After that David disappeared for a while to make a few arrangements. We wouldn't leave immediately of course, Berwald was still recovering and the weather conditions weren't looking up either so we would stay in the inn for a bit longer. But a rider was sent out to the capital that would bring news to Lord Kohler and return with horses for us.
I would have preferred if we would depart sooner than later but it was much safer this way. Besides, at this point I wasn't too fond of yet another long and arduous foot march, traveling on horseback would be a lot more comfortable. Aside from the fact maybe that neither Emil nor I had ever sat on the back of a horse, but James offered us his own horses for training.
It was unsure when the rider would return, under normal conditions it would take him approximately one week to get to the capital and back, assuming that he stayed there for one night. But with the unpredictable snow it was hard to tell, the snowy road was treacherous and it could start snowing again every minute. The Royal Couriers were experts at travelling in every weather condition though. Why anyone would want to start a war in this season though was a mystery to me. But then again I couldn't understand either why anyone would start a war at all.
When David returned to tell us that he would be the one to ride to the capital, since he figured it was the best solution, Francis insisted on treating him to dinner. He even proposed to cook it himself, but James would have none of it. David would leave first thing tomorrow morning and hopefully return in a week. Mathias was a bit concerned, our money reserves most likely wouldn't last to cover our expenses for such a long time, but after a bit of consulting with James we agreed on helping with work in the stables and the inn in order to make up for what we couldn't pay.
Mathias then went to our room to write a short note to his father, explaining our situation and asking him to provide David with everything he needed. I couldn't imagine how Mathias' must feel like, thinking his son most likely dead. I knew how it was to lose one's parents, but the pain of losing one's only child must be even worse. Parents were not supposed to survive their children and especially the uncertainty of the situation must have been pure torture for Lord Kohler. All he knew was that the town had been attacked and the mansion was burnt down, but there was no trace of his son and he could only hope that he was alright. But after hearing nothing for so long, he surely must have given up hope.
Strangely though, neither David nor Steve had mentioned anything about Lord Kohler being in mourning, according to them he was fine even. But maybe he just had never let anyone on on his feelings. He had a duty to fulfill after all. I was sure however that he deeply loved his son, no matter how little of that he showed in public. I remembered our short conversation in the kitchen, the day after we had moved in with Mathias. He had been calm and collected but he was concerned about Mathias nonetheless, enough to trust a mere stranger with his safekeeping.
Not that I had done a particular good job with that.
Shortly after Mathias returned with the note and handed it to David, James brought Dinner followed by Francis. After a little while of bugging he had allowed Francis to at least help with the preparation and the man now was glowing with self satisfaction as he placed the plates in front of us. I had to admit it definitely looked delicious, even James was positively surprised.
We mostly ate in silence, after the first excitement over our soon to-be safe return; everyone had calmed down again and thought about what it actually meant for them to reach the capital. Mathias of course was going home, he had lived most of his life there, it was actually hard to believe that he had only spent a few weeks in our town; it rather felt as if I had known him for ages. Something similar was true for Berwald and Tino, at least as far as I knew. Berwalds family had their main seat in the capital too but he spent a lot of time in their country house that was close to Tino's home. Growing up on the countryside, Tino had lived at least parts of his life in the capital in order to get his education. They all had family there, even if it only was one great-aunt in case of Tino's.
I didn't know as much about Francis and Arthur, but they had at least some experience with living in a big city so they wouldn't have a hard time with adjusting. They could even take up their old jobs, even though I had not a clue what that could have been. In Francis case probably something involving cooking, but with Arthur I had no idea. I should definitely ask them that, it was almost outright impolite to what extent I was ignorant towards my friend's occupation.
For Emil and me on the other hand it would be a whole new experience. The last city we had stayed in had been a big adventure already, and the capital was even bigger. Emil would probably want to finish his reading lessons; maybe he could even get a teacher or something. That would actually be a good idea for me too, on the countryside it didn't matter if one could read but it was a whole different matter in a city. And I felt so inferior sometimes when one of the others was writing something down, I couldn't even decipher the note Mathias wrote for his father.
