Hey all! Thanks as always! Here is the next one…..
What I Didn't Say
Flashbacks in Italics
"Hey, please, please don't cry. Talk to me, please just talk to me" Simone whispered as she finished wiping the tears slowly falling down Annabelle's face.
Annabelle blinked a few times; leaned further into Simone's touch as she reached her hand up to rest on Simone's that was gently caressing her cheek. She lightly grabbed Simone's hand, still not looking up into the blue orbs that were showing so much love, so much concern, even after all the time, after all the distance.
"I can't believe you are actually here" Annabelle stated as she gave Simone's hand one last squeeze before she dropped it from her own. She took a step back and put her hands in her back pockets and finally allowed herself a glance into Simone's eyes.
"I can't either" Simone replied taking a step forward to close the distance that was so much more than a few feet now, so much more than a couple of steps across a concrete floor, so much more than the miles flown to reach this destination.
Annabelle didn't move from her spot, allowing the scent from Simone's perfume to infiltrate her senses, taking her back to a different place and time. She breathed in one last time, and as she exhaled, a knock at the door brought the two out of their daze.
"I'm sorry, I will be right back" Annabelle stated in a somber tone, somewhat relieved for the interruption, not sure if she was ready to have the conversation that was demanding a voice. It was time. Time to confront the past, the past that had them only stealing glances and hesitant touches instead of diving into each other's eyes and melting into each other's arms.
Annabelle opened the door and a burly figure stepped in and whispered something into her ear. Annabelle looked back at where Simone was standing and gave her an apologetic smile. Pretty soon voices were filling the room that was only moments before only filled with subtle glances and subtle sighs. She had to fulfill the part of this lifestyle that would have her smiling and nodding while exchanging small talk with the people who gave her their undivided attention for the last couple of hours. Simone found herself falling back onto the couch, being mesmerized by Annabelle's simple beauty, taking in all her features that were more stunning in this light, in this situation, watching her seamlessly interact with her fans with true sincerity. She noticed there was a subtle difference in her facial expressions from time to time. A subtle difference in her body language as she moved throughout the room to make a connection with those in attendance and her current band mates as they mingled among the crowd as well. She began to wonder about all the things that Annabelle had experienced the last couple of years. All of the shows she had performed and all the places she had visited. She knew that traveling and her schedule had aged her more than the years shown on her driver's license. As much as there was still that mischievous glint in her eye, there was a hint of sadness, just below the surface. She wanted some answers. The answers as to why she was sitting on a couch, feeling like an intruder in Annabelle's world instead of the main reason for the smile on her face anytime she would enter a room, anytime she would wrap her arms tighter around her waist not wanting to get out of bed just yet, anytime, the numbers would flash across the screen signaling a call from Annabelle wanting to know when she would be home, even though she already knew her travel plans to and from her latest assignment. Her mind was racing with all the possibilities of the fate of their broken relationship. Broken in the sense of too much distance, too much time, too little said to reassure one another of their true feelings, too many things left unsaid. She was brought out of her thoughts when she heard the only voice that flooded her body with unmatched warmth and at the same time haunted her dreams. That voice was now sounding closer as she looked up and realized that Annabelle had taken the seat next to her and said "Are you hungry", as she leaned her head against the back of the couch and glanced sideways toward the blonde-haired beauty that as much as she had been absent in her daily life, still took her breath away.
"A little. What do you suggest"? Simone responded as she mirrored Annabelle's position on the couch and this lead to the beginning of a staring match that had them trying to read each other's minds, to get to the questions and answers without actually speaking.
"You can say no, but they have great room service at the hotel. There will be less chance of someone interrupting us there. I just… Annabelle was interrupted by Simone when she said "That's perfect".
"He didn't even get a chance to pull his pants back up" Annabelle said, not being able to hold back a giggle that had Simone captivated once again, at the free and light manner in which their conversation had gone so far.
"I hope you were at least sympathetic to his situation" Simone responded with a slight chuckle of her own, getting the visual of her band mate red faced after having Annabelle walk in on him in the bathroom on the bus.
"Well, at least he was alone this time" Annabelle stated with that glint in her eye, trying her best to keep the mood light at the moment, knowing the discussion that was soon to follow would not included any light moods or laughing.
"Okay, okay, I know you have close quarters when traveling, but let's just leave it at that" Simone replied with a slight grin, not wanting to hear anymore about the wild antics that went on during their time on tour.
"How was your dinner"? Annabelle asked as she got up to remove the plates from the table in the suite she was staying in and set them on the cart for room service.
"It was great, thank you for suggesting this" Simone replied as she leaned further onto the table and rested her chin on her hands that were now clasped together, her eyes following Annabelle's every move.
"I'm glad you liked it" Annabelle stated as she gently set the items on the cart making minimal noise, but taking an extra second to compose herself before turning back around and facing the person who had her heart racing out of control at the moment. She was still warring with herself whether to continue with their conversation or call it a night after the show and the last couple of hours in Simone's company. She was enjoying the relaxed atmosphere. As she made her way back over to the table, she noticed Simone do her best to stifle a yawn. She sat back down and said, "I know it's late, um, did you get a room in town"?
