Epilogue...
Flashback in italics...
Knowing
"How on earth did she manage this" Collins swallowed a small chuckle not wanting to add to the distress in the room.
"Well, little miss thing thought it would be a good idea to run around with a puppy and a sucker in her hands at the same time" Annabelle replied, hands on her hips, feigning and upset tone.
"Wait, when did you get a puppy" Collins questioned a now chuckling Annabelle watching her daughter's antics as she was now playing with Collins' stethoscope.
"Jason and Julianne just got him. Clayton has been asking non stop for the last six months, so Jas finally broke down and got one" Annabelle stated as she moved to settle the unwavering movements from the little blond haired blue-eyed girl who had become oblivious to the white cardboard stick that was stuck deep in her nostril.
"Well, I guess she won't be getting a sucker after this. Please hold her still, and you may want to look away, this might hurt you more to watch than it will hurt her" Collins said as she returned to her cool Doctor tone, but ending the sentence with a slight smirk knowing Annabelle was more nervous than she was letting on.
Annabelle turned her head, knowing Collins was right. She couldn't bear the thought of her little girl being in pain. As much as she wanted to protect her from everything, she knew that she somehow managed to miraculously inherit Annabelle's mischievous spirit. She could only be grateful that it wasn't worse. She was so grateful, she thought. Grateful for her life, the events that led her to this moment, in the emergency room, she still was in awe. In awe of the little girl squirming in her hands, in awe of her best friends skilled hands soothing away the pain, in awe of the love of her life
that gave her this precious gift. Collins cleared her throat a little, signaling that she was about to remove the object, when she noticed Annabelle seemed to be in a slight daze, wondering where her focus could have gone at the moment.
Annabelle had cleared her throat, a couple of times as this point. Still, she heard nothing but the labored breathing that Simone had suddenly felt the need to engage in.
"Simone" Annabelle said quietly, not wanting to startle Simone anymore than she thought she already had.
Annabelle started to get nervous. She internally started to panic not thinking that Simone would be sitting in silence at this moment. She began to move to get up thinking that this wasn't the right moment, that Simone was thinking of how to let her down easy, when she felt a hand grab her wrist. Annabelle looked down with a furrowed brow at Simone's fingers now wrapped around her wrist, then looked up to see silent tears rolling down Simone's face that also revealed the beginning of one of those heart melting smiles, the one that reserved for only Annabelle.
Annabelle was soon being pulled into a crushing embrace when she hear Simone whisper, "Yes, yes, I can't wait to be your wife".
Simone felt Annabelle's shoulders relax then she felt slight nudging on her own shoulder as Annabelle was now reaching into her pocket.
Annabelle reached up with her hand, the ring in between her thumb and forefinger, suddenly forgetting it was there, seeing the tears on Simone's face up close, went to wipe them away with the back of her hand, when Simone gasped at the hard object now making contact with her skin bringing Annabelle back to reality.
"I meant to bring this out before I rambled on about how much I love you, and , well, may I" Annabelle whispered into the moment, relishing in the look in Simone's eyes, the look she will never forget. The look that wiped away all the looks of heartache, of longing over the last few years. The look that told her everything that was in Simone's heart at that moment and that she hoped would always be there.
Simone quietly nodded at Annabelle's request, still trying to steady herself now in the grasp of Annabelle's words, breath, and arms, when she felt slender fingers gently placing the ring on her finger.
Annabelle looked at the ring, simply understated, knowing that is what Simone wanted, how she had lived her life, not in grandeur, not in extravagance, but with an appreciation of simple beauty, in life, nature and now, love. The silver token fit perfectly, as Annabelle leaned down and place her lips over Simone's newly christened ring finger, she heard Simone choke back on last sob and then she heard, "It's perfect, and if you didn't hear me the first time. Yes".
"Well, that should do it" Collins stated as she looked into blue eyes that were now a little red and puffier than when she entered and gave the little blond-haired mischief maker a comforting rub on her arm.
"Thanks Collins, that wasn't as bad as I thought" Annabelle replied as she grinned toward her best friend who was now pulling what looked like a red sucker from her coat pocket.
"Here honey, I will give you this on one condition" Collins said as she knelt down and held the object just out of her reach.
The little girl began to subtly swing her legs back and forth, looked down at the sucker and then back to Collins eyes and said, "Okay".
"You have to keep this one out of your nose" Collins chuckled a little while trying to seem serious.
