Dean awoke to the sound of screaming.
He immediately went for the gun under his pillow, and he was out the door in three seconds. The second scream was recognizable as coming down the hall from Castiel's room. Dean ran threw open the door to find his friend not being tortured by demons like he had thought, but instead being tortured by a nightmare. He clicked the safety on the gun and slipped it behind his back, unsure of how to approach the man on the bed struggling with his blanket. As he made his way to the bed, the pounding footsteps of the younger Winchester approached, also with a gun in hand.
Dean felt proud for a moment before turning his attention back to another muffled scream. Castiel was thrashing hard enough to hurt himself. His back arched as he fought an invisible enemy.
"Sam grab his legs." The brothers moved in, Sam bear hugged Castiel's kicking legs and Dean went for his wrists. His nails were bloody, and there were long scratches and bright bruises on his arm. Dean climbed up and straddled Castiel's torso, keeping most of his weight on his knees but enough to keep him down.
"Cas! Wake up! It's a nightmare but you can wake up!" Castiel tried to buck them off with another heart wrenching scream.
"Cas, buddy, c'mon! It's just a dream man, you can fight it. Just a dream!" the screams taper off and the writing slows. Dean continues to encourage Castiel to end the dream, and finally the writhing ends.
Castiel blinks hard at the face in the darkness above him.
"Dean?" He whispers, sounding broken, Sam slowly removes himself off of the legs that are no longer threatening to kick.
"Yeah Cas, It's me and Sam. You were having one helluva nightmare." Dean moves off his friend and brings the writs he's holding down to the chest. He rubs a hand through the sweat soaked scalp of his friend. Even though he's awake, Castiel is trembling badly.
"Sam, go get me a first aid kit will ya? Looks like he scratched himself up pretty badly." Sam nods in the light coming in from the open door and walks out, leaving dean alone with a shaking Castiel.
Slowly, Dean sits down on the bed, next to Castiel's supine form. As soon as he gets close enough, Castel reaches out and wraps his arms around Dean's waist. Burying his face in the soft material of the pants over Dean's thigh. Dean continues to rub his hand through the short black hair. Dean can see the scratches on Castiel's arms where he scratched himself, there's also one under his shirt that's slowly staining the borrowed shirt. It hurts to see Castiel in pain. From the physical and the mental. At least the physical could be easily fixed. The mental will just have to wait till the Band-Aids and or stitches were done.
Now it was his turn to take care of Cas.
Sam arrives with the kit and Dean shoos him out, telling his brother that he had this under control, but asked to turn the light on.
Dean removed his friends' arms from his hips, all the while telling him that he needs to bandage the wounds. He props Castiel up against the head board. The man looks like he's holding back tears.
"Nightmare?" Dean asks while cleaning the scratches. Cas lets out a shaking breath and nods, his head low. Dean picks up the shirt to find three relatively small scratches under his tattoo, and on the opposite side of the torso, a bright blue and purple bruise in the shape of a boot tells a different story.
"Luckily you didn't scratch anything too hard, all these need is cleaning and some Band-Aids." True to what he said, soon all the blood is wiped away and bandaged. Once that was done Dean takes a wet wipe and sits sideways on the bed, cleaning out the gunk and blood from Castiel's hands.
"Want to talk about the nightmare?" he asks nonchalantly, not lifting his eyes from where he was cleaning blood off of a finger.
"I fell."
Dean is silent, continuing with the task at hand.
"I prevented my siblings from falling but I fell from heaven." The hand Dean isn't holding flex on the sheets. His voice is a whisper.
"And now…." He trails off, barely speaking.
"And now what?" Dean gently prompts, looking up into a normally stoic face that's breaking.
"And now I'm human. I'm weak and human." He morosely concludes. He weakly gestures to the scratches and bruises on his arms and chest.
Dean sometimes forgets that Castiel used to be a being composed of energy and light the size of the Chrysler Building. All of what used to be now reduced into a body that needs to eat and drink and walk to get places instead of flying.
