Author's note: Just a reminder, in this fic EJ and Sami didn't have grief sex since this story began the summer before that happened on the show the following November. You'll understand why I had this prompt listed after you read the next chapter.

Also a huge thank you to everyone who is reading this story, liking it, putting it on your favorite list, commenting because you all make me want to continue to write the best EJami romance that I possibly can for this couple. You all make the long hours I have put into writing this story worthwhile.

Moonlit Wishes
Book III, Part XIII

It was like Sami could see a visible change overcome EJ's features after she spoke those words of wanting to see what it would be like to be with him without all the hindrances they had faced before. While she was trying to fight off a triumphant smile, somehow things just didn't seem right with EJ. It was almost as if he had resigned himself to forge ahead with things even though she could plainly see he was troubled by his decision.

Then she pushed that nagging thought aside when he asked her, "What are you waiting for Samantha? You want to see what things could be like between us? Make a move then or was this all just a game of chicken to see if I would back off if you pushed me too hard?"

Sami felt like she could barely breathe. This was what she had been working for with her crazy plan to get EJ to fall in love with her again.

All she had to do was move over a tiny bit to close the distance between them and she'd get her wish. She tentatively leaned over in his direction, reaching out her hand to rest behind his neck to draw him in for a kiss, but he still didn't move.

For a brief moment in time for Sami it was like being a teenager all over again; the thinking you wanted to kiss a boy and yet not being quite sure of what to do. So she skipped his lips and pressed a kiss to his throat instead. She could feel his rapid pulse beneath her lips even though he still kept still, making her decide what to do next. She scooted over some more and her hands reached for the top button on his shirt, but they were shaking so badly that she couldn't manage to even get one button undone, much less tackling the entire daunting row of them all at once.

EJ finally had some mercy on her by placing his hands on top of hers, holding them steady even if he wasn't helping her unbutton his shirt. No he kept them still and she looked into his eyes and saw everything that she was feeling reflected in his eyes. That all consuming heat they seemed to radiate when they got too close to one another, the ever present desire that flared up dangerously and yet there was something underneath those feelings of passion too that she couldn't quite place her finger on exactly.

He almost said something else to her, but then she guessed he thought better of it because suddenly his mouth was on hers; crushing her to him with a kiss that almost seemed brutal and demanding instead of the gentle coaxing he had done to her several times in the past when he had been the one to try to make her admit her feelings for him.

His hands wove their way into her hair, preventing her from moving away from him and thus causing them to deepen their kiss even further. Sami felt disoriented momentarily when EJ quickly switched their positions from sitting to feeling her back against the wooden floor of the living room with every hot inch of him leaning his weight upon her.

She gasped into his mouth as she felt his hard length pressed against her thigh. She knew from memory of how large his girth was and she tried to spread her legs wider to accommodate him, wanting to feel him against the rough material of her blue jeans which she desperately wished she wasn't wearing, no she wished right now she was naked before him, offering herself up to him.

Then it was like she couldn't get enough, she wanted the roughness of him, she could take whatever he could dish out to her and return it tenfold. Her hands found their way under his shirt after her failed intent to unbutton it earlier and her fingers sought out the defined muscular structure of his abs as she tried to rid him of his shirt this way, she wanted to feel his bare skin and in turn she wanted to be rid of her clothes too which were preventing her from this feat.

She needed to take a breath and reluctantly broke the kiss. Her head fell backwards on the floor and she winced until she felt his hot lips land on her throat. He sucked on her neck, his memory of exactly what spot was so sensitive to her was impeccable, causing her to moan and incoherently beg him for more.

EJ lifted her arms up above her head and he pulled her t-shirt off quickly although he left on her bra which slightly annoyed her until his hands cupped her breasts through the lacy bra she was wearing. His mouth ventured to her collar bone taking his time before he reached her nipples, his tongue tracing hot patterns of fire through the lace of her bra, even though he wouldn't move the fabric away from her breasts.

"EJ please," she managed to get out, pushing him away from his task to make him look at her.

"Please what?" He finally asked looking at her quizzically. He was doing what she wanted, wasn't he? He could give her sex, but he wasn't going to give her his heart, not this time. He just couldn't do that for her this time.

"I want more…"

"Don't you always?" The question hung heavily in the air, it spoke of her greediness to get what she wanted, when she wanted which he knew exactly how she could be that way since he basically was the same way too even if he had been trying to restrain that side of his personality lately.

"Yes, but I can't help it." She honestly replied even if she still couldn't tell him she loved him. Every time she had told a man she loved him whether it had been Austin, Brandon, Lucas or Rafe it ended badly.

