(A/N: This was something I thought would be fun at last moment. It's not really part of the story but just something extra I added for comedy and thought would be very entertaining to all.)

Joker tore through space away from Fastener's Rest and hovered above the planet. We both looked down on the rotating orb and Joker asked, "So the blue hellion's back where he belongs, huh?"

I looked at Joker sideways, "Joker, he was a good friend."

"Oh yeah, sure. If, you know, you don't mind slobber getting everywhere and turning the vacuum into a blue lint trap?!"

EDI piped in on the conversation, "I will rather miss him as well. He was a better pilot than even Joker may be."

We both looked at her confused.

"That was a joke."

Joker went back to his holo-dashboard. "Well, one thing's for sure, I know you're going to miss him commander."

"Yeah but I'd hate to see what would have happened if he stay on the ship any longer."

Joker let out a low tone of agreement. "Oh yeah, I loved the way he got all the fun people you picked up all riled. I was just waiting for EDI to tell me Jack put a whole in our hull, or Grunt tore up the cargo hold, or 'Hey joker, guess what?' and I say, 'no what EDI?' and then she'd say, 'You know our main gun Garrus just calibrated so well for us?' 'Yeah?' 'Well, it seems we just lost the main gun period because Garrus decided to space the Skittle-furred panda.'"

I just shook my head.

EDI retorted with, "I would never make you guess on anything like that Joker. Besides, spacing the main gun is impossible because…"

I held out my hand, "Enough EDI. I can take my own guesses."

The Normandy flew away from the planet and me and Joker stayed quiet for a little while until EDI chimed in with, "Sensors indicate an approaching ship of unknown origin."

Joker messed with the holo-dashboard a bit, "Give me an IFF on it EDI."

"Sensors indicate no IFF aboard."

I leaned in towards Joker staring out into outer space. Still messing with the dash, Joker said thinking out loud, "What kind of ship doesn't have an IFF?"

Collectors. I told them both, "Get ready."

Suddenly, the ship was in view. It was bright red with yellow windshields. It looked much like - a rodent's head. I cocked my head and asked Joker not taking my eyes off the strange ship, "You ever seen anything like that before?"

"I think I killed one of those things in my kitchen once." He sounded just as confused as me. Looking up at me, he said a little worried, "Commander, its heading right for Fastener's Rest."

"EDI, can you get me a com channel open with that ship?"

"Done commander."

I leaned into the holo-dashboard and spoke like I always had, "This is commander Shepard of the SSV Normandy. You are an unidentified ship heading towards an Alliance protected colony. I suggest you identify yourself now!"

A cheeky, high-pitched voice came back at me. Full of arrogance and with a heavy French/German accent. At least, that's what it sounded like. It was definitely unique. "What, who is this? Is thing on?"

"This is Commander Shepard of the SSV Normandy. Identify yourself."

The voice came in making every one wince out of aggravation and laughter, "You don't know who I am?!"

I looked at Joker and he just shrugged his shoulders. Twisting my head in slight humor, I spoke back, "No, I'm afraid I don't."

Again, the inane voice asked, "You mean to tell me you haven't hear of me?!" Emphasizing the 'me'.

"Umm, nope. Can't say I have."

A slight noise of pride and arrogance was heard, "Then allow me to introduce myself. I am the great criminal mind, evil super genius, Dr. Jacques - von - Hämsterviel!" Loud, maniacal laughter came from him.

Both Joker and I tried hard not to bust a gut. We tilted are heads in unison afraid of laughing over the com. I was the first one back up, barely holding myself together, "Oh. Strange, I think I would have come across that name. I usually know the most wanted criminals in the galaxy."

Again, Hamsterviel's voice came over the com, "I am not like every other criminal you have probably encountered. I am so elusive that no one can stop me! You have probably not been looking on the right lists!"

Turning my head, holding back another laugh, I said into the com, "Oh. You must be on that super, fantastic list I've never seen before."