Dean sometimes forgets that Castiel was more than the vessel of Jimmy Novak.
Dean forgets that his best friend doesn't know how to use things because he previously had no need for them.
Angels weren't tied to bodies like humans were.
Like Castiel is now.
Because he wasn't an angel anymore. Cleaning off the last finger, Dean lets out a long sigh and finds himself sitting next to Castiel on the bed, holding his friend in his arms.
"let it out buddy. Just let it out."
And he does. Castiel clings to Dean, fingers in his shirt and face in his shoulder while he cries remembering what he once was. For what he now is. Dean's shirt gets wet with tears and snot, he doesn't mention it and says nothing but soothing murmurs to calm down his friend.
Its oddly comforting to comfort someone else.
He didn't know that his friend was feeling these things about being human.
It takes a long while, but eventually the tears slow. Castiel says nothing, Face still buried in Dean's shoulder but the arms around his back do relax a bit. Every other breath catches but its slowing down. Dean isn't letting go any time soon.
Only when Castiel's breathes has calmed down almost all of the way does he talk.
"Better?" he feels the nod against his neck and Castiel isn't moving away. This position is no longer comfortable. But Dean doesn't want to leave. Maybe…
"Cas." The body against him stiffens slightly. He wouldn't have known if it wasn't pressed against him.
"Cas, this position is a little uncomfortable. Can we lay down?" the body stiffens but then relaxes when Castiel realizes what Dean wants. He nods again. Dean leads them both lower down on the bed. Castiel tucks himself under Dean's head and chest. This time grasping the front of his shirt. On the other hand Dean wraps the arm that he can over Cas's back. He doesn't mind if Cas's feet get a bit tangled with his own.
This feels right, being like this.
Dean rubs Castiels back in long, soothing motions. He can feel the muscles slowly relax under his ministrations.
"I know being human isn't as amazing as being an angel, but is it really all that bad?" he wondered. "There are some things that are good. Like pie. Good music. Uh, sunshine, the smell of rain, and other stuff."
"There's kindness." Castiel softly speaks into Dean's chest.
"There wasn't much of that in heaven. Love for our father, yes. But not kindness for the sake of kindness. I learned about that on earth." Dean hums a conformation.
"Peanut butter and jelly sandwiches." He gently declares.
"And soft sweaters."
"And…" he trails off
"Nothing else?" Dean wants to know.
"And the pleasure of touching and being touched."
Now that one had Dean stop breathing for a moment. What did Cas man by that? Play it safe Winchester.
"It is nice to touch people." He continues with the back rub.
"Most people need other people to touch. It's a human thing that isn't really explainable. Some people can do without other people, and some people cant. Some people have pets for that reason. They don't like or cant have someone, so they have a pet."
They both stay quiet after that. The only sounds is the air moving gently through the ventilation system and the sound of Dean's hand moving over Castiel's shirt.
It's a pleasant enough silence.
Dean thinks to how much touching he had done the past few days.
Due to his constant need for heat it was almost constant! He had almost always been held by someone. Maybe that's why it felt so good to hold someone else. Or maybe it was because he was waiting a long, long time to do this.
Or both.
"I made friends with a cat in California." Not what Dean was expecting to hear, but okay.
"And her very stoned but very kind owner." That was a little more expected.
"He had excellent weed." And that was vastly unexpected.
"Cas, you got high?" Dean remembered the stoned 2014 Castiel. Crazy, pill-popping, and still loyal as anything Castiel.
"As a kite." Was the reply, Dean can hear the smallest of smiles in the answer.
Dean's shoulders and chest shook in a nearly silent laugh. Cas with a little weed was different than the Castiel he saw in the future-past. Best not to think about that.
It was so nice to hold someone. Dean lifted his legs a little, making them practically touch the legs opposite him. He's been touching so much these past days, but he hasn't been able to give so much back. There's only so much one can do at less than four inches.
