A Few Screws Loose

by Yaodai

Or a handful of one-shots with the exwires doing stuff. New one: a mild case of Bon/Izumo shipping occurred. Hair-gel was involved.

3. That Awkward Story With Porn In It

"That Awkward Story With Porn In It"

When you knew what the true face of the world looked like and the fact that the monsters under your bed were real, opening the doors in the middle of a gloomy, stormy evening wasn't too much of a bright idea. You never knew what could be waiting on the other side, after all.

Rin Okumura, naturally, was one of the few people in the world who were ignoring that fact completely. So, after he spend a short moment on groaning how troublesome walking to the doors was, he opened them widely, to check out who was so annoying at such late hour.

Shima looked him straight in the eyes, his face way more serious than it was even before and his skin so pale, than in bad lightning it looked almost ashen.

"I need your help, Okumura!"

"What happened?" Rin blinked, letting the other boy walk inside the room. While it was rather nice gesture it wasn't very bright at the same moment. Shima was rather wet and he was getting the floor soaked. And dirty too, he probably took the shortcut through the lawn again. Yukio was so going to kill him for all that mud in his freshly cleaned room…

"I need you to help me hide my porn!"

"What!" Rin gasped. Because that was the only thing he could force through his throat. Through, he should totally expected something like that from his pink haired friend.

"This is a serious situation!" Shima continued, unfazed by the reaction. "Sir Pheles decided that the staff need to check out how the students are living or if they are doing something illegal by any chance!"

"And... the porn is illegal?" Rin guessed.

"Indeed it is!" Shima gasped, then grabbed him by the shoulders, just to shake Rin as if he was some kind of ragdoll. "So you see, Okumura, the situation is really serious!"

"You do know that Pheles is an otaku too, right?"

"And this is making the whole thing even worse!" Shima moaned painfully. "I'm sure he's going to steal all my precious mangas!"

"Okay," Rin sighed. "But what do you want me to do, exactly? I can't keep these thing in my room!"

"Yeah, but you and your brother are living in a compltely empty building, right?"

Rin slowly nodded.

"So," Shima continued, a smile slowly growing on his mouth. "There is a lot of empty rooms around there and nobody is going to check them out for my stuff right?"

"Yeah, I think so... but why didn't you ask other guys?"

"Neko refused to even touch them," Renzou sniffed. "And last time I asked Bon to help me wih my books he was close to throwing them out of the window."

"Ouch."

"Yeah, ouch," Renzou grimaced. "After that, he forced me to clean the room too! Can you imagine?"

Rin actually could. While Shima was easy going person with a tendency to leave his stuff... around, Bon was getting close to wandering around the room with a ruler. Even during the class everything on his desk was always in order. Which was making easier to snatch a spare pen from him, when in need. Yukio was pretty similar, too, so Rin could relate pretty well.

"So, are you going to help me?"

"Why not?" Rin shrugged. "Just put the books in the boxes or something, so they wouldn't look suspicious!"

"Oh, my, Okumura!" Renzou grinned widely. "Boxes! You are so cunning I'm almost sure you are hiding a dirty secret of your own. Or ten."

"I do not!"

"Aw, don't be like that, we are all pervs here!"

xxx

To hide the porn they firstly had to find place where they could stuck the whole collection and where other people won't accidentally walk in. So, they had to walk around the very, very dark corridors of old building. Well, after Rin cleaned up the floor, since he really didn't want getting on Yukio's bad side.

It wasn't actually as quiet as they expected a mostly abandoned building to be. Things were making creaking noises almost all the time, crackling even after the smallest of winds brushing at building side. The old wooden floor was protesting loudly under every step they made and they were leaving a visible trail of footsteps in the dust.

Rin sneezed, then again and again. Finally, he wiped his nose and cursed.

"Well, now I know what I'm going to do to get away with not doing my homework!" he murmured. "This place is horrid!"

"They," Shima gestured towards a small swarm of coal tars in one of the corners. "Seems to like it as it is."

The little demons indeed seemed to enjoy themselves in the dirt and they were making a lot of noise too, flying around with a high–pitched buzz, giggling and making some more strange noises.

"And this is surprising you how exactly?" Rin commented dryly.

"Hey, don't go all Bon on me! I'm living with the dude already, have some mercy!" Renzou instantly protested.

Rin just walked and continued on moving forward. They were walking for quite awhile, in the direction opposite to where the biggest bathroom was. Bathroom was actually used pretty often, since it had almost the size of a classroom. The bathtub itself looked like a small swimming pool. All of the exwires – and a few of the teachers from the cram school too – liked to visit this place now and then.

On the other side of the building, there were just old dorm rooms and several classrooms, most of them used more like a storage for all the items that were not in use for quite some time, but for whatever reason somebody decided that they could be used at some point in the future. Because of that, one of these storage places could be a really great hiding spot for the collection of dirty comics books, because what is one more cardboard box in a room full of them?

