Chapter 9

Interviewing Granny.

"Hello everyone and welcome back!" I say behind a fort of sand bags and barbed wire. Beside me was a rope tied to an anvil "Might I just point out to DonTheHero that I thank you lots for the anvil and WW2 hat! I think it WILL come in handy! As for the sand bags and barbed wire... Er Granny the sloth y'all!"

Everyone cheered as Granny licked her lips and looked at everyone, not wanting to be here.

"Yeah, yeah! Y'all hoodlums just do that cos I gots me a great weapon!" She declared, rising her cane as if it was a staff containing jewels all over it.

"Hello to you too Granny." I say, strapping on my hat. Granny peered at me suspiciously.

"Who are you?" she asked, pointing the cane at me. I gulped as a tightened the strap a bit more.

"I'm CookieM2012," I say bravely as I smile at her. "We meet at the start of the show?"

Granny smacked her lips together as if she was eating hard candy.

"Yo name don't ring no bells girl!" She said. "I is gonna call you... Fruitcake!"

I tilt my head to the left, as people started laughing.

"Why?"

She suddenly went for me with her cane, luckily i had all the barbed wire around me, keeping me safe.

"Starting asking REAL questions before i give you a good whip!"

I nodded quickly before looking down at the first question.

"The first person is LionLover23 and he asked a very relevant question- why do you hit people with your cane?"

"It's a force of habit." Granny answered. I opened my mouth to point about how dangerous her 'habit' was, but then i realized it wasn't a smart thing to do.

"Okay... reasonable question." I say. "Next question; SirCreepington9th asks you - How did you meet Precious?"

"It was a long time ago," said Granny. "And a very long story-"

"How about just saying the time you met precious?"

"Sure, I was out for a walk with my son, who is Sid's father, and she was there. The most prettiest whale pet you could ever see."

"Aw that's cute!" I pointed out. "Now, Shira12345GetSmart86 asked you 5 questions- Dear Granny: How old are you really?"

Granny looked at me as if a preformed almighty sin.

"NEVER ask an old woman her age!" She said, sounding like a teacher. "I outta discipline you girl!"

She suddenly leapt at me, her Cane high in the air. I screamed, jumped out of my fort, and ran around the room. Everyone was safe in their seats, laughing as Granny got hold of the anvil DonTheHero gave me, and thought. Yeah, she's screwed.

"Get back here you little Fruitcake!" She said every 2 minutes.

"No! It wasn't me! It was your viewer/fan! Not me! AH! Security!" I yell. But the security men were standing there, laughing also, but i knew they had their own unpleasant experience before. After about ten minutes, granny grew tired, complaining she wasn't the athlete she used to be back in her youth, as for me, and practically died. I was so tired, and had to crawl to my fort as my security and the audience watched me silently.

"Okay," I say, completely out of breath. "Question 2... Who is your favorite in the herd besides Sid?"

"Hm... it would have to be... Lady's new friend... who I call Teal."

I thought about this for a moment.

"Shira? Diego mate?"

"That's her. She's tough, and makes sure she doesn't get to see my bad side. Did you knew she, Ellie, Precious no.2, the triplets, and Peaches are the only ones who haven't gotten on my bad side and were never hit by my cane?"

"Really?"

"Mhm! And you too."

"Me? I was running away from you just there!"

"You run fast girl! Like Usain Bolt that's you! Are the fastest girl in the world?"

"Well I'm no athlete, I just don't wanna be murdered by an old lady sloth thank you very much! But thank you for the compliment!" I say. "Question 3 is- Were you ever married before?"

Granny nodded.

"I was indeed! But I didn't like him so, he was gone!"

"How long were you married to this mystery sloth for?"

"24 hours."

I stare at Granny.

"Why that short?"

"Because of a condition I had."

I leaned in.

"Which was?"

Granny pointed at the exit.

"Something called; 'pregnancy'."

My head jerked back as everyone laughed.

"Which happened to be Sid's dad?"

Granny nodded.

"I loved my son, but he abandoned me with his own son. As if we was some kind of screw ups!"

Everyone looked sad for Granny, some adding a little sympathetic 'aw' while they were at it.

"Okay question 4 is- Can I get your autograph? You are my FAVORITE CHARACTER EVER!"

Granny smiled.

"Sure!"

For revenge, I got one of the security men, called Bob, to stand there and wait until Granny was done writing the autograph;

Granny Sloth... The Sloth of course!

"There!" Said Granny, handing the paper to Bob. He smiled, glad he didn't get whacked by her cane... until he turned around when she whacked him one across his backside. I laugh along with everyone else as he walked off, with turning an interesting scarlet color.

"And her last question." I say, still giggling a bit. "Is- How is Precious?"

"She is doing fine. We'll be hear a splash of tiny feet very soon."

It took me and the audience a little while to actually realize what she meant, then we started going all wide eyed, whilst starting to cheer.

"Congrats grandma to be! AGAIN!"

