Thank you all for reading and reviewing! So... Here it is... Enjoy...
Flashbacks in Italics
The Memory Will Never Die
"I don't want to let you go" Simone stated in a whisper as her lips inched closer to Annabelle's ear.
"I don't want you too. I know I have said this before, but I can't believe you are here" Annabelle replied as she reluctantly loosened her grip around Simone's back and quietly looked into her eyes, signaling her need for distance at the moment.
Simone read Annabelle's expression and respected the sudden request for distance without hesitation. Her heart squeezed the blood though her body just a little bit quicker at this moment, then seemed to skip a beat when she saw Annabelle on the verge of tears, once again. She couldn't imagine what had brought them to this. Brought them to the place where they were as close as they had been in a couple of years, but couldn't have been further apart. The eyes that she held in her own that shined through with light and dark shades of blue, were now a bit more on the dull side, now trying to hold back tears, that would never have flowed this freely before. Never flowed without a fight, a fight to hold them back as Annabelle's frustration with any situation that caused her to be emotional, waging a war within herself, not letting them flow. Now that fight was for naught, not a war anymore, but a sign of defeat now falling freely down her cheeks. She wanted so badly just to reach out remove the mix of mascara and tears now staining her face. She wanted to re embrace the sobbing form in front of her, allow her arms to form a blanket of protection for whatever had Annabelle in this condition. She moved closer with that being the only intention when she was met by Annabelle's retreating form as she turned around and began the walk to the other side of the room. Simone hesitated for only a brief second. Before she knew it, her feet began to follow the same path as Annabelle had created just seconds before. She came to stand in front of a now seated Annabelle who at this moment had taken a deep breath, and slowly raised her eyes, trying to read Simone's face. She saw a mixture of love and confusion. She wanted to close her eyes and when she opened them, she would be in another place and another time. She wanted to just pull her knees to her chest and hide her face, hoping that Simone would just disappear, not see her in this state, not see her displaying this fragility, not see her shrink away from her attempts at comfort.
"I can't stand to see you like this" Simone said as she stood her ground trying desperately not to close the distance between them.
"I'm sorry, I … Annabelle was interrupted by Simone saying "No, don't apologize, just talk to me. I can't imagine what is going through your head. I am here, now, I have waited to see you, to talk to you for longer than I want to remember. Please, just let it out, it doesn't matter what it is, I am not going anywhere".
Annabelle looked back into Simone's eyes and found herself a little more at ease, only for a brief second, as her thoughts began to flood back, overtaking any look that Simone was giving her at the moment, any touch that was now radiating from Simone's hand on her own, trying to guide her gently into the discussion that would have Annabelle discovering that she only had one regret. She could allow herself the years of indignation toward her mother, years of wallowing in her sorrows with the help of alcohol, years of rebelliousness over and above the norm. She had only one thing that she truly wished she could take back, erase from her memory, restart that part of her brain that allowed her to think clearly or even just to breathe normally. Those breaths were becoming shorter and shorter now.
"Can we run through that one more time"? Jason asked as he put his pick in his mouth, moving his guitar away enough to flip through the next page of the set list.
"Do you want to run through the whole set list again or just that last song"? Austin replied, questioning Jason's request since it had already been a long day of sound checks as well as waking up in a different city.
"I think its fine" Annabelle stated flatly as she set her guitar down and reached for her water bottle, trying in vain to relieve the tension that had formed behind her eyes.
"Just the last song, I think it is missing something" Jason replied as he adjusted his guitar to the correct spot and began to play the intro to the song.
"You guys can go back over it if you want, I am going to take a nap" Annabelle stated without looking at anyone as she tossed her empty water bottle in the blue bin on her way out the door that would lead to the rooms that would allow those traveling in this musical circus a moment of seclusion as necessary.
"She is just tired, probably not sleeping well" Jason said trying to defend her actions to the rest of the band, knowing that she really wasn't tired, but trying to just let her be for the moment.
Annabelle turned off the light as soon as she entered the room that was a makeshift resting place. She didn't bother to take off her shoes and just collapsed on the oversized couch that was made to hold more than a few people. She closed her eyes, silently wishing that the pain would instantly dissipate allowing her to think clearly and function normally. Her mind had been working in overdrive ever since her unexpected visitor two days before. She had felt torn n her interaction with Lita. Should she just take it in stride, allowing her actions to only be meant as comfort and complimentary, or should she view the encounter as a step into the mind of someone who has found an opportunity and decided to push that door open a bit more. She closed her eyes, hoping the pain and the thoughts associated with that pain were only really a dream.
Two days earlier...
"You are welcome" Annabelle stated simply as she leaned back a little to gain a little space in the room that now seemed much smaller.
"Do you realize the effect your music has on people"? Lita stated as she looked directly into Annabelle's eyes, hoping to see a moment of acceptance of their close proximity.
"Well, I, um, think that their applause at the end of each song and the show lets me know that they at least enjoy the music" Annabelle replied as she took a deep breath, looking anywhere but directly at Lita.
"That's not what I meant" Lita said as she began to move her hand up and down Annabelle's arm trying to garner her full attention.