"Yes, I am staying at the Marriott on 4th. Yes, it is late and I am sorry that I kept you up, I know you had a long day" Simone replied in a quiet tone as she stood up to gather her purse she felt a soft hand on her wrist when she heard, "You don't have to leave, I just thought you were tired after traveling and having to sit through the show and… Annabelle was soon being interrupted by Simone saying "I am a little tired, but it was all worth it just to see you. If it means staying up for a week straight, I would do it. The show was amazing, and you, I am just glad that we are here, talking, together".
"Me too" Annabelle responded as she let go of Simone's wrist and stood back up and once again put her hands in her pockets.
"I am not ready to go, I would love to stay and just talk, but if you need to get to sleep I will head out" Simone stated as she threw her purse over her shoulder and moved a little bit closer to where Annabelle was standing.
"I want to talk, really I do, I just, just.. Annabelle became visibly upset and lowered her head to avoid eye contact with Simone.
"Annabelle, what is it? I can't stand that you are this upset. Please just talk to me. Whatever it is, it doesn't matter, just talk to me" Simone replied wanting to just reach out and pull Annabelle into a comforting hug but hesitant as to what to do due to Annabelle's current body language. She reached out her hand and began to lightly caress her arm, at least to give some kind of comfort to the only person who has ever held her heart with such strength, such passion, such love.
Annabelle just wanted to fall into Simone's arms and never let go. She wanted to erase the past couple of years of distance, stubbornness and heartache. Her mind was running wild with thoughts of the past. She didn't know if her mind would allow her to form a coherent thought out loud. She finally looked up and noticed the look on Simone's face and in her eyes. She missed that look. She missed her caring nature, her innate ability to soothe away any insecurities that she had ever had. Now, those insecurities were running full force through her veins. She removed her hands from her pockets and took Simone's hand in her own.
"Can you stay"? Annabelle whispered, hoping Simone heard her, hoping that she would be willing to stay after hearing what she has to say.
"I would love to, I don't want to be anywhere else" Simone replied as she closed the distance without any real conscious thought, just did what came naturally when in Annabelle's presence.
"You eat here all the time"? Lita questioned a fidgety Annabelle as she nervously moved silverware that was wrapped in a napkin around the table.
"Yes, this is one of my favorite places in this city. I have come here every day when we stop here on tour" Annabelle replied as she pulled apart the paper ring, releasing the silverware from its white cocoon and placed the napkin in her lap.
" I am just surprised that you picked this place, you could go anywhere you want" Lita stated as she looked around at the less than sparkling décor in the café that more than resembled a pizza parlor.
"It's hard to find pizza with baked potato fixings on it, it's just, heaven" Annabelle stated as she smirked while running her finger over the picture of the pizza on the menu.
"Okay, well if that is what you're having, I will have the same" Lita said as she set her hand lightly on Ananbelle's for emphasis.
"So, how is the job going"? Annabelle asked as she pretended to look at the menu.
"Good. Great actually. I can pretty much make my own schedule. Some late days, but some days are short and 3 days off each week. The city has us on a 4 day schedule, supposedly to save money, the costs of energy use and all of that" Lita replied as she took another sip of her water.
"Wow, that's great! I am glad that you are doing something that you love" Annabelle said as she set the menu down and readjusted the napkin in her lap.
"Well you obviously have found your niche. So what's it really like, touring, going from town to town, living on a bus, with a bunch of guys"? Lita questioned as she started to pick at the toppings from her piece of pizza.
"It's a blast most of the time. The fans are great, we get to see a bunch of other bands perform, and the guys are usually fun to be around. Of course there are times when I like to be alone, but we are a big happy family. I consider myself very lucky" Annabelle responded as she folded up her slice to take a satisfying bite of her favorite pizza.
"So, is it true. You know, about the fans, or do they still call them groupies"? Lita chuckled while lifting a questioning eyebrow.
"Groupies? Really? Well, there are always those few fans who are a little more friendly than others; well at least they try to be. I am not into that at all, and of course Austin and Jason tease each other about it, and the other guys, well. Let's just say they haven't turned everyone down" Annabelle said with a smirk as she took a sip of her Coke.
"So there hasn't been anyone that just caught your attention at one of your shows"? Lita asked bluntly noticing the way Annabelle was trying to avoid eye contact.
"No, I am just here to play my music and try to be the annoying little sister" Annabelle replied in a somber tone, not wanting to think about how many nights she has cried herself to sleep in the silence of her room.
"Well, I am just surprised that you haven't truly embraced the rocker lifestyle, you know, sex, drugs and rock n' roll" Lita said with a slight chuckle, trying to get Annabelle to smile a little noticing that her expression was not necessarily a happy one.
