Flashbacks in italics… Enjoy…
Sorry
"Thanks for doing this at the last minute" Aaron said as he stretched the last cord remaining that needed to be plugged in.
"No problem, lucky for you I am off the road, and that I actually answered my phone" Annabelle replied with her trademark smirk.
"Yes your highness, I am forever indebted to your servitude" Aaron stated with a big sigh which soon turned into a belly laugh after Annabelle hit him with the song list in her hand.
The clamoring was becoming more and more noticeable as the patrons began filing in to the club. They were retrieving drinks and competing for a spot near the front of the stage where as usual the best spots could be had.
Annabelle looked up for a brief second only to realize the concrete floor that was able to give off her reflection a few moments ago, was now disappearing under the feet of those waiting to hear their favorite local band who had secured a special guest for the evening.
She looked back down and took a deep breath, a cleansing breath, as a smile washed over her face, relishing in the feel of the small venue and being back with a couple of her former band mates for a few hours and a few songs. She began to realize that no matter where she traveled, the sights she was privileged to witness, the large crowds who gave thanks for sharing her gift of music, nothing compared to the intimacy of the space she currently found herself in. She was soon hearing her name being whispered among those at the front of the crowd, which warranted another quick look around. She made eye contact with a few fans, gave a quick wave and a smile and then finished moving the mic stand to the proper location, turned and left the stage.
Annabelle retreated to the room reserved for the talent booked for the night. The club was still relatively new, so she was able to take advantage of the large space and accommodating furniture to relax a bit and collect her thoughts before the boys began their set. She was about to pick up the guitar that was left behind in the room and quickly run through a couple of the songs on the list when her thoughts began to render her hands useless at this point and it wandered back to thoughts of Simone, the beach, the ocean and the conversation they had a few weeks ago.
"Hi" Annabelle said as she hurriedly sat up not once taking her eyes off the image in front of her, thinking if she did, Simone wouldn't not really be standing there.
"Hi, I was going to ask if you wanted to walk, but you look comfortable where you are at the moment" Simone stated as she looked around at the setup Annabelle had made for herself on this breezy evening.
"We can walk; just let me put all this… Annabelle was interrupted by Simone saying, "No, really, this is fine, do you mind if I sit"?
"Of course, here" Annabelle nervously stated as she moved a few papers and her guitar to make room for the blonde beauty who still, after all this time, took her breath away.
"Thank you, once again, you have amazed me with the beauty of your music. I have something to admit" Simone said shyly as she shifted once more to secure her spot next to Annabelle, not too close, but enough so they could have the conversation that both knew was a long time coming.
"What is it"? Annabelle questioned hoping it wasn't anything serious.
"I haven't stopped listening to your demo that Jason sent to me" Simone replied as she fought the urge to look down at her bare feet that were gripping the blanket below, but kept her gaze fixed to Annabelle's blue eyes.
"That's all? I was worried that you were going to tell me that you hated me or something" Annabelle coyly stated trying to lighten the moment a bit as she watched Simone fidget while she was talking.
"Annabelle, I could never hate you, I … Simone was now being interrupted by Annabelle saying, "I know, well, I really hope not, but I am so glad you are here, you have no idea". At this moment, Annabelle felt she needed some kind of contact, anything, so in the few seconds of silence, she broke it by reaching out her hand to cover Simone's that was now resting on her knee.
Simone closed her eyes at the contact, just enjoying the lightness of the moment which she knew deep down was soon about to change.
Simone took her free hand and covered Annabelle's and began to softly rub her thumb over the top of her hand.
Simone just stared at their hands for a moment, took a deep breath and slowly let her hands fall behind her as she was now resting with her hands on the blanket.
Annabelle took the loss of contact as a sign to just get comfortable for what was about to come next.
The physical distance between them now was closer than they had been in years. They were mere arms- length away, but their hearts and minds had been traveling all over the world, disconnected through the miles, through the flights, through the nights that had passed without being in each other's company. The strain of any normal relationship where both travel would definitely take its toll. Theirs was no different, even though they thought in their respective hearts that they were different, from anyone that had gone before them. They just assumed that their love would conquer all as the old saying goes. As the time and distance was more on their itineraries than being in the same room together, the stubbornness and misunderstandings put walls in place that neither wanted to recognize. Neither wanted to grant the other reprieve in the dance of their sorrow, their shortcomings, their will to forge ahead, thinking they were doing the right things. The fault could not lie within themselves. It had to be the other, at the beginning, the beginning of their lives together, the beginning of the long voicemails, long texts, missed calls, short texts, unreturned calls, and days that turned into weeks, months of that ritual that made their hearts skip a beat or race at the mere sight of a few numbers, was slowly being erased until it was brought to extinction.