They only had to choose the right room.

It was surprisingly hard and took much more time than they expected.

Behind the first doors they decided to check out, they found a place so filled with stuff that they even couldn't set a single step inside.

"How exactly did they even managed to fill it so much?" Renzou blinked.

"Do you know this pile is touching the ceiling?" Rin mumbled and climbed on his toes to check if this way he would be able to see something inside. But the pile of boxes, cartons and other containers was just too huge.

He could spot more things - really old computer monitors, piles of already yellow newspapers bound together with a ropes that looked like they were going to break at any moment and something that looked like a dog house of all things.

"I'm pretty sure it is indeed."

"What if you need something from the back of the room?" Rin frowned, trying to imagine climbing on top of all this trash, trying to look for something precious. That would be almost like an archeology dig!

"You try to dig it out through the window?"

"You can't open the windows from the outside!"

"Then you're screwed," Renzou shrugged.

Opening the doors to the room on the opposite side was a mistake. The air instantly filled with furious buzz of thousands little winds and shouts of protest coming out of thousands of tiny little demonic throats.

"Close it, close it, close it!" Shima shrieked, being unlucky enough to take a look at what was hiding inside the room. "Before they hit us!"

Coal Tars were not dangerous at all when they were alone or in small group. The little hordes easy to spot on the outside were not considered dangerous either, just slightly annoying.

But the nesting place, filled with huge swarm of these little demons was a completely different story. They could easily swallow up a person, imprisoning the miserable victim forever, like a mobile swamp or a quicksand. This was exactly what was on the other side of the doors. A huge mass of darkness, constantly moving, buzzing, shining with thousand green eyes, staring right at them.

Rin instantly pushed the doors, fighting the force of a horde of demons that already started reaching towards them.

"What the hell!" he shouted as the blue flames danced around his wrists. "Give it up, already!"

With another push the doors finally closed with a loud thud.

"Geez!" Renzou gasped. "This was a close one!"

"Yeah," Rin breathed deeply then eyed his friend angrily. "And thanks for no help at all."

"Hey, you're the strong one here!" Shima protested. "i can't do stuff like that, you know!"

"You still could try help, you know!"

"Hey, it ended up fine, right?" Renzou just laughed. "I knew it would, because you're so strong...!"

"I am so going to leave a handful of bugs in your bed!" Rin groaned.

"No, you wouldn't"

"And what's going to stop me?"

"I think Bon would have a certain issue with you bringing bugs into his pretty, shiny room."

Shima was right, of course. Rin didn't even wanted to imagine the reaction if he showed up with a handful of insects. Suguro would probably made him either put them away where he found them or throw him out of the window with the bugs.

"So..." Renzou eyed the corridor. "I think it would be safer to leave the other room in peace, you know. They probably chewed through the wall already."

"Yeah," Rin nodded. "It looked big.

Behind the next doors they carefully opened, there was a surprisingly empty room. It looked even older than the rest of the building. The wooden boards on the floors were cracked here and there and covered in dirt to the point they seemed to be completely grey. The spider webs were handing from the window and lamps, so thick and big they looked like pieces of cloth.

But there was not a single Coal Tar in sight this time.

To tell the truth, the only item in the entire room was a single, wooden chair, exactly like the ones they were sitting on in the classes.

Oddly enough, the chair was clean; no spider webs were clinging to it, nor it was covered in dirt.

"Weird," Rin said, then shrugged. That was not what they were looking for, so he saw no reason to examine the room further.

After a short moment Renzou decided the same thing and stepped back. Just when he was about to close the doors, he noticed something very strange.

"What the...?" Shima mumbled. He could swear, that the chair was on the opposite side of the room just a moment ago. He turned around... and the chair was just there.

Now that, was just wrong, he decided. A chair teleporting all over the room was just plain wrong. It was probably just an optical illusion of some sort. Besides, the lighting was really bad; the lamps were working only in the corridor and all the windows inside the room were so dirty hardly any sunlight was able to get through.

But, out of curiosity, he decided to made a little, harmless experiment. He closed the doors and then opened them once again, expecting to see the room exactly like it was before. Dirty, dark and completely uninteresting, unless somebody was looking for a horror movie set.

The chair was right on the other side of the doors, waiting.

Shima screamed, jumping away, completely startled. Luckily, the doors closed on their own.

"What's up with you?" Rin looked at him like he went crazy.

"T-the chair!" he managed to stutter.

"What's with it?" Rin blinked, then grabbed the door handle, deciding to see for himself.

"No, don't!" Renzou protested, feeling like his blood was turning into ice.

Rin opened the doors.

Shima was sure, that the chair would jump right at them and bloody beat them to death, but nothing like that happened. Feeling heart racing in his chest, Renzou slowly moved towards the doors and peeked through.

The chair was on the ceiling, innocent and unmoving.