Their breaths intermingle in the silence, and both bodies relax into the bed and each other. Dean is surprised to wake up. He doesn't remember falling asleep.
To say that they woke up close was an understatement. Their legs were tangled together, Dean had an ankle hooked around Castiel's thigh. One of Cas's arms was draped over his back, and both of Dean's arms had made their way around Castiel's neck.
As Dean slowly extracted himself from his friend Castiel awoke.
Unsure of what to do, Dean relaxed rather than panicked.
"Bathroom." He muttered. Castiel nodded and pulled himself away. Now Dean was cold.
The light was left on in the room so he could clearly see where he was going. But it wasn't morning. Well, technically it was morning, but 4 am isn't a time to be awake. Washing his hands after, Dean paused. Head back to his room, or go back to Cas?
A big, empty bed, or one that held someone waiting for him?
In the end it was a no brainer he settled back into the bed with his friend, too tired to think about the consequences of his action. He curled around the warm body on the bed, not even thinking about tucking his knees behind the ones in front of him
On the other side of the bed, Castiel was perplexed.
He didn't think Dean would return from his excursion to the bathroom. Too worried about what might happen tomorrow, Castiel didn't fall back asleep, but to his astonishment, Dean walked back in with a yawn on his lips and neatly fit himself around Castiel's slightly smaller body on the bed.
This was more than confusing. But he wasn't going to deny the cuddle. Both men fell back asleep comfortable and warm.
Most of the bedrooms in the bunker didn't have windows. Dean's big one didn't. Sam's room had a small one in the corner. But Castiel chose his room for the nice big window that let in sun in the morning.
Too much sunlight in Dean's opinion. He buried his face in the thing in front of him in an attempt to block out the sun. It was the back of Castiel's head. Dean opened up his eyes to meet the back of a dark haired scalp. He had wrapped his arms around his friend and was the bigger spoon on the bed.
Maybe he can just ease his arms out from under Castiel… nope! He's waking up! Dean stopped moving as Castiel started to shift and wake up. Dean felt the body pressed to his chest grow rigid as Castiel realized what position they were in. Dean pulled his arms away from the warm chest.
"Mornin" he mumbled.
"Good morning Dean." That wasn't fair. Castiel's gruff morning voice sounded like a growl, but it was still so goddamn sexy.
"You feeling better?" Dean asked, checking that none of the bandages came off.
"A little." Castiel's eyes were mostly closed in a way that spoke of falling back asleep.
"Any more nightmares?"
"No, something kept them away." With that Castiel ducked his head but Dean still saw cheeks beginning to color.
After the interesting wake-up came breakfast. Dean learned that Castiel didn't know how to make eggs and promptly taught him how to make an omelet, sunny side up, and scrambled. Castiel liked all three.
Of course, Castiel never objected to anything Dean made. After breakfast, they both went their separate ways. Dean went to the exercise room and borrowed Sam's yoga mat for sit ups. Not that Sam would ever know. It felt better on his lower back than carpet or hardwood ever did. And 50+ year old weights were still weights. Working out was something that let him zone out. A safe place in his head. Sam likes to jog for the fun of it, the fit freak, but Dean exercised to stay fit. An out-of-shape hunter was a dead one. Or one stuck in research duty. Dean thought back to Bobby, when the grizzled hunter had lost the use of his legs. Bobby had gone on a few hunts here and there but was usually the home base for a few hunters around the country.
Bobby had liked Castiel once his duchy-ness had won off a bit. He put that out of his mind and went on to push-ups.
One rough workout session later, Dean is very ready for a shower. He passes by his room to get fresh clothes a soft tune drifts down the hallway. Castiel is still listening to the Beatles! Looks like he's found a new favorite band.
After the shower Dean makes himself lunch. Halfway through, Sam comes into the kitchen and fixes himself a sandwich, same as Dean.
