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Hoshi: The Robins heard there was a third party. They're going to crash it.
Warning: Het, slash, femslash, crack. The Robins are OOC as all get out, and I might have given up on making everyone else IC. This story doesn't really have a reason until the last chapter. And a TON of Fire Emblem: Awakening spoilers! Beat that game first if you care about spoilers! Chili dogs, yeah! How do I Mega Man? Pac-Man didn't agree to this. How do I Xenoblade Chronicles?
-EEEEEEEEEIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEIIIIIIIII
Sonic the Hedgehog
"You know, I was warned about people like you…" Sonic said in between bites of his chili dog. "I just thought you'd be creepier about it, but buying me food's pretty nice." He finished it off happily. "You guys are all right!"
"Don't you have any qualms about having your affection bought with lunch?" Marc asked as he handed Sonic another chili dog.
"Nah, it's cool." Sonic was already eating again. "I mean, if you went around telling everyone we were dating and chased after me halfway across the world with a huge hammer, then I'd probably just run away forever."
"Poor Amy." Robin shook her head.
"Hey, I'm the one who's getting hit with that giant hammer!" Sonic protested. "Feel a little sorry for me, you know!"
"Well, you can't help but side with the one whose love is unrequited…" Marc smiled softly. Not that he ever had his love unrequited and would know or anything! …heh heh.
"I thought you guys were supposed to be wooing me or something." Sonic rolled his eyes. "Bringing up Amy kinda kills the mood, you know."
"Aw, the mood'll come back." Robin handed him another chili dog. "Nearly everyone in the roster didn't fall for us for no reason after all."
"And besides," Marc started to reason, "if you marry us, you won't have to worry about Amy bothering you. She can't do anything if you're married, right?"
"Well, not that that stopped us or others…" Robin muttered under her breath.
"I'm pretty sure Amy'd fight you both for that." Sonic said as he helped himself to another chili dog.
"Then we'll just kill her." Marc said flatly. Sonic choked on his food.
"Wh-what?!" The hedgehog sputtered.
"He meant to say torture her?" Robin offered. The expression on Sonic's face worsened.
"I'm not in love with her, but that doesn't mean I want her hurt like that." Sonic crossed his arms. "Or dead. What's wrong with you two?"
"Oh, you know," Marc laughed nervously, "it's that…uh…war mentality. We've spent so much time being thorough and eliminating threats, sometimes we forget that these fights aren't to the death, hahaha…"
"But it's not like we jump straight to death and torture threats all the time!" Robin pouted. "We're pretty sensible people after all. Tacticians have to be smart about these things."
"Hm…" Sonic should probably question this more and be very concerned. On the other hand, chili dogs. "All right." He nodded as he got another.
'Phew…' Marc let out a sigh of relief.
'We're almost there, Grima.' Robin rolled her eyes. 'Reign it in a little, will ya?'
Megaman
"Um…" Megaman looked at the Robins awkwardly. "Why are you two hugging me?"
"It's just…it's just so sad, you know?!" Robin said in between her sobs.
"The way your company treats you…" Marc sniffed. "It's unforgivable!"
"Oh, that's all?" Megaman raised a brow. "It's not like it's news to me. And…well, I kind of like it here even if Capcom hasn't paid me much attention."
"But we kind of get it, Megaman." Robin released him as she said that.
"Intelligent Systems doesn't give Fire Emblem the same treatment," Marc released him as he started his explanation, "but Fire Emblem's popularity was practically dead pre-Awakening. Our game was estimated to be the very last one in the franchise if we didn't do well."
"There was so much pressure…" Robin looked down at her feet. "And they kept complaining about our feet. When did everyone develop such a bizarre foot fetish, anyway? Why did they care so much?"
"But it paid off, right? And I think they've stopped complaining about the feet by now." Megaman tried to cheer them up. They seemed to need it more than he did at the moment.
"Yeah, we've got another game coming up after ours, and I've stopped caring about the feet comments." Marc smiled. "It's just…"
"Are we going in the right direction?" Robin asked. "More self-insert canon sues and all with their customizable options and more moe fanservice waifus to drool over."
"Not that the old Fire Emblem games weren't the same, honestly," Marc shrugged, "but we all know who they're going to blame for this so-called 'new' trend."
"Should we even have been made at all if they hate us so much…?" Robin continued staring at the floor.
Megaman was at a loss for words. The atmosphere in the room got really heavy all of a sudden as the two tacticians continued expressing their worries. He didn't know they had concerns this intense, but just as he was about to say something, anything, to break it up…
"Stop right there." A cold voice snapped everyone out of it.
"H-hero King?" The Robins looked up at him.
