Chapter 20. What Kind of Man.

(A/N: this chapter contains explicit mention of someone being triggered, just as a warning to all of you)

Alfred hadn't slept, but that didn't come as much of a surprise. Every time he closed his eyes, every time he blinked, the image of Elizabeta was brought up. He couldn't shake it, the feeling of dread that overcame him every time he thought of her. He shook, he cried. It wasn't him, he couldn't be emotionally compromised from something as simple as this. It was just another death, that was all I could mean. He was a man surrounded by death, since the moment he was born, people were dying around him. It was only thanks to the kindness of the king that he and his brother had actually lived.

But was that really a good thing?

Come morning, after the people in his new team had gotten some sleep, they were up and walking around normally. Francis cooked a breakfast that Alfred only ate because he knew he needed the strength. He couldn't afford to be both weak in his mind and body. Alfred didn't listen to or talk to anyone throughout the morning, simply keeping to himself. He didn't even know if anyone tried to talk to him.

"Alfred," Arthur's voice finally broke him from his thoughts. He was still seated at the table, but the dishes were gone, currently being cleaned by Francis, Antonio, and Gilbert, who were laughing and joking with each other. Arthur frowned at him, but otherwise acted as if nothing was wrong. "You're coming with me today. I have a mission and I'll need you."

"Why me?" Alfred asked.

"I have those three doing something else today, Lovino is no good as a bodyguard, and Ludwig is necessary in this town, if five of us will be gone," Arthur said simply. "Towns like this must be protected, but he can handle that with Lovino, if necessary."

"What are we doing?" Alfred asked carefully.

"I'm meeting a contact," Arthur said. "To discuss what our next moves should be, seeing as our old method has failed." Alfred stared at the table once again. "I need a bodyguard."

"Fine," Alfred said. "When do we leave?"

"As soon as you meet me at the front door," Arthur said, turning to leave the room without another word. Alfred sighed and stood up, but surprisingly Gilbert stood in front of him before he could leave.

"What?" Alfred asked simply.

"Don't let what she said get to you," Gilbert sighed. Alfred narrowed his eyes, shaking his head.

"What makes us so different?" Alfred asked. "I should have died for him, too, but I didn't."

"That doesn't make you weak," Gilbert pressed. "Remember where she came from. She's not like you, by any means. She would never make the same decisions as you. She didn't die for loyalty, she died for respect. I don't know much about you and your brother, but I know that he saved your lives. How the hell would dying for him prove anything to him other than the fact that you don't care?"

"Thanks," Alfred muttered and turned and left as well. That was true, he hadn't thought about that before. He valued his life because the king had given it to him, in a way. Elizabeta had joined because of complete and utter respect for the king, as a man and leader. She followed orders because he was the king.

Alfred disobeyed orders because Ivan was a man.

When had he thought about it like that?

He joined Arthur at the door and the man nodded to him before leaving out the door. From observing, Alfred could tell that he had a few knives and guns on him. Alfred still just had his pistol with six shots. They walked into the streets calmly, though briskly, and Alfred simply followed him in silence. Was he still mad about what Alfred had said the day before? Alfred wasn't about to break the silence, he hardly knew how, and so they walked for quite some time in silence.

"Who is this contact?" Alfred asked eventually. They were going to the border, that much he knew, though they were walking through fairly busy streets, evidently hoping to be lost in the crowd.

"You'll find out shortly," Arthur said simply. "We have some time before we are to meet them, though I would like to be nearby just in case something should happen."

Alfred nodded and continued walking with him. The crowd thinned eventually as more and more people went to work and Alfred felt fairly obvious, though Arthur didn't seem apprehensive in the slightest. That is, until he caught sight of soldiers further down the road. He stopped for only a second before taking a sharp right turn. Alfred followed easily. Every soldier most likely knew the faces of everyone in Arthur's group, including Alfred. At the very least, Alfred knew the king hadn't given orders to kill him, but Arthur was another story entirely. That was why he was there, though. To act as a bodyguard. Alfred could see more soldiers as well, on regular routines to ensure that people went to their jobs. They would be in danger of being caught soon.

Alfred was proven right in just a few moments when there was a soldier straight ahead that recognized them. He used his radio to inform the others.

"Damn, I thought we could last longer," Arthur muttered.

"Why did you decide to take such a heavily populated road?" Alfred asked him.

"The crowds, though they dwindled far faster than I anticipated," Arthur sighed.

Alfred glanced around swiftly to find some way out of this situation. They were close to a street, cars moving quickly along it, though quite a few of them were parked on the side. Alfred gripped onto Arthur's wrist, pulling him along with him as he moved quickly towards the car.

"Do you know how to drive?" Arthur asked.

"Can't be hard to figure out," Alfred shrugged, quickly moving to the driver's side of the car, leaving Arthur at the passenger's side.

