Thanks for continuing to stay with me. I'm glad it is entertaining you :)

Brittany has decided that she needs to go live on the East Coast.

Not because she'd be closer to Santana, although that would be awesome and they could totally have joint custody of Lord Tubbs, and maybe get a couple of other peers too, but because stuff is happening over there, she can feel it, but she can't ask Santana because Santana knows nothing.

And Quinn isn't answering her phone, Rachel isn't picking up, and Brittany doesn't know if Kurt knows, and the whole thing is making Brittany's head hurt.

Ashleigh just keeps telling her that Quinn is fine. Brittany asked her whether that means Quinn own special brand of fine, where she pretends to be fine but really isn't, or actually fine. Ashleigh's answer was inconclusive, and Brittany thinks Ashleigh doesn't know either.

Facebook is suspiciously quiet, which is never a good sign.

Brittany wants to help.

She just doesn't know how, who, or whether help is actually required.

It's a bit of a challenge.

…

After a week, it's easier to breathe.

Quinn can feel some of the pressure that had seemed to be squeezing her chest easing away slightly.

If she isn't there, if she doesn't contact Rachel, then Rachel can't get caught.

And sure, so maybe she does still think about Rachel all the time, but at least she isn't panicking, this way. At least she isn't counting the minutes until something goes wrong.

She's screening all her calls. She hasn't been on Facebook. She has not read any messages.

It's working. This could work.

Quinn is well aware of her short comings. She knows she is prone to making mistakes, and is often emotionally manipulative, as well as emotionally unavailable when she feels threatened.

She isn't very good at being rejected. Which is why, whenever that looks like becoming a risk, it is easier to reject first.

There's a reason her love life is dead. She doesn't let anyone close. The only reason that Rachel got as close as she did was because… well, they started off as friends. The lines were blurred there, for a while.

Quinn really hopes that they could be friends again. Maybe in the future. In five years time. Rachel and Brody could be living together, and have a kid, and Quinn could bump into her on a street somewhere, and they could have five minutes of wow, remember when we were young and pretending to be attracted to each other. Wasn't that crazy? And they could laugh, and then Quinn could come around for dinner.

Quinn feels her eyes start to prickle at the notion of Rachel and Brody getting married, and she pinches herself angrily, because she's about to go visit her tutor for a discussion about post grad studies, and she needs to be on the ball.

Rachel is making this easy for her. She hasn't been in touch once, after that first message.

Five years feels a hell of a long time when a week has been close to an eternity.

…

Ashleigh looks up when the door closes, and then grins at Quinn from her position on the couch.

'Hey… how did it go?'

Quinn grimaces a little bit, and then tosses her folder on to the coffee table, slumping in a chair.

'Yeah…it's fine. The woman talks too much, in circles, she's impossible to follow. It's hard to get excited about something if you aren't sure you actually want to stay.'

Ashleigh nods, and reaches for her slice of toast. She certainly will not be staying on to complete post-grad studies, because she knows when to call time on something she hates, but Quinn's the sort of person who could do anything, and so why not stay on? If she got into Yale after what sounds like the most bizarre high school career of any person, ever, (seriously, what the fuck, with all the singing and babies and cheerleading and then a fucking truck) then Quinn could actually be a genius, if she manages to have a year where a significant distraction doesn't rear its head.

Speaking of distractions… 'Have you heard from Rachel?'

Quinn frowns at her.

'No. And stop asking.'

See, Ashleigh is pretty confused. Either Quinn is lying, which is a likely option, she guesses, or Rachel is making the inexplicable choice of going back to Brody.

'That sucks. Do you need me to visit her and call her names?'

Whoa, okay, Quinn nearly snarls at her this time.

'No. Do that and your body will never be found.'

Jeez, protective much? Ashleigh stands to retrieve a magazine from her room, and swats Quinn lightly around the head with it when she returns. Quinn grunts slightly at her.

'Sorry.'

'Whatever, grumpy arse. You are under emotional strain, I get that. When Fringe finished I experienced similar emotions. So come on then, let's process this. What's your perfect outcome?'

