Everything © their respective owners
-THISISHOWTOBEAHEARTBRE-EAKER
Hoshi: The Robins reveal their great master plan.
Warning: Het, slash, femslash, crack. The Robins are OOC as all get out, and I might have given up on making everyone else IC. This story doesn't really have a reason until the last chapter. And a TON of Fire Emblem: Awakening spoilers! Beat that game first if you care about spoilers! The struggles of a polygamous relationship. Random Japanese, oh no, this fic is now officially awful oh nooooo! Who's the cutest, Marc? Who's the CUTEST?! Rosalina finally gets revenge. Ganondorf settles the score with DeDeDe. BOT FIGHT BOT FIGHT BOT FIGHT. Catfight. Don't you touch my princess/goddess, you pleb! Let's stretch our shoulders. F-ZERO DEATH RACE. Special Edition Fire Emblem round. Ness cheats at poker. Shulk cheats at everything. The Robins don't actually explain everything completely yet.
-GET'IMFALLIN'FORASTRA-ANGERAPLA-AYER
"Hey, guys, I have bad news for you!" Robin was awfully cheery for someone about to deliver bad news.
"And I have divorce papers!" Marc added, just as cheerfully as Robin was speaking. And then he threw the divorce papers all over the floor.
"Greninja?!" Greninja demanded. Unfortunately, the dictionary was burned, so a translation on what Greninja is saying is currently unavailable. Would you like to purchase another dictionary? Accuracy is not guaranteed.
"Wellll, you know how we were really open with this whole harem thing and wanting to marry everyone on the roster?" Robin asked, though her question was rhetorical.
"Yeah, that's not really working out for us." Marc shrugged. "I mean, sure we married like, fifty people and all, but never all at the same time! …Or even in the same timeline, jeez! This whole unfeasibly huge harem thing is a lot of work that we don't really want to put in anymore."
"Marc and I wouldn't mind marrying just one person here in this timeline, though." Robin winked. "Since he and I are one and the same, you'll have to marry us both, but I don't think that'll be a problem."
"But which smasher should we choose?" Marc wondered out loud.
"The answer should be obvious." Lucina flipped her hair. "I know for a fact that you two like me the best out of everyone here. There's no contest."
"Ninja greninja!" Greninja protested. She said, '待って！ルフレと初結婚するポケモンは私だから、私だ！' Hey, this is a pokélingo-to-日本語 dictionary! And it's not even that accurate! The message no longer matters. Burn it.
"Hold it, what about our woman-to-woman bonding moment, Robin?" Zero Suit Samus asked. "Are you trying to tell me that meant nothing to you?!"
"Forget your bonding moment with Robin!" Megaman rolled his eyes. "My intense as heck moment with Marc carried way more weight!"
"I think you're all forgetting Marc's intense love for cute things." Rosalina 'tsk'-ed. "We all know about Robin's obvious obsession with seducing women and with my care-taking of the lumas, I'm the best choice for both of them."
"I-I wasn't obsessed with seducing women…" Robin weakly denied.
Marc gave her a level stare before showing her some clips on his tablet.
"Dibs! I'm going to seduce my first girl!" said the Robin in the video on his tablet.
"Another girl to seduce!" said the Robin in the next video.
"Well, if you really don't want to, then I guess it's up to me to seduce her!" said the Robin in the next video…and well, you get the idea.
"WHY DO YOU HAVE THAT?!" Robin flailed. "Dammit, Marc, stop being good with technology just to embarrass me and stuff!"
"Maybe you should stop living in the pseudo-Medieval age and learn how to technology!" Marc turned his tablet off and tucked it back in his robes. "Anyhow, Rosalina brings a fine point. Her being a seduce-able woman and possessing many adorable creatures in her care are indeed very appealing. And I do miss Chrom II." Marc blushed as Chrom II floated towards him for cuddles.
"But I'm cuter." Toon Link protested.
"Poyo!" Kirby raised his tiny widdle fingerless hand.
"Pika!" Pikachu's ears twitched. The dictionary says, 'Moi.' Wonderful, now it's in French.
"Jiggly!" Jigglypuff puffed out her whole body. The dictionary says, 'ENOUGH BABBLING, YOU PLEBS! IT IS I WHO IS THE MOST CUTE! KNOW YOUR PLACE!' Why is this dictionary entry in Caps Lock?
Yoshi was mildly offended that everyone was forgetting him and his adorable kids, but he said nothing in favor of protecting said adorable kids. Meta Knight would've said something, but he had a reputation to maintain.
"Well, a lot of girls find me cute too, you know…" Pit pointed out.
