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Flashbacks in italics...
I'm OK
"Can we do one more run through"? Annabelle asked Steve her bass player once they had re-tuned their instruments.
"Yeah, I think we should" Steve replied as he moved a few cords out of the way as he was doing one last check of the layout on the stage.
Annabelle was on the last leg of her U.S. Tour, that had her miles away from her home and those she loved. She did a range of larger arenas along with smaller venues liking the more intimate feel of the audience being only a few feet away along with the ability to see everyone at once, not just a sea of heads bobbing up and down. This was one of her larger shows, which had her filling out the sound with a full band instead of just her and her guitar. She met her new band mates while on tour with her original band mates as one fifth of the Crusin' Central band. Jason and the other guys realized after a year on the road that this isn't really what they dreamed of their musical lives being like. They had signed a contract to record 2 more CD's, so after many discussions among themselves, the record company and a couple of lawyers, they had all agreed to still honor the contract, just not in the expected way. Annabelle insisted that she would take her music on the road, produce two more CD's for the label and complete the other requirements listed in the original contract. She knew it would be a daunting task, but she also knew that she had a large support system to get her through. The boys would be there for advice as well as eventually finding themselves staying with the label as music producers and studio musicians. This was a win-win for everyone. Annabelle wasn't quite ready to step behind the scenes and help other people make decisions about their music.
She could not see herself not performing the notes and the verses that were resting deep within her heart. She had to continue her journey, the one she started many years ago, in a multicolored composition book, the words contained inside, demanding a voice, not to be trapped on the lined pages within. She couldn't stop now, not when she had so much to say. As much as she was physically distant from a certain blue-eyed beauty, her emotions and pride would not allow her reprieve at this point in time. The words that flowed from her lips into the night air, to the waiting ears of those who joined her for those cathartic gatherings known as concerts in layman's terms, only went so far, never far enough to reach clear around the world, to the one person who she really wanted to hear them. Somehow, even though those words were never physically heard, at least to Annabelle's knowledge, she hoped that they were being 'heard' in a different way, a more deep and meaningful level that only reached the furthest part of the soul. As much as her words were of longing, love and forever, her mind began to put doubts into her heart. She wanted to reach out time and time again, but knowing Simone was out there, somewhere else, not at home, kept pushing her further and further into indecisiveness as to what to do.
"Is your phone working"? Jason questioned Annabelle as she got up from the table to put her dish in the sink after a quick breakfast before they had to begin rehearsals for the day.
"Why on earth are you asking me that"? Annabelle replied in a frustrated tone, letting the spoon fall into the bowl with a clang, knowing where this conversation was heading.
"Well, I was just checking in case, say, someone wanted to get a hold of you to wish you a Happy Birthday today" Jason said with a little more subtlety than normal, wanting to sound unemotional, not wanting Annabelle to get anymore upset than she already was.
"Well my mom and Collins have already called me this morning, so other than that, you all are here" Annabelle responded as she continued her way to the back of the bus not looking up at Jason as he sat there with a defeated look on his face. Her movements were halted all at once when she felt a strong hand on her wrist as she heard "Please, just answer your phone today, she really wants to talk to you. I am trying my best to just let whatever happens happen, but will you at least talk to her, please"?
"I can't promise anything" Annabelle replied as she put her head down, not wanting to look at the sad display in front of her, as she pulled away from his grasp and went to finish getting ready for the day.
