A test? That was all it was... A test! They had me so worried last night!

It has been hours since that happened, and I am still sighing of relief about it.

The school bell rang. Lunch time. I along with the class stood and bowed, thanking sensei for the lesson. Then I ran straight to the school's library. No sign of Makita or Shuuko this time. As if they were staying out of the way of my efforts. Before the wooden doors to the library, I stood. Another day, another set of possible outcomes, good and bad.

I took a deep breath in and opened the door. Just like yesterday Yoshioka was in the very back of the library, alone and sad. No book this time, I wanted to talk with her more seriously. I took the ragged seat beside her again. I looked up, I was so far away from the library entrance, the people were actually a bit far away. You couldn't even hear the loudest conversation. Far away from the light.

"Hi...Kikuchi-kun"

Wow, she actually spoke quickly today.

"Hi Yoshioka-san..."

"The book you left on the table yesterday... You are into war history?"

"Huh?"

She handed me the book.

Light of a Thousand Suns; Remembering Hiroshima

"You looked so interested in reading this yesterday," she said quietly.

"Uhh...yeah, world war two history...love it..." (not really)

"It says here on the two hundredth page... The heat emitted from the blast was so intense, it burned the shadows of its victims onto the walls of their houses and buildings. Images of people in their final moments of suffering, engraved into the stone walls, surrounded by their scattered ash."

"Scary..."

"You don't know this yet?"

"Uhh...I just started reading it yesterday."

"Oh..."

Why was she telling me this.

"You seem like you really want to try to help me...but you don't know what it's like. So I thought, I should tell you... That is how I feel right now."

Tears rolled down her cheeks. She released the book from her hands and it thudded on the carpet, closed covers. She began a light sob.

"Memories...of Kou, of the good times, of my hopes, and of our moments. My love for him, it was so strong," she cried more,"I never got to tell him I love him, and he never told me how he felt about me either..."

Steady flows of tears now...

"The shadows of Kou's influence burned onto the walls of my heart and mind...but his presence blasted away."

I shot up from my chair, and crouched before her, grabbing her shoulders firmly.

"No, you shouldn't feel like that!"

"I can't help it..." Her hair covered her face, her voice stifled.

"Yoshioka-san! Kou is gone!

She only shook her head. Her lip quivering. She was unresponsive.

"Yoshioka-san."

She cried even harder.

"Yoshioka-san."

Her volume increased.

"Yoshioka."

She was not even trying to listen.

"Yoshio- Yosh-"

She was now uncontrollably crying! I just want her to listen!

"FUTABA-CHAN!"

She settled down a bit. I got her attention. She still wasn't looking at me, but she was listening. I had her full attention. I noticed, I held both her hands in mine. I looked up.

Yoshioka with tears streaming from her eyes, with lips quivering, and eye brows angered; a mixture of confusion, sorrow, and anger...it was truly a sight into how lost and shattered her heart really was. It seemed unfixable, but I had to try.

"What is it Kikuchi-kun!? What do you want from me?! Do you want me to be happy, is that what you are trying to accomplish?! Here's the fact. I will never be happy again! No matter what you do! In fact, your presence is just irritating me even more! I'm mad at Kou! I'm mad at myself! I'm mad at Shuuko, and Makita, and Kominato for not being there for me, and I'm mad at you for getting involved! I hardly even know you! Are you here for me because you like me!? I'll tell you something, I won't feel the same way! I won't feel the same way to anyone because I'm still stupidly in love with a dead person!"

Saying "dead person" made her cry even more. It must have really hurt her.

"And you know what Kikuchi?! It would be best if you just left me alone! Don't even bother coming here! You won't get anywhere! No one will, it will just make me more upset!"

The librarian came all the way back here, after hearing the comotion. She was about to tell Yoshioka-san to leave the library.

"No! I was just leaving!," she fired at the librarian. Then she turned to me, still crouching down.

"Take your coat and muffler! I don't need it!"

She then stomped off.

The librarian was actually a really nice lady, she wasn't even too mad, she was new here. She just shot me a look and quietly said,"Please keep the volume down in the library."

She was turning to return to her kiosk but then she told me something.

"I still remember my high school years. It was like an over dramatic shoujo manga... I remember when I was like that. I don't know her story, but I will tell you, what ever has happened to her, really is troubling her, but it can be fixed. It won't be easy, but it's there."

I could only think "that was weird" as I watched her walk off. It was becoming interesting how many times the younger school staff members would say something like that to students..

I make Yoshioka mad? Her friends too? Did she not remember how she was at least was slightly happier? It was clear, she really was a broken girl.

Yoshioka, even if I may upset you, I will not give up...not until you smile. Not until you see me for who I am. I won't let you push away those who are trying to help you. That is why I will always visit this forgotten section of the library during lunches, even if I don't get any responses from you.

I will not give up. I will not lose.