"I promise" The blue eyed cherub said with a confident tone and a quick glance back toward Annabelle.
"This one is going to be the death of me" Annabelle whispered toward Collins who had moved slightly more toward Annabelle as she began finishing up writing on the chart.
"Not if Simone gets to you first, seeing how you allowed her to run around without supervision" Collins replied as she elbowed Annabelle allowing herself to enjoy the time with her best friend even though it wasn't the greatest of circumstances.
She would never have thought, even only a few years ago, that she would be here, looking into the eyes of someone so eerily resembling her best friend, just in a smaller package. She was sharing a silent laugh with Annabelle when they heard;
"Momma, can we go home now"?
"Mom, thank you for all of your help with this. I couldn't have done it without you" Annabelle said quietly as she looped her arm through her mother's and leaned in to keep the words between the two of them.
The Senator and her daughter walked slowly down the hall leading to back to the area for the reception. Annabelle wanted to change before the reception began and retrieve a specific item from her mother's room. They reached the main area and Annabelle wanted to remain out of everyone's sight for a few moments more, when she heard; "Where do you think you are going"?
Annabelle looked back toward the voice and started to shake her head. "I'm just trying to sneak out, you know, before Simone comes to her senses and leaves first. Figured I would get a head start" Annabelle replied shrugging her shoulders.
"I was wondering the same thing. When she would come to her senses" Jason quipped with an eye roll and a light tug at the item in her hand and continued by saying, "Go, I will take care of this, go have your first dance with your wife".
"Thanks Jas" Annabelle replied not really wanting to waste anymore time away from Simone, gave him a quick hug and was soon feeling overwhelmed at the sight across the room. She thought Simone had never looked so beautiful, so at peace, at ease.
Victoria stood off to the side, now finding the spot where Charles had found away from the tables. They just gave each other a quick glance and a quick smile as their gazes returned to the dance floor when they heard the subtle sounds of music coming out of the speakers, now reaching the ears of the two occupants on the floor, as they began swaying slowly, eyes locked, smiles fixed, hearts steadily beating, calmly knowing, this was it, the moment they could truly breathe, and relish in the first day, of the rest of their lives.
"There you are" Simone breathed out as she rushed toward the little patient who once she saw Simone, she let go of Annabelle's hand and jumped into the arms of the elder blond-haired Bradley-Tillman.
"Where did you come from? I figured we would just meet you at home" Annabelle said as she moved toward Simone and brushed a kiss onto her cheek and was soon grinning at the mass of hair snuggled into Simone's other shoulder.
"I came straight from work. I know you said not to worry, but," Simone was cut off by Annabelle saying "But, I know you don't think I can take care of our little one on my own".
Annabelle gave one last kiss to Simone's cheek, pulled the keys out of her pocket and waved them into the air as a signal that she was ready to go. Simone just stood stock still, stunned that she was watching Annabelle's form disappear through the doors of the emergency room.
Simone was still standing in the waiting area, swaying back and forth with her daughter still in her arms, more for her own comfort than the blue eyed girl, who she swore looked more like Annabelle than Simone, who is the one that had actually given birth to her.
"Where is Annabelle" Collins asked startling Simone out of her daze.
"Oh. Hi, Collins. She left, um, after I got here, she; Simone was interrupted by Collins asking "Is everything okay"?
"Yes, everything is fine" Simone replied weakly as she was still looking at the doors.
"Well, the munchkin did great. She barely let any of this phase her" Collins stated as she started to tickle the girl now smiling in Simone's arms, trying to lighten the mood and realizing that things probably weren't really okay that Annabelle had abruptly left.
"I am glad she wasn't any trouble, I know she can be a handful sometimes" Simone said as she turned back to face Collins and gave her a weak smile.
"Really, she was great. Annabelle kept her calm the whole time. She is a natural" Collins replied with a reassuring smile.
"Collins, thank you , for everything. I am glad it was you that took care of her" Simone stated as she switched arms and reached out to give Collins a hug.
"You are welcome Simone. I hope to see you soon, but not in here" Collins replied as she gave one last tickle to the now squirming girl as she dropped to the ground and grabbed Simone's hand when they heard;
"Mommy, can we please go now"!
The music stopped. They were still lost in each others eyes. Once they heard everyone whistling and clapping, the broke from their haze and turned toward the crowd and took a subtle bow. Annabelle raised Simone's hand and kissed the back of it gently. She looked back into her eyes and said, " I will be right back. I think you should sit in the seats reserved for us, the bridesmaids look bored"
"I am sure they will be... Simone was cut off by Annabelle saying, "Please, just go sit, please"?
