Final Fantasy VIII: THe Heroes Watch Dora The Explorer…Sorta

It was Friday night, and it was Seifer's turn to rent a flick for Balamb's weekly Movie Club. Everyone was there: Zell, Irvine, Quistis, Rinoa, Selphie, Headmaster Cid, Edea, Dr. Kadowaki, Raijin, Fujin, and of course, Squall. There was a large screen TV, and everyone sat around it in either chairs or on Squalls bed within his dorm room.

"I still don't see why you have to use my room to watch these dumb movies every week," says an unhappy Squall, crossing his arms.

"C'mon, cheer up buddy! Everyone knows you have the largest room and the coziest furniture," Zell replies, bouncing up and down on Squall's bed like a little kid.

"Whatever," Squall says, as he gave Zell a light shove, strong enough for Zell to lose his balance and fall off the bed with a crash. Squall smirks after seeing that.

"Now behave you two," Dr. Kadowaki commented. "I don't treat anyone who gets injured after hours."

"That's right Zell. So why don't you come sit over here with me? I'll make sure you sitrealstill," Quistis says, cracking her whip while motioning seductively for Zell to come closer. Zell immediately straightened up and sat still, afraid of what Quistis might do to him.

"Seifer's sure taking a long time to get a movie, ya know?" Raijin replies.

"LATE," Fujin added.

"Well, I hope the movie he gets is better than last weeks' disaster," Rinoa says, rolling her eyes.

"Yes, anything but that gay cowboy flick Irvine brought in last time," Headmaster Cid says in an obscure tone, shooting a glare at Irvine, who was busy cuddling with Selphie.

"I still can't get those horrifying images out of my mind, ya know" Raijin says, cringing at the thought.

Just then, the doors burst wide open.

"I'm back!"Seifer says with a sly grin as he walked into the room.

"Well it's about time!" Dr. Kadowaki replies.

"So whatcha get?" Selphie says cheerfully, jumping to her feet.

Seifer coolly walked over toward the TV and popped in the DVD. "It's some movie called 'Dora The Explorer', but the last part of the movie title is scratched off. The guy at the rental palace says this movie is nothing anyone has seen," he explains, as he shoved Squall off his own bed and stretched out on it. Squall muttered something under his breath and went to sit next to Rinoa.

"I bet it's not as 'manly' as the last film I brought, no pun intended," Irvine says, tipping his hat.

"Shh, it's starting!"Edea says, as the movie started playing.

Across the screen flashed: "Dora The Explorer In Da Hood: Directors Cut"

"…In Da Hood?"Headmaster Cid comments, already skeptical of the film.

As it began, the setting showed a run-down sector of the Bronx. A little Hispanic girl wearing a leather jacket at sunglasses and a blue monkey who was smoking pot walked onto the scene.

"Yo yo, bitches, the name's Dora the Hooker. Yeah, I says Dora the Hooker. Those fuckers at Children TV HQ originally gave me the title 'Explorer', so the next day I blew up their office with a rocket launcher. Oh, and this is my stupid, pot-smoking pet, Butts, as in cigarette butts."

"Wuzzup,"the monkey says, blowing off a puff of smoke from his cigarette.

"Can you say 'stoned'?"Dora asks the audience.

"The hell?" Squall says, raising an eyebrow.

"Now, let's get to business. Today we are going pull of a heist at the city bank. To get there, we need to get through Crime Alley, travel past the Meth-Lab, and walk through a gang-lord's Hideout," Dora explains.

"Oh my…" Dr. Kadowaki comments with shock.

"What are we gonna take with us?"Butts the monkey asks, smoking his 1,306th cigarette.

"Well, bitch, we're gonna bring along our Backpack. Backpack! Get your ass out here, now!"Dora shouts, as a blue backpack drove up to them in a shiny new Escalade.

"I'm here you damn bitch so shut the fuck up!"the disgruntled backpack shouts at her."To take with you on your trip, I've got 500 kilos of crack, a dozen uzi's, and some fake I.D.'s. Now fuck off!"Backpack says, as he dumped the materials out on the ground and drove off.

Selphie, Rinoa, and Quistis's jaws almost became unhinged at what they were seeing.

"Now this is the shit! Can you say 'Illegal'?"Dora asks the audience.

"SCARY" Fujin replies, turning her head the other way.

Later, Dora and Butts were walking through Crime Alley.

"Man, I'm gonna need a tall can of beer after this stupid-ass job," Dora says, before stopping and looking around here surroundings. "Shit! Now we're lost. Guess we have to look at that annoying-ass map!"

Suddenly, the map came out and began rapping.

"Yo yo! I'm the Map in da house! I'm gonna show you bastards how to find yo-AAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEE!" yelled the map who caught on fire after Butts tossed a lit cigarette on it.

Zell, who was chomping on a hotdog, let it slip unnoticed from his hand as he stared at the events happening on screen.

After the map was burnt to a crisp, the two somehow ended up in the Crime Lord's Hideout.

"Don't know how the fuck we got here, but oh well,"Dora says finishing off a bottle of whiskey she stole along the way.

Suddenly, a fox wearing a purple ski mask appeared above them on the second floor holding a sniper rifle.

"Look up there,"Butts says solemnly between puffs, pointing at the fox.

"Oh shit! It's Sniper The Fox! And that fucker has a gun! Will you help me tell off this stupid animal?"she asks the audience.

"I'd rather not…you know?" Raijin says, disgusted at the movie already.

"Sniper no sniping! Sniper no sniping! Sniper no sniping! Sniper no sni-"

BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! BLAM!

Sniper shot the living crap out of Butts, missing Dora entirely.

All the ladies in Squall's room gasped at the graphic scene. Edea nearly fainted from her seat.

"Oh shit! Sniper killed Butts! Son of a bitch!"she yelled, pulling a grenade out of her shirt and tossing it at Sniper, blowing him up on impact.

"Aw screw this adventure. I'm going home to meet my ho, Diego. Screw you later,"Dora says, walking off screen, flipping everyone off.

THE END

The room was dead silent after the movie had ended. Everyone then turned simultaneously towards Seifer, who was trying his hardest to contain his laughter after he had successful suckered everyone into watching this M-Rated movie.

"Man! You should have seen the look on your guy's faces!" Seifer sputters between laughs, getting red in the face from the hilarity.

From that point on, Move Night was canceled indefinitely by order of Headmaster Cid, who also immediately had Seifer suspended for a month. Soon after, everyone had left the room in disgust, except Squall, Seifer and Irvine.

"So, what did you losers think?" Seifer says as he began leaving the room.

"At least you got stupid Movie Night canceled," Squall says, smirking with satisfaction. "Nice one."

"It was okay…." Irvine says coolly, before leaving to catch up with Selphie.

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