A/N: I'm sure this will come as a shock, but cats, keyboards, and full glasses of water don't mix well...
So, here is my posted-with-great-difficulty chapter. I hope you enjoy it. And as always, thank you so much to everyone who reviewed the last chapter, and to my wonderful beta reader, Rosalie! I really appreciate your support.
Chapter 28: Tris – A Dauntless Date
I'd forgotten how cold the train floor and walls feel during the winter. So, when Tobias slides down to a sitting position, I can't help arching an eyebrow in question.
"Just giving you a seat," he comments, his lips turning up as he pats his lap. That's definitely an invitation I'm willing to accept, particularly since we've been on this train for quite a while now. As best I can tell, Tobias is deliberately circling the city to keep me from guessing where we're going.
I smile as I straddle his hips, facing him, the way I did so long ago – the first time we rode a train together after acknowledging that we liked each other. His breathing catches, and he sits up straighter, his hands on my back as he stares at me.
"Where are we going, anyway?" I ask.
"Really?" His smile widens, though I can see the twitching at the corner that indicates he's trying to hide it. "That's what you're thinking when you're in this position?" Leaning forward, he kisses me on the cheek, and then along my jaw. His lips brush my ear as he whispers, "My mind is definitely on other things right now."
My pulse finds its way into my throat at the words, and at the feel of his breath on my skin and his body pressed against mine. It all feels so good, and it reminds me of other train rides and a hundred other moments of the two of us close together. I don't even try to stop the moan that slips from my mouth.
A low chuckle rumbles through his body. "That's better," he murmurs, his lips sucking on the side of my neck. His hands press against the small of my back now, right over the new tattoo he hasn't seen yet, before they continue up my spine. Another moan emerges, and he sits up straighter, his hands pressing harder. "Much better," he breathes.
My lips move to his, and he responds eagerly, and for a long moment, there's nothing except this. The rest of the world doesn't matter in the slightest – only this incredible give and take between us.
"Tris," he finally murmurs, pulling away with obvious reluctance. His breathing is heavy. "It's time to jump."
"I thought your mind wasn't on where we're going," I tease as I manage to drag myself from his lap back to a standing position.
"Trust me," he all but growls, his eyes hanging on me like he very much wants to see through the coat I'm wearing, "I'm tempted to loop around the city again." He pushes himself to his feet, leaning close to my ear and whispering, "But maybe we can pick this up again later?"
My voice is little more than a breath as I answer. "Okay."
We jump from the train together, running forward as our feet hit the ground to avoid losing our balance. It's warmer now, with the sun high overhead, so we strip our gloves and link our hands as we walk.
I still can't tell where we're going. When we got on the train, I assumed we were heading for the Dauntless compound, since Tobias has been taking me to each faction in turn for our Saturday dates, and that's the one I thought was next. But that's clearly not where we are. If anything, we seem to be close to home.
Wherever we're going, the route is vaguely familiar, and I think back through all the places I've been in the city at this point, trying to remember. I don't figure it out until I realize that we're getting closer and closer to the Hancock building.
But that doesn't make sense. Tobias has faced his fear of heights many times for me, but I can't imagine what would draw him to such a tall building when there are so many other choices on how we could spend the day.
Still, that's where he leads me, his steps never faltering as he takes me through the door and into the first elevator that opens. I raise an eyebrow when he presses the button for the hundredth floor.
"This building is kind of an experiment," he tells me, his voice steady despite the fact that we're heading to the top floor in the tight confines of the elevator. "Multiple factions have been rebuilding sections of it and using it for their own purposes, since it's too big for anyone to use the whole thing at this point."
"That sounds intriguing," I admit. "What are we going to do here?"
He scratches the back of his neck, looking down as he responds. "Well, it's Dauntless day. So, zip-lining." There's a faint edge of nervousness behind the strength in his voice.
"Tobias, you don't have to do that." Honestly, I'm touched that he'd even offer, but I don't want to make him go through with it.
"I know." His eyes meet mine. "But you conquered one of your fears for me. I want to try to do the same."
I can't help the smile that tugs at my mouth. "I didn't conquer it just for you, you know," I tell him. "It was for both of us."
The grin that spreads across his face is infectious. We've been taking things slowly since we got back together, so we haven't repeated that particular experience yet, but in this moment, I know we're both giving it a whole lot of thought.
