Everything © their respective owners
-LETMELOVEYOU
Hoshi: The Robins decide not to eat the carrots and meet some divine beings.
Warning: Het, slash, femslash, crack. The Robins are OOC as all get out, and I might have given up on making everyone else IC. This story doesn't really have a reason until the last chapter. And a TON of Fire Emblem: Awakening spoilers! Beat that game first if you care about spoilers! Marc is the defender of all things cute. No bulborbs were harmed in the making of this fic. Marriage means nothing to the Robins. Grima and Medusa seem to know each other. The masochism kink is strong in this chapter.
Hoshi: Wow, I've never written so many chapters for a story before…
-UNTILYOULEARN
Captain Olimar (and Alph. Kind of.)
"Huwahh!"
Pikmin fled the area while the large bulborb rampaged through. Since when did this enemy get so huge? Though that wasn't the problem for them. The problem was that Olimar wasn't around to direct them, and Alph was nowhere to be found either.
"Wah!" one of the pikmin tripped. The other pikmin looked back and stopped running, unsure of how to defend their comrade. One of the red pikmin crouched down, ready to attack the bulborb's legs when…
Well, when Marc happened.
"THORON!"
The bulborb staggered back from the spell and wailed. The pikmin scattered the battlefield and made room for the tactician to step in, a ticked off frown on the strategist's face.
"No one harms cute creatures on my watch!" Marc asserted, charging another thoron.
"Marc, you seriously need to stop…" Robin commented before she dashed at the bulborb and stabbed it. "We don't need,' she kicked the monster into the air, "any more pets!" She jumped after it and slashed it back to the ground just in time for Marc to cast another thoron.
"Ueahhhhh!" The bulborb turned into a twinkle in the sky.
"Awww…!" Marc picked up a yellow pikmin. "Look at its ears!"
"Marc, you can't keep them!" Robin scolded.
"And their pointy noses!" Marc was now holding a red pikmin.
"You're not even listening to me now." Robin stated the obvious.
"And I'm going to call you 'Chrom III,' yes I will!" Marc declared as he picked up a blue pikmin.
Robin sighed at the sight, but she supposed 'Chrom III' wasn't a bad name for a pikmin.
Meanwhile, Chrom II the luma hoped Marc didn't forget which Chrom was best Chrom.
.-.-.-.-.
"Thank you so much!" Olimar bowed to them.
"What were you thinking, man?!" Marc yelled, much to the alien's surprise. "The poor dears could've been hurt or…or eaten!" The tactician gasped at such a consequence. "And you call yourself a captain! Hmph!" He turned away with Chrom III the pikmin in his arms, who also turned away from Olimar.
'Dammit, Marc…' Robin thought. 'You're wrecking our chances again.'
"I…I suppose you're not incorrect…" Olimar said, looking down at his shoes. "I certainly wouldn't allow it to happen again, though."
"I'm supposed to trust someone who exploits these poor creatures for their own gain?!" Marc yelled, again. Robin rapped her knuckles against the top of his head. "Ow!" her male counterpart protested.
"Apologies, Captain Olimar." Robin bowed. "My counterpart hardly has any right to judge you."
"But I should treat my friends with better respect for all they've done for me." Olimar ceded. "He has a point there."
"So you'll take responsibility, then?" Marc asked. "Alph too since he could've helped avoided this."
"Marc, stop." Robin glared at him.
"As pikmin directors, that's our job." Olimar nodded, misunderstanding the implication.
"Wow, we have another marriage already." Robin whistled. "Good job, Marc."
"Wh-wha-?!" Olimar sputtered. "M-marriage?! But I have a wife!" He protested.
"Ha ha ha ha ha!" Marc laughed. "He says that like it matters!"
"We have a wife too!" Robin pointed out. "I'm sure yours can join if you want."
"I HAVE KIDS." Olimar tried to reason with them, grasping at threads. "A BOY AND A GIRL. We cannot get married!"
"Hey, we have kids too!" Marc started, "…in other timelines." He finished under his breath.
"We'll be the biggest happy family ever." Robin cheered.
"I…guess…?" Olimar had seemingly no choice but to agree.
'Oh dear, how will I explain this to the missus? Alph is going to be confused with his sudden marriage to these two as well. My, what an eventful day!' He thought to himself, sighing.
Greninja laid a flipper over the captain's helmet and nodded in understanding.