Granny laughed lightly, telling me to just move along with the questions. I nod and continued, knowing i was on Granny's good side now... and hopefully it was gonna stay that way! Thinking it was safe now, I got out of my fort, and got a chair and sat in from of Granny. But i kept on my world war 2 hat JUST to be sure.

"Shiego627 asked- 1. Granny what is your favorite fruit?"

Granny sat there, scratching her head as looking as if she was thinking really hard.

"It would have to be plums!"

"Yum!" I say. "Sounds truly scrumptious!"

I suddenly laughed and started reciting the part of that song from Chitty, Chitty Bang Bang.

"Okay question 2. What kind of male do you want?"

Granny smiled devilishly.

"We ALL know what kind of man I want!" She said.

I laugh at this, remembering the ship scene from their pirate adventure.

"Question 3. Granny if you were a saber would you date...Diego?!" I say.

"WHAT THE FUDGE CAKE!" Granny yelled.

I went silent when she said that, before i starting laughing hysterically, and the audience followed, and soon Granny joined.

"Me and Lady?" She spluttered. "Ah hell no!"

"Okay!" I say, laughing so hard i feel like i was going to drop dead and die. "Question 4 is- Granny what did you think about the triplets?"

"Who?"

"Jade's little brothers?"

"Oh yes!" Said Granny, noddng a smile.

I nod back, repeating the question.

"Codi, Teal, and Shamrock are their names," Granny tells us, as if she was telling an old legend, "... I find them strange little kids... each have different personalities and traits. That's what makes them special." She said.

"Agreed. Not to mention they are so adorable."

"I know... but not all the time... and DEFINITELY not when they wake all of us up in the middle of the night!"

I smile as I gave her question 5. Which was;

"Are you the pretties girl in the herd?"

"Of course! I'm the sexiest girly out there!"

I restrained myself, making sure I didn't laugh aloud.

"I wonder what the girls back stage thought... let's see their reactions."

We turned to the screen behind me. In the picture was Kiki, Shira, Ellie, Peaches, Katie, Steffie, and Jade. Steffie and Katie looked like they were going to be sick. Peaches and Jade were smiling, but they too were trying their hardest not to laugh. Kiki looked traumatized, and Shira and Ellie were laughing lots.

I quickly turn back to Granny, seeing her grinning evilly.

"Righto!" I say awkwardly. "Moving forward! Ice Age Ninja asked you 3 questions- (1)Granny, how old was Sid the 1st time you guys ditched him?"

"Well..." She began, "I have memory loss most of the time, but he wasn't really YOUNG when we did."

"I see," I say. "Question 2; Could you sign an autograph for my mom? She's a big fan of yours, also me."

Granny nodded as the other security guard; Marley came over with the pen and paper, signing another autograph. When he walked of, she pulled a face behind his back, causing a few giggles from the audience to erupt.

"TimberPaw asked," I began when she was finished. "1. What do you think about your family since they left you alone with Sid?"

Granny shook her head.

"I think nothing of them now. They abandoned us... The word alone sends shudders down a sensitive spine, troubling the thoughts of pained souls as their hurt swells in ripples."

Everyone thought that sentence was sad, and gave sympathetic messages. But then she said. 'That's Richelle E. Goodrich by the way', and we started to laugh a little about it.

"Question 2," I say. "Is; Have you ever had another pet before you met precious?"

"Nope. Definitely not." Granny answered firmly.

"And question 3- Where have you got your cool stick? It's my favourite film requisite in all films! Do you have a duplicate I can have?"

"Maybe I got one somewhere. I'll send it on by first class post if i find one."

"I'm sure Timber Paw will be very happy." I say, shuffling the piece's of paper in my hands. "Frostpinkloverfr asks a question... actually I want to know also; Granny. Is Sid name actually Sidney or do like calling him that like how you call jade precious no.2 and Diego lady."

"No. He name is really Sid. Sidney is just my pet name for him. Like Jade's is Precious no.2 and Lady is well... Lady!"

"Good 'cos i was getting confused on whether his name was ACTUALLY Sidney or not!"

Granny chuckled.

"Who said old ladies can't play mind tricks!?" She said.

I roll my eyes upwards to the ceiling, not sure whether she was asking a question or anything like that. Then she whacked me on the knee with her cane, causing me to jump and hug my knee while hopping lopsidedly.

"What the hell was that for?"

"You didn't answer my question, so I assumed you fell asleep!" She said. "Next question!"

"Okay, but you could of given me a wake up call, if I was ACTUALLY asleep! Anyways VanessaAndEllieTheVamps asks; 1) how did you sleep through the storm?" I ask as I sit back down.

"What can I say? I'm a heavy sleeper!" Said Granny innocently.

I shrug with a smile, knowing what she meant.

"Question 2) Have certain things shaped who you are today or have you always been exactly like you are?"

"What does this girl mean by?"