Quinn shrugs after a moment, and rolls her shoulders.

'What kind of a moron hopes for perfect outcomes?'

Ashleigh bites her lip, because she wants the best for Quinn, she really does. You don't live with someone for three years without ending up caring about them, and Ashleigh does care about Quinn, despite her slight tendency for violence.

'Well, let's imagine that dreams come true for a moment.'

Quinn snorts, and then picks up her folder again, leafing through the pages.

'Sorry, I didn't realize you were a Disney princess… okay, that we all manage to just forget about it. That I get to keep Rachel as a friend. That everyone stops asking me about it.'

Ashleigh watches Quinn's face, and she's so sad, Ashleigh kind of wishes they were the sort of friends that actually hug, because Quinn looks like she needs one. Instead Ashleigh's going to have to stick to what she knows.

'Okay, so let's imagine a scenario in which Rachel breaks up with Brody, and then turns up at your door…possibly naked, possibly not…what do you do?'

Quinn scoffs.

'Look, it was a day dream, Ashleigh. If Rachel leaves Brody for me…how am I supposed to deal with that? That just creates this high pressure situation in which I have to be perfect, and the day that the whole thing crashes and burns, I'll have lost her forever. I don't want to lose her. So I'll wait it out. Until we can be friends again.'

Ashleigh doesn't know what brand of crazy logic Quinn's employing here, but it sounds completely mental, and needlessly harsh on the things that Quinn wants.

'Quinn, you can't spend the whole of your life avoiding romance purely for your fear of failure…'

Quinn stands, and snaps her folder closed, and Ashleigh realizes that this is the end of discussion for today.

'Sure I can, Ash. Watch me.'

For someone who has to be close to a genius, Quinn is pretty good at behaving like an idiot. Ashleigh calls after her, just before Quinn's door clicks shut.

'Call Brittany some time, will you? To let her know that everything is hunky dory with you.'

…

Quinn sits on her bed, and breathes in deeply through her nose.

She is okay.

There's a pile of notes on her desk, which she has been diligently color coding and cross referencing. First exam is in a week. On her wardrobe door, the studying timetable that she had designed for herself lends to the impression that Quinn has everything completely under control. It has been largely ignored, because study is easier on an ad hoc basis, Quinn finds.

Quinn eases off her shoes, and hangs her blazer up in her wardrobe. It doesn't smell like Rachel anymore, hasn't done so in a long time, so it is safe to wear it.

She just needs to relax. Normally that would mean heading down to the gym, but Quinn is aware the Ashleigh is probably lurking outside, braced to ask her more questions about things she doesn't want to talk about.

Her mom used to do yoga to relax. She probably still does. Quinn considers searching basic yoga moves, but decides against it, because there's procrastination and then there is just fucking stupid.

She retrieves her phone from her bag, opens her missed calls list.

Twenty…three from Brittany. From anyone else it is borderline harassment. From Brittany, it is just a visual reminder of Quinn's guilty conscience.

She presses call without thinking about it, because if Quinn is going to continue tell everyone that she is fine, she will need to start acting like she is at some point too.

'Quinn! Quinn. I'm… jeez Quinn, could you have picked up one of the other bazillion times; I'm in the middle of a class.'

Brittany does sound out of breath, and there is lots of background noise. Quinn is relieved.

'Oh, sorry Brit, I didn't know. I'll call you another time…'

Brittany yells at her, and Quinn nearly drops the phone.

'No! Just, stay there, because another time will probably be a lot later, and plenty of my brain cells and your brain cells will have died, and I feel like I'm going to need all of them.'

The background noise clarifies itself into the sound of children screaming and laughing, and there's music playing. Brittany holds the phone away from her mouth for a second, and calls out.

'Pretend time for five minutes little people! You are all…pirates who burp a lot. Go!'

Quinn snorts, and then smiles despite herself. Brittany returns after a second.

'Sorry about that… so. How are you? Don't say fine.'

Quinn frowns. 'But I am fine.'

'Oh, blah blah Quinn, if you were fine you would actually pick up the phone like a normal person. What's happened?'