"Found a hunt." Dean was wondering how long it would take Sam to approach him with a job.
"A ghost of a nanny who is get this, haunting the father of the kid she was looking after."
"Well that's a clear motive. Either he stiffed her or he stiffed her." Sam chokes on his turkey. He glares once he's done coughing.
"Dean!" he admonished. Dean shrugs.
"It doesn't make me any less right." He mumbles into the next bite of his sandwich.
Sam wants Dean to have one more good night's sleep in his own bed, (against Dean's insistence that he's in tip-top shape, but Dean is no match for the puppy dog eyes, even now) so they agree to head out early the next morning rather than that night. But that leaves a night for prep and, well, relaxing.
He heads to his room and packs his bag in ten minutes and then sits. He has nothing to do now. Sam is researching the case, probably a salt and burn, find the item that the deceased nanny is tethered to and burn it. Easy enough.
Without thinking he heads down the hall. He knocks on a door.
Castiel opens said door.
"Hello Dean."
Those words burn inside him.
"Hey Cas, I-we're leaving tomorrow morning for a hunt, do you want to come with us?" Castiel thought for a moment, and then shook his head in a negative. That wasn't surprising.
"Okay, do you want to do something tonight?"
"What did you have in mind?" Castiel asked, totally at ease. Dean shrugs.
"Movie? In the tv room?" Castiel bobs his head in a nod, his eyes focused on Dean's own.
"In an hour?" another nod.
"Great. See you then."
"See you then." Castiel echoes back, slowly closing the door.
Dean walks away. Okay. So, a movie, later.
Castiel likes popcorn.
He spends the next hour wasting time with games on his phone and making two pans of jiffy pop. He holds one steaming kernel up to his eyes. He was only a little bigger than this.
He was so fucking small.
He takes two bowls of popcorn to the tv room and settles on the couch, shifting to get comfortable. Castiel arrives a few minutes later, carrying his pillow. Dean doesn't ask when Castiel tucks it between his side and the couch arm.
Dean doesn't pay attention to the movie. He thinks he picked a western. There's probably singing at some point. He's just so aware of Castiel on the other side of the couch, wondering when and if he plans to leave next.
"Why what?" Castiel asks.
"What?" Dean's train of thought derails as he's brought back to reality.
"You just asked why. Why what?" something is happening on the screen, but neither of them are paying attention to it anymore.
"Why do you keep leaving?" at that question Castiel straightens and stiffens, his back becoming ramrod straight, like when he still had his grace and the stick up his ass. Dean watches as Castiel eyes the door, looking like he's ready to bolt. Dan shifts, moving halfway off the couch to catch Castiel if he takes off.
Castiel watches Dean prepare and sits back in his seat, deflating with a sigh.
"Why do you keep going off on your own without help? I get that you want to be on your own but you could at least let me-us help you set up somewhere with some credit cards and an apartment at least! But you keep going out and get shitty jobs and sleep who knows where and every time you call I keep expecting it to be someone else calling from a hospital!"
Both Dean and Castiel were surprised at his outburst. Castiel's looked morose, but that quickly turned to anger.
"Why do I leave? I leave because you push me away! Every time I come back you accept me with open arms and then a few short days later you reject me! So I leave! I try to survive on my own without you but I come back because I need you and the cycle starts all over again!"
"What are you talking about I reject you, I have never kicked you out-" Castiel quickly cuts him off, nearly yelling.
"You don't say it Dean, but you do it! I walk into a room and you walk out! You refuse to meet my eyes, or you disappear for days on end without a word of contact! You want me to leave so I do! And then you mope when I'm gone and accept me when I come back!"
Dean is beyond shocked. He didn't realize that his actions was what was causing Castiel to leave. He was really acting that badly towards his friend? Castiel waits for a reaction. But Dean is too shocked to say anything. With a soft sigh he stands up and walks past Dean. Well he tries, but a hand at his wrist stops him.