He steps even closer to me, pulling me into his arms and lowering his face into my hair. I can hear him breathing deeply, and I realize he's taking in my scent the same way I do his.
"They have a double-harness they use for two people to go together." I can feel him nod against my head as if he's reassuring himself. "I figure that as long as I can hold you and smell you the whole time, I'll be okay."
Before I can answer, the elevator doors open, and Tobias links his fingers with mine again, leading me onto the hundredth floor without hesitation.
But my feet stumble to a stop as I find myself looking at the room where I first met my grandmother. Where she told us about NUSA, and about the need for a mission to stop them. Where Tobias saw Amar and realized that he was still alive despite his faked death. And where Tori had the same realization about George.
"So much happened here," I say quietly.
"It did," Tobias acknowledges solemnly, as we both stare around us.
Standing here now, it's hard to remember how little we knew then. I couldn't possibly have predicted at that time that we would topple a country that we'd never even heard of, or that I would serve as president while putting together a new government for it. It feels like that day was a lifetime ago.
Eventually, my gaze migrates to the ladder that leads to the roof, and I remember the day I went zip-lining with Uriah and the other Dauntless initiates. That seems even longer ago, and suddenly I feel much older than my seventeen years. It's only been a year and a half, but I'm not the same person I was the last time I leapt from the roof of this building. I'm not sure if that makes me more or less curious to repeat the experience.
But even if we don't actually go zip-lining, I would like to see the view again, so I cross to the ladder. Tobias follows me up the rungs, and another memory flits through my mind – of climbing the Ferris wheel with him right behind me. That was the first time he faced his fear of heights for me. Maybe he's right that today will help him conquer it entirely.
The moment I step onto the roof, I'm hit with the blast of cold air. It's considerably chillier up here than it was on the ground, and I wrap my coat more tightly around me and put my gloves back on as Tobias hauls himself up next to me. Even over the wind, I can hear him breathing heavily, but he places an arm around my shoulders and pulls me against him, and I know he's drawing strength from our closeness. He did the same thing in his fear landscape an eternity ago.
"Are you sure you want to do this?" I ask him.
His eyes hold mine as he visibly considers his answer, and then he nods. "Yes." His voice is deep, and there's a certainty in his expression, and in that moment, I understand his desire to do this. He wants me to know that with me, he can handle anything. The thought spreads a sweet warmth through me despite the cold wind.
Together, we make our way to the small stand near the edge of the roof. To my surprise, Zeke is standing there, grinning at the two of us as he holds up a harness.
"So," he calls over the sound of the wind, "I hear someone would like a scenic tour of the city."
"Absolutely," I answer with an equally wide smile. Tobias just gives a stiff nod.
"Do you normally do this on weekends?" I ask Zeke curiously.
"Not often, no." He meets Tobias' gaze before looking at me again. "But I couldn't miss Four's first time zip-lining." With a wink, he adds, "Besides, you don't really think he'd trust anyone else with your life, do you?"
It's not a comment I expected, but as I think about it, I realize that Zeke is the only person besides Tobias who has ever secured me into a harness of this type. He helped all of us the first time I was here, and he did the same thing with the hand-made harnesses we used to travel between rooftops when we rescued Caleb. Clearly, he has experience at this – as well as my boyfriend's trust.
"Well, strap us in, then," I tell him with a grin. Looking at Tobias for confirmation, I add, "Head first?" Tobias nods.
Zeke connects Tobias first, and to his credit, he never comments on his friend's obvious discomfort. It's hard to say if he knows what Tobias' fears are, but he must at least suspect that height is one of them.
Tobias watches closely as Zeke connects me next, and he can't seem to stop himself from double-checking every knot and seam. Zeke rolls his eyes but doesn't complain – instead, he just gives a good tug on everything at the end before nodding in satisfaction.
"There are people waiting to catch you at the end," he explains. Placing a hand on something above our heads, he adds, "This will separate Tris from the line so she can get off." I lift my hand automatically towards it, but quickly realize that with the double-harness adjusted for Tobias' height, I can't reach it.
Zeke smiles. "Yeah, Four's going to have to do that." He looks at Tobias for a moment before continuing. "Just to be clear, you're going to be in charge of a few things on this ride, Four, so pay attention or Tris could end up getting hurt."