Standing, Quinn tugs her curtains across her window, because the sunlight had been getting in her eyes. From down the phone there's a muffled yeargh, and Quinn has a vision of Brittany trying to conduct a sensible conversation while fending off hyperactive children.

'I was just… I am fine. I was just practicing being fine by myself for a while, so I could be just as fine when I have an audience.'

Brittany hums for a moment, and then abruptly yells 'Chickens with only one leg! Go!' Then, at a more normal level, says 'Is Rachel fine? I can't get hold of her either… and why would you need to practice being fine Quinn, you're normally a pro…. Oh, did something bad happen between you and Rachel? It totally did.'

Quinn clears her throat, because saying it out loud is pretty hard, even if it is only Brittany.

'I…she and I… we had sex.'

Brittany whistles, and there's a thump and a squawk in the background. Then she tuts at herself.

'Dammit, I knew I should have sent that message earlier… you had s-e-x, and then you found out she was moving in with Brody, and you argued?'

Quinn makes a face.

'Well, no, I got your message, but then she turned up, and… I don't know, we both stopped thinking for a bit, and then we had sex.'

Brittany is quiet for a moment, and blows some air at her.

'Huh… well that was pretty stupid, if you don't mind me saying.'

Biting her lip, Quinn nods, unseen.

'Well, it has happened. Anyway, it made Rachel come to her senses, and she's trying to make things work with Brody, I think. Which is completely fine with me, because I never wanted a relationship with her. I should not have let things get as far as they did. So I'm giving her a bit of time. Giving myself a bit of time. I've got exams happening in a week; I need to concentrate.'

'Vampires with broken hearts, guys! Uh, Quinn, why are you saying so many lies? I can see your lies, and I can't even see you, which means they might be visible from space.'

Quinn sighs at her, and rolls her eyes, but if she's consigning herself to a future of lying about this, she might as well start with Brittany.

'Brittany…seriously. It would never have worked. This is for the best.'

'So if you are so okay with everything, why have you been ignoring me? I was worried. It made me sad. That Ashleigh girl wouldn't tell me things, and that was okay because maybe you told her to stay quiet, but I was your friend first Quinn. You can't just use Ashleigh for everything. Are you angry with me, for telling you about Rachel?'

There's an ache, just under her rib cage, that Quinn associates with guilt. She doesn't get it very often.

'I'm not mad at you Brittany. It was just… Ashleigh is simpler to talk to because she doesn't know me and Rachel like you do. You know all the history, it makes it harder.'

'Things beginning with the letter B! Don't do it again please. I like trying to fix things, but I can't if you don't tell me what is going on.'

Quinn tucks her lower lip beneath her teeth, because the temptation is there to just ask Brittany to don a cape, and come over and ask straight-forward questions until everything does get fixed is very strong, but she's made a resolution to herself.

'It doesn't need fixing Brit. It's fine. It has fixed itself.'

Brittany sighs at her, and then yelps slightly, distracted.

'Well, that isn't true, but suit yourself. Talk to me, the next time I call, please. But now I have to go because I have a bumble bee clinging to my leg, and a… what are you? And a booger, trying to sit on my head.'

Quinn smiles, despite herself.

'I'll be fine. I'll pick up, next time.'

Brittany laughs.

'You'd better, or I'll send my fleet of zombie rabbits to come get you. Did you hear that? Zombie rabbits!'

Quinn laughs too, and ends the call.

There. She can do this. Quinn knows how to do single and broken hearted. It is far more familiar territory than happy and in a relationship.

…

Kurt just feels… a little uneasy.

'Rachel… you know I'm your friend. And so, I just think that I am duty bound, really, to remind you of what a good thing you've had with Brody. If you speak to him, apologize, maybe don't mention the whole Quinn thing, but instead claim cold feet and extreme drunkenness… or something… you guys could fix this?'

Rachel is adjusting the sleeves of her cardigan in front of their mirror by the door, mouth set firm.

'Have you ever heard of someone being eighty per cent in love?'

'No, Rachel, but you cannot rely on rhetorical questions to make this the right decision. You and Brody are a good thing. You were happy, together. That must be worth something.'