I gulped, trying to think of a good way to put it out.

"Well," I stutter. "What she meant by was how you turned so... humorous?"

Granny shrugged.

"I was always humorous." She answered simply. I nod, before averting my eyes to the audience to make sure they didn't shout out anything.

"And question 3 is- Do you know that you are the funniest Person/Animal in the heard?"

"Nawh ready?" said Granny. "You flatter kid!"

I smile a little, before looking down at the next question. My I felt my knee swelling up a bit, hopefully she didn't break it in anyway at all. I should got knee-guards before i started Granny's Interview.

"DonTheHero asks," I continue, ignoring it. "1. When did you first get your cane for it looks like it is ... well worn."

"When I lost my youth and beauty," Said granny with a heavy sigh.

"Hey, you may be... old. But doesn't mean your not beautiful!" I assure, not wanting her to feel ugly.

"It's true, back in my day i was a real heart stopper! I was Marilyn Monroe of the Ice Age!"

I had to bite my lips together because i was afraid of laughing about it and get another hit with her weapon of mass destruction.

"Question 2. Out of all the members of your previous family who was/is your favorite?"

"Sid. Full stop." She said, folding her arms. I nod slightly, knowing that talking about her son and in-laws was uncomfortable.

"Question 3. When did you learn naval terms?"

"Ah I always had them!" She said with a grin.

I smile and looked down at the cards to find out that there were 2 cards left full of questions.

"We are on our last two sets of questions Granny," I announce. "Cat girl asked you 5 questions; Question 1. When your family left you with Sid how did you feel and did they ever try to dump you some where before so they wouldn't have to take care of you?"

Granny frowned.

"No they never did before," she began beofore clearing her throat with a small cough. "I was actually happy they abandoned me, because I began to moan about Sid not being there anymore. It felt empty without him there."

I put a hand on my heart, finding this a little bit emotional.

"Let's move to question 2 before you start crying sugar." Said Granny.

"Will do," I say softly. "2. the storm you told Diego that you slept though the extinction of the unicorns how can this be if unicorns never existed?"

Granny gave a sinister smile.

"They did exist before hand. And I know because i was there when it happened. But no one believes me! Thinking I'm crazy?! Cheek of them! I'll show them! Someday!" She said, rubbing her paw together evilly.

"Right!" I say shakily. "Question 3. When you saw Shira were you afraid of her?"

"I'm not scared of ANYTHING!" She protested, springing up and pointing her cane at me. I rose my arms up as if it was a gun in her grasp. "Who said I was?"

"N-n-no one!" I stammer. "It was just a question!"

"Oh okay. Phew! You were SO close to getting such a wallop!"

"I already have received one." I mutter. "Anyway Question 4. When you saw the hallucination of the Sloth/merman was that what your husband looked like?"

"Sort of," she said. "But he'd be much older now, and more wrinkly."

"Good answer," I say. "Now question 5. When Savannah had come into the herd how did you react?"

"Precious No 2? I was happy when she came into our lives. She's strong, obedient, and very friendly. I'll never forget the moment I first saw her and when she gave me those black berries... or was it blue berries..."

"Okay, I'm sure you'll remember later. Anyway the last set of questions are from AJB; 1. When did you really have teeth back in the old age?"

"A LONG time ago," She said, revealing her sharp pair of choppers. I leaned back, shielding my eyes because I hate sharp objects, including when Granny has piranha like teeth.

"Okay question 2 is; Does everybody, even the herd call you crazy when you call out to Precious whenever she doesn't come?"

Granny's eyes narrowed. "They better not!" She snapped.

"Who knows," I say, "Question 3 is; Is it true whenever someone annoys you, you would whack them in the head with your cane into next Christmas?"

Granny nodded, no need for speaking at all.

"Question 5; Do you really consider Diego as man or lady?"

"Lady is a Lady isn't she?"

I looked from side to side, wondering what to say.

"Yes..." I say slowly, hoping Diego wasn't watching this now.

"Well if you say so Fruit Cake." Said Granny.

"Question 6; If you and Sid's family returned would you A) treat them with a warm hug? Or B) Bury them all, and dance on their graves?"

"My answer would go with B. No need to explain. We all know why." Said Granny.

I nod.

"Question 6; Do you love being in the herd with your grandson Sid?"

Granny did a few quick nods, but she said nothing.

"And lastly," I say. "Before you go, AJB dared you to whack Sid 20 times on the head and then 20 times on the butt!"

Everyone laughed.

"Will do!"

I giggle while saying; 'Granny the sloth everyone!'

Everyone clapped as they cheered granny on. I stood up, smiling at the crowd.

"Send in the next amount of questions folks! Soto is up next!"

Sorry for the long wait everyone! But there you go!

Hope y'all liked it!

Sorry if any of u detected any grammer errorsnor!anything!

I'm just so tired!

Soto is next anyways!

Don't worry! He'll be in his cage!

PLZ R&R and send some questions!