And what would I do for a living? I wouldn't feel comfortable depending solely on Mathias, he probably wouldn't mind, but I just didn't want to be a freeloader. And I definitely didn't want to work in a brothel again. I had helped my father a few times on his construction works but that was so long ago that I had forgotten most of it. And I had helped my mother with doing the laundry, but I had seen what it did to her, I didn't want to go through the same thing. The only other thing I was good at was braiding hair, but aside from providing nice looking charms, that was pretty useless. Mathias had connected his to a leather band and the charm with my lock now hung around his neck. I knew that Tino and Berwald carried theirs above their hearts and Emil had draped his around Mr. Puffin's neck.
I had never gotten to making one for Arthur and Francis, but maybe I could catch up on that in the next week. James' horses should provide enough hair I supposed. They had even worked somehow, in bringing us back together. If it was skill or dumb luck that allowed us to come out of everything more or less unscathed was not important to me as long as we were safe.
Yet I still didn't know what I could do in the capital. I felt responsible for Emil as well, as mature as he seemed sometimes he was only 15, a child in my eyes and I didn't want him to carry responsibility yet. He should get to enjoy his youth as long as he could, and once this was over I would make sure that he found some friends and maybe I could even send him to a school. At least so he could learn some basics.
But we were not yet there. And I had more than a week time to figure out what I would do.
I was so lost in thought that it took me a moment to realize that Mathias had been trying to get my attention for a while now. "What's wrong Lukas? You seem worried." Mathias asked with a gentle tone in his voice. "It's nothing." I was quick to assure but I could see that Mathias wasn't buying it. "Lukas please, don't do that. When you have a problem come to me, I will help you, but don't just shut me out. I love you and I want to be there for you."
Mathias took my hand in his, watching me with concern as he rubbed his thumbs over the back of my hand. "I was just thinking about what I would do when we arrive at your home." I looked down and tried to appear as if I examined the patterns in the wooden table. I lifted my other hand and followed one of the long dark lines that adorned the wooden structure.
"What do you mean? You're staying with me of course. You aren't seriously thinking of leaving me aren't you?" Mathias voice grew more concerned and he looked at me with hurt in his eyes. But the worst part was the fear in his eyes, the fear that I maybe actually considered leaving him and he simply couldn't stand that thought. I suddenly felt bad for worrying; Mathias had proved more than once that he was there for me and he wouldn't just stop with that only because we reached the capital. How could I ever think that I was a burden to Mathias? Sometimes I hated how my insecurities always got the best of me.
"I'm not going to leave." I said and squeezed Mathias hands tightly. "Not as long as you still want me there. I just need to find a job or something to pay for Emil and my expenses; I don't feel comfortable with living off on you." With a sudden movement Mathias pulled me in a tight embrace, startling the rest of the table that until now had been sucked up in their own conversations or thoughts.
"I understand." Mathias breathed after he had released me from his hug and we had resettled in our seats. The others had caught on that we were having a private conversation and returned their attention to their previous activity, giving us some privacy in the process. "You don't want to be a burden even though I assure you; you never have been and never will be a burden to me. You can go to work if you want to, but please let me take care of you at least for a little while. I promised you that I would do that and I have failed you until now, so please give me a chance to keep my promise. You have gone through so much to keep yourself and Emil going and I want you to have a worry free life for once. I want to spoil and love you and just take care of you, after all you've been through you deserve at least that much."
I had a hard time to keep the moisture from my eyes, Mathias sounded terribly cheesy but still my heart was beating fast at his words and I was at a loss of words. I couldn't fathom how much he truly loved me and I would never understand why he fell in love with me of all people. I must have been the luckiest guy in the world. "I'm sorry." I said and I couldn't keep the shiver out of my words, I just was so overwhelmed with emotions. "I didn't mean to worry you. All I want is to be with you but sometimes I'm afraid that you get tired of me and leave me. I'm not exactly what is considered socially adequate for you."
Mathias expression grew softer as he listened to me and then he smiled at me with so much love in his eyes it made me breathless. "I have never cared for such things, I love you and that will never change. I know that you feel insecure about our difference in status but even if the whole world turns against us I won't ever abandon us. So Lukas, please stop worrying about it. You should have some faith in me."
He was right. I knew he was right, there was no point in worrying but sometimes I just couldn't help it. "I'm sorry." I said again and pulled Mathias into a kiss. It was the least I could do. It was so unusual for me to be such a worrywart but maybe that is what falling in love did to me. I just hoped I would overcome it soon. "How about I'll talk to my father once we are home. I'm sure he will agree on us being together and then you have your proof that there is nothing to worry about."