"Greninja." She said, which roughly translates to 'My sympathies.' It could have also been, 'You spin me right round.' This Pokélingo-to-English dictionary is suspiciously inaccurate…
Pit
"Ha!" Pit flew out of range of Marc's slash, firing arrows back at the strategist. "A mere mortal believes he can best a warrior of Skyworld?" The angel taunted, landing a good deal away from his opponent.
"Mere?" Marc echoed quietly, almost darkly. "You are forgetting that I am a self-insert Canon Stu whose body has been chosen as a vessel for the fellgod, Grima."
"I don't know how I can with how often you mention that." Pit answered, unfazed by the fact that Marc was now riding atop the shoulder of his purplish Grima. "Is that supposed to scare me? I've fought things that are waaaaay bigger than that!"
"This fool thinks size matters." Marc scoffed as Grima stretched out its wings. He exchanged his Levin sword for a Killing Edge and his Nosferatu tome for the Ruin tome. "Perfect." He admired the upgrade. "Now then," he turned to the angel again, "mere angel, KNOW YOUR PLACE."
"Hmph!" Pit was unimpressed. "You're not ready ye-BWAUGH!"
Grima buried Pit in the ground with one of its huge claws. The angel shook off the rubble and laughed.
"If that's all you've got, then this fight's in the bag!" He claimed. "Try this!" He charged forward with his Upperdash arm, only for Grima to catch him in the same claw that it used to bury him. "Well, that's not goo-HWAUGH!"
Grima slammed Pit into the ground again before raining a storm of spikes on him. It then used its tail to launch the angel back into the air.
"This is kind of unfair!" Pit protested when Marc dashed at him.
"Whine when you're dead." Was all the tactician said before slashing his opponent five times. On the fifth hit, Marc stepped on him, using the angel as a footstool and jumped off to land back on Grima's shoulder.
Grima then constricted the battered angel in its tail.
"Oh right," Marc charged his Ruin spell, "do tell Medusa that Grima sends its regards."
Grima let go of Pit while Marc fired the dark spell, sending Pit down so hard he…well, was able to see Medusa in her prison.
"…hm." Medusa looked up from her beauty magazine at the fallen warrior.
"Haaa…Gr-Grima…ahhhh…sends its…regards…" Pit managed to strangle out.
"Tch, you're so flashy, Grima." Medusa shook her head.
.-.-.-.-.
"You wrecked him!" Robin cheered. "That was great!"
"I don't know…" Marc sounded unsure. "I might've overdone it."
"Oh, true." Robin realized. "This might jeopardize the plan."
"I knew you two were wicked…" Pit's voice said behind them. The tacticians turned to see him walking closer. "I just hadn't thought of you as cheaters." The angel shook his head. "I may not know what your plan entails, but it sounds undoubtedly sinister."
"…and?" Marc asked, ready to draw his Nosferatu tome.
"What would you do if you were right?" Robin asked, reaching for her Levin sword.
"I wouldn't do anything." Pit answered. "Heck, I'd support you."
…
The Robins weren't sure what to say.
"While I was being tossed aside like a rag doll and clobbered like no tomorrow, I had an epiphany." Pit explained. "That whole evil Grima thing you've got going on is very…very attractive." The angel blushed. "Evil has never looked so good before. I hope Goddess Palutena forgives me for this insult to her heavenly light!"
"Huh, that actually worked out." Robin marveled, impressed. "I'm going to try that too, then."
"You can't expect to solve everything with violence, Robin." Marc shook his head.
"Forgive me, Goddess Palutena! Marc's just really hot!" Pit continued alternating between apologizing to Palutena and making comments about Marc's attractiveness.
Palutena
"Ah ha ha ha ha!" The goddess giggled as she jump-glided out of Robin's attack range. "This mere mortal believes she can take on a goddess? How laughable!"
"Mere?" Robin echoed, darkly. "You are forgetting that I-!"
"'Am a self-insert Canon Sue whose body has been chosen as a vessel for the fellgod dragon, Grima,' right?" Palutena interrupted. "Dear, please! Grima is not nearly as powerful as I…!" A look of shock dominated her features. "N-no…that's impossible! How are you…?!"
"Nothing's impossible, mere goddess of light." Robin said atop the shoulder of her obsidian-polished Grima. "And if you interrupt me again, I'll punish you." The tactician exchanged her weapons for a Waste tome and a Brave Sword.
"Are you truly so depraved and desperate that you'd resort to such a grotesque measure?!" Palutena narrowed her eyes in disgust.
