Moonlit Wishes
Book II, part XLI
No, he wasn't expecting this kind of reaction from Samantha at all when he brought her a compress to sooth her aching head. Not that he minded being on the other side of the coin for a change by having her initiate a kiss between them, and what a kiss it was too. Somehow this woman always seemed to manage a way to completely throw him off balance by her impulsive actions.
Her kisses were like none other, he couldn't lie to himself, he wanted her and if she kept this up by scooting around to where she was on top of him her with her supple body rubbing up against his incredible hard on he was suddenly sporting he didn't know what he would do. He was already aroused by her and those little mewling noises she was making all the while trying to unbutton his shirt at the same time could drive a man simply insane.
Sami knew this was better than a cold compress. EJ still made her heart beat erratically and it was a thrill running through her each time they kissed, his kisses were intoxicating and now she wanted more of him. She pulled back from his lips, briefly meeting his somewhat unfocused gaze he bestowed upon her, she wished he could read her mind and realize the commitment she was beginning to realize she had for this man but wasn't able to say out loud to him just yet. What could she say to tell EJ how much she cared for him when she had only started to accept the possibility of it herself after she had read those impassioned letters he had written only for her? Before she had always pushed him away, she'd been too scared of what might happen if she surrendered complete control to him, she'd been worried what her family would think of her if she chose to be with a DiMera.
Maybe he can see it in my eyes what I'm still too afraid to say, she thought as his gaze darkened with what she hoped was desire for her and the gentle hold he had on her became more like a possessive grip instead. She waited those few seconds holding her breath as she anticipated his next move. He stroked her hair with one hand, being careful not to touch her where she had bumped her head, dropping it to caress her cheek and then his lips locked with hers once more.
Gently, he shifted their positions, sitting up all the while cradling her in his arms and heading for what Sami hoped was his bedroom. Lost in his kisses he had resumed upon her, she barely noticed when he had stopped moving until she felt him release her legs so that she could shakily stand before him.
Then before she knew exactly where they were in the house he abruptly ended the kiss and pulled away. Gasping at the sudden loss, her eyes snapped opened in distress. Why was he stopping? She was sure they would have reached his bed by now if he had only kept moving forward with her in his arms. His dark head bent toward hers slowly until their lips were only a mere centimeter apart.
"EJ, please don't stop," Sami whispered, her lips parting into a smile when he kissed her once, twice more, each kiss sparking a fire that was smoldering while she was waiting for him to take things further, but then he pulled back again even though he saw the frustration that was flashing in her eyes.
Sami stood on tiptoe, trying to bring him closer to her, sighing contently when their lips connected again. She tugged at his hair while she rubbed up against him. For EJ it was the signal he'd been waiting for, he abandoned his taunting, finally taking her mouth in a surge of ravenous hunger.
He couldn't get enough and began to lift her shirt with shaking hands, his inexplicable desperation she felt from him moved her in a way she knew she wouldn't be able describe even if she had been asked. She could feel his heart pounding in sync with the rapid beating of her own heart where he was pressed against her. Briefly she realized he had indeed made it to his bedroom, all they needed were a few more steps to go and they would reach his bed.
She stepped back and before she knew it she was tugging on him causing them both to fall on his bed, his huge bed that was plenty big enough for both of them to inhabit and hopefully in the future she'd be sharing it with him. Right now though they could have been on a cot, the floor, anywhere as long as he would keep touching her and driving her crazy with desire like he was doing at the moment.
Their pent up sexual tension was prevalent in the air seeming to make the atmosphere around them hot as if they were in a fire. Sami could feel his arousal growing, there was no doubt he wanted her as their kisses continued until the need for oxygen became more insistent and they parted for a brief moment.
EJ drew a harsh breath and looked down at Samantha, really looked at her and it hit him they were about to have sex if they continued and he would have taken her too, his need for her could render him incapable of thinking things through and do the right thing by her, he knew it without a doubt in his mind. Together they were in a damn the consequences kind of mood, but he knew things would surely look different to her when the dawn broke in the morning and that stopped him completely.
He was tired of living with the repercussions of his actions and didn't want to be blamed for taking advantage of her when he knew she'd had too much to drink earlier on in the evening. This wasn't like Samantha to come on so strong to him, she'd always put up a fight citing reasons why they shouldn't be kissing, touching one another. Always she was the one who stopped things before they went too far between them.
So this time he stopped them before she could call a halt to this madness herself.
He tried to catch his breath and calm his raging libido down even though his body was screaming for his conscience to shut the hell up and take her now because they both wanted it.
Sami frowned and started to reach toward him to draw him back closer and he shook his head and grasped both of her hands in his so that she couldn't touch him.
"We've got to stop Samantha."
She looked at him like he had lost his mind and maybe he had a tiny bit. He could tell she was upset with him for stopping things before they went any further, going past what he had deemed in his mind were secure boundaries for him when he was with her after agreeing to move in the house.
Really what had she expected that they could fall into the same old patterns? He couldn't kiss her and have her run away from him like she had always done before. She'd done that exact same thing time and time again and for once he wasn't going to be the one begging for her to give in to him.
He watched her cautiously; once again he had been driven by a need he didn't fully comprehend, the lust and love and anger were all still there mixed together for her and he had sworn to himself that he didn't want to hurt her ever again. If anything, he had come to terms with their physical relationship because he knew how she would react to his advances and now Samantha was acting completely the opposite of the way she used to be with him. It was like turning on and off light switch with her and he knew any minute now she'd see the error of their ways and they might be able to salvage their newfound friendship which was barely hanging together by a thin thread.