"I know things have been hit and miss the last few meetings we have had" Simone stated with a sullen demeanor, seemingly looking defeated before even starting to share what was in her heart.
"I know a lot of this I have already expressed to you, but I feel that timing is everything. Our timing has seemed to be off. I know you weren't ready to talk when we first saw each other at the wedding. It really took everything I had not to demand we talk right then. I saw the look on your face and realized that you weren't ready, and I really never want to upset you, even though at that moment my heart was ripping in two watching your expression as you walked out the door. I was just hoping for something, anything to as to why things had become what they were, between us" Simone continued regaining some composure and now looking Annabelle square in the eye.
Annabelle was sitting expressionless at the moment. Something not unnoticed by Simone, but she was not going to stop now, not after all this time. Annabelle had been given a voice as to what and why, but now it was Simone's chance. Her chance to let the blue-eyed beauty hear out loud what she probably already knew in her heart, Simone's ache, sorrow, from the absence of her presence.
"I hate the fact that you totally shut down. I know I could have pressed for answers and for us to talk, though no fault of my own pride, I apologize for not coming to you, staying, working things out when they needed to be worked out. I know there are two of us, and you could have fought the same. Again for whatever reason, our timing was our timing, with everything. We made our choices at the time" Simone said as she subconsciously moved a bit closer to Annabelle as the words full of subtle anguish fell from her lips.
"I know things had happened. Things I do not wish to really talk about, I think I understand everything intellectually, but my heart, still is working through things. I hope you can understand that. I love you Annabelle. I always have and I always will" Simone stated leaning over and reaching for Annabelle's hand.
Annabelle snapped out of her daze for just a moment to truly feel Simone's touch, at a moment when her heart was beating so loudly, she barely heard anything else that was coming out of Simone's mouth or the sounds around them. She didn't really think, she would ever hear those words from Simone again. Annabelle knew that she had let the both of them down with her actions, regardless of the distance; her heart was always Simone's. She was still working on forgiving herself, how could she expect Simone to forgive her. Her thoughts were only floating around in her head for a mere second when she felt it. Felt Simone's forehead on her own quickly followed by the sensation of a single tear, their skin so close, not knowing if it was coming from her or Simone's eye.
"Thank you everyone for coming out tonight. We have a few songs left before they turn off the lights. Stay put, we will be right back" Aaron shouted into the mic seemingly floating over the drum kit.
The band had been grinding through song after song, with Annabelle a welcome sight on that stage and a welcome sound. The fans were treated to a night of new originals and classic covers that had everyone singing along. Of course, Annabelle delivered as always and blended right back in with her old band mates. The night was winding down and the band kicked back for a quick second grabbing a fresh drink from the myriad of beverages offered on the menu.
"You ready to hit us with one of your classic solo tunes"? Aaron asked as he twisted the top off of his bottle of beer.
"I think I have one or two in my back pocket" Annabelle quipped as she sipped from the tenth bottle of water she had just opened.
"Okay chica, lets crank it out so we can get paid and move on to the real party" Aaron chuckled as he put out his hand for Annabelle to take and playfully yanked her off the chair she was sitting in.
"You haven't changed, at all" Annabelle replied pulling Aaron into a quick hug, giving one last big squeeze before letting him go.
The crowd was settling back in as the band put their instruments back on and checked their tuning one last time.
The next two songs got everyone up and moving around including the band who was enjoying the energy from the crowd and their special guest who was now jumping up and down in front of the drum kit to the beat that Aaron was deftly pounding out. The last note was played, and held while the crowd cheered from the floor and the various table tops scattered around the main area.
"We have one last song. Well, I should say there is one more song, from the one and only Annabelle Tillman, she has decided to grace us with one of her heart wrenching works of art" Aaron said with a smirk, but as he stood up, he began clapping for his former band mate, internally grateful for the chance to play with her again, and be a witness to her craft. The crowd joined him in his accolades and pretty soon the lights were being dimmed.
"Thank you everyone, for being here and supporting my friends. I appreciate it and I know they do too" Annabelle stated while leaning into the mic for emphasis, before pulling back to begin strumming a tune that would soon have her floating back in time, for this song was written at a time in the recent past culminating her guilt, her sadness, her hope for reconciliation.
Seems like every day you cross my mind
Even after such a long time
I still think about the way you smile
It tears me apart to know that it won't ever be the same again
No it won't ever be the same again
Now I'm sorry that I left you
I can't go back
I can't change anything
I'm sorry that I said "so long"
I never meant to hurt you
Sorry I waited so long
Not really sure what I'm doing back here
Why I stayed away for all those years
I guess I had to try to find myself
I'm the only one to blame
No one else can ever make it all go away
Or make up; make up for all my mistakes
Now I'm sorry that I left you
I can't go back
I can't change anything
I'm sorry that I said "so long"
Now I'm sorry that I left you
I can't go back
I can't change anything
I'm sorry that I said "so long"
I never meant to hurt you
Sorry I waited so long
Sorry I waited so long
If I could do this all over
I'd want to go back; I'd want to go back
If I could only start over
I'd take it all back,
I'd take it all back for you
I'd take it all back for you
Now I'm sorry that I left you
I can't go back
I can't change anything
I'm sorry I said "so long"
And I'm sorry that I left you
I can't go back
I can't change anything
I'm sorry I said "so long"
I never meant to hurt you
Sorry I waited so long
Sorry I waited so long
Sorry I waited so long
That I waited so long
The crowd was silent until the last chord stopped resonating throughout the building. Annabelle opened her eyes, and just let a big smile cross her features, again just appreciative of the small space that has now filled with so much noise it was deafening. She kept grinning as the rest of the band joined her front stage and they all said their thank yous, tossed out a few picks and sticks, as the lights went completely dark, the band took their cue to exit the stage.
The band went straight to the dressing room and tried to pile through the door with more than one person at one time, trying to get the big cushy couch as their resting place after a long show. Once inside a familiar voice said, "Did you clear this with your manager"?
Annabelle was soon being wrapped up in a bear hug, and without any words, familiar looks were exchanged around the room and back. The high fives and hugs were filling the room when the knocking on the door and the sounds of anxious fans were flowing from the other side. Annabelle dismissed herself from Jason's grip and went over to the door, pulled it open, but stood behind as a few fans crowded in, keeping herself hidden, just long enough to sneak out without being noticed.
She just wanted to breathe for a minute. Even after all these years, she still felt spent after that last song. Not that she didn't pour her heart into all her songs and shows, it was just that last one, just her and her guitar, no backup vocals or instruments, just , her. She was hoping for a physical manifestation of keeper of her heart this night, but knowing that it was an impromptu show for her, she really didn't try very hard to let Simone know what she was up to.
She pulled out her phone, hoping for some kind of message, anything, letting her know that even after all this time, all the talking, attempting to open their hearts, fully in each other's presence, that Simone was thinking about her.
She was just about to hit the symbol for her text messages when one came through.
S: I hear you were great as usual tonight. I wish I would have known.
Annabelle felt a huge lump settle in her throat. Her heart felt like it slammed against her chest, knowing the shortness of the text meant she should just stop trying to make everything perfect all at once, stop worrying about trying not to upset Simone, watching everything she is doing, and just be. Just be the person that she fell in love with in the first place. Let down her walls, her judgments of herself for her past mistakes, and let Simone make that decision of how she wants to move forward. Annabelle already knew what she wanted, she knows that Simone loves her, she just needs to stop being afraid, afraid that their lives, their careers will get in the way of their true desire to be together.
Annabelle was now feeling angry with herself, just senseless she thought.
A: I apologize for not letting you know. No excuse. I am leaving shortly. Will you be up?
Annabelle waited for what seemed like forever for a reply.
She never got that reply, but soon her phone was ringing. She looked at the screen and all the panic washed down her body, settling to the floor in a cool puddle.
"Hi" Annabelle said in a gentle whisper
"Hi" Simone replied trying to hold her emotions at bay.
"I want to see you" Annabelle stated with a hint of desperation.
"I just got a phone call; I need to fly out in the morning, I… Simone was cut off by Annabelle saying, "Simone can't this assignment wait a few hours"? Trying not to sound selfish keeping her tone as quiet as possible.
"Annabelle, it's my father"…..
Flashback to conversation to be continued… Of course, along with the girl's present journey….
Sorry is by Art of Dying
Peace