"You are not tiny enough, Pit. You've lost the game." Marc delivered in the most serious, deadpan voice. Pit dejectedly went to Palutena for comfort while Dark Pit laughed.
"Robin, you said I was cute, so…" Peach brought up.
"I'm not the one with the cute obsession." Robin shook her head. Peach dejectedly went to her toads and Mario for comfort.
Chrom II the luma, Chrom III the pikmin, and Chrom IV the baby yoshi stepped up to the stage. It was time to settle this.
"They want to know which Chrom is best Chrom." Olimar explained. Before Marc could say anything, Lucina slammed her Falchion into the ground hard enough to crack it.
"Obviously the original!" The Ylissean princess declared.
The cute creatures that shared Chrom's name bawled their adorable widdle eyes out.
"Nonono! Don't cry!" Marc rushed to their side. "Don't cry… You can have this star bit. And you can have this strawberry. And look, you can have this musk melon! Awww, don't cry… You're breaking my heart here…"
"Considering how strongly Marc feels about small cute things, I think we can assume only the cute ones have any real shot at this." Rosalina smirked. "The rest of you don't stand a chance!"
"Wow, I like how you're all ignoring my opinion…" Robin muttered under her breath.
"Then, who do you think is the cutest, Marc?" Toon Link demanded.
"Uh…." Marc stared dumbly as every adorable smasher put on their best cute face. "I…uhhhh…."
"Why make us do all the work?" Robin cut in. "Don't you all want a fair chance at this opportunity too? I don't think it's all that fair if we just make a decision."
"Then what do you propose we do?" Ganondorf asked. He totally knew where this was going, though.
"Fight for it." Robin all but ordered. "Last one standing wins."
Now normally, someone would protest about this being a little weird and that maybe an about 45-way brawl in a building that comfortably accommodates them is probably a bad idea.
Unfortunately, they were already doing their 45-way brawl without Robin or Marc saying any more than they needed.
The Robins watched the match calmly before letting out a quiet dark chuckle.
.-.-.-.-.
ROUND ONE! Though, not really rounds… It's kind of just sections where certain smashers have decided to focus on. This is still an about 45-way brawl, after all.
.-.-.-.-.
It's the cute smashers versus the cute smashers!
If you were expecting rainbows and fluff and sweets, then sorry to disappoint you, because they're TEARING EACH OTHER APART!
…no, not literally. THIS IS A FAMILY GAME, GOODNESS!
Jigglypuff had somehow commandeered the speakers, though, and her songs were blasting through the entire living quarters. Pikachu went and short-circuited them, so that put an end to that. Kirby was on his warp star occasionally eating people and spitting them out. Yoshi was protecting the kids, so BACK OFF. Olimar just threw pikmin at people.
So Meta Knight shows up and was about to show these losers how you're really supposed to fight when Rosalina rockets into him and shoots a luma at Kirby.
"Today is the day we avenge Chrom II the luma!" She brandished her wand. "Luma, to arms!"
The luma around her made something close to dolphin or whale noises, but it sounded like they were ready to throw down.
Chrom II the luma was currently attacking Chrom III the pikmin. Chrom IV the baby Yoshi was not allowed to fight because what kinda sicko attacks or lets a baby fight anyway?
.-.-.-.-.
ROUND TWO! Wait, who won round one?
.-.-.-.-.
"DeDeDe." Ganondorf stated.
"Ganondorf." DeDeDe returned the gesture.
"I see you're not satisfied with stealing them from my superior organization." Purple flames appeared on Ganondorf's fist.
"Ya stole 'em back, so as far as I'm concerned, we're even." Though DeDeDe brandished his rocket hammer as he said this.
"Hardly!" Ganondorf scoffed. "I aimed to rid them of their stupidly self-inflicted debt, and all I got in return was nightmares of Animal Crossing and a lot of unspeakable physical pain."
"Huh, so they're still in mah club, then?" DeDeDe raised a brow. "I guess that means I've already won this here round!"
"You've won death!" Ganondorf promptly dive-kicked him.
Bowser watched on the sidelines with his son and the koopalings, arms crossed.
"And when they've tired themselves out, we'll gang up on whoever's left and win the match." Bowser nodded.
"Okay, papa!" Bowser Jr. jotted that down in his notebook.
.-.-.-.-.
ROUND THREE! …are there even any winners?
.-.-.-.-.
BOT FIGHT BOT FIGHT BOT FIGHT YEAH!
"I thought your systems were up to date." Megaman said as he charged his shot. "You could at least put up a better fight than this!" His shot completely missed R.O.B.