Arthur was extremely surprised. Alfred did pick up things extremely quickly, he was very adaptable. Which was exactly how he got himself stuck inside of a car going impossibly fast, just a few seconds after Alfred was confused about which pedal to use to go and which one to use to stop. Now, however, he was clutching onto the seat for dear life while Alfred had traces of a smile on his face, going whatever direction pleased him, managing to turn on a dime, despite the screeching of the tires. Despite all of this, not a single other driver was harmed, at least by him. The soldiers attempting to follow were not as kind.

"What, exactly, is your plan?" Arthur asked, about ready to hyperventilate from the stress of this car ride. He'd never ridden in a car before, never. He walked everywhere in his past, even with nobles. He wasn't worthy of a car, or some other garbage like that. It was a terrifying experience.

"You'll see," Alfred smirked slightly as he took a rather sharp turn. They had returned exactly where they had started. Did Alfred even know what he was doing, for crying out loud?! Alfred messed with the buttons on the dashboard until he found the one he wanted. "Jump."

"Are you insane?" Arthur snapped. Alfred had stopped steering, but the wheel turned for him. He had set it to drive automatically the same exact way he had done so during this whole circle. "Do you know how fast we're going?!"

"Slow enough to jump out if you do it right," Alfred suggested. He opened the door and ducked out without a second thought. Arthur took a deep breath to center himself before he did the same. The door practically closed on him from the force of the car moving and he rolled onto the ground. He got a few scrapes and his back hurt like hell, but as he crouched to recover, he found himself surprisingly…okay. Alfred ran up to him within a few seconds, pushing him into a tight alleyway and pushing him up against a wall. Arthur opened his mouth to protest, but quieted himself down when he heard the sirens on the soldiers' cars pass them by. He had no idea they were that far behind. They wouldn't have seen the two of them duck out of the car and there was no one on the streets any longer to point them in the right direction. It was a great plan.

Arthur allowed himself to collect his breath before he realized the situation he was in. His back was pressed against a wall as the taller man in front of him leaned against him, looking out to the street just to make sure no one was really following them. Arthur had never noticed just how muscular he was until he saw it that close and he found a light blush dusting his face.

"Alfred," Arthur said and Alfred seemed to notice as well, leaning back slightly. Arthur heard the sounds of his arms as they moved away. It was astounding to think that they were actually mechanical. They clanked slightly and it sounded almost painful, though if it hurt Alfred, he didn't show it. If Arthur had not been so focused on Alfred's arms, he would have seen the light blush on the man's face as well.

"We should keep moving," Alfred said and Arthur nodded. They would have to be more secretive now as they moved about, but that would be no problem for them. The only problem would be the daylight. Whatever possessed their bloody contact to do this in daylight, Arthur had no idea. But it was bloody stupid.

They moved quickly through the alleyways, though there were quite a number of soldiers. The news would spread to the king, surely, though Arthur had no clue how he would react. It was just a sighting, quite far from their hideout, though he could easily still send members from his dwindling team to take care of them. That would not be good with only two of them.

"You should rest," Alfred said eventually. They were near a warehouse where the only sound was people moving large objects to trucks, though they were a fair distance away, unable to notice them where they crouched in a dark corner.

"I'm fine," Arthur shook his head. He was panting quite a lot, though, and his legs ached. He'd been through far worse, though that had been quite some time ago. They still had some time, they could handle a break, surely. Thankfully, Alfred pressed the matter and so they sat down together. Alfred didn't show any signs of fatigue, though he did seem grateful to sit down. "Out of curiosity, do your legs ever get tired?"

"Like any machine, if they work for too hard for too long, they'll start to break down," Alfred nodded. "I have to be aware of it even though I can't feel it. And now I won't be able to get replacements very easily. This is the only pair I've got."

"And you've always been like this?" Arthur asked. "Without arms or legs?"

Alfred nodded. "During the revolution when the king took power, counterrevolutionaries found my brother and I and tried to have their fun with us. The only reason I need these glasses is because they slashed the eyes of both me and my brother. The king stopped them and it was thanks to him that we lived. The doctors did what they could, but our eyesight still isn't very good. And you can't sew back on lost limbs."

"Are they painful?" Arthur asked.

"When you change them, it hurts like hell," Alfred laughed slightly. "Growing pains took on a whole new meaning and the only reason I did it was because the king said I should. Luckily, I stopped growing a while ago, but I've broken a few others still." A cat walked up to them delicately, as if afraid of them. It approached Alfred and sniffed his foot, twitching slightly before rubbing up against his leg when it discovered he was no threat. Alfred looked at it carefully. "I've never known what it's like to feel something with my arms and legs. And I'm always afraid I'll break something if I hold it because I just don't know how much pressure is too much."