Simone moved across the room and was soon met by smiling bridesmaids and the 'best men' at the table. She just shook her head and sat down. A few moments later, she felt a kiss being placed on her cheek when she heard, "You look beautiful honey, I am sorry that your mother isn't here to see this" Charles whispered as he stood back up.
"I know she was watching" Simone whispered back as she squeezed her father's hand that was now resting on her shoulder.
"Momma, momma" the little blond-haired whirlwind screamed as soon as she came through the front door.
"Hey squirt. Slow down you just saw me a few minutes ago" Annabelle replied as she scooped her up with one arm and spun her around.
"Why did you leave" the ever inquisitive girl asked as she was now hanging sideways, resting on Annabelle's hip.
"I just wanted to make sure dinner was here when you got home and if you are good, maybe you will get dessert too" Annabelle stated with a little strain in her voice due to the renewed energy now being felt from her daughter.
"Ice cream" The blue-eyed fireball screamed as she pulled herself the rest of the way up and looked into similar eyes, seeing a slight twinkle that mirrored her own. She was soon being placed on the floor when she felt a slight tap to her backside when she heard, "Maybe"
"But.. the little girl was interrupted by Annabelle saying, "Go clean up for dinner. You need to wash all those hospital cooties off of you".
Simone and Annabelle stood and watched their mini -me sprint down the hallway and then the click of the door to the bathroom could be heard echoing through the now silent house.
"Annabelle, I.. Simone was interrupted by Annabelle saying "Are you hungry, I picked up a pizza from that new place you wanted to try on the way home".
"Thank you, but I wanted to apologize for upsetting you earlier" Simone stated hesitantly as she reached for Annabelle's passing form that was heading for the kitchen.
Annabelle brushed by Simone, but was stopped at the last moment by a hand to her wrist when she heard; "Please, I didn't mean to give you the idea that I don't think you can take care of Janice. I just panicked. I reacted poorly. I know it had nothing to do with you not watching out for her. It was just something that happened, an accident. You know how I am, I just worry too much. I know you can take care of her, never a doubt in my mind, you are great with her, its just my own unnecessary panic that got the best of m... Simone was cut off by Annabelle's lips and was soon hearing "You're cute when you ramble, apology accepted".
Simone felt relief wash over her immediately. She knew it would be a learning curve for the both of them and she noticed that Annabelle had actually seemed like a natural where their daughter was concerned, she was the one that let her insecurities about doing the right thing all the time get the better of her. She was so appreciative of Annabelle's patience in situations like these, that she didn't blame her for being a little upset. There had never really been any type of emergency per se as of yet for the little blond-haired blue-eyed wonder. Of course with all of the attention Janice received from family and friends she was very well looked after. Between her and Annabelle, she was loved, heart and soul. As soon as those blue eyes opened in Simone's arms, she finally knew that deep one of a kind love for what only a mother felt toward her child. Once she saw Annabelle's own glance toward the bundle in her arms, she saw a look that mirrored her own, to her surprise, but it just solidified what she had always felt for Annabelle, without question, that type of love, even though slightly different, one so deep it would never end.