Rachel's leaving, to go visit Brody at some neutral territory, he can't stop that. What he is hoping to do, however, is to try and convince her not to make any harsh decisions.

She and Brody have been avoiding each other for nearly a week, and Kurt has tried to not get involved, listened without comment or judgement as Rachel has listed aloud the reasons she shouldn't be with Brody any more.

All of Rachel's reasons are to do with her. How she isn't ready, and she isn't happy, and she needs to actually figure out what she's doing with her life, and stop wasting time with Brody. It's all very sudden.

Kurt can't help but think this is all linked to Quinn, even though her name isn't mentioned once. He isn't sure how he feels about Rachel pretending it isn't.

Rachel checks her phone, once, and then looks at him.

'Are you seriously advocating staying in a relationship which I am not happy with?'

Kurt refrains from rolling his eyes.

'No, I'm advocating not making any hasty decisions about a relationship when you are in the middle of processing the fact that you slept with someone else. Someone who has responded to this by disappearing from the face of the planet… I mean seriously, you're going to leave Brody, even though Quinn is indicating she wants nothing more to do with you?'

Rachel sighs at him, and picks up her bag.

'Why is everything to do with Quinn?'

'Because your enormous shift in attitude towards Brody has happened at the same time Quinn started messing with your head! I'm just saying… swapping a good thing for a bad thing is a useless idea, Rachel. She hasn't contacted you since. Think long term, for god's sake.'

Rachel stares at him, for the longest moment, and this is what friends do, isn't it? Challenge people when they are about to make foolish choices?

'I'm going to see Brody, I'll be late if I don't leave now. And I'll do what feels right when I'm face to face with him. And by the way Kurt, there's a difference between helping me process something and insisting I stay in a relationship purely because you don't want to lose a friend. Are you saying all this because it is best for me, Brody, or you?'

Kurt's got nothing in response to that except a look of outrage, and Rachel closes the door quietly behind her.

…

This is the right thing, that she is attempting to do.

Rachel has done a great deal of examining her conscience, these last few days. Trying to reverse the situation.

If she were Brody, what would she want to happen?

The challenge is, of course, trying to second guess whether she and Quinn would ever resume their dalliance, in which case breaking up with Brody seems obvious.

However, all the signs are pointing to no, at this moment, so maybe that isn't the best way to judge things.

Is it fair to stay with Brody, when she has proven to herself that, when push comes to shove, there are people out there which can cause her to be unfaithful? Is it fair to stay with Brody when her head is full of someone else?

Rachel has avoided Brody for nearly a week, and he has avoided her. She has tried to ignore everything about her life that isn't her studies, and not think about anything at all.

Despite her best efforts, she keeps thinking about Quinn, but the who of the matter is largely irrelevant, isn't it? She's not thinking about Brody. This much is indicative of the fact that she should break up with him.

It is very easy, to calmly sit here and dissect what is the correct thing to do, waiting for the train to pull into the correct station. The challenge will be in the moment, sitting opposite someone who she cares about, and telling him that she is leaving him.

He's a friend, as well as her boyfriend. How do you tell a friend that you don't want to see them anymore?

Rachel turns over one of Kurt's phrases in her head, sitting by herself in a crowded carriage. Think long term. And that's just it, isn't it? Short term fix, long term unhappiness. Short term heartbreak, long term happiness.

Rachel sighs, and leans her head back against the window. This would be so much easier if she could just communicate this telepathically. Inevitably, her words are going to get in the way.

…

Brody has decided to wear a shirt. He has, in fact, attempted to look at his very best, because if Rachel is determined to pull the rug out from under his feet, he wants to at least have some defences on to protect him from the bruises when he trips.

They're going to a restaurant, one they always intended to visit but had never gotten around to. Brody is determined that this will be civilized. He's going to smile when he greets her, and tell her she looks beautiful, pull her chair out for her, and see what she has to say.

The anger has numbed now, somewhat. Now he just feels… betrayed, somehow. By Rachel and Kurt. The level of secrets. For Rachel to have had all of these doubts about living with him, and to not say a word to Brody… well, Rachel like to process things out loud. Kurt must have known.