"Don't apologize for being popular." Marth ignored them in favor of delivering his speech. "Not everyone in the world's going to love you, so focus on the people whose opinions are worth caring about and pay no mind to the rest." Sparkles fell around him as a beam of natural sunlight illuminated his heroic features…how the heck? Did someone leave the Shojo manga filter on? "And absolutely do not apologize for saving our franchise."
Megaman watched the Robins blush at that. Well, looks like he didn't need to say anything after all.
"You're the descendents I never asked for, and honestly, I'm very disappointed," Marth continued as the Robins face faulted, "but you've introduced a great deal of concepts and content to the franchise as well as integrating the old mechanics we're known for. I can only see a bright future thanks to your efforts. Awakening deserves every bit of respect as any other title in Fire Emblem."
"Yea-!" Ike started to agree.
"Shut up, Ike." Marth quickly snapped. "No one cares."
"…rude." Ike crossed his arms.
"Thanks, Hero King." The Robins said as they tried to give him a hug. Tried. He held a sword at both of their throats somehow. A single man should not possess this much skill.
"Did I give you permission to touch me?" He hissed.
"…no." The Robins put their outstretched arms down.
"I'll let no one speak poorly of my descendents, but you should know your place." Marth sheathed his Falchion. "Hero King has spoken. I'm out." He left just as quickly as he had entered.
"Don't let it get to you guys." Ike reassured the tacticians. "He still treats you two and Lucina better than he'll ever treat me." The Tellian lord also left just as quickly as he appeared.
"I think the less I know about Marth's weird distaste for other people in his franchise, the better." Megaman observed.
"Our apologies to you, Megaman." Marc bowed.
"This was supposed to be about you, and we made it all about us…" Robin explained.
"That's oka-!" Megaman started.
"No, it isn't!" Robin denied.
"Let us make it up to you." Marc offered. "What would you like to do?"
"Well…" Megaman thought it over.
.-.-.-.-.
"AHAHAHA, KNEEL YOU WORMS!" Robin ordered excitedly as she slashed her way through the robot masters.
"Wow, she beat Quick Man pretty…quick…." Megaman commented helpfully.
"Well, she gets the hang of weapon handling easily. And once she does, it's practically a slaughter." Marc nodded.
"So…is she always like that?" Megaman asked, gesturing to Robin as she ripped another robot master apart.
"I think she's become more violent since we've arrived here." Marc cocked his head.
"Huh." Megaman hummed. "I can't really imagine her being less violent."
"…you know, I can't either." Marc agreed as Robin set another robot master on fire.
"Heh…I was actually going to impress you guys by defeating them all on my own." Megaman admitted.
"Apologies that Robin stole your thunder, I suppose." Marc chuckled. "We can let you have the next one if you wish."
"No, that's okay." Megaman shook his head. "That's not the point anyway." He scratched the back of his head. "Um…I didn't get to say this earlier 'cause Marth kind of stole the spotlight, but…uh…"
Pink bubbles surrounded the two. Marc shrugged it off since this always inexplicably happened during the S-support scenes.
"I just want to say that I'm glad they made you. And even though we haven't known each other all that long, I'm glad we met." Megaman confessed.
…
'Intense!' Marc blushed hard. 'That's a really intense line! Man…! How am I supposed to make a joke out of that?!'
"What's with you and dating robots?" Robin asked in between slashing apart another robot master.
"Jealous much?" Marc scoffed. He internally thanked her, though.
"Pff-no!" Robin blushed. "You can keep your wires and AI or whatever, nerd!"
"Heh…" Megaman chuckled.
Pac-Man
"So we're appealing to our target's stomach again?" Marc asked as he helped his female counterpart gather power pellets.
"Well, it worked for Kirby, DK, and Sonic, didn't it?" Robin answered. "Man, it feels so weird being a 2D pixel sprite model thing…"
"Not that we haven't been before, though I guess this form is pretty low grade compared to our sprite models in Awakening." Marc gestured to his 8-bit self.
"Wonder if this is how Mr. Game and Watch feels all the time." Robin cocked her 8-bit head.
"Except we aren't really in a 3D world." Marc threw a couple of pellets in his basket. "That should do it!"
"Gathering power pellets is pretty easy." Robin picked up her basket. "I wonder why Pac-Man has such a hard time with thi-!"
AND SUDDENLY GHOSTS.
"What the-?!" was all Marc got out before Blinky wrecked him. "AAAGGGGHHHHHH!"
"Marc!" Robin went to his side as his 1-Up kicked in.
"Robin, we have to get out of here!" He picked up his basket and took her hand.
"What, but I can take 'em!" Robin picked up her basket and tried to reach for her sword…well, as best as she could when her free hand was holding Marc's. "Hey, wait, where're my weapons?"