"I am the scourge of the galaxy! And you are in my way so back off and let me through. Or prepare to suffer the wrath of Dr. Jacques Von Hamsterveil!" More lunatic-like laughter from the so called doctor.

Joker was holding his fist to his mouth. He was trying hard not to just bust out laughing. I was nearly doing the same but I walked away from the console for a minute and regained my composure. Walking back up to it, I asked, "And what brings you to Fastener's Rest - doc?"

"How dare you insult me you nimble-minded monkey you! But since I'm in a good mood I will tell you. I am looking for a little girl and her little blue doggy. The girl I just want to get rid of but the dog - experiment 626 also known as Stitch, I will clone and make an invincible army of soldiers that will bend to my will and I will conquer the entire galaxy!" Loud, high-pitched laughter came from the com having me and Joker cover our ears slightly. Suddenly, the laughter was cut short by this hacking sound and a loud cough. "Hairball."

After the loud laughter and the hacking had died down, I looked at Joker with a sneer. He returned one knowing why I was. I knelt down to the com, "Look Hamster Wheel…"

"Hamsterveil!"

"Whatever! Lilo and Stitch are under my protection! You got a problem with them, you've got a problem with me."

"What?!"

"You think you're evil?! I have seen evil and its not a gerbil in a Mickey Mouse looking spaceship!" My blood was boiling now. To think this thing stood a chance against the Normandy. "EDI - I want a full scan of that ship now. I want weapon capabilities, war suite maneuverability, and chances of a straight on dogfight."

EDI chimed in before Hamsterveil could. "Done commander. Count of over ten, red titeon blasters and two Gatling plasma cannons. Refurbished cargo ship for small fighter destruction. Chance of success for ship in full frontal combat with Normandy: 0%."

I smiled kind of already knowing that.

Hamsterveil came over the com louder and more arrogant than ever. "I am not gerbil-like I am hamster-like! Hamster! And just so you know - you think you can defeat me?! The great Jacques Von Hamsterveil! You're ship is so puny, I would disintegrate you in an instant! Who are you again?"

"Commander Shepard of the SSV Normandy and a good friend to Lilo and Stitch!"

Sarcasm dripped heavily off of his next statement. "Oh! Oh no! Defender of the universe! Oh no! Oh - look at me! Oh, I'm shaking in my little red, space cape!"

"Joker, fire the main gun show him why he should be!"

Joker hammered the firing mechanism and the Thanix cannon blasted out in all her blue, destructive glory. The shot glanced Hamsterviel's ship throwing it for a loop and shaking Hamsterviel off his mental pedestal. The next time he spoke through the com, he was out of breath with worry in full force, "What?! What was that?!"

"That was the Thanix cannon. My pilot could pick off a vorcha fighter at 200 light years with it! That was just a warning shot. Get out of this system before I make you into less of a memory than what you already are!"

Hamsterveil's voice took on a more menacing tone, for a small hamster, "Oh! Want to play rough, do you! Okay, human person, let's play rough!"

The plasma cannons on Hamsterveil's ship lowered out and fired on the Normandy. The green plasma bouncing off the multi-core shielding. I yawned into the com.

Hamsterveil's voice was filled with fright, "How can this be? I am the great…"

Another blue blast from the Thanix cannon. This time on the other side. I shouted at him like a bad dog, "Go on now! Shoot!"

"You have not heard the last of me commander, I will return when you are somewhere else and…"

"You'll do no such thing! Or I'll feed you to a thresher maw piece by piece!"

"What's that?"

"Look it up."

The ship was hovering and EDI informed me that he was actually looking up pictures of thresher maws. Without warning, I heard him scream and saw his ship pull a sharp turn exiting into FTL speeds.

I took a sigh and said, "That was unique."

Joker took off his hat and scratched his head, "Think you were a little harsh on him?"

"Wanted to give him something he'd remember. Should've blown him into star dust."

"If only all our enemies could be that simple."

Punching up specs on the collectors, focusing in on the data, I just moaned out, "Tell me about it!"