Didn't she realize he hated himself enough already for what he had done to her all those years ago? His actions to make her his and his alone had driven her to the point of desperation where she had wanted him dead, had shot him in the freaking head for crissakes.
Just when he thought he could stop this completely she leaned up toward him whispering in his ear. "Please EJ?"
He didn't even recognize the neediness of her voice and his hips rolled forward on their own involuntarily, instantly melding them together once more, the instinct to connect with her so strong that it was fogging up his mind's ability to think clearly and above all things he needed to think.
"No, we can't," he answered sadly, physically aching already for her even while he was trying to push her away, so filled with desire for this woman rushing through his body, everywhere she had touched him and was touching him was igniting a fire within him. His skin felt like it was scorched wherever they touched.
She wouldn't look at him as he tried to move back a few inches, her head was slightly bowed forward as if she was afraid to look him in the eyes when she realized he meant it, he was telling her no. EJ DiMera was calling a cease and desists against her advances and quite frankly it shocked the hell out of her.
EJ really wanted her to look at him. He wanted to talk to her, to see her face when they spoke, not her hair. He needed for her to understand where he was coming from by his refusal. He gently placed his fingertips under her chin bringing her eyes back to look directly into his. "Samantha, please look at me, this is important."
She tried not to avert her eyes, but it was difficult and when she finally spoke her voice was quiet, reserved even. "EJ, I don't understand why you don't want me. Don't you want me EJ?"
Want was not the question; want for her in his life, in his bed, for her to love him in her heart had been the driving force in his life ever since he had met her, this woman he couldn't forget, the woman who had caused him countless heartache and distress. EJ shook his head. "I can't do this. It isn't fair for you to ask me to do this with you, Samantha."
"EJ, I know it's not fair." She sighed softly, "None of it is fair, but when have I ever played fair before? When have you played fair? Playing fair isn't something either one of us does. It's not in our nature to play by the rules. We take what we want by any means possible come hell or high water."
"Samantha," he groaned and pressed his lips to her forehead before he knew what he was doing. "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. This isn't right; we are not in a good place with one another for this to be happening. For once I don't want to face the hell or high water; I want to be sure of what I'm doing and why I'm doing it."
Here they were, full circle and he was still feeling the same way he used to feel about her. It was hard to look at her while she was willing to forget it all and have sex with him, for him to pretend he'd never lost anything along the way with her, but he had and it had almost killed him. He couldn't lose himself again because he was afraid if he did he would never be whole again.
She had tears in her eyes, she was so stubborn, and why wouldn't she listen to reason? For once he was being the voice of reason while she was being the ultimate temptation to him, she was offering herself up to him for the taking and he couldn't do it.
"It still wouldn't change anything, Samantha. You know it wouldn't. For god's sake we've just gotten to the place where we consider each other to be friends and now this? We can't go there."
She blinked and sniffled. "EJ, I'm not running away this time. I want this, I want to be with you and suddenly you have this sudden change of heart concerning me?"
"You of all people know this is not sudden. I'm just refusing to be your fuck buddy. I still remember all too clearly the night we made love and you chalked it up to no more than a girl just wanted to have fun sometimes. Well while it may be something you can do, I can't do it, and I just can't. For once in my life, I want more, I deserve more and whether you realize it or not, you do too. It should mean something more than us just fucking each other. If we ever do come together I want it to be for all of the right reasons because we both love each other and neither one of us has any doubts or reservations of whether it is right or wrong and right now it isn't the time for us and it may never be again. I won't use you because I want sex. I know we are compatible sexually and you do too, but I won't do it this time Samantha. Please respect my wishes on this, please. All I ever wanted was for you to love me the way I loved you and you proved to me very clearly that you didn't no matter what I did. It took me a long time, but I finally accepted it because I know I did some terrible, horrible misguided things to you in the name of love when I really didn't know what love entailed and what it fully meant. I just don't want to fuck everything up this time and have my life fall to pieces. For once in my life I need to do the right thing."
And with that admission from him for the first time in their twisted relationship he was the one to get up from the bed and leave the room in a hurry, leaving Sami lying on the bed all alone and more than a bit confused by his confession.
Now she understood how EJ must of felt all those times she had backed away, tonight she had seen the fear in his eyes as clear as if she was looking into a mirror because she knew deep down within her heart it was the same look she'd given him too many times before right before she would choose to run away from him and the love he offered her.
She pulled herself up off from the bed and walked to the window, looking out to the night sky thinking how much it really sucked to be the one standing all alone after begging for the other person not to go. That was when she heard the front door slam and the sound of EJ's car roaring to life as she saw him speeding out of the driveway in a hurry and she felt the track of tears starting to flow down her face.
Could she ever truly come to EJ with what he wanted from her? She had thought they would have sex and let come what may afterwards, but apparently he wasn't going to play that game this time around.
As she looked out into the night sky she knew he wouldn't give into her no matter what tricks she tried to pull because EJ DiMera had wrote the book on trying to get what you want. The next time, if there was a next time she better be prepared to give him her heart and soul because EJ wanted her love and she was afraid of that emotion more than anything else, especially with EJ.
Well this was going to be a new concept for her. Somehow she was going to learn how to conquer her fears, that is if she wanted EJ in her life in each and every way imaginable.
Because she knew without a doubt that EJ DiMera was worth it. She just had to find a way to prove it to him
End of Book II
Author's note: Book III of Moonlit Wishes will begin soon. Thank you to all of you who have read, reviewed or favorited Moonlit Wishes. I truly do appreciate each and everyone of you.