"100011110101 010111110001 001110101101!" R.O.B. retorted, firing his top.
"I would defragment your mouth with soap if you had one!" Megaman blocked the top with his shield and then spun a leaf shield. "Also if defragmenting something with soap were possible!"
"101110111010!" R.O.B. fired his laser eye beam.
"RUDE!" Megaman answered.
.-.-.-.-.
ROUND FOUR! No winners, only carnage.
.-.-.-.-.
"Robin's muscles are mine!" Zelda announced as she made a wind slice with her Sonic Sword.
"No, I'm Robin's favorite!" Peach blocked the attack with her toad.
"Hey, since me and Zelda are pretty much the same person in a sense, can we both get married to you guys?" Sheik asked the tacticians.
"I suppose that would be reasonable." Robin nodded. "I wouldn't mind having two ladies."
"Not that I really care." Sheik shrugged. "But…uh, just to satisfy my curiosity…how often would Marc dress up as Zelda?"
"I wouldn't mind doing that any time you wanted." Marc winked.
"Zelda, team up with me!" Sheik frantically ordered before she Bouncing Fished Samus.
"Okay, but I'm not sharing Robin's muscles with you!" Zelda crossed her arms.
"That's fine. I just want Marc when he's dressed like you anyway." Sheik said as she shot some needles at Peach.
"What?" Zelda asked.
"What?" Sheik echoed.
"If they're going to team up, then we should too." Samus offered to Zero Suit Samus.
"Wha-no!" Zero Suit Samus refused. "W-we're two different people, Sammie. I ain't teaming up with you!"
"Look, I'll let you have Robin most of the time." Samus continued before blasting a missile at Sheik. "I like Marc better anyway."
"Okay, deal." Zero Suit Samus agreed and rocket-kicked Zelda with her new shoes. She was about to plasma whip Peach when Palutena dived in the way, taking the brunt of it. "H-hey! What the heck, you're not even on Peach's team!"
"Ahhh…that was almost as good as when Robin hits me…" Palutena sighed happily.
A dark aura formed around Pit when he caught up with the goddess.
"How dare you harm Goddess Palutena!" And in that instant he equipped the three sacred treasures. Dark Pit just watched on the sidelines. Unfortunately, he had accidentally hit Zelda when he was aiming for Zero Suit Samus.
So, Link and Toon Link came out of nowhere with their swords ablaze while Sheik grabbed a bow.
"How dare you hurt Princess Zelda!" They practically tried to pile on Pit, but Dark Pit pulled him out of the way.
"Sheesh, where's my protector?" Peach grumbled.
And then Mario appeared with a golden hammer and KO'ed nearly everyone there.
"Are you all-a right-a, Princess?" Mario asked.
"Oh, Mario." Peach gave him a smile.
.-.-.-.-.
ROUND FIVE!
.-.-.-.-.
"Let's stretch our shoulders." Wii Fit Trainer said as she stretched.
"Take a deep breath." Wii Fit Trainer (I AM A MAN) instructed.
The Mii Fighters and Little Mac did as they were told. Mii Gunner still wanted to build muscle, and the other Mii Fighters and Little Mac were there to get some much needed training.
…wait, no one fighting's in this round! Someone has to-!
.-.-.-.-.
ROUND SIX! (YOU'RE JUST GOING TO IGNORE ROUND FIVE?!)
.-.-.-.-.
Sonic, Captain Falcon, Fox, and Falco were having a race…
"You're supposed to be fighting to the death here! Get your heads in the game!" Robin shouted.
"Anyway, Sonic wins, there's kind of no contest." Marc commented.
"Oh, wait! Sonic's feet are apparently tied together! I guess he doesn't win!" Robin shook her head while Sonic struggled with his binds.
"Then, Captain Falcon wins? Our decked out Blue Falcon is sure to-!" Marc was interrupted by the Blue Falcon exploding.
"And the Blue Falcon was sabotaged!" Robin commented dramatically into her microphone.
"Sheesh…this whole race has everyone playing dirty… Well, it looks like we're getting a race of giant laser tank versus giant laser tank. That'll be fun to watc-!" Marc was interrupted by the Falco getting into an Arwing.
"And it seems Falco personally prefers the air, taking to the race in his Arwing! It looks like Lombardi's going to win one over McClo-!" Robin was interrupted by a sandbag hitting the Arwing and causing it to fall out of the sky.
"So much for that!" Marc commented into his microphone. "Looks like Fox wins thi-!"
And then the Arwing crashed into Fox's landmaster.
