After her conversation she had sat and cried in her car. Hard racking sobs. She didn't know what to do. She was lost.

"I don't know if that kind of dream is even a possibility for me anymore...not with the life I live."

He wouldn't even allow himself to dream of having a normal life. She wasn't stupid, she knew he would never be normal, not after everything he's been through. But she loved him. Not for being Oliver Queen, not for being the Arrow...but for being him, just him. Every broken part, every scar, his pigheadedness, his self sacrificing attitude. Every. Single. Thing.

The pain was indescribable and the confusion was even worