Hijikata: The First

Chizuru stared at the ceiling of her room, almost begging sleep to come to her, She adjusted the pillow, but no matter what she did, she couldn't get comfortable. The room they gave her in Ezo was by far the most comfortable room she'd had in a long time, and maybe that was the problem. Everything was too new, too comfortable. Still, it was where she needed to be. She'd come too far to balk because the beds were too comfortable. Too many people had given her a mission of her own.

Groaning, she rolled onto her side and looked out of the window. Of course, Hijikata was being as stubborn as possible. He threw himself into work, nearly to the point or exhaustion. He was pale and lines had begun to appear on his face, even when he wasn't frowning. Getting him to remember to eat regularly had been a major victory, and the smile he gave her when they sat down to their first lunch had been the greatest reward. He may have looked as if he'd forgotten how to smile, but it had sent shivers down her spine—good shivers, great shivers—and set off a fluttering in her stomach. He'd even laughed and pushed the food toward her when she hadn't picked up anything of her own.

Chizuru smiled. She couldn't help it. It might have been a week ago, but every time she thought about their lunch, she smiled like a little girl. Happy thoughts in her head, she was about to try for sleep again when there was a noise outside her door, like the shuffling of boots. Instantly, her heart was in her throat, and she reached for her kodachi, next to the bed. As quietly as she could, she crept out of bed and toward the door. She might not be able to do too much to protect herself, but she could at least hold off an intruder. With a deep breath, she yanked the door open and found him standing there, looking worse than he ever had before.

"Hijikata?"

He looked surprised, but that surprise faded quickly, as his eyes roamed over her. She swallowed past the lump in her throat, willing her cheeks not to color. How could she not realize how she looked? She was dressed for bed; her hair was loose and she only had on a thin robe. And she was carrying her kodachi with her hand on the hilt, ready to draw it. She knew she was blushing.

"Sorry, I didn't mean—"

"Why are you still awake?" Chizuru asked, concern and maybe a little irritation taking over. "You always do this. You always take on everyone's troubles and try to shoulder them on your own. You need to rest."

He stood in front of her, wearing his clothes from the day before, only his hair the slightest bit tousled. Still, he looked sickly, he was so pale, and there were dark purple marks under his eyes. He was smirking at her, but it didn't touch every part of him the way it used to. Her heart broke having to see him like this.

"Hijikata…" her voice was like a whisper. "Please, you have to let me help you."

"You do help me."

He leaned against the doorframe and a tightness settled in the pit of her stomach. He would never be able to fool her.

"You don't let me help you in any meaningful way—"

"What you do is incredibly important to me—"

"Let me stand by your side, Hijikata."

He narrowed his eyes, searching her, and Chizuru realized that she was practically clutching her kodachi. She sat it down, then stood in the doorway, letting him examine her. This was the most confident she'd ever felt. There was no doubt left in her heart, and Hijikata must have seen that. Whether he wanted to admit it or not, he needed help.

"I have to see this through to the end," he said, his voice tight and his body starting to shake.

"I know," Chizuru answered. "Let me help you in whatever way I can."

Hijikata smiled weakly and opened his mouth to respond, but a strong spasm took him and he doubled over in pain.

"Hijikata!"

Chizuru did her best to catch him as he fell, her heart thundering, her mind racing, trying to find out what could be wrong. She didn't need to search long. Hijikata's eyes flashed red as his hair turned white. Chizuru gasped, shooting furtive glances down the hallway, checking to make sure it was empty. She didn't hesitate, didn't think as she pulled him inside her room and closed the door quietly behind her. Hijikata collapsed onto the floor, writing in pain.

"No!" he yelled as she reached for her sword.

"We are not doing this!" she said fiercely, stamping her foot. She grabbed the sword and marched back over to him. "Hijikata, please, I don't know how to help you with most things, but I can help you with this."

"Chizuru, I can't let you…"

He was cut off by another spasm, and she moved quicker than she ever had in her life, dropping to her knees beside him and holding him. She cradled his head against her chest.

"Lisen to me, please, Hijikata," she said desperately. "Everyone is worried about you. I've come all this way because I've been entrusted with those concerns."

"Chizuru…"

He trailed off as he struggled to look up at her, his arms barely able to support his weight. Her knees were almost touching his hand, and she could feel him shaking. Slowly, she unsheathed her sword.

"If you carry the hopes and dreams of so many people, you must be strong. Let me be part of your strength. Let me do what I can to help you."

She held her breath as Hijikata struggled to sit up enough to look in her eyes. His face was twisted in pain and his hand was like fire when he placed it on top of hers.

"I cannot ask you to hurt yourself for me. You…" He clenched his teeth as another spasm hit. "I cannot ask this of you."

"You cannot hurt me," she said gently, giving him the brightest smile she could. "And even if you could, I would endure any pain for you."

It was like the clouds parted and the sun came out. Briefly, before he was taken by another spasm, he smiled at her, a smile that finally reached his eyes. He moved his hand, and the moment she was free, Chizuru loosened the neck of her robe, Hijikata's eyes following it down her shoulder. With a deep breath, she slid the blade of her kodachi across her neck. The cut stung bitterly, but she'd meant what she said. She would endure any pain for him.

Hijikata resisted for a second more before grabbing her shoulders, and his mouth was hot on her neck. It was a confusing, exciting feeling, and Chizuru sighed, relaxing into him. It was wonderful to have him so close, to have his hand sliding from her shoulder to her back, pressing her to him. She stifled a moan when he ran his tongue over the cut, grasping at the back of his shirt, certain that she was falling into some pleasurable abyss. It felt so sinful, so improper, yet so wonderful. They were so close that she could feel his chest vibrate as he groaned with relief. He kept pulling her closer and closer, and Chizuru gasped, realizing that he was no longer drinking, just running his tongue along the edges of the cut as it began to heal, his lips pressed against her skin. The shaking was gone, and all that was left was the strength that made everyone follow him.

"Chizuru…"

Hijikata said her name with his mouth against her, and she couldn't help the whimper that escaped. He kissed his way up her neck, leaving her panting, and she wrapped her hand in his hair, pressing him against her, giving him permission to explore more. He whispered her name three more times, trailing kisses until he'd reached the place behind her ear. Sighing, he pulled away, and Chizuru was reaching to stop him from leaving before she even knew what she was doing. Hijikata looked so much better; the dark circles under his eyes were gone, and the color had returned to his face. He looked like his old self again, and she smiled at him, her stomach doing flips when he smiled back.

"I think I must have fallen for you the moment I swore to protect you," he said.

His voice was rough, and he reached out a calloused hand to caress her cheek. He moved his hand over her ear and her eyebrow, then down to her lips before touching her bare shoulder.

"I think you surprised us all."

His eyes lingered on her chest as he fought off a half smile. Her robe had fallen almost completely open, but they'd already shared something so much more than skin, hadn't they? She would have no secrets from him, and she could ask for nothing more.

Chizuru opened her arms to him, and Hijikata came to her, burying his face in her neck.

"Thank you for letting me share in your dream," Chizuru whispered.

She swallowed a moan as he flicked his tongue across her neck before moving away. This time, Chizuru didn't fight the urge to follow him, wrapping her arms around her neck and kissing him. His lips were rough against hers, and he only made a slight noise of surprise before kissing her back, passionately. His kiss was insistent and greedy; his arms circling her waist and pulling her even closer until she was crust against his body again. No matter what, close was never close enough, and a thousand thoughts ran through her mind, so few of them pure. Chizuru broke off the kiss, guiding him back to her neck, and he obliged, chucking softly. She might not have much experience with the subject, but it wasn't hard to follow what felt so amazingly good, and this time, she didn't try to hide her moans and sighs, giving in completely to these new sensations that set the tips of her fingers on fire. Each little noise she made only seemed to encourage Hijikata to kiss and suck and lick more, his chest heaving, and a searing, tingling feeling tore down her spine as he nipped at a spot near the base of her neck, circling his tongue before kissing gently, then sucking.

Gasping with each new sensation, Chizuru raked her nails down his back as Hijikata finally slipped his hands inside her robe, his bare hands on her bare flesh at her waist and her back. He trailed his fingers lightly down her spine, and Chizuru bit her lip, knowing she couldn't make too much noise, and feeling Hijikata smirk with his mouth against her neck. Her mind was too filled with pleasure to think straight, and she couldn't quite figure out how to tell him that she needed more. So much more.

It took a lot of strength to pull away from his exploring hands, especially as his thumbs grazed the underside of her breasts. His every touch was like lighting across her skin. Chizuru looked into his eyes, seeing nothing but love and hunger and appreciation for everything she was. With him, she felt comfortable being bold, and she fully shrugged out of her robe, leaving her completely naked. She didn't blush or feel shame. Hijikata's eyes darted around, trying to take in all of her at once, and Chizuru couldn't help but smile as she stood, the Commander of the Shinsengumi rendered helpless on his knees.

"You…are beautiful," he said, looking up at her.

A slow smile began to spread across his face, one that she'd seen before, one that said his mind was working and planning. Chizuru held her hand out to him, and Hijikata stood, and before he had a chance to do anything, Chizuru kissed him, her hands working quickly at the buttons of his shirt. Her heart was thudding, and she was only a little nervous as she reached the last of the buttons, and Hijikata shrugged out of his shirt, his hands again exploring her, touching every inch of her he could reach. And when her knees buckled, Hijikata reached down and scooped her up, and she wrapped her legs around his waist. Chizuru went red down to her shoulders when he settled her over her bulge, rolling into her slightly. Her body quivered and she bucked against him, her mouth open and her breath coming in quick, short gasps. Chizuru licked her lips and slowly opened her eyes, looking down at Hijikata. He had such a devilish smile, and it sent chills down her spine again, thinking of all the things he could do to her. Thinking of all the things she wanted him to do to her.

Chizuru shifted in Hijikata's arms, trying to rub against him again, and when he realized what she was doing, he laughed, a sound deep in his chest.

"You've always gone after what you wanted, haven't you?"

"I had to."

"And now?"

He was teasing her. Little kisses he placed between her breasts as he walked them back toward her bed, the way he purposely dropped her lower as he walked, the way she'd bounce against him. It was only a few short steps to her bed, but he made the most of it, grinding against her, his hands gripping her tighter, his tongue making slow circles on her sensitive skin, and Chizuru bit down on her wrist as the tension built in the pit of her stomach. She needed some way to release this tension, and when Hijikata set her on the bed, laying on top of her, she didn't hold back as he gripped her thigh, and she bucked against him, searching for him, arching her back as he took her nipple in his mouth. Chizuru whimpered as he sucked, and when he slipped a finger inside of her, it was all she could do not to scream out.

Her body began to shake, and she grabbed fistfuls of the covers, tossing her head from side to side as the shaking intensified. She thought that pressure, the tightness couldn't get any worse, but it kept mounting and mounting, and her eyes watered at Hijikiata swallowed her moans with his mouth. She threw her leg over his hip, twisting and encouraging him deeper, as she grabbed a fistful of his hair again, pouring all of her passion into him.

"More," she whispered between gasping breaths, and when Hijikata didn't move fast enough, Chizuru placed her hand over his, encouraging him deeper and harder, to add a second finger, and when he arched an eyebrow at her, Chizuru knew she was too far gone when she couldn't even find the strength to be embarrassed by her boldness. Her legs quivered uncontrollably and she called out his name, the syllables long and drawn out, the wave crashing over her, her limbs going weak. She collapsed against the bed, her hand on her chest as she struggled to breathe.

Hijikata sat up, panting, taking in all of her, from the top of her head, lingering on her lips and her breasts and her hips. He licked his own lips, and Chizuru smiled, realizing that he was shaking, too, that he had been holding himself back.

"You are always more than I expected," he said, his voice strained. "Always."

He shook his head as if he didn't know what to do with her, and Chizuru couldn't help but laugh, feeling giddy from the rush of emotion, and when Hijikata lay down next to her, she surprised him again by rolling on top of him. Shaking slightly, she settled on top of that bulge, enjoying the way Hijikata grunted as she tried to get comfortable, his hands snapping to her hips and his eyes closing as he pushed into her.

"Woman, you don't know what…"

Any protest was quickly cut off as she tried to do what he'd done to her earlier, grinding her hips against his, and his reaction was almost involuntary, his fingers digging into her hips as he pressed her down, and they both made sounds of desperate wanting and needing. But Hijikata's eyes snapped open first, and he smirked in the same way he used to smirk at the other when they would challenge him. Curious, Chizuru repeated the motion, biting her lip as she ground into him even more this time.

Hijikata surprised her by flipping her effortlessly, dumping her on her back again, him hovering over her, his face playful before becoming serious.

"Chizuru, are—"

She knew what he was going to ask, and she didn't bother letting him finish. She'd known what he meant to her long before she made the trip to Ezo, and had already determined that if there was a way for them to be together, she would work as hard as she could to make that a reality. Instead, she kissed him, pulling him down to her, and Hijikata must have guessed her answer immediately. He kissed from her lips, down to her neck, and continued trailing his kisses lower and lower, taking one nipple, then the other into his mouth. The tension began to build again, and the quivers took over. He had to pry her hand out of his hair so that he could continue exploring her with his mouth, and Chizuru was surprised at how frustrated that made her. Hijikata was so stubborn; she couldn't get enough of that feeling. Hijikata shot her a look as he pinched her hip.

"You're awfully bossy," he said.

Chizuru bit her lip and shrugged slightly. All she had been doing was following what felt the best, and she was about to tell him as much when he slipped a finger inside of her again. After the first time, she was fairly certain it would be impossible for this to feel any better, but the second time was even better. Hijikata was a quick learner, and he watched her intently as he pumped his fingers in and out of her, and Chizuru arched her back, her eyes watering again as everything intensified. He sought out the most sensitive places in her, and he paid them special attention, and it was like whole parts of her body were going numb. She ached for more, and when she began to buck too wildly, Hijikiata pinned her hips down, but this only made each stroke more intense, and his mouth came crashing down on hers to swallow a scream.

"Hush," he said between playful bites at her neck, "or you'll have everyone running to check on you."

Hijikata slowed his pace, and when he pulled his fingers out of her, Chizuru whimpered, knowing she was on the edge of the greatest feeling she'd ever felt before. He gave her one last serious look, and Chizuru nodded, feeling that she was ready. She wanted all of him. He slid into her slowly, his own breath ragged, his hand gripping her thigh almost painfully hard, and Chizuru breathed slowly, trying to relax as much as she could. It was a completely different feeling from what she was expecting; slightly uncomfortable, but highly exciting. He reached some place deep inside of her that she hadn't known existed, right at the core of her where all pleasure existed. Hijikata swallowed thickly, and Chizuru encouraged him to move with her hands at his hips.

And he did.

Slowly at first, in and out, at a pace that was clearly costing him much. His arms shook almost as badly as they had when he was in desperate need of blood, but the look on his face couldn't have been more different. It was hunger, but a different kind of hunger, a ravenous hunger, a hunger for her, and when he pushed into her, she could feel her muscles quivering and contracting around him, her legs already beginning to ache. This time it was Hijikata who had to quiet himself, and he buried his face in the bed next to her, moving a little quicker with each stroke, grunting in an almost primal way. Whatever excitement had begun to bleed out in the face of her nervousness came back tenfold as they fell into an easy rhythm, her hands clutching his back, scratching lightly, her leg over his hip, and him thrusting into her, faster and faster, and the tingling was back, so strong that she was losing feeling in the tips of her fingers and her toes, and she was panting and shaking so hard that her back was sore. Hijikata swallowed a moan, nearly choking on it, and she drug her nails down his back, perhaps a little too hard, and he shoved into her in a way that should have been painful, but just hit against the center of her pleasure more than he ever had before, and she arched her back completely into him, only her hips and he shoulders on the bed, her muscles clenching tightly around him.

The feeling was so overwhelming, so powerful, that she couldn't stop the tears, and it was like her body had a mind of its own. She watched Hijikata move above her through a haze of tears and pleasure, felt his powerful back flex beneath her hands, and his thrusts became quicker and quicker, and she knew she would pay for it in the morning, but she just needed all of him, all at once, everywhere inside of her, and Chizuru slid her hands down to his hips, gripping him the way he did her, pulling him into her, not wanting him too far away. She watched the changes come over his face, the way his eyes would slip closed and he'd swallow thickly, the way he'd look at her, slightly unfocused, and smile, and she loved the way the tremors tore through every part of his body, the way his chest heaved, the way his muscles worked, the way he used a hand to explore every part of her, as if he could never get enough, and there, as he reached his hand down to massage her inner thigh, to play with that sensitive spot, she found her peak.

Chizuru threw her head back and squeezed her eyes closed as her voice was stolen from her, and she could only make a quiet gasping sound. She clawed at his back and his arms, sure this time that she was falling, and only he could save her, and her mind floated away to some heavenly paradise where she could feel this wonderful for the rest of her life, and Hijikata would always be by her side.

Hijikata whispered her name as his strokes slowed, and they lay together, the tide receding, panting and sweating and pleased. Chizuru tried to reach out to him and pull him closer, but her arms weren't obeying the weak commands from her brain. Laughing, Hijikata pulled her closer, and she burrowed into him as much as she could.

"You always surprise me," he said, his voice hoarse.

They lay together in the moonlight for a while, and Chizuru yawned, rubbing her eyes.

"You're mine, right?"

She barely heard his whisper, and her pleasure addled mind was slow to process his question. She patted his cheek gently, to let him know that she heard him.

"I've been yours for a long time, now."

He nodded, draping his arm across her hip.

"You're mine, too, right?"

"Yes."

Hijikata's response was quick and strong. She'd barely finished asking before he said yes, and it was comforting. He would always be there to protect her, and she would do her best to be there to protect him.

"You get some sleep now," he said, kissing the top of her head.

"And what about you? You need sleep more than I do."

She pushed herself up on one arm so she could look at him, and Hijikata had the nerve to look surprised. He blushed slightly, then looked away.

"There were a few things I was going to take care of before going to bed."

"Absolutely not! You're going to sleep right now, and I'll know if you leave before morning."

Chizuru gave him her fiercest look, though judging by his reaction, it didn't have the same impact it would have if she'd been fully awake. Hijikata covered his face and chuckled, shaking his head. He pulled her down next to him, and covered them with the blankets, mumbling that he should start calling her the Demon Vice Commander. Chizuru smiled. In the morning, they would have to resume their old roles again, but at least for this night, they'd been able to forget their struggles and worries. Tonight, their only duty was to each other.