"…well, you saw it here, folks! No one's a winner!" Robin announced. "We're your Emcees, and this has been quite the eventful F-Zero race!"
"Pfft!" Captain Falcon scoffed. "You should see a real F-Zero race! People actually die in those!"
"My, I'm being run ragged today…" Dr. Mario said as he took his first aid kit to Fox and Falco.
.-.-.-.-.
ROUND SEVEN! Special Edition Fire Emblem Round!
.-.-.-.-.
"All right, come at me, Hero King!" Lucina brandished her Falchion.
"I'd rather not." Marth flippantly refused as he sipped his cup of tea. "I'm not particularly interested in those Not-Chris's anyway."
"I-I see…" Lucina lowered her blade. She then turned to Ike with a challenging gaze. "And you, Radiant Hero?"
"Yeah, Lucina, I totally want to be forced into dressing up as your father and probably acting like him too just so your crazy as heck tacticians can drag me to their room every few hours." Ike rolled his eyes.
"Well, then who's going to fight in this special edition Fire Emblem round?!" Lucina asked.
"Ike." Marth said calmly as he set his teacup down. "Draw your sword."
"What, why-?!" Ike narrowly dodged Marth's slash and quickly drew Ragnell. "What the heck, Marth?!"
"As if I'd ever miss a chance to crush you." Marth grinned.
"You can try!" Ike glared at him. His confidence wavered when Marth somehow threw him across the room and out the window.
"Can't say you didn't ask for that!" Marth called after him before he leapt out of the same window.
"…hm." Lucina crossed her arms. "I was the one who wanted to fight somebody…" She grumbled.
"Fret not, fellow noble lady!" Lyn declared as she broke out of her assist trophy jar. "For I shall fight you!"
"Lyn, the lady of the Plains?!" Lucina gasped. "You'll fight me? Really?" Her eyes glittered.
"Do I look like the joking type?" Lyn raised a brow as she drew her Mani Katti. "C'mon, I've been wanting to fight a princess since I was a teenager!"
.-.-.-.-.
BONUS ROUND! (Bonus?! We still have to cover like, ten? more people here!)
.-.-.-.-.
"I fold…" Luigi frowned as Ness won the thirty-fourth poker match in a row. DK grunted as he pushed forward his banana pile. Diddy Kong forfeited his peanut popgun.
"I was gonna win…" Wario bitterly said as he forked over his bet. One gold coin. Wow, such high stakes…
Greninja was throwing her voodoo dolls all over the place. The Villagers were tied to balloons and were still floating in the air, Fox was stuck in Trophy Rush, Lucina fell out of a window, and Duck Hunt Dog was buried underground somewhere. Wario also lost all his money. ("Nooooooo!")
Charizard and Lucario were in their mega forms and duking it out in the BEST pokémon fight ever! …Too bad no one was watching.
Pac-Man and Mr. Game and Watch were playing PONG.
Ness wondered why no one figured out he had mind powers and was cheating the entire time.
And all the while, Shulk was biding his time. 'Cause he saw the future, so he would do what he needed to soon.
…that future-seeing cheater.
.-.-.-.-.
"Cease fighting!" Master Hand ordered. "You're tearing your living arrangements apart!"
A fire broke out. Something exploded. Laser blasts everywhere. A graveyard of arrows. The walls were crumbling down. Yeah, stick it to the man! …hand.
"I guess I don't have a choice, then…" Master Hand raised the Master Fortress to engulf the smashers. The towering structure lasted all of ten seconds before it was blasted so full of spikes, it dwindled down into a single core. "What?!"
And the core was crushed by an obsidian dragon's foot.
"You're not supposed to be as strong as I am." Master Hand stated levelly. "That's not possible."
"I think we both know that's not true." Grima spoke through its female vessel as it rode on the black fellgod dragon's shoulder.
"And it would be in your best interest to cooperate with us." Grima spoke through its male vessel as it rode on the purple fellgod dragon's shoulder. Grima in Marc pointed a finger downwards. Master Hand followed the direction to see Crazy Hand struggling under Purple Grima's foot.
"I don't know why anyone thought it was a good idea to include you in the roster." If Master Hand had eyes, he'd be narrowing them right now. "But since it seems I had no choice…what are your demands?"
'Finally…' The Robins thought with a sigh of relief. 'The last phase of the plan.'
-SINGIN'ILA-LA-LA-LOVEYOU!
Hoshi: And on to the last chapter! Where the reason for this fic will be completely explained… MAN, I'M SO PUMPED! By the way, I don't actually know what the Japanese says, so you probably shouldn't use it. I asked my creator for help, but she could be trolling me for all I know.