Enjoy (or not) Yes, I am in a rambunctious mood, so….
I'll be Waiting
Flashbacks in Italics
The bag on her shoulder, sloughed off with a slight sound of friction between her jeans and the slick material the duffel was made from. The thudding sound of the bag hitting the floor, still, did not bring either of them out of their daze. The only thing that was being exchanged were heart stopping glances and the mixture of each other's breath, once they had actually decided to start breathing. As much as the distance between the two was mere feet now, it may as well been a thousand miles. Annabelle knew she was the intruder, even though she was in possession of the key that would open the door. Open the door to so many possibilities, so many futures, and so many pasts. The recent past has given Annabelle the inability to speak or move at the moment. As much as she knows she needs to take the first step, to shorten the distance, to make amends, to air the thoughts and feelings now finding their way to the forefront of her mind, unrelenting, as they echo throughout, she unconsciously twirls the key through her fingers instead. She wanted to just blink, and have the look on Simone's face change from stunned silence, to the utmost satisfied expression, welcoming her back.
"If you want me to leave, just say so, I will understand" Annabelle shyly stated, breaking the silence as she looked anywhere but where Simone was standing.
"Um, okay, I will just leave this here" Annabelle said after she got no answer from Simone who was still standing, seemingly still in a trance.
Annabelle began to turn to set the key on the table when she felt the warm sensation of Simone's hand wrapping around hers, impeding her from putting the key down.
"Stay" Simone whispered, bringing Annabelle's hand closer to her other one, wrapping both hands around the one with the key in it.
"I know I came without warning, I wouldn't.. Annabelle was interrupted by Simone saying "Here, let me get this for you, come inside" as she bent down to pick up Annabelle's bag, letting go of her hand, missing the contact, but as the thoughts of their last conversation began to whirl around in her head, she just needed a moment of space, but couldn't bring herself to let Annabelle leave, not yet.
Annabelle began her movements at a slow motion pace, following behind Simone's lead, taking a moment to look around the entryway and now her eyes were fixed on the photograph that was occupying the slender weight bearing wall that helped form the archway that lead into the living room. She stopped in her tracks, taking in the deep green hue that radiated from the picture. Her thoughts were immediately taking her back to the quiet serenity that surrounded her that day, the solitude granted the both of them as they walked hand in hand through the fields surrounding the sanctuary of flowers and trees, remembering the moment, like it was yesterday.
The surroundings made for the perfect rendezvous. The sun was changing from its position in the sky quickly as the clouds came and went, sending shadows down toward the earth, creating the sensation of warmth and cool on a continuous rotation. Hands were joined through laced fingers as the comfortable silence washed over each of their bodies, keeping their breathing even and their eyes closed.
"Do we really have to go back"? Annabelle questioned as she ran her thumb over the top of Simone's hand, a gesture that Simone knew was Annabelle's sign that she was nervous about something but wasn't sure how to bring it up.
"Annabelle, what is it? Simone asked knowing the attempt Annabelle was making to soothe her hand, demanded her to ask that question.
" I know things are going to be different" Annabelle stated as she let out a sigh, at the same time increasing her movements to a more rapid pace over the top of Simone's hand.
"Yes, they will be different, but nothing so different that we cannot handle right"? Simone responded hoping that her answer would comfort the tense expression covering Annabelle's whole being at the moment.
"I just know that I am going to be gone for awhile, and I will miss you so much, but I guess I am just letting it sink in, that I will be away for so much longer than I am used to, than you are used to" Annabelle rambled on as quickly as the words would come out of her mouth.
"Annabelle, I will be waiting for you, no matter what. I know you have big changes coming your way, we have big changes coming, but I would like to hope that no matter what, those changes won't change what we are to each other" Simone replied, knowing that Annabelle was only focusing her conversation on the fact that they would be on tour. She was trying in vain to hide her feelings, her thoughts about her own future at the magazine. She hadn't truly discussed her promotion, even though she still felt she needed to talk about it with Annabelle. She had to let her know where her mind was in all of this. Where she thought this new life would take them. She never thought either career would shed so much doubt on their relationship; after all they had been through. The voice of reason was losing this battle; the voice of uncertainty was getting louder and louder as Simone heard Annabelle talk more about the distance, the tour, and the time away from each other.