"The world isn't as delicate as you think," Arthur said simply, watching the cat as it looked up at Alfred expectantly. It wanted to be petted, but Alfred only patted its head delicately. The cat wasn't amused. "You'll find its rather hard to break what you want to."

Alfred looked at him with a small smile. His eyes had gotten brighter, evidently whatever Gilbert had talked to him about had helped him get over that slump he had been in about Elizabeta. Originally, Arthur had expected him to be a rather ruthless, emotionless killer. But he was pleasantly surprised now. He was full of suppressed emotions and thoughts that wanted to come pouring out, but he was holding them all back. Staring at each other like they were, Arthur didn't even realize that he was leaning forward with Alfred until the man blinked and swiftly stood, alarming the cat enough to make the creature run off to go find other entertainment.

"You shouldn't be afraid of your emotions," Arthur sighed, standing up with little effort. He hardly understood it himself, but he could feel his endlessly churning stomach the longer he looked at Alfred, the more he thought about him. He was such an interesting man and it was astounding how someone like him could be brought up like he was. Raised to be an emotionless assassin dedicated to the king, but in reality just a man trying to understand the world around him. That light blush returned to his face and he shook his head lightly.

"I shouldn't be…feeling anything," Alfred said, running a hand through his hair. "That's the problem."

"You'll find things make more sense when you don't just think about them analytically," Arthur sighed. "If there is something you want to do, I suggest you just do it. I find thinking holds you back."

"And what if it's the wrong thing to do?" Alfred asked.

"Then that is a problem you will just have to fix later," Arthur shrugged. "Just try it once. One thing that pops into your mind, just do it. See how it turns out for you."

"Anything?" Alfred asked, seeming almost skeptical, though it did seem as though he had something in mind. Arthur nodded carefully. Alfred bit his lip slightly, but he moved forward regardless. Before Arthur could react, Alfred placed his hands delicately on his head as he leaned forward and placed his lips on Arthur's. This was one of the first things to pop into Alfred's head? Surprisingly, Arthur didn't pull back or move away and neither did Alfred.

He felt his breath get taken away at the sensation of his touch and it had yet to return as Arthur pushed back. Arthur was able to push his memories and fears into the back of his head as he stumbled back slightly, hitting the wall. Alfred was…clumsy, inexperienced in something like this. Despite that, Arthur's mind was still reeling, his lips almost feeling like they were burning from his touch.

Arthur breathlessly pulled back just enough for him to nip lightly at the upper part of Alfred's neck, sucking slightly as he let go. Alfred gasped and groaned in surprise and pleasure and Arthur smirked. He at least knew how to do this. He could only do that one more time, slightly further down Alfred's neck, before the man captured his lips once again and Arthur felt all of his breath leave him all over again.

That was when he heard them. The men moving heavy objects from the warehouse beside them…something scraped against the ground, clanked loudly against each other. Chains. Arthur froze. They all flooded in, the memories, the pain, the words. He couldn't breathe, he started shaking, violently. He wanted to scream, but nothing came out of his mouth. He barely had the strength to push Alfred off of him. His body screamed at him for oxygen, but his lungs refused to work. All he could hear were those chains.

He felt his legs fail him as his wrists and ankles burned the healing bruise on his face all the more obvious to him as massive tears welled in his eyes, to the point where he couldn't even see, see the flashes of memories assaulting him as his body refused to stay still, shaking and trembling to the point where Arthur couldn't stay still, no matter how much he just wanted to curl into himself and die.

Those chains clanked and Arthur was forced to remember that feeling of utter humiliation, complete pain, and unforgiveable horror. It was years ago, but all of the memories were so fresh in his mind that it felt like they were happening to him in that moment. He still couldn't breathe, despite the fact that air was finally flowing into his lungs. He couldn't see around him.

"Arthur!" someone's voice cut through, and not those voices from his memories, the voices dripping in hatred and lust, that screamed at him when he had messed up without meaning to. But he just blended in with them.

"Don't fucking touch me!" Arthur finally managed words, shoving this mystery person as far away as he possibly could. Despite his hands being right in front of him, he couldn't see the trembling. It felt like the world was surrounding him, making it impossible for him to…to feel. To think. To do anything.

Alfred stared in wonder at Arthur, unsure of what to do. He hadn't known what had come over him earlier, deciding to kiss him like he'd seen countless people do it. He respected Arthur and his control and it was just an idea. Arthur had told him not to think about it. Now, however, he had no idea what was happening.

Arthur had started shaking uncontrollably, had pushed him away. He was on the ground, but it didn't look like he was aware of it, hyperventilating as he stared at nothing in front of him. Alfred had tried to get through to him, but he had been pushed away. Now Alfred knelt in front of the man, who was in a blind panic, unable to see the world around him. Alfred was helpless. Arthur's shaking hands attempted to cover his ears and Alfred paid attention to the sounds around him. The people moving were scraping chains across the ground.