The show had concluded as it always had, with a confession from Annabelle's soul. As the day went on, she had noticed that she had 3 missed calls from Simone, however, none followed by a voice mail, just numbers across the screen in a futile attempt to reach the one person she saw her dreams each night and thought of just about every waking moment. Annabelle was still torn between the love of her life and living the life she loved. She knew while Simone was off doing the same thing, or at least she hoped so, that as each day passed, without contact from her, or rather not allowing herself to have contact with her, was pushing her further away. This was a war she would never win. She knew she couldn't go on like this forever, she did want to just fall into Simone's soothing voice each night before sleep captured her body. She wanted nothing more to hear her voice that day, but her mind was becoming more and more controlling over her heart, more controlling over any reasoning that would have her on the next plane to wherever Simone was at the moment, she just kept those thoughts behind that wall, a wall that was being built higher, layer by layer as each day passed, away from the blue eyes she used to get lost in, used to confide in, used to say 'I love you' without a single word. She knew her strength was in Simone's love, in her heart that enveloped them both. She also knew her weakness was one in the same, along with her insecurities about the future, as much as Simone's words said forever, her actions, in Annabelle's mind, sent her in another direction.
She checked the tuning on her strings one last time. She took a seat on the stool at the center of the stage and moved the microphone a bit closer. The lights went down for a quick second and then a single light was shining over Annabelle's form that was previously shadowed by darkness. The boys had already left the stage, to allow Annabelle the space the free herself of the words floating around in her head. For now, she would set aside her inner turmoil to speak to Simone, not face to face, not over the phone, but in the best way she knew how. The audience was in a complete trance, focused only on the girl under the bright light, as the notes began to fill the air.
Look for me right when the lights go down
My own little natural high
I should be floating on top of the world
But I just keep wondering why
I feel more alone in this wonderful crowd
Than I ever do on my own
I know that this is a place I belong
But I'd rather be coming back home
Oh, I want you to know I'm okay
I just need to know that you're waiting
You're waiting for me
Someone keeps saying I could be a star
I'm never quite sure what that means
Sounds like there's something I'm missing right now
I'm not who they think I could be
But all that I'm missing is you, my love
Come find me whenever you can
I'll be the one looking up at the sun
With a picture of you in my head
Oh, I want you to know I'm okay
I just need to know that you're waiting
You're waiting for me
Oh, I want you to know I'm okay
I just need to know that you're waiting
You're waiting for me
She didn't even let the sound of applause stop her from exiting the stage. She couldn't acknowledge the shouts coming from the crowd for her efforts. She just left the stool alone in the light and proceeded to the side of the stage with only a final wave to the crowd as she disappeared behind the wall. She went straight to the room that was set aside for the band to unwind after sharing their emotions with total strangers. She went over to the fridge to get her regular bottle of water but found none. She found her phone where she had left it last, plugged in by the TV stand in the corner of the room. She noticed a missed call symbol but once she cleared that she saw the voice mail symbol pop up. She was hesitating to to hit the call button, knowing she would hear the one voice she had heard every night in her dreams.
She new that voice mail wasn't going anywhere, so she decided to find something to quench her thirst when the door opened and the rest of the band came in laughing and high-fiving each other for another successful night. They were soon enveloping their band mate in a group hug and the off key sounds of Happy Birthday began to fill the room. A smile barely formed on Annabelle's face when she wiggled free and said her 'thank yous' and before she could say or do anything else, she heard the sound of giggling coming through the door, and that giggling soon turned to screeching at the sight of the band members all standing in one place. The security guards were right behind the group of fans that were now clamoring all around the room, asking for autographs, some being respectful and others not bothering to care that they had just interrupted a birthday celebration. Annabelle had politely signed a few CD's and stray pieces of paper and smiled for a few pictures. She was now finding it easy to remove herself from the room and finally find the water she was looking for. She moved toward the door only to be stopped by a light tap on the shoulder and hearing someone say "That was the most amazing song I have ever heard". As Annabelle turned to face the voice that just spoke those complimentary words and was also soon hearing, "Happy Birthday Annabelle" as she was pulled into an embrace, not believing what she was seeing or hearing, just as unexpected as this meeting was, Annabelle unexpectedly whispered, "Thank you". As they pulled back from their embrace, one set of eyes smiling and the other swimming in confusion, Annabelle continued by saying, "I can't believe you are here".
"I'm OK" is by Sarah Bettens
I hope you all have a great weekend!
Peace...