"I would hope so. I am sorry I am being so weepy right now. I just am stressing about the unknown" Annabelle replied as she turned to face Simone, who was still looking up at the passing clouds.
"I understand everything you are feeling. We have each other, just remember that. Always remember that" Simone whispered as she turned toward Annabelle, looking her straight in the eye, resting a gentle kiss on her lips.
Simone wanted to discuss everything she was thinking at that moment. The promotion was pretty much set, she just had to give the affirmation. As much as she wanted to keep the vacation about them, those thoughts constantly crept into their world, without words from Simone. None were needed; Annabelle could read the thoughts all over Simone's face. She was just voicing her feelings based on her upcoming experience; she just thought Simone's expressions were due to the road that was going to be Annabelle's home for a long while.
One kiss turned into two and soon there was no space in between, the only light being above their heads, fading in and out as their need to feel close to one another grew with each passing minute, each passing second, as the sun continued its journey through the blue backdrop. The words had ceased at this point, and soon all the thoughts of doubt and other pressing matters had floated away with the clouds passing overhead. They were lost in each other's touch, not wanting to go back to reality, not wanting to see what the next few weeks had waiting for them, not wanting to let go of this feeling of being one.
"I think about that day all the time" Simone stated while she continued her movements toward the living room and the couch that had found purchase against the wall, not looking back to see whether Annabelle was right behind her or still a fixture in front of that wall.
"Why"? Annabelle asked simply, still taking in the picture and all of the detail.
"It was the last time I felt truly connected with you" Simone responded in a somber tone, setting Annabelle's bag down beside the couch. She also sat down, the weight of the last few minutes finally catching up with her.
Annabelle allowed the weight of Simone's words to hit her full force. She knew that at the time, they were both at fault for the way things fell apart. Their lack of pure trust in each other's intentions, uncertainty of the future as their careers would span even more distance and more time, and the many unspoken words, that would only create more distance, more than any physical miles could. She moved over to the couch and sat on the opposite side. She took in Simone's features, just reacquainting herself with the blonde beauty, her subtle tan, her blue eyes, not as bright as she remembered, but still radiating a sliver of warmth in her presence. She wanted nothing but to reach out and pull Simone in close, to feel her hands around her neck as they looked into each other's eyes, no words needed, just feeling that everything would be okay. She wanted to feel her breath as she heard Simone whisper words of comfort and words of longing into her ear. Her thoughts would have to the only solace at the moment. Simone's eyes were telling Annabelle that she was still reeling from their last meeting. Still being affected by the last couple of years of distance that had grown further with Annabelle confession.
"Thank you for letting me stay. I just, I just wanted to see you and talk" Annabelle stated with a shaky voice, not really realizing it at the moment.
"I know we, well we weren't exactly on the same page or in the same city for the last couple of years, but I still knew. I still knew that you were out there, with my heart in your hands, my soul in your heart, and my love being carried through your words each night as you sang to the audience. Even when we let the distance overtake our relationship, I really thought that someday, we would find each other again. Maybe the distance was inevitable, we both knew we would be apart for months at a time, but in my heart, in my mind, I never lost hope, no matter how little we talked, how little we gave ourselves to work through this situation. Yes, either one of us could have made the first move, sooner than later, but for whatever reason we didn't. When I saw you at the wedding, you took my breath away; I had momentarily forgotten that we had been apart for so long. I was brought back to what seemed like the first moment we met. Only hoping for the future, not dwelling on the past. Just a fresh start in each other, with each other, that the past at this point could only make us stronger. Annabelle, how I wished I was stronger at that moment, just to make you see everything, make you feel everything, make you want everything I wanted at that moment. Just to be us, again. So that I apologize for, that moment that I let slip away because of my not wanting to lose you again, by pressuring you. That is where I stop. Stop my sorrow for what we had let slip away. I had to see you again, I may have taken a long time to do so, but at the time, I couldn't not see you. You took me by surprise. I would never in a million years thought you could ever speak those words to me. I cannot tell you how hard it was for me to hear you tell me those things. It wasn't like it was recent, after all this time. While that would have still completely broken my heart, the timing of it all, only a few months later, I can't, I just can't believe that... Simone was interrupted by Annabelle saying,
"Simone, I hope that one day you can forgive me. I cannot ever tell you the regret I am feeling and will always feel. I hear everything you are saying; I have had the same thoughts over and over again. I can only say that I never in a million years thought we would ever be having this conversation. I will never be able to give a reason for my actions. There is no reason, good, bad or otherwise. I had a moment of weakness. Plain and simple. I don't expect you to understand and honestly I don't understand myself. I will never blame anyone but myself. I know there was another person in the equation, and that person wasn't you. I can wish that it was, but that still doesn't negate the fact that it wasn't. I let someone get close, too close and I got carried away in the moment. All I can do is put this behind me and try to put the last couple of years of distance and unspoken misunderstandings behind us. I can't do that alone. If I have to do it alone, please, just tell me now. I will understand if you never really want to see me again, be a part of your life, but as long as I know that you at least forgive... Annabelle was interrupted by Simone placing a single finger on Annabelle lips, trying to silence her words that while she was happy to be hearing her voice in person, the words still cut like a knife. Slicing her heart just a little more with each reference made.