"My goals are absolute and stand before anything else." Robin asserted domineeringly, in a manner one would expect from a queen. "Now then, goddess of light," she smiled sadistically, "ON YOUR KNEES."
"I'll never kneel before y-AAAHHHHH!"
Grima sent the deity flying. Then it wrapped its tail around Palutena and smacked her against a wall, sending a rain of spikes on her.
"Ow ow ow ow ow!" The goddess protested. The spikes couldn't pierce her blessed skin, but it hurt like a ton of needle-shaped bricks. "R-reflect!" She summoned a barrier.
"Tsk." Robin directed Grima to block the deflected spikes with a wing. The female tactician hopped onto the tip of the wing, and Grima unfolded it with enough speed to launch the strategist towards an unsuspecting Palutena.
"Oh, maybe the spikes stop-IIIIYAAAAHHHH!"
Robin landed on Palutena's back feetfirst, and then repeatedly stabbed her with the Brave Sword. She then cast Elwind downward, slashing the goddess and sending her skyward back to Grima's shoulder before the dragon wrapped its tail around Palutena.
"By the way," Robin said as she charged her Waste tome, "do tell Medusa that Grima sends its regards."
Grima let go of Palutena while Robin fired the dark spell twice, the first hit just to show her who's boss and the second sending Palutena down so hard she landed in Medusa's domain.
"Mmn…hahhh…" Palutena whimpered, body trembling. "Gr-Grima…regards…ahhhh…"
Medusa shook her head at the sight, taking out her magical cellphone. Whoever she was calling picked it up on the first ring.
'Hello?' the voice on the other end of receiver asked.
"Grima, stop sending your trash to the Underworld already." Medusa scolded the fellow dark deity.
.-.-.-.-.
"Did you see that?" Robin asked, excitedly. "I wrecked her! That goddess didn't stand a chance!"
"I don't know…" Marc said, skeptically. "This might not be good for the plan."
"I guess I overdid it…" Robin rubbed the back of her neck, sheepishly.
"Heathens!" Palutena's voice boomed behind them. They turned to see the goddess march towards them in rage. "That was most unfair of you, Robin! And I disapprove of your methods."
"Oh yeah?" Robin sneered. "What are you going to do about it? Cry?"
"I will defy you." Palutena declared resolutely. "Now and forever, I will not yield in my quest to purify you of this tragic decision you're making. So please," the goddess got down on knees, "punish me."
…
Marc blushed, but otherwise said nothing while Robin stared at the deity in shocked horror.
"I've been hurt and turned to stone before, but there's just something about the way you do it, Robin..." Palutena blushed at the memory. "I don't think I've ever felt this way when someone completely dominates me in battle before! It is…most…haaaa…exciting…"
"I…" Robin struggled to find the words.
"My body still aches from the aftermath of our match, I'm trembling…" Palutena's face continued to redden. "I don't think anyone else can give me what you did, Robin. I don't think anyone else can do it for me…"
"I…uh…" Robin looked away, "I'm not really into tha-!"
"Please step on me!" Palutena interrupted, eagerly. "Look, I interrupted you! I'm such a bad, bad goddess. I need discipline only you can administer, Robin."
"Goddess Palutena, please!" Pit helped her off the floor and out of that position. "Mortal courtship is different from those of deities!"
"Yeesh…" Dark Pit shook his head at the sight.
Robin's face paled at what her actions wrought while Marc just laughed to himself.
"I guess you're a queen in more ways than one, Robin." He pointed out.
"Sh-shut up, Marc!" Robin blushed profusely.
Dark Pit
The tacticians watched the black-clad angel with confused looks. The silence stretched on and-
"Didn't we already seduce Pit?" was broken by Marc's question.
"But this one is 'Dark' Pit." Robin pointed out.
"Is there any relevant difference?" Marc asked, shrugging his shoulders.
"Oh, I suppose you're right." Robin yielded, nodding.
"I'm right here, yanno!" Dark Pit looked up from what he was doing with a frown.
"Hey, we should ask him how he's different!" Robin suggested.
"I don't think he's really any different from Pit." Marc shook his head.
"Stop comparing me to Pit." Dark Pit warned, darkl….erm, coldly?
"Kind of hard not to when you look so alike." Marc said, not feeling guilty in the slightest.