MEANWHILE…
"Char?" Charizard asked Greninja as the blue frog pokémon was handling a levin sword and some tomes. Charizard could've been asking, 'What are you doing with those?' or 'I need this charcoal, man, I NEED IT NOW.'
"Ninja." Greninja answered. She could've been replying 'Ninja' or 'I'm putting a curse on these to discourage Robin from marrying more people without my permission.'
"Char…" Charizard shook her head. She either said, 'Seriously, the charcoal. I neeeeed it.' or 'I see…'
Greninja puffed her chest out in pride.
AND BACK TO THE ROBINS!
"Just keep running, Robin!" Marc ordered. "We'll make it out of here!"
"Dang it!" Robin took Marc down a different turn when Inky randomly showed up in front of them. "Where are our admirers? They should be protecting us right now! What's the point of enslaving these people with our charm if they can't be used as shields?!"
MEANWHILE…
"I'm-a going to save-a them!" Luigi declared bravely. "I have-a the Poltergust 5000, after all!"
"But I'm-a the hero!" Mario protested.
"I'm the King of Dreamland!"
"I'm the queen of Hyrule!"
"I am the general of Palutena's army!"
"I'm the goddess of light, all of you can just step off!"
"I'm the most badass one here!" This is Samus. No one else can compete.
AND BACK TO THE ROBINS!
"Shoot!" Marc and Robin skidded to a stop as the ghosts surrounded them. "Now we're done for…"
"I can't believe we're going to die to Pinky and Sue as 8-bit sprites holding baskets of pellets!" Robin shouted.
And then a giant yellow circle with a pizza slice cut out of it came and ate the ghosts, effectively saving the Robins from their untimely demise.
AND HIS NAME WAS…Round Spongebob. Who doesn't live in a pineapple under the sea.
…nah, it's Pac-Man.
"Wow, thanks, Pac-Man!" The Robins exclaimed as they handed him their pellet baskets.
Pac-Man happily munched his reward as he took a seat in between them.
"So…" Robin started before Pac-man wagged a finger at her.
"Don't fall for me." He said in the most rugged and manliest way possible. "I have a wife." He explained.
"Ahahaha!" The Robins signed some marriage forms.
.-.-.-.-.
"Congrats, you're all married now." Palutena said.
"Wait, I didn't agree to this." Pac-Man protested.
"Ahahaha…" The Robins were still laughing.
"Char?" Charizard asked Greninja. She probably asked, 'Potatoes?' or 'Is Ash Ketchum still ten?' or 'So, that curse?'
"Greninja." Greninja answered. It was either 'Wait for it.' Or 'HAIL GRIMA!'
"ANDIIIIIIIIEEEEEIIIIIIIEEEEEIIIIIWILLALWAYS-!" rang Marc's cell, but before it could finish the verse, he picked it up. Robin sang the rest of the ringtone anyway.
"Hello?" Marc answered.
"Guess what, sucker?! You've got debt! AHAHAHAHA!" answered the voice on the other end of the line. The Robins' faces paled before they fell to their knees.
"WE HAVE TO GO BACK TO SMASHVILLE!" Marc cried out in despair.
"NOOOOOOOOO!" Robin sobbed.
"Pika." Pikachu said to Greninja. He either said 'That was cold, girlfriend.' or 'Dang, girlfriend.' …somehow, neither of those seem right.
Shulk
"DIE!" The blond ordered as he leapt down on the Robins, monado in hand. The two rolled out of the way to opposite sides, losing only a few strands of their hair. Robin brandished her Levin sword while Marc pulled out his Nosferatu tome.
"What do you think you're doing to my Robin?!" Zelda, Peach, and Zero Suit Samus demanded. All three girls then gave each other angry looks, as if they were going to fight each other rather than the guy that nearly cleaved the tacticians in two.
"You won't get away with this unprovoked attack." Meta Knight pointed his blade to the new swordsman. Link and Mario just charged in, weapons and flames out.
"Jump!" Shulk activated, leaping off the ground. "You don't understand." As he landed, he ducked under Lucario's aura sphere and whirled to block Greninja's water shuriken. "I foresee a terrible future if these," he parried a luma and knocked Kirby away, "two are allowed to continue living!" He back-flipped away from the crowd, landing at the top of a staircase.
"The Robins would never do something like that!" Toon Link denied, firing a cannonball at Shulk. Bowser and King DeDeDe just laughed at the fact that people still thought the Robins were anything but evil.
"And Marc would never harm a cute creature!" Rosalina added, though her gaze strayed to Kirby and Meta Knight.
"I see it's too late for you all…" Shulk pulled out a glowing sphere.
"1011111000001110 10101010101111 00011111011100001?!" R.O.B. asked, taken aback.
"Where did he even get that?" Fox asked, though he was trying to shoot at it. Better he get it than the newcomer.