Annabelle couldn't help but look directly at Lita now. She was holding her face as her thumb came in contact with her cheek then moved to brush a few stray hairs behind Annabelle's ear. She moved the other hand to the other side of her face and soon her thumb was sliding across her bottom lip. Annabelle closed her eyes at the contact not wanting to accept the fact that she could feel the heat radiating from Lita's hands, feel her breath mixed with her own, feel her gentle touch that should have had her cringing from the contact, but instead found her somehow appreciative of the sentiment being shown to her at the moment. Their lips had no space in between them now, moving slowly, just enough contact to leave any doubt behind as to whether this was just a friendly kiss to say goodbye or a craved reaction that was years in the making, at least for one of the occupants in the room. The guitar had been set to rest against the foot board of the bed allowing their bodies to settle unhindered on the mattress below. The kiss was never broken, getting lost in each passing moment, relishing in the physicality, the closeness, of a familiar face, a lonely road trip, a broken relationship, an appreciated comment. The sounds of breathing and a few sighs filled the room as hands began to roam over unfamiliar territory. A low moan sliced through the otherwise silent interaction and brought with it an abrupt halt to any further action. Annabelle pushed herself away from Lita's grasp and sat up immediately putting her head in her hands.
"Annabelle, what"... Lita was interrupted by Annabelle's shaky voice saying "Just go please. I am sorry, I just can't. This, I don't think, just go"
The sound of the door clicking brought Annabelle back to reality. She looked at her hands, she looked down at her clothes, she looked down at what she was sitting on. The feeling in the pit of her stomach had her leaving one room and quickly entering the bathroom and relieving herself of the contents in her stomach. After she had nothing left, she fell back against the wall, pulled her knees to her chest and instead of crying, gritted her teeth, still in complete shock as to what she just allowed to happen.
The crowd was their normal selves on this night that was a little more on the chilly side now that the sun had decided to set earlier than just a few weeks ago. The band looked out and noticed the various blankets scattered throughout the venue that had the concert goers seeking refuge on the ground only during the slower songs and the intermissions. This was the part of the show that those blankets would be occupied. Annabelle was scheduled to perform her ritual closing song. She had been off in another world during the majority of the show, not adding in comments or teasing Jason and the rest of the boys in front of the audience in between each song, reminding the crowd that they were like brothers and sisters having to share their lives in close quarters. Jason walked over to Annabelle and whispered, "Are you ready"? He got no response and decided to just take matters into his own hands and began to play the intro to the song that Annabelle had recently penned after only a few months on the road, showing where her thoughts were most of the time. The one person and one place she refused to let herself physically connect with anymore, but her thoughts, her memories were always there, full force, no matter what she was doing. The intro was longer than the song had called for, but on this night, Jason would be patient, and let Annabelle allow the song to come to her in the right moment.
I whisper in your ear
The words you want to hear
You feel the wind and it reminds you
It happens every time
You stop and close your eyes
You can't deny what lives inside you
Well I know it's hard to see
What is meant to be
When yesterday is so far behind you
Deep inside your soul knows I'm always there
You made me believe the day you surrender to me
The memory will never die
The love that you gave
I'll never throw it away
The memory will never die
The tides take a turn
Another lesson learned
I'm right here but still you wonder
Would you say that you need more
And it's not what it was before
It was before your on your own and going under
Deep inside your soul knows I'm always there
You made me believe the day you surrender to me
The memory will never die
The love that you gave
I'll never throw it away
The memory will never die
Whenever you wake up
Whenever you gave up
All that you had for nothing at all
The bed that you lay in
Remember you made it
And nobody's there to catch you when you fall
You made me believe the day you surrender to me
The memory will never die
The love that you gave
I'll never throw it away
The memory will never die
You made me believe the day you surrender to me
The memory will never die
The love that you gave
I'll never throw it away
The memory will never die
She just sat, taking in the applause and other forms of cheering that were going on. She didn't move when the boys had begun to exit the stage after saying goodbye to the crowd. She didn't move when she started to her various whistles and voices screaming 'encore'. She only moved when she felt a strong hand around her own, as Jason gripped her hand and lead her off the stage. She immediately put her dead down and just barely eeked out a "thank you" to Jason who just rescued her off the stage.
He put his arm around her and said "I know not everything is okay with you. You can tell me anything you know, I am always here for you".
"I am fine, just a bit tired. I haven't been sleeping well the last few days" Annabelle replied sheepishly, avoiding eye contact with him as she skipped all the post concert activities and headed straight for their room, hoping that they would have a reprieve this evening, free from fans and their questioning and pictures.
The sounds of sniffling was the only thing that could be heard in the room. Annabelle had tried to control the tears, control her emotions, and control the now shifting tension in the room.
"I don't understand Annabelle. I cant even respond to anything that you just said. How could you allow... Simone was cut off by Annabelle saying, "I am so sorry, please forgive me, please"? There is no excuse for what I did, and my reaction toward you after everything was... Annabelle was now being cut off, not by Simone's words, but the fact that she was witnessing the door closing, once the click was heard, she knew that this response was a possibility, and now it was a reality.
The Memory Will Never Die is by Default
Peace and love to you all!