Simone just sat back and took in all that surrounded her. So much so, each delicate eye movement produced a feeling of elation, nothing she could really explain, just an emotion that would stop her breathing for a brief moment. She was overwhelmed with a sense of clarity. This is why she had traveled the many different paths that her life had led her on so far. To get to this moment, this exact moment. She had many moments of clarity in the last few years. Reading words on a paper that took her to a different plane of emotions. Looking into deep blue eyes for the first time and losing any sense of thought or time, knowing that in reality, there was no going back to her former self, the solitude, the set schedule, the closed heart. The eyes that once exuded immeasurable strength, looking through a lens or into her heart, took a glancing blow, and was now just a bit more dim with a more subtle fire that she was ever grateful for the chance to still see those eyes and feel the strength of her father's love. The woman who had once brought her immobilizing fear, had come to be her biggest ally, another figure in her life who became the perfect mixture of friend and mother figure. She let a small smile wash over her features as she noticed the closeness of the two, sharing a whisper and a laugh, something that she immediately felt the shift of something almost inexplicable as the thought came and went, that smile grew bigger, one of hope and what if. The day the familiar eyes only a few years her junior took her by the hand, and without many words, accepted her, all of her, and at that moment, felt one of the biggest weights had been lifted from her heart, and almost instantaneously, her uncertain future was now left behind without any doubt. As she studied her brother, she felt at peace, knowing that had also put his uncertain future behind him, as his arm was gently resting around Julianne's waist as his other hand pulled hers in and gave it a lingering kiss returning his gaze to hers smiling at the unmistakable glow radiating from her face. The young student who took cover in Annabelle's shadow for a short time, had shown her that there were people who were so accepting, no matter what age, or differences each held, that their bond had grown from supporting Annabelle and her abilities, to forge a silent but stronger bond in the years after their initial meeting, knowing it would be for life. Being accepted as a part of Collins' family just made her heart more humble as she remembered so many years of being alone, almost resigning the fact that this is what was in store for her, to the end of her days. A new smile appeared as the two made eye contact down the length of the table, which soon grew into subtle laughter as Austin noticed Simone's gaze and started waving obnoxiously at her then was soon giving her a thumbs up. A not so subtle squeeze to her shoulder brought her out of her reminiscing when she she turned and saw a figure with auburn hair towering over her, she placed her hand over Cheyenne's and heard her say "You look beautiful". Cheyenne leaned down further and continued by saying "Congratulations, I am happy for the both of you, truly happy, but if I hear that you upset or hurt Annabelle in any way, you have me to answer to". Cheyenne gave Simone's shoulder another squeeze and a slight smile as she leaned in and kissed her cheek before moving out of her space.
Simone let out the breath she was holding and started to laugh a bit, covering her mouth, as she watched the taller girl return to her seat. She again, was overwhelmed with something she couldn't even give a proper word for, she couldn't say happy, that was too general. She couldn't say glad, giddy, joyous, excited or wonderful. All she could do was just allow the emotion to wash over her, and not give a second thought as to what she should call it, she just let it be, fill her heart. She was smiling to herself now, and raised her eyes when she caught a glimpse of the blonde-haired blue-eyed beauty that caused her heart to skip a beat, her breath catch in her throat, her face to flush at the sight of the eyes now gazing into hers from across the room.
"Lets just sit and eat. You have had a long day and I would like to enjoy the rest of the evening, in peace, with you, that is after we put our little hellion to bed" Annabelle stated as she plated the pizza and was soon walking up behind Simone, leading her to the table with her hand placed on the small of her back.
"I can't argue with that" Simone replied as she felt her heart speed up at Annabelle's touch.
"Good, its about time" Annabelle playfully responded as she leaned in for a quick kiss as she soon heard little footsteps bounding down the hall.
They sat in comfortable silence as they finished dinner. Annabelle went to ask Janice if she wanted dessert when she noticed her daughter had fallen asleep at the table. She reached and squeezed Simone's hand and let out a small chuckle at the rarely quiet girl whose mouth was slightly agape breathing evenly. She quietly moved in behind the little spitfire who was now reduced to a rag doll in Annabelle's arms as she lifted her up and walked her down the hall to her bedroom.
Simone smiled as she noticed the retreating forms down the hallway. She relished in the fact that this was her life, their life. She had never known such peace. Ever. She glanced over at her latest 'portfolio', still noticing a few pictures from her last trip to the Costumbrista festival in Chile. Thinking that she was so fortunate to be able to see these far away places, each trip grew harder and harder for her to be away from home, her family. She sighed a brief sigh, her thoughts clashing at the moment, realizing that no matter what she chose to do, now, and later, that Annabelle's love would be paramount over all. She had told her in no uncertain terms that her life and career were important to her as well. She wanted Simone to rest easier, knowing that she had Annabelle's full support, no matter if she traveled or not. No matter if she worked for her current employer or did free lance work and sold her photographs to the highest bidder. After their reconnection, Annabelle was unwavering in her goal, her destination, to have Simone by her side, no matter what that entailed.
Simone was so lost in thought, she didn't hear Annabelle return from the hallway. She felt arms wrap around her shoulders when she heard "Lets go to bed, I can't think of anything else but wrapping up in you and getting lost in my dreams".
Simone leaned her head back and whispered, "That sounds perfect". She turned her head slightly and gave Annabelle a lingering kiss on the cheek.
"Lets clean up and... Simone was cut off by Annabelle saying, "You go get ready for bed, I will take care this" as Annabelle gently nudged Simone toward their bedroom.