"Well, I guess I am not the typical rocker. I guess one out of three is it for me. Is that disappointing to you"? Annabelle chided trying to lighten her own mood.
"No, not at all, I just thought that since you and Simone…. Lita was cut off by Annabelle saying, "Can we not talk about that. I am just focusing on my music while she is focusing on her career".
"Okay, sorry" Lita replied in a quiet tone hoping she didn't upset Annabelle too much with her line of questioning.
Annabelle began to finish the last few bites of her pizza, trying to stifle the emotions rising up in her throat. Just the mention of Simone's name sent her into a whirlwind of emotions. She had gotten pretty good at hiding these emotions, considering one of her band mates was Simone's brother. She just wanted to dive into her music, the tour, and the new life on the road to swallow up the life she knew before. Not that it was bad, just hurtful to know that the love of her life could just pick up and leave without much discussion, just the assumption that she would follow and everything would be okay. It should be okay. For some reason, to Annabelle's sensibilities, it was not able to be okay. She didn't like that she felt this way, but her heart was no match for her stubborn will. She was brought out of her thoughts when she heard the waitress asking if they needed anything else.
"Just the check please" Annabelle stated while a small smile toward the waitress who returned the smile her way.
"I got this" Lita stated as she grabbed the receipt off of the plastic black tray.
"No, you don't. You are my guest and I made you come here" Annabelle replied as she deftly swiped the paper from Lita's hand and handed the receipt and her card to the waitress who walked by as if on cue.
"Okay, so can I at least get dessert"? Lita asked with a hopeful tone, not wanting the time with Annabelle to end so soon.
"You really are trying to make me fat" Annabelle said with a giggle as she signed the bill and handed it back to the waitress.
"No, I just figured I could kidnap you for a bit longer, well, if you have time" Lita responded leaning forward on the table trying to look directly into Annabelle's eyes.
"Well, I guess having you kidnap me will give me a good story to tell. As long as you release me in time for rehearsals tomorrow" Annabelle said as she leaned back in her chair wearing her trademark smirk.
"I am sure it will give me a good story to tell as well" Lita replied with a smirk of her own.
The night came quickly and Annabelle was more than ready to get back to the hotel. She was surprisingly having a great time in Lita's company, just light conversations and a few times reminiscing about their college days. She knew she had to set aside some time to work on a few new songs for the upcoming shows and let Lita know of her plans as they got closer to the hotel.
"I don't want to intrude on the music making process, but, would you mind if I got a sneak preview of your new songs"? Lita asked as they stopped in front of the lobby doors.
"Uh, sure, but it won't be the polished product you are used to seeing in the shows. I am just getting things put together right now" Annabelle replied as she stepped back with the door handle firmly in her grip as she allowed Lita to enter the lobby first.
" I promise I won't bother you, I will just be an invisible observer" Lita stated in a quiet tone as she leaned in toward Annabelle's ear as the elevator door opened.
Annabelle began to shuffle some papers around trying to find the latest song she had been working on. She found the pages she was looking for and then brought the guitar to rest upon her knee. She noticed that Lita pulled her chair a little closer for the private concert. She looked down at the notes on the first page and began to strum the tune that wasn't so new to her anymore after many nights of trying to find the right combination of words and music. She was now focusing intently on the pages in front of her and began to get lost in the song as she closed her eyes when she began to sing.
Secrets told in the pictures on your skin
Hours fade into days that never end
I see myself reflected in your eyes
And I hate the way I'm wearing all these lies
So I let you go
And I watch you leave
And I hold my breath
So you don't hear me scream
When you walk away
But the words are only in my head
It's not what I said
It's what I didn't say
Is she everything you wanted her to be?
Yeah, I bet she never breaks your heart like me
So it's one more night I cover up with you
So I let you go
And I watch you leave
And I hold my breath
So you don't hear me scream
When you walk away
But the words are only in my head
It's not what I said
It's what I didn't say
Should've known better, now
All I have left is a permanent stain
The only part of you I get to keep forever
To prove I lived this pain
Maybe I was never as smart as I thought
Maybe we can never be as good as we want
Maybe you just didn't need me enough
Maybe we're too clever to be falling in love like this
Like this
Secrets told in the silence of my sin
And I'm the one who loses in the end
So I let you go
And I watch you leave
And I hold my breath
So you don't hear me scream
When you walk away
But the words are only in my head
It's not what I said
It's what I didn't say
Annabelle was looking down at the words written on the paper and a heavy feeling washed over her body. She knew that she couldn't hold back the tears that were threatening to fall at that moment. As soon as one had escaped her eye, she was soon feeling the slight pressure of Lita's thumb on her face, clearing the tears away. Lita leaned down and whispered "That was beautiful. You are beautiful". She pulled away slightly from her ear and soon Annabelle felt the subtle sweep of lips on her cheek when Lita continued by saying,"Thank you for letting me hear your music".
What I Didn't Say is by Saving Jane
Yes, I know frustration is setting in…. Just know I love you all. I hope that you can stick with me…
Peace!