From this angle, I can't see Tobias' face, but I can feel the way he straightens up, and I know that Zeke just picked the perfect way to make his friend less afraid and more able to handle this experience. After all, Tobias is never braver than when he's protecting me.
"I'm listening," he answers solidly.
And he does, as Zeke explains how to work the release switches and when to use them and then leads us carefully to the edge of the roof.
"Four, you're taller," he continues, "so you'll need to be the one who jumps. Don't go too high, but make sure you're both clear in one motion. Tris, just keep your feet out of his way. Once you're off the roof, gravity will do the rest."
"Got it," Tobias says gruffly, and Zeke gives us a grin.
"Okay, now this is the most important part…." He waits until we're both focused on him before adding, "Have fun!"
Tobias groans, and I laugh as Zeke backs away to give us room.
For a few seconds, we stand there silently, looking at the drop just in front of us – at a hundred stories of steel girders and black windows going straight down. I can hear Tobias breathing heavily behind me, and I link a gloved hand with his. He squeezes hard as he presses his cheek against mine.
"I love you, Tris." His voice is rough and filled with fear, but also with determination and strength. He can do this.
With the harness holding us in place, I can't turn fully toward him, but I move my lips enough to brush against his. "I love you, too."
"On three, okay?" I ask, remembering when we leapt off the roof in his fear landscape. I feel him nod. "One, two, three."
On the last count, I lift my feet as Zeke instructed, letting my full weight rest in the harness and on Tobias. His muscles coil, and then he jumps – staying low as Zeke instructed but getting us off the roof. It takes only a moment for us to slide forward, and then we're flying through the air in the rush of movement I remember from last time.
Metal moves against metal, and the wind beats into us, lifting us, and I spread my arms out like a bird. Tobias drops my hand and instead wraps both of his arms around my waist. I'm not sure if he's seeking comfort from my presence or is afraid that I'll fall if he doesn't hold me, but either way, his grip is tight.
We pick up speed, and I can feel my pulse pounding through every part of my body, spreading adrenaline with it, as a cry of pure exhilaration tears out of me. It comes out as a crow of joy.
Tobias buries his face into my hair, his arms forming a steel cage around me as his breath comes in rapid pants. Fighting against the wind, I bring my hands back in to squeeze his – and then to pull them away just a bit so I can breathe better.
"Sorry," he grunts, but I laugh. There's too much wild energy going through me for me to react any other way. I don't think I've ever felt more alive than at this moment.
And perhaps it's contagious, because he turns his head enough to press his lips to my cheek, and I can hear him saying, "You are definitely not human" in a strangled voice.
The ground beneath us bulges up for a moment and then down again, and I'm seized by a sudden urge to shout something to the tiny people who can't possibly hear us.
"Hey!" I call over the rushing wind. "You down there! Look at us fly!" A vibration that's somewhat like laughter goes through Tobias.
"I love you, Tobias Eaton!" I scream at the top of my lungs, and this time, there's no mistaking the chuckle that rumbles through him.
His breathing seems much more even now, and I extend my arms like wings again, caught by the feeling of flight as we sail parallel to the ground. After a moment, he extends his arms over the top of mine, clasping my hands firmly in his. Given how he keeps his face pressed against me, he may have his eyes closed, but either way, he's definitely less afraid than he was.
Another crow of joy rips from my throat, and this time Tobias makes some kind of answering sound. It's not clear what it is, but at least it's not a scream of terror, so I grin in response.
We're closer to the ground now, and I watch the pavement and steel zooming by as we continue to glide above it. It seems to take forever for us to begin slowing down, but once it starts, it feels like it came too soon.
And then we're coming to a stop, some twenty feet above the ground, and I can see the gathering of people that Zeke must have brought in for this. They pump their arms and cheer for us, and I grin wildly in return, remembering how much I felt like a part of Dauntless the last time I did this. Now, though, it's different. What I feel more than anything in this moment is how close I am to Tobias.
"We did it," I tell him, turning to see him as much as possible. "We got through it."
I can feel him smile against my hair. "You got me through it," he murmurs, as he did in his fear landscape so long ago, and the words send another pulse of warmth through me.
"Hey, drop already!" someone below us shouts, and I can feel the vibrations of Tobias' chuckle along my back.
"You ready?" he asks.
"Of course."