Annabelle just chuckled a bit to herself when she actually got no resistance from Simone this time. She watched her wife's slow movements down the hallway, knowing that she was really just flat out exhausted from the day's events but would never admit it.
Annabelle began cleaning up the plates from the table, and when she got to the sink she set the plates down into the warm soapy water, she bent her head in reverence to the sights and smells around her. She had other moments of bliss in the last few years, but this was something different. She knew that nothing would ever compare to falling asleep and waking up each day in Simone's arms. The sound of laughter when showering her daughter with tickles could not be matched in anything that Annabelle had found since that bundle of joy came into her life. The fact that she could still reach others with her music, helping those just starting out, sending them on the right path in what is the best sound for them, the ins and outs of the business then being able to return home, not after getting off a plane, but just exiting the freeway each day, knowing the next day was going to be somewhat similar to the next. She was okay with that, not just okay, but at a true peace with it, settled in her heart and mind, that as long as she had Simone by her side, she could do anything, be anything, and it would all be okay. Nothing to find an excuse, a reason that she wanted this, other than just the love of the woman now waiting in their bedroom, the love of the little girl that stole her heart the day she took her first breath. She didn't feel the need to perform on that stage anymore, to show the world that she was fearless, wearing her heart on her sleeve. She was more than happy to let someone else take the spotlight. The only spotlight she wanted was when Simone came home and without any words collapsed into her arms and still gave her those 'weak in the knees' kisses. The only spotlight she wanted was when the miniature blond-haired mischief maker ran squealing down the hall to show her her latest creation with water colors. Annabelle Bradley-Tillman, was at home finally, in her heart, mind and soul. She dried her hands, turned off the light above the sink, began her trek toward her bedroom, knowing, that her little girl was sound asleep, dreaming of puppies and lollipops, knowing, Simone was waiting for her, with open arms, as she slipped quietly into the room, not bothering to go through her normal nightly routine, just wanting, needing, Simone's touch, to guide her into a peaceful slumber. Her head now resting on Simone's chest, arms wrapped around her shoulder's , whispered "I love you". Just as Annabelle's eyes were closing for the night, she heard "I love you more".
Their eyes locked for a few seconds more, the slight din around the room went silent as all eyes in the room were now being focused on the presence on the stage when all the lights went out for a brief moment. One lone light radiated down over Annabelle's form, as she sat on a stool, with her guitar resting on her knee. She knew this would be one of the last times she played in front of an audience. She knew this was one of the last times she would be pouring her heart out in this format to the person who was the reason she was here today, looking lovingly, reassuringly into her eyes, as their words of forever fell from their lips so easily that nothing needed to be scripted and read, just words flowing from their hearts. She wanted this one last time, to convey everything that she was feeling and had felt from the moment they met to the moment they had found themselves in now.
She started to strum a few notes, then paused, and looked down. She just needed to gather herself for a moment. There was no other time in her career that she felt such overwhelming emotions in this moment, the moment that was the 'last song' of the night in one of her shows. The moment that she usually reserved for that one song, the one that woke her up in the middle of the night as thoughts of Simone continually ran through her dreams, putting to words what those dreams meant to her. This moment, that didn't hold a candle to all the previous ones. She took a deep breath and began the song over, strumming quietly, then looking up and only seeing blue, as the words began to float around the room.
I didn't know what love meant before
I didn't know what you had waiting for me in store
I didn't know that I'd be finding out so much more
About the knowing and the knowing is all there is
About yes and yes, this is it
I didn't know
I didn't know what precious time would make
I didn't know how fragile a kiss could seem
I didn't know that finally all of dawn is trained
About the knowing and the knowing is all there is
About yes and yes, this is it
I didn't know
I didn't know I'd never look at life the same
I didn't know until I walked with you in the rain
I didn't know until I found out you felt the same
About the knowing and the knowing is all there is
About yes and yes, this is it
I didn't know
I didn't know until together we lay
I didn't know until you touched my soul that day
I didn't know that you would teach me in your own way
About the knowing and the knowing is all there is
About yes and yes, this is it
I didn't know, I didn't know, I didn't know
-The End-
I Didn't Know is by Lucinda Williams
I hope all of you enjoyed the journey... I sure did. It was long and adventurous as every journey should be. I cannot begin to thank all of you for your reviews and follows of my stories. But, thank you! I never imagined doing anything like this. I know it has helped me in my own journey. I hope all of you find your 'journey', the one that you are meant to take, that one, regardless of who, when, where, just brings you peace.
Peace, to all of you.