That wasn't to say things went south pretty quickly for she and EJ most times even without those words, but it terrified her to think if she told him she loved him that he would end up being disappointed in her too, just like all the others and in the end, her love wouldn't be enough to make him want to stay.

Her love was never enough for any man apparently.

"You know I don't have any protection with me?" EJ asked which somehow brought her out of her reverie of the disastrous relationships she always managed to procure.

"What?" Sami asked in return, a frown creasing her brow momentarily.

"Condoms? EJ offered up more plainly by way of explanation.

Then it dawned on her, if they continued onward, they could risk the possibility of another pregnancy.

EJ sat up and away from her, removing his body from hers, to which she instantly felt the loss, not just due to the lack of her shirt, but it had felt right for EJ to be so close to her.

Well close physically, an idiot could tell he wasn't close to her emotionally at the moment and was trying his best to make her be the one to stop this from insanity from happening between them.

"I'm not on the pill," she stated flatly.

"I know you aren't, you never were on them being the good Catholic girl you were brought up to be," EJ said a bit too contemptuously for her liking, but before she could argue he laid it out for her in no uncertain terms. "Our track record has been two for two so far. Are you sure you want to tempt fate and see what happens the third time we have sex with one another?"

She pulled her knees up to her chest, trying to block out the cold she felt as soon as EJ had moved away from her as much as the cold hard facts EJ was presenting to her. If they continued on, they could create another baby with one another.

EJ said having sex, not making love with one another. It was like he wasn't expecting anything else from her in return anymore. If she wanted sex, he would go through with it, but he wasn't going to be emotionally invested in the act.

Damn it, she wanted him, her body was practically screaming for her to say screw it literally, to go ahead and have sex with EJ. It had been so long since the last time they had been together. Sydney's conception seemed like eons ago, and they both had been completely different persons then. Sami knew partly one of the reasons she had slept with EJ that night beyond trying to satisfy her curiosity had been the jealously that had consumed her when she had realized EJ was starting to fall for Nicole, that gold digging tramp who lied as easily as she took each breath.

Not that she wasn't a liar, she knew she was, but her feelings for EJ this time around were something else entirely, this wasn't jealously that goaded her to stake her claim on her then husband, this was her wanting to show him how much she cared about him, that he truly was her first and only choice from now on because she didn't ever want anyone else, she just wanted him.

She needed to be the one to quit lying to herself instead of claiming EJ was the one who was doing all the lying. She wasn't curious about seeing what could happen between them, she was head over freaking heels in love with him. The kind of love that she had dreamed about since she had been a girl who believed in fairy tales that the prince would fall in love with her, sweep her off her feet and after they confessed their undying love for one another, they lived happily ever after.

She, Sami Brady was in love with EJ DiMera and she needed to tell him that she loved him right now if she wanted her happy ending.

She opened her mouth to say it and unfortunately nothing came out. It was like she had been struck mute on the spot.

All she had to do was say I LOVE YOU.

So why couldn't she tell him those three little words? She had been the one pleading for his honesty with her when it was clear she wasn't forthcoming with the whole truth with him.

There was no denying she played a good game with him, prompting him for honesty when she wasn't able to do the same for him. Somehow EJ always got shortchanged when it came to her and in the past that hadn't bothered her, but now her conscience was screaming for her to not let him compromise what was best for him to make her happy.

She recalled what EJ had told her the night they had almost made love with each a few weeks ago before he had pulled away from her completely.

"For once in my life, I want more, I deserve more and whether you realize it or not, you do too. It should mean something more than us just fucking each other. If we ever do come together I want it to be for all of the right reasons because we both love each other and neither one of us have any doubts or reservations..."

EJ had major doubts and reservations, it was written clearly all over his face and he was trying to make her finally see reason by bringing up the possibility of getting her pregnant again if they continued.

"All I ever wanted was for you to love me the way I loved you…"

Oh god, was this what unselfish love for another person felt like beyond the love she felt for her children, for their children? She wanted to build a life with him, why couldn't she utter those words she knew he was desperate to hear from her?

She reached for her shirt and reluctantly tugged it back on before his eyes, knowing that would be answer enough for him.

"Goodnight EJ," she got up from the floor, quickly got out the rest of the toys from the bag, and placed them in stacks for each of the children all the while under the watchful eye of EJ. When she was finished she turned to look at him only to find him nowhere in the room.

So much for some Christmas Eve sex from EJ, he wanted more from her than sex and somehow she would have to try and find a way to get past this fear of hers about love to give it to him.

Sadly it just wouldn't be tonight…

Damn it she hated it when her conscience won.

She just hoped said conscience enjoyed being incredibly sexually frustrated.