He's told his goddamn family. He's going to look like an idiot.

Brody doesn't trust anything, anymore. Is Rachel happy, when she's with him? Has she ever been happy? If he could be this wrong about this, where does it leave the rest of their relationship, the last three years?

He's always felt certain, about Rachel. As if she was someone who he could rely upon. Now…

He catches her eye just as she rounds the corner, almost unwillingly. They had arranged to meet her, outside the restaurant, but it's still surprising, somehow, and leaves Brody feeling unbalanced. This week has pretty much been the longest they've gone without seeing each other, barring the summer break of their first year together.

She does look beautiful. It makes it easier to say.

…

She doesn't taste anything.

In fact, this entire evening is surreal. Brody hasn't said at all about the whole I was lying about moving in thing, and is politely small talking his way through dinner. He asks after her dads, talks briefly about the show, sympathizes with her about the difficulties and pressures of final year. He is charming, polite, perfect.

Rachel wonders, abstractly, whether Brody is deliberately being perfect in order to heighten her guilty conscience, to take some form of revenge in that manner. But no, probably not. He's too nice to even think of that.

Kurt wanted her to think about things, to see how she felt when she was sat in front of Brody. And she's here. And she feels… exactly as she did a year ago. And a year ago they were just fine.

But now… it's as though her heart has found an extra gear, an extra capacity to beat just that little bit harder, and Brody isn't going to be enough, anymore. This isn't going to be enough.

…

He manfully chomps his way through almost all of the entrée before the question claws its way up his throat.

'What's been going on, Rachel, please?'

Rachel places her knife and fork carefully to one side, and presses at her mouth with her napkin.

She sighs, after a second.

'This is hard, Brody.'

Brody nods, and waits. This week hasn't exactly been easy for him, either. This pause, while Rachel gathers herself, isn't easy.

'It's harder because you are sitting there, being perfectly civilized and pleasant, when you have every right to be completely furious with me.'

Brody looks down, and clears his throat slightly, because despite them both being drama students, he'd prefer to not have more words than are strictly necessary, on this occasion.

'You don't want to live with me.'

Rachel shakes her head, and then says no, firmly, as if Brody has just asked her whether she wanted to go live on the moon. As if it was never an option. He feels something inside him begin to crumble.

'But you pretended that you did.'

Rachel blinks upwards, towards the lights above them, and when she looks back her eyes are full of tears.

'I shouldn't have said yes. I'm… I've been very confused, Brody, and I'm sorry. But I didn't want to lose you, because you're so important to me, and we've done so much together, but… it's not right.'

Brody feels his mouth tighten as he fights not to react, and looks just past Rachel, over her shoulder, because it's easier.

'The living with me isn't right? Or the being with me? Did I do something wrong?'

At that point a waiter comes over, and removes their plates. There is a quiet enquiry about whether they would be wanting anything else, and Brody waves him away without checking with Rachel.

Rachel gulps twice, and then speaks.

'I've been awful, Brody… but it wasn't supposed to mean anything, but then it did, and now I can't get them out of my head.'

Them?

'There's someone else. You've met someone else?'

He didn't mean for it to come out as a question, because he doesn't want to know. Wants to be far away from this place, somewhere where Rachel isn't sitting opposite him, looking like this is hurting her.

'Yes…I'm sorry. There has been someone else. But it wasn't just them, that was just a… catalyst for me realizing how I've been, recently, and, well, I shouldn't be feeling like this, it isn't right, it isn't ethical, for this to continue as it is, because…'

This has the feeling of a pre-practiced speech, one that Rachel has been thinking about for a while, and tweaking her delivery, standing in front of a mirror to rehearse. The first stab of anger appears, and Brody cuts across her, sharp.

'Is this you trying to explain yourself, Rachel? Because honestly, I'm not sure I want to hear it.'

Rachel sucks in a deep breath, and seems to steady herself, before looking straight at him.

'No Brody. This is me breaking up with you.'

He thinks she says I'm sorry again. He cannot be sure.

...