

That's a difficult statement to answer, particularly since it's probably true. So, I just turn my face toward the ceiling, letting the tears finally begin to slip down my cheeks.

"I miss him," I say so quietly I'm not sure if Caleb hears me.

Out of the corner of my eye, I can see him nod. "I know," he murmurs. There's no real comfort in the words, but somehow they reassure me anyway. They make me feel less alone.

And gradually, they ease something deep inside me, some emptiness that has been there since Tobias left. His presence is still all around me, I realize now. In the influence that he's had on everyone in this country, and on my brother, and on me. Those parts of him will always be here.

I let them soothe me as sleep finally catches up with my exhausted body.

A/N: There's one more chapter left in the action sequence, and then we begin the shift back to Chicago. And for those who are anxiously waiting, Tris and Tobias will get back together in Chapter 22 and will be together for the rest of the story, which will probably be around 35 chapters in total. I just realized that I never really said this, but I took a lot of the ideas I had for one-off stories and put them together in this story; that's how it ended up being so long. Any other one-offs I write won't be NEARLY this long! :-)

Anyway, please take a moment to let me know what you thought of this chapter. I really do love reviews; they always brighten my day, and I could use that right now. It's been a very long week...