"Cas." Dean's voice is ragged and a little wet. It causes Castiel to turn around into a tight embrace of Dean's arms around him. It's a socks at first but in moments Castiel lifts up his own arms around Dean's back.
They stay like that for a while, just holding each other. Soon Dean's walls begin to crumble after the contact and affection that he's never allowed himself to give or take is accepted and returned. Finally he manages to speak, in a small and fragile voice.
"Don't go Cas. I need you." His fingers dig in to Castiel's back, holding his tighter. The former angel leads them back to the couch, easing Dean's arms off of him. Dean looks miserable, but locks eyes with Castiel once the other man places both palms on the hunters cheeks, holding him in place.
"Dean, I love you." Green eyes grow wide and fill with tears.
"I've loved you since I pulled you out of hell. Granted, I didn't understand what it was that kept pulling me back to you but it was love! Dean Winchester I will love you till the day I die, and long after that." He gently leans closer for another hug and Dean quickly buries his face in Castiel's neck, trying to hold back the sobs shaking his shoulders. A hand rubs the back of his head, smoothing through the short hairs in a soothing fashion.
He was so afraid that if he ever told him what he felt that Cas would reject him.
That Castiel would leave him.
But-Castiel said it! The L word no less!
"Don't leave." A husky whisper passes his lips.
"Never Dean. Never." Castiel promises.
"Cas, I-" Dean sniffs and sits back, wiping a sleeve over his wet eyes. Castiel is waiting patiently. Nothing but affection and patience in his eyes.
"I-I-" Dean's cheeks heat with the shame of not being able to admit love for someone out loud. He drops his head, ashamed of himself.
"It's alright Dean. You don't have to say it." Dean's head snaps up to meet the blue eyes. Two smooth hands hold his own.
"I know that whenever you said those words to someone else that it turned out badly. You don't need to say it."
"But-"
"Dean. Do you?"
He nods.
"Well then, I see no problem." Dean shifts so that he's holding Cas's hands within his own.
He stands, pulling Castiel with him. The ex-angel gives no resistance, happily letting Dean drag him through the hallway to the older hunter's bedroom.
Only once Dean pulls him through the doorway does Castiel pull his hand back. Dean turns his head to see Castiel wringing his hands.
"Dean. I don't- …" he trails off. This time its Dean filing in the blank spaces.
Once more Dean grabs his hands.
"Cas, we don't have to. You never have to. I-" Here he pauses and takes in a deep breath. "Will you sleep here, with me?"
"Tonight?"
"Every night. Forever."
"Yes, Dean." Those words. God, those words, he never wants to stop hearing this man say his name.
They climb under the covers, facing each other on the bed, just staring at each other. So overjoyed that they finally made it here.
Castiel rests a hand on Dean's face, stroking his cheek.
"Dean?"
"Hmm?"
"I don't think I like sex." By Castiel's previous reaction to Dean dragging him to his room he isn't all that surprised now.
"Is that a problem?" Castiel worriedly asks. As if Dean will stop loving him if sex is off the table.
"Never." Dean promises. When he imagined himself with Cas, he did picture sex, but now that he actually had him, the sex wasn't a necessity.
"Dean?"
"Yeah Cas?'
"I think I'd like to try kissing." He spoke firmly. Dean smiled.
"I'm all for that."
They moved closer to each other under the sheets.
Castiel was the one to move closer, placing his lips on Dean's softer mouth in a chaste kiss.
"How was that?" Dean asked.
"I want another." Castiel demanded, smiling. Eyes shining with unspoken joy.
And he got it.
Alright fellow fans, this is Supergirlprime with the last update to Minutus. I don't think I'm going to be posting anything else to anymore. Ao3 is easier to update and tweak. Speaking of, this story is up on my Ao3 account under the name Helloootricksterr and its edited a little better than this version here.
Love and kisses.