"I love you." I smiled and just like that I felt my worries ease away. Mathias poked a finger on my nose and grinned. "If anyone it should be me to be worried, after all I have the most beautiful lover in the world and someone could try to snatch you away from me any second." I rolled my eyes, but kept the smile on my lips. "As if." Mathias caught my hand that I had raised to slap his hand away from my nose and placed a kiss on my knuckles. "You. Are. Beautiful." Each word was accompanied by another kiss, and when he was finished he leaned forward to kiss my lips.
After that we finished our meal and talked with the others about our plans for the next week. Berwald still had to rest of course but the rest of us would help with whatever work needed to be done. There was not much else to do really, the snow made moving around outside a bit troublesome. We would go to the village at least once though, to buy a few much needed things, like clothes for example but that could be done on one day. Emil agreed on looking after Peter, the two seemed to get somewhat along and especially Peter had grown attached to Emil, claiming he would teach him how to be a man. Emil was nice enough to humor him and I was a bit surprised because I had never thought that Emil would be so good with kids.
But it was not only Emil, after Peter had 'discovered' the big 'sick giant' Berwald he had claimed he had to 'go on a quest to find the cure', dragging Tino across the house and even outside to dig up supposedly magical items, mostly food, that Berwald then had to consume or use. At first James had tried to prevent Peter from disturbing the two, but both claimed that they didn't mind, on the contrary Berwald even enjoyed Peter's company and went to great lengths to play along with his shenanigans. Tino and Berwald would make real good parents one day. Mathias and I on the other hand would probably traumatize our child for the rest of his or her life. Albeit I had done a not so bad job with raising Emil, who, after our father's death, had mostly depended on me.
And somehow I could see Mathias be a really good father who would play with his children and goof around with them but who could be serious and firm when it was needed. And he would do everything to protect them. Maybe someday we could adopt a child; I had heard once that noble families adopted children when they had no heir. But it was much too soon for thinking about children, I was only 17 and Mathias was insignificantly older, no there would be much more time later for offspring.
Like he had promised David left early the next morning, with the intent to return as fast as possible and we had no other choice but to settle in for at least a week long stay. Francis had been asked to help out in the kitchen, after the delicious meal he had helped prepare James was more than willing to let him cook. Arthur helped in the stables tending to the horses that seldom were used during the winter but needed to be moved nevertheless to keep them healthy. That was when one of James' stable hands took us for riding lessons and Emil and I would ride around in circles for hours on the small snow free area that Mathias had cleared in the paddock.
Our butts would be sore afterwards and walking was terrible the first few minutes after climbing from the horse's back but the feeling of sitting so high above the others and feeling the majestic animal move beneath me was worth all of it. Emil had been a bit skeptical at first but once his puffin had flown over to land on the top of the horse's head he had decided that what his puffin could do, could he do too.
Tino and Berwald were mostly busy with either resting and tending to Berwalds wound or with Peter who never seemed to grow tired of the 'cure the giant' game. Mathias helped with the manual labor that required strength and stamina, like clearing a path between the different buildings from snow or chopping firewood. Aside from my riding lessons and the few minor tasks I was assigned I finally took care of our clothes and the ridiculous amount of soiled bed sheets that turned up after only a few days. Apparently Mathias and I weren't the only ones who had been 'busy'. But with a bit of help from Emil and inevitably Peter we got it all done in one day. Needless to say that afterwards we all were soaked and raw.
In the evening both Mathias and I would be exhausted from the day's activities, but Mathias still insisted on taking special care of me, like giving me a massage, preparing a bath for me or sucking me off when I was too sore from my riding lessons to have sex. From time to time I tried to return the favor but Mathias always declined, arguing that he wanted to spoil me and my pleasure was enough for him.
One night I decided that it was enough and that it was now my turn to pleasure him, I always loved how Mathias moaned my name or was panting hard when I touched him and I wanted to feel him quiver underneath me again. As much as I enjoyed it being the one who received all the attention, I almost enjoyed it as much to be the one who gave it. So on this night, it was the fifth since David had left, I had prepared a bit of a surprise for Mathias.
...