A/N: Thank you to everyone who reviewed the last chapter, and to my wonderful beta reader, Rosalie! The good news is that I've finished writing "Prior Rings," and Rosalie has finished proof-reading it for me. I just need to do the final tweaks and post the chapters, so I think I'll be able to post every other day until it's done. The bad news is that this chapter doesn't really answer the cliffhanger. Sorry...

WARNING: If you're in the late stages of a pregnancy, please be careful reading this chapter. If you're the type to internalize what you read easily, I would recommend waiting until after your delivery.

Chapter 54: Caleb – Waiting

(Tris is 30, Caleb is 31, Tobias is almost 33, Abigail is 4 3/4, and Eli was just born)

There are advantages to dating a doctor. Cara knows which of the practitioners are the best, and which ones to avoid. She can also get news whenever we need it. So, even though I know that Beatrice is in excellent hands today, I still ask Cara to check on her when I start to feel antsy at how long the surgery has lasted.

What I don't expect is for her to return, some twenty minutes later, leading a pale and utterly shell-shocked Tobias. She shakes her head quickly as we all rise and start toward them, and I can feel the fear and tension in the air when she leads him past us, gently seating him in one of the waiting room chairs. He's visibly shaking.

She turns to Zeke, murmuring, "Get Kevin." He hesitates only a second, his eyes begging for more information, before he nods. His expression is determined when he heads out.

Cara takes my arm, leading me to the side of the room, and Anna and Evelyn slip into place beside me, obviously as anxious to hear what's going on as I am. Suddenly, I'm glad that our other family and friends aren't waiting here right now – particularly Abigail.

"Eli was delivered fine," Cara says softly, her tone the soothing one of a doctor who's had to deliver difficult news before. "But Tris started hemorrhaging badly afterwards. They're trying to stop the bleeding."

"Trying?" Anna asks, the word strangled. "Just how much danger is she in, Cara?"

"It's…." Cara shakes her head a little, and I know she's struggling with the line between her personal feelings for her friend and her professional knowledge. "It's hard to say." She looks down, her expression answering more than her words. It makes my heart beat harder and my palms start to sweat.

I understand what she doesn't want to state aloud. It's very rare for women to die in childbirth these days – at least when they deliver in a good hospital instead of on the streets the way the factionless used to. But this is one of the conditions when it happens.

That's not something I want to admit, either, so instead I tell them, "Beatrice is strong." She's small, too, which means she doesn't have as much blood to lose as most people, but I choose to ignore that for the moment. "And she has the best obstetrician in the city." I bite my lip, wanting to reassure them that everything will be fine but unable to form the words through my own worry.

Pulling away a little, I turn my attention to Tobias. He's sitting forward in his chair, his elbows on his knees and his head hanging down, unsupported. I've never seen him look so defeated.

Except that's not quite true…. The memory comes to me unbidden, increasing my anxiety even more. A very long time ago, in the bomb shelter, he practiced doing a broadcast by showing me how he felt when they were executing Beatrice. He was in a cell in this very building, helpless, as he thought the woman he loved was dying.

The comparison is too much, and I find myself walking out the door before I can process what I'm doing. No one follows me.

My feet move on their own, roaming the long hallways that I've come to know so well. It's impossible not to think – I've never been able to shut it off. And under the circumstances, it's equally difficult not to remember every interaction I've ever had with Beatrice in this building.

I was sixteen, almost seventeen, the first time she came here, finding me in the library during initiation. At the time, I was fascinated by my new faction and so eager to fit into it, and I didn't want to be seen with my Abnegation-turned-Dauntless sister. I brushed her off, barely talking to her and not minding at all when she was taken into custody shortly afterwards.

Jeanine talked to her that day, and then to me. In retrospect, I know that she gave me a powerful dose of Suggestibility Serum at the time, but my memories don't include that. Instead, I remember being honored that she chose to spend time with me, and to tell me her plans. And I remember thinking that they made perfect sense, and wanting to follow them no matter what the cost might be to others.

I felt qualms over the next few months, of course, but seeing Jeanine always removed those. Conversations with her made it easy to betray Beatrice – to keep her imprisoned and to experiment on her and even to prepare for her execution.

