Miranda – We're All Going On A Spanish Holiday

Chapter 13

A few hours later, Gary and Miranda have arrived in Nice. So have half of France, and there isn't a hotel room to be found anywhere. They decide to spend the day in Nice and then get an overnight train to Rome. After a lovely lunch near the port, they wander around the flea market and enjoy the sunshine. Then, after sending postcards to Penny, Stevie and Tilly, they book onto the overnight train to Rome.

Their preconceptions of a 'romantic' overnight journey to Italy are completely wide of the mark; they are sharing the compartment with three elderly men and a goat. Miranda cannot sleep for fear that her bag will be stolen, so while Gary and the three old men are snoring peacefully, Miranda and the goat are wide awake.

"Hello! I'm having to whisper because everyone else is asleep. Well, apart from the goat, she does look vaguely familiar. No, it can't be. Ok, let me update you…so previously on this holiday, eight became two and Gary and I have decided to have our own rail tour of Europe. It is quite an adventure, not only because thieves stole my luggage, but also due to the fact that Gary and I are touring as an actual, real, romantic couple! Except, it hasn't been very romantic…for some reason which I cannot explain, I keep calling him Mike. I know! Cringe! He has been really nice about it, which is very sweet of him, but every time it happens I'm just completely mortified. I mean, what if, when we finally…you know…I call him Mike then? Oh gosh, it doesn't bear thinking about! So, anyway, we're on an overnight train to Rome, and I think things might have gotten a little steamy en route if it weren't for the presence of these elderly gentlemen and the goat. Perhaps it's a good thing they are here. Oh dear, Gary is being very patient, but I'm sure he's getting frustrated. Maybe a trip to Italy will set the mood; it is the romantic capital of the world after all. Ok, that's all the news for now… see you in the morning!"

The goat bites Miranda (albeit rather gently and in what might be construed as a friendly manner) and she screams, waking Gary.

Gary – "Wha… what's happening? Are you ok Miranda?"

Miranda – "The goat bit me!"

Gary – "I didn't realise they could be aggressive! Quick, pass me your scarf and I'll try to lasso it. Then I can tether it outside the compartment."

After 40 minutes, Gary finally manages to persuade the goat to leave the compartment .

Miranda – "Oh Gary, you were very brave!"

Gary – "Really? Oh, you're welcome!"

Miranda – "We don't seem to be having much luck on this adventure, do we?"

Gary – "I'm just happy we're together. Please stop worrying about everything."

Forgetting all about their sleeping companions, Miranda pulls Gary towards her and kisses him passionately. He is surprised but very pleased and responds with gusto.

Goat – "Maaaaaa!"

Miranda – "Oh no, it's got in again!"

The goat insists on squeezing itself between Gary and Miranda, before urinating all over the floor.