"Yeah, well the same could be said for that Ylissean princess." Dark Pit pointed out. Flames surrounded the two tacticians, but nothing caught fire. The fallen angel raised a brow at this.
"Don't EVER assume that you and Lucina are of the same level!" Robin shouted.
"You're not fit to breathe the same air as her!" Marc added, enraged.
"Yeesh, you two sound like Pit whenever Palutena gets insulted…" the dark angel noted.
"Do you want us to clobber you, fallen angel?" The tacticians asked in unison.
"No thanks." Dark Pit said. "I'm not into that."
"Wow, me neither." Robin considerably lightened up. "I didn't expect us to have something in common."
"Stop getting along with him, Robin." Marc admonished her.
"Yeah, I'm just going to leave now." Dark Pit's good-bye went unheard as he left the room.
"But Marc, what about the plan?" Robin asked.
"I'm starting to question if our goal is really worth it." Marc muttered under his breath.
"You know the end result's worth all of it and more." Robin took his hand in hers.
Marc gave her a look before nodding his agreement. They retired to their room to form a plan of action. It wouldn't do to lose at this stage. Not at all.
.-.-.-.-.
After a long day of matches, Dark Pit left to his room. As usual, his win percentage ended up being higher than Pit's, at least. Maybe then they'd stop calling him 'Pittoo' if they realized he was a better fighter? Well, he wasn't going to hold his breath.
"I don't even care anymore…" Dark Pit lied to himself as he opened the door to his room and found…
…two Robins handcuffed together with collars around their necks that had chains connecting to his bedframe.
"Welcome back, master!" They chirped cheerily at the same time.
Dark Pit just stared at them.
Then he realized that it'd probably be bad if someone walked by and saw this, so he locked the door behind him.
Then he went back to just staring at them.
"You know, some people would just jump on us at this point." Robin suggested.
"Wha…why…?" Was all Dark Pit could manage.
"Well, for starters, we're pretty damn attractive." Marc flipped his hair with his unhandcuffed hand. "And for another reason, we're pretty helpless in this position." Well, that was a lie. Robin could break out of the chains whenever she chose, and Marc had master keys on his person.
"Why are you doing this not why would people jump on you…" Dark Pit clarified.
"Oh, that's what you wanted to know?" Robin cocked her head. "Well, you said you weren't into being clobbered, so we thought that meant you liked doing the clobbering."
"We're not particularly submissive," Marc pointed out, "but we DO have a lot of stamina, so you can be as rough as you wish."
"I…I'm not into that…" Dark Pit turned away at the offer, face reddening.
"Hey, me neither!" Robin said. "I mean, I do love some torture every now and then, but it's not something I do with people I fancy. I like you better than Pit already!"
A shiver went down the dark angel's spine.
"…say that again." He ordered.
"I do love some torture?" Robin repeated.
"No, what you said before that." Dark Pit clarified, turning his attention back to them, face reddening harder. "About how I'm better than Pit."
"You're better than Pit." Marc said. Though, he still didn't really see the difference.
"Again." Dark Pit requested, sinking closer to them, face flushed and eyes half-lidded.
"Better than Pit." Robin echoed. "Do you want us to insult him too?"
"No, that's not necessary." Dark Pit shook his head. "I don't hate him or anything. I just don't want people thinking I'm less than him just because…you know… The comparisons are way too annoying. I'm me before I'm his dark palette swap…"
"Of course." Robin nodded. "A difference in personality doesn't mean anything in a fighting game where the only thing that matters is how you fight, but here…"
"Behind closed doors, alone with someone who cares, the difference is clearest." Marc finished. "So, do you want to show us how different you are in bed?"
"Sheesh, you two get right to the point, don't you?" Dark Pit's face reddened again. "Is subtlety a rarity in your universe? I would think mortals would be a bit more romantic…" His eyes fell on their bindings. "T-take the chains off. They're making me uncomfortable."
"Aw, you're no fun!" Robin snapped the chains with her monster strength, taking the dark angel by surprise.
"You're surprisingly vanilla about all this." Marc said as he unlocked the remnant of metal around Robin's wrist and neck. "Is this your first time?"
"Sh-shut up!" Dark Pit snapped. "You both need to get your minds outta the gutter! We are not doing what you two are suggesting!"
-TOLOVEYOURSELF
Hoshi: I planned for masochism, and I got more than I bargained for somehow. And this story just keeps getting more and more suggestive, but I can assure you guys that nothing 18 and older has happened in this family-friendly game!