It's hard to say exactly when my mind started to find its way out of the serum. The more time I spent with Beatrice, the clearer my thinking became, and somehow Peter helped, too. Every time I talked to him, I found myself questioning things more. That's why it made sense to turn to him when I finally realized that I didn't want to let my sister die.

He saved her life more than I did. He'd already been planning what to do, and all I had to do was help him with some of the mechanics – and agree to stay behind and take the blame if we were caught. He wasn't willing to do that part, needing to escape with them in order to be willing to take on the effort at all.

There are many things from that time in my life that I regret, many things that I would do differently if I could. But at least Beatrice didn't die from my mistakes.

She's lived fourteen years since then. That's time that she spent with me, and our grandmother, and the others who love her. She had a chance to get married and to have a daughter – and now a son. Her life has been good.

Even if she dies today, at least she had that. At least I didn't kill her before any of it happened.

But I don't want her to die.

My thoughts are interrupted by voices from around the corner – deep ones that are carrying despite their hushed tones.

I recognize Tobias' mostly by the pain filling it. "How am I supposed to do that? I don't even know how to look at him. If she…." He chokes on the word before trying again. "If she doesn't make it because of him, how will I ever love him?"

The words are almost like a physical blow, and I sag backwards a step, missing Kevin's answer. I've been walking these hallways, thinking about myself and what I've done to Beatrice, without even remembering that there's a little piece of her lying in the nursery here. He never meant to hurt his mother, but Tobias is right that if Beatrice dies, we'll all associate that with Eli.

As if he betrayed her, too.

For the second time today, my body moves on its own, heading toward the nephew who suddenly has too much in common with me. He and I both hurt the same woman – the one who shares half of our DNA – but he deserves far more than to be blamed for that.

The nurses let me into the nursery without argument, giving me sad looks as they gesture me toward the incubator where Eli is lying.

He's so much bigger than Abigail was, and for a few seconds, I just stare at him, uncertain if I should pick him up. But I spent enough time with my niece to have some instincts left, and they kick in when he starts to fuss. Scooping him gently up, I move to a chair at the side of the room, holding him close as I sit in it.

"Hi, Eli," I start, a bit awkwardly. "I'm your Uncle Caleb." He moves his head a little, in a seeking motion, and I wonder if he's hungry. A stab of pain goes through me at the thought that Beatrice would be nursing him right now, if circumstances were different.

"We have a lot in common, you know." My eyes are starting to fill, and I blink back the tears so they won't fall on him. "But I won't hold that against you." I try to chuckle, though it's weak. "I know your Mommy loves you, and she doesn't blame you for anything that…might happen to her. And I know that she wants us to take good care of you."

He fusses a little more, and I try to gently rock him. I'm not good at it.

"I'm going to always try to do that, okay? She's my sister, and I love her, and I'll always be there for you, too. I want you to know that."

The tears are falling now, despite my efforts, and I turn my head away so they drop onto my arm. I'm not sure how long I sit there like that, holding Eli as I cry and murmur reassurances to him. But eventually, I become aware that someone is standing nearby, watching us.

"Can I hold him?" Tobias' voice is sad, and strained, and fragile. Human. I look up, my eyes meeting his through the moisture in both of ours.

"It's not his fault," I say shakily.

"I know."

For a moment longer, I hold my nephew tight before I nod, rising slowly and extending Eli toward his father. Tobias takes him carefully, cradling him in his arms and staring at him with a depth of emotion that's hard to imagine.

"He has Tris' eyes." The words are choked, and he stumbles a little as he sits, holding his son to him.

We're both silent as he continues to stare. It's difficult to say what he's thinking.

"I don't know how to do this," he finally whispers. I'm not quite sure if he's addressing Eli or me, but I decide to answer.

"I don't, either." And then something that Beatrice once said comes to mind, and I remember the Abnegation teachings that I grew up learning, and something clicks into place between the two. "But I think that maybe we need to start by forgiving ourselves, so we can forgive him, too."

Tobias' gaze meets mine for a long time before he nods, very slowly.

"If Tris…." He clears his throat. "If I need help with him, will you be there?"

"Yes." My answer is instant.

He nods again, his eyes returning to his son. "Could you give me some time alone with him now?"

"Yes, of course." With one more glance at the two of them together, I make my way back to Cara and Anna, to wait for news about my sister.

A/N: The next chapter will hopefully be up on Friday. In the meantime, please let me know what you thought of this one. Thanks!