"I have to do what I must!" The monado-wielder crushed the ball in his hands. "To challenge my fate and protect the future!"
'Can you believe this loser?' Robin raised an eyebrow at her male counterpart.
'I know, right?' Marc smiled at her. 'Who does he think he is, Lucina?'
Shulk used his Final Smash and had Dunban promptly deal with the crowd in front of him. He hadn't aimed for the Robins, wanting to deal with them personally, but the crowd of smashers had jumped in to be shields for the Robins anyway. The smashers fell in a heap of unconscious bodies around the Robins, who didn't really bat an eye at their sacrifice. Though Marc was a little irritated that Shulk didn't even show any mercy to the many cute creatures. Dunban gave Shulk a small nod before he disappeared and left the boy to finish what he started.
"Please forgive me, my fellow smashers…" Shulk murmured quietly. "But I'll make sure to protect this place." He pointed his blade at the Robins.
"You said you saw a dark future?" Robin asked, curious.
"Mind sharing what you saw?" Marc continued, also curious.
"No need for words." Shulk melted into a more offensive stance. "Not for villains like yourselves."
"Might want to check that foresight of yours one more time." Robin advised, eyes darkening.
"Can never be too sure." Marc added, eyes also darkening.
"Tch." Shulk would've ignore them and charged, but his eyes lit up and he froze. "Oh no!" He turned around, lifting the monado up to block as he expected to be hit by Robin from behind, but she wasn't there. "What…ACK!" Robin knocked him out with the blunt side of her sword.
"Look too far into the future, and you'll face consequences." She mused, dragging the unconscious body to the room she shared with her male counterpart.
.-.-.-.-.
"Olghh…" Shulk groggily opened an eye. He attempted to feel around for his monado, but found his whole body bound to a bed that was definitely not his.
"He knows about our plan." Robin hissed. Neither of them seemed to have noticed that he was awake, though. "We have to kill him."
"He also knows that our plan succeeds." Marc pointed out. "So there's no reason for us to stop what we're doing now, and even less reason to commit murder. He'll fall just like any other smasher, and we'll be the ones who reign victorious in the end."
"You two will never win!" Shulk declared as he struggled against his bonds.
"Oh, he's awake." Robin hummed. "Impressive, but when did that happen?"
"Are you feeling all right?" Marc asked sweetly.
"You can't fool me!" The blond exclaimed. "With your immense strength and skills and constantly sparkling attractive faces! I know what you two are on the inside. I know what you hide…"
"Then, do you know who we're ultimately doing this for?" Robin asked, all pretense gone. She genuinely wanted to know just how far Shulk's foresight went.
"Your purpose couldn't mean any less to me." The bound swordsman rolled his eyes. "All I know is that this place will be bathed in a sea of flames and destruction if I don't stop you two."
"It doesn't have to be." Marc suggested. "If you tell us what happens, we could work with you to prevent it. After all, we have our fair share of defying fate and preventing a horrible future from coming to pass."
"I refuse." Shulk said immediately.
"Wouldn't you rather have a future where we don't have to die?" Robin asked.
"If I do anything other than try to stop you, I'll end up falling in love with you." Shulk explained. Then he realized he just gave the Robins a pretty big hint and mentally smacked himself. "Not that I'd ever fall easily! Fiora is the only one for me! Or maybe Melia depending on preferences… I'm not sure sometimes, fans are very vocal."
"Is that so?" Marc smirked, eyes darkening. "I think we could change your mind."
"We can be surprisingly persuasive." Robin leaned in, casually playing with one of the knots that kept the swordsman tied down. "And I bet Fiora and Melia aren't nearly as experienced and open as we are."
"M-maybe not, but I…what…?" Shulk blushed luminescent as the Robins showed no signs of stopping what they were doing. He probably could've escaped considering that Robin had untied most of his binding at this point, but the tacticians looked really really attractive in less clothing and…
'Shulk, no! Think of Fiora and Melia, Fiora and Melia, Fiora and Meli…a…' The Robins settled on either side of him, two pairs of hands roaming and tracing circles on his skin.
"…I don't even care anymore." Shulk gave in, thoughts of the Fiora and Melia disappearing from his mind for the rest of the night.
-WILLALWAAAYSLOOOOOOVEYOUUUU
Hoshi: I honestly don't know much about the Megaman or Xenoblade Chronicles franchise, so I definitely got some details wrong. OH WELL!
Hoshi: And yeah, I like Awakening. It's not my personal favorite in the franchise, but I like it. And honestly, I think it's a good thing we have so many new fans even if they're not all acquainted with the inside jokes and older titles. They have time to learn and can check out the older stuff at their leisure. There's no rush. Maybe that should've been said a long time ago, but better late than never, right?