Moonlit Wishes
Book III, Part III
Well she could either hide away in her bedroom wishing for a redo of the night to erase the memories swirling in her head or stay up and wait for EJ to return. Sami thought she probably wouldn't sleep anyway so she would wait EJ out. He had to return sometime, but as the hours dragged with no sign of EJ on she felt her eyelids drooping and she finally succumbed to sleep curled up on the couch.
Which was exactly where EJ found her when he returned home somewhat worse for the wear considering he was exhausted, cold and more than a bit cranky due to being so sexually frustrated that he could barely stand it, never mind he had called a halt to said sexual activity.
He stood back in the shadows of the living room, the small table lamp was the only light on in the house and it didn't dismiss all the darkness of the room, just provided a small glow of light to the immediate area by it thereby illuminating a sleeping Samantha.
Apparently she had left a light on for him and he guessed had tried to wait up for him to return. His lips drew into a grim smile and he shook his head wondering why she even bothered. He wasn't used to anyone caring if he went or came back and he wasn't sure she did either. He was guessing her motives because she had thrown him for a loop tonight with her actions.
He stood there for a few minutes more, the entire house quiet and the woman he just couldn't quite figure out sleeping before him.
A part of him wanted to go over to her, reach out, awaken her and take her back to his bedroom to finish what they had begun earlier in the evening, but he knew he wasn't going to take that route with her. If they had slept together it would muddle up their already complicated relationship and they needed to have clear boundaries with one another so as not to wreck their friendship and thus upset the balance in the household.
Their children deserved to have a stable environment and that meant he needed to be cordial to Samantha, not jumping her bones and causing god knew what kind of turmoil that might arise if he had given into her.
Yes, it was better to guard his heart, keep his distance and doing his best to make things work for the entire family. He could shelve those pesky desires for her that wouldn't seem to die no matter what they did to one another or however much time had passed.
She stirred slightly turning over so that he could see her face better and murmuring in her sleep uttering something he couldn't understand so he moved in a little closer trying to catch what she was saying. Even moving closer her words were too faint to hear.
No telling what she was dreaming of he deduced as his hand reached out to brush back her hair from her face. There wasn't any doubt she was beautiful no matter what state he seemed to find her in and it was nice to see Samantha like this, her guard down, no games going on between them.
A strange thought flickered in his mind briefly wondering what it would be like to be able to feel her body snuggling close to his every night, to see her face each morning when he awoke, to be able to tell her and show her how much he loved her more each day.
He could feel her breath on his hand and it took all he had in him not to caress her further, to trace the contours of her lovely face, but he withstood the temptation and withdrew his hand so as not to wake her.
He took a step back from her and then another, thinking it was best to leave her alone, something he wished he had learned to do a very long time ago and then maybe his heart wouldn't be in the shape that it was in now. They'd had enough confrontation for one evening and frankly he was so tired he didn't think he would have it in him to refuse her again if she asked him for anything, anything at all.
He needed to be stronger; he needed to fortify his heart against her so that they could remain friends. He wanted her friendship, realized how much it meant to him and maybe that would be best to work on being friends and forget trying to forge something stronger between them.
So he turned and walked away from her, making his way up the stairs to his bedroom even though his heart wanted to do the opposite and go back, pick her up and carry her with him.
He'd love to wake up with her next to him just once, for them to spend the entire night together, not to have sex, just experience the intimacy of sleeping beside one another, but he knew better because he was afraid if he was to have her with him for even just one night he wouldn't ever be satisfied.
He'd want her with him forever.