"Okay..." Okumura said slowly. "That's trippy. But I don't know why you freaked out so much about that."

"It wasn't there when I last looked..." he mumbled, feeling embarrassed. Not only friggin' chair was trying to murder him, but it was also making him looks like an idiot!

"Ookay," Rin shrugged. "So not this room either?"

"Not this room either!" He agreed quickly, then eyed the chair once again. Because he was pretty sure it moved again.

Finally, finally Okumura closed the blasted doors and they could walk further into the building.

Shima felt a cold shiver, because he was almost sure, that he heard a creak coming out from behind of the closed doors, that sounded exactly like something moving on wooden surface.

xxx

Eventually they found a room, that was just right. There was no scary chairs inside, nor a colony of Coal Tars. It probably belonged to a janitor once, since they found a collection of very old, very rusty keys, cleaning supplies that were so old they turned into stone–like form that smelled funny, one broom and another broken… the place was filled with boring stuff like that.

Then, because Shima was moaning about all the work there was to do, Rin eventually caved in and promised that he would help with packing the whole collection. For, once, Shima wasn't lying. There really was a lot of books to pack. And at some of them, Rin really didn't wanted to look up close, because even the covers were slightly disturbing.

"Seriously, what's up with that?" he asked, trying very hard to peel his eyes off of something that looked like the fruit of a very unholy alliance between a polypody and an octopus.

"Ah, these?" Renzou grinned. "These are mostly for fun. Seriously, they are so ridiculous it's hard not to laugh... besides, the anatomy is totally , look!"

"I would rather not..."

"But her torso is seriously on the other side than it's supposed to be!"

"Well, maybe the polypody monster broke her!" Rin said quickly, very much not wanting to see the terrific images inside the book.

"Nah, the artist just really wanted to show how nice butts he can draw."

"I can't understand how you can find these things funny, Shima..."

Rin groaned and decided to work faster. The less time it would take to hide that nasty stuff, the less time he would spend on looking at them. But sometimes, one just had to stop. Rin looked at the cover in his hand, because something seemed to be wrong with the picture.

"It's just me, or this one looks like that yaoi stuff?"

"It's not just you," Shima shrugged.

"Why do you have a yaoi book on your shelf?"

"Well, girls seemed to fancy that stuff, so I decided to do some research..." Shima scratched his head. "It was a little bit on the odd side, but if you add boobs in the right places, it's pretty decent. "

"That's just weird... "Rin put the manga back. "Were you reading this stuff that week when Bon and Neko were walking weirdly?"

"When they were trying to stick their butts to the walls, you mean?" Shima grinned. "Well, they knew what I was reading."

And it was actually pretty funny too, through till this day Shima wasn't sure who was making fun of the other guy. While he was deliberately touchy-feely with them, they decided to stay with they back glued to the walls in over the top, very demonstrative way.

Rin was whistling happily, carrying a pile of boxes filled with books like it wasn't ridiculously heavy.

Renzou was following him with hands occupied by another two boxes, but he wasn't too happy to visit the gloomy corridors once again. He was looking around nervously, expecting that at any given moment he would see it.

He was sure that the chair was observing him, hiding in the dark shadows, waiting for the right moment to strike.

"You sure this is a good idea?" he mumbled. "We leave a visible trail in the all the dust around here after all..."

"What, you are freaking out now?" Rin just snorted.

"Well, this corridor is weirdly long!" Renzou protested. "We are walking much longer that it would take to encircle the whole building from the outside!"

"I'm pretty sure it was just Mephisto screwing up with space around here," Rin somehow managed to shrug with all these boxes he was carrying and not drop anything.

"Yes, just a Demon King dicking around with time and space, nothing to worry about!"

"Why are you suddenly so skitterish?"

"I'm just worry about all my porn! Are you sure nobody is going to find it?" Shima said quickly, blushing with embarrassment. Admitting that he was actually afraid of possessed chair of all things would be just... bad.

"If you really want we can wash the floor later," Rin grinned. "So there would be no footprints at all!"

"Are you crazy?!"

"Um, no?" Rin blinked, "But you're the one who's fretting over a porn stash."

"Hey!" Shima automatically protested. "These ale limited editions and all! This stuff is precious!"

"Even the gay porn?"

"Oh bug off, that was one book. One!"

At least Okumura making fun of him helped to pass some time and they finally reached the hiding spot. Then it was just a simple case of putting everything so it looked like nothing suspicious and they could head back.

Shima was almost sure, that the creaking noise he heard when they were returning, was not only caused by the issues with old wooden floors and stairs.

And when he finally breathed out on the outside, enjoying the clean, fresh air, he could swear that he was able to see the chair for a very short moment, standing by one of the windows.

xxx

Suguro walked into the room, then blinked, noticing the bare shelves on Shima side of the room. He looked around the room, then back at Shima.

"Why all the porn is gone?"

"Oh, now you care!" Renzou grunted.