Alfred decided, once again, to move without thinking, and placed his hands over Arthur's, firmly covering his ears. Arthur jolted, but when he looked at Alfred, his eyes focused. He could see him there. He was trembling and crying. It wasn't like Arthur at all. Whatever those chains were doing to him, it was truly horrible.

They stayed like that, in quiet. Alfred listened for the chains until they disappeared, but he stayed still for quite some time, to ensure they didn't come back. He carefully moved his hands off of Arthur's head. He was taking slow, deep breaths as his trembling calmed down, though it didn't disappear.

"Arthur," Alfred said delicately, and Arthur's attention snapped onto him. He was coming back to reality. "What happened?"

"Bullocks," Arthur muttered, curling tighter into himself and hiding his face. Alfred blinked in surprise. "You weren't…you shouldn't have…"

"Are you okay?" Alfred asked carefully.

"Do I look like I am okay?" Arthur snapped, glaring up at him. "No, I am not okay!"

"That sound," Alfred trailed off. He was trying to understand, he really was. But something told him that bringing up the sound was a bad idea. He didn't want Arthur returning to what he was like before.

"You would never understand," Arthur muttered darkly. He breathed in and out shakily before he looked Alfred in the eyes again. No one was around, the people moving objects into the truck had returned inside for more work, the truck was long gone, it was just them. "I'm not okay…"

"I can help," Alfred said. "You just need to tell me-"

"No!" Arthur snapped at him. "This isn't something to talk about. That? What just happened…" Arthur closed his eyes tightly, breathing deeply to calm him down. "The reason why I don't side with your king, why I'll never forgive him, is because he claims he has improved our society and yet he made it legal for people to sell others as property." Alfred blinked at him in surprise. That was news to him. He had heard of slavery, but Ivan would never allow for it to happen in his own country. He was a good man, he would never allow for that to… "You don't understand," Arthur shook his head, his voice angry.

"I…" Alfred muttered. He had heard the king's opinion on slavery. He hated it. Alfred had killed a man that had owned a person, though he only realized that now. Ivan had used different words for it, but regardless, he was angry.

So…Arthur was a slave? It made sense. He was a foreigner that didn't exist as a person. Alfred had really looked in the wrong location all along. He had been looking through people, not property. The chains…he had…been reminded….about…

"I'm sorry," Alfred muttered, not quite knowing what else to say.

"How is that supposed to help?" Arthur scoffed, tightening his hands into fists to glare at them while they trembled. "Legally, I am still not a person. That is why I refuse to be captured alive. They would simply return me to property. That is why I fight with the revolutionaries. To get rid of slavery once they take power."

"The king," Alfred said uselessly. "He would never allow-"

"The law states it is not allowed in public," Arthur said, his voice dangerously low as his eyes narrowed at Alfred. "That is the only law regarding slavery, no regulations, simply that we can't be seen."

"I-" Alfred tried to speak once again, but Arthur suddenly stood up, his hands clenched tightly, as if he refused to continue shaking.

"That was a terrible decision on my part, don't think it will happen again," Arthur said stiffly, turning to the street and taking a few, weak steps. "We should keep moving."

"Are you going to pretend that never happened? "Alfred asked.

"We are on a mission," Arthur said coldly, not looking at him. "I am a leader of a group meant to allow the revolutionary army to take the capital easily. I cannot afford to allow something like that happen to me. So it didn't happen."

"And you tell me not to lock up my emotions," Alfred muttered, though Arthur didn't hear him, walking ahead. Alfred sighed heavily, standing up and following the man through the empty streets, sticking to the shadows as much as possible. But Alfred could still clearly see Arthur trembling the entire time, tears occasionally forming in his eyes, but refusing to fall.

Pretty long chapter this time around, because I wanted so much to happen. Finally a USUK moment and I tried not to make it too sudden but I believe I failed. Oh, well, Alfred's not used to things like normal emotions, so it's kind of an excuse. In any case, Arthur's past has been revealed (but I will reveal even more because I have decided to give characters backstories, but you'll only see those at the end of the story) and in not the best way possible. I have never had a panic attack, though I have done research into it, I've helped some people through them, and I've read other fics with panic attacks so I put all of that information together and I hope it was fairly accurate. If it wasn't, I apologize and I will fix it if I can as fast as possible. So, Arthur was a slave, bought and sold as property, never considered a human, which is why he cares so much about stuff like that. More will be revealed in due time, not to worry.

Also, I must apologize, this weekend is pretty hectic with me, what with Prom, work, and a shit ton of homework piled on me. As such, this is the only chapter you're getting this week and I'm so sorry, but at least it was a long one, eh?

Anyway, thanks for reading and see you guys next chapter!