His hands move above us, tugging on the release that Zeke showed him, and then I'm falling toward the people below. My body hits them hard, crashing into their linked arms, but they catch me, and I laugh again as they bounce me once before setting me on my feet.
I join my arms with theirs so we can catch Tobias, and he drops soundlessly into our midst, letting us absorb his impact before we place him safely on the ground. To the rest of them, his face must look expressionless – a mask of fearlessness. But I can see the energy and triumph and sheer love burning through his fear as he looks at me. It makes something blaze inside me just as strongly.
Without stopping to think, I grab the front of his coat and yank him to me, kissing him deeply. The others cheer again as he wraps his arms around me, lifting me off the ground as he returns my affection.
And then we're shouting our thanks to the group and racing toward home, our hands clasped firmly together as the adrenaline pumps through us. I've never felt so much fire burning inside me, and I absolutely can't wait to get my hands on Tobias. Every single part of me wants him right now.
There's no point in heading for the train, since it's just as fast on foot, now that we're taking a direct route instead of deliberately looping around the city to hide our destination. So, we run, ignoring the way people look at us as we race past them like maniacs.
We crash into Tobias' apartment, our lips finding each other's as we fumble to remove our coats and gloves and shoes through kisses that get increasingly hungrier and more demanding.
My hands are sliding under his shirt when he grabs my thighs, lifting me up and pressing my back against the wall. My legs wrap around his waist, and he grins before lowering his mouth to my neck, sucking and kissing with a passion that causes a moan to form from deep in my throat.
He moves lower, kissing the first of my ravens, and then the second. He pushes my shirt down with his mouth to reach the third. But then he stops, his eyes on the fourth one that he's never seen before.
"That one is for Anna," I tell him, and he nods slightly before kissing it, too. When he pulls back, our eyes meet, and I smile at the silent question in his. He must understand my unspoken answer, because he moves his chest away just far enough for me to pull my shirt over my head, tossing it to the floor beside us.
For a moment, his gaze roams over me, taking in every detail, his expression filled with love and desire. And then he freezes, and I know he sees the fifth raven that is directly over my heart.
It's suddenly difficult to speak, and I can only muster a whisper as I say, "That one is for you, Tobias. You're my family, too."
His gaze shoots up to mine, and he stares speechlessly, his eyes dark with emotion and his breathing hard with leftover adrenaline. He opens his mouth as if to speak, but nothing comes out, and he closes it again, his gaze moving between my face and my heart.
In an abrupt movement, he lifts me higher as his mouth attaches to that raven and his entire body presses us both against the wall, every part of him hard as some mixture of a moan and a breath and my name escapes from him.
"Always," he pants against my skin. "Tris, I will always be your family."
His arms clasp me to him as he suddenly swings us away from the wall, crossing the room quickly and dropping onto one knee to deposit me on the mattress that still sits on the floor.
"Always," he says again before his lips find mine and his body wraps around me.
"Always is good," I gasp against his mouth as my hands move up the smooth skin of his back, trying to get his shirt out of the way. He pushes himself up just long enough to yank it over his head, tossing it unceremoniously across the room before returning to my embrace. "I like always."
He groans, his fingers fumbling with my pants as my own seek out his belt, and then we finally have those off too, and he's whispering, "Beautiful" as he kisses his way across my skin. And then we're holding each other close as we show each other just how much we missed this in our year apart.
It's beyond passionate and beyond wonderful, and as I lie there afterwards, tracing our faction symbol where it rests over his own heart, I know that we have each other tattooed in that particular location for a reason. It's because this is permanent.
Always.
A/N: To answer a guest's question, "No" on Brian Larimer's broadcasting equipment meant no one (he used that to practice messages without anyone hearing), and "Me" meant himself (he connected himself to the equipment with wires so he could hear Tris' broadcast to evaluate if it was what he wanted).
By the way, I know that everyone has Tris get a raven over her heart for Tobias, and I really tried to come up with something less-cliched to use, but the problem is that everyone does that for a valid reason. It's a meaningful, logical extension of Tris' tattoo and Tobias' promise to be her family. It makes so much sense that it's virtually impossible NOT to do it. And it was particularly important in this story, since Tobias felt like he broke that promise, and he needed to feel like he had another chance to keep it.
So, it's probably the least original thing I'll do in this story, but hopefully it worked anyway. Please let me know what you thought of it.
All right, now I'm off to clean up the wet towels and check on the poor cat...