"Annabelle, please, breathe. I don't want you out of my life. I just can't let you back in all of the way right now. While it is killing me that I am even hesitating, being with you, my heart is still healing. This moment is so bittersweet for me, having you here, finally in this house, what I had hoped to be our house, but having you here now for this reason, not you coming home from the road, but you coming here to ask for forgiveness"
"I will go, I didn't come here to make it worse for you, to hurt you even more" Annabelle replied, grabbing Simone's hand, not realizing that she had started to rub the top of her hand with her thumb, while looking deeply into her eyes.
"Annabelle, I honestly don't want you to go. Just understand where I am coming from. Not wrapping you up into my arms and never wanting to let you go, is something I thought I would never hesitate in doing. Please just give me time" Simone stated with a trembling voice, fighting with her emotions and fighting with the distance between the two at the moment, wanting to be closer.
"I do understand, I do. I love you" Annabelle whispered out as she allowed her head to fall away from Simone's view, gave her hand one last squeeze, not thinking that she could resist the temptation of pulling Simone the rest of the way into her space, and getting up from the couch, retracing the path that she had just taken, moving back toward the door.
"I love you too, always" Simone said to no one as the door had already closed, quietly signaling that Annabelle was no longer in the house, her scent had lingered for a few more seconds, but that was too fading as Simone ran her hand through her hair. She noticed the coldness now occupying her hand. She knew that this was at least something. What exactly she couldn't put into a rational thought. She stood up and went to the kitchen when she noticed an envelope on the bar simply stating her name. She went to open it, with a slight hesitation, but followed through, knowing that the print had come from Annabelle's hand. She unfolded the paper and her mind was sent into overdrive.
Hold me closer one more time,
Say that you love me in your last goodbye,
Please forgive me for my sins,
Yes, I swam dirty waters,
But you pushed me in,
I've seen your face under every sky,
Over every border and on every line,
You know my heart more than I do,
We were the greatest, me and you,
But we had time against us,
And miles between us,
The heavens cried,
I know I left you speechless,
But now the sky has cleared and it's blue,
And I see my future in you,
I'll be waiting for you when you're ready to love me again,
I put my hands up,
I'll do everything different,
I'll be better to you,
I'll be waiting for you when you're ready to love me again,
I put my hands up,
I'll be somebody different,
I'll be better to you,
Let me stay here for just one more night,
Build your world around me,
And pull me to the light,
So I can tell you that I was wrong,
I was a child then, but now I'm willing to learn,
But we had time against us,
And miles between us,
The heavens cried, I know I left you speechless,
But now the sky has cleared and it's blue,
And I see my future in you,
I'll be waiting for you when you're ready to love me again,
I put my hands up,
I'll do everything different,
I'll be better to you,
I'll be waiting for you when you're ready to love me again,
I put my hands up,
I'll be somebody different,
I'll be better to you,
Time against us,
Miles between us,
Heavens cried,
I know I left you speechless,
Time against us,
Miles between us,
Heavens cried,
I know I left you speechless,
I know I left you speechless,
I'll be waiting,
I'll be waiting for you when you're ready to love me again,
I put my hands up,
I'll do everything different,
I'll be better to you,
I'll be waiting for you when you're ready to love me again,
I put my hands up,
I'll be somebody different,
I'll be better to you.
She folded the paper back up and neatly placed it back into the envelope as a single tear left a stain on the off white paper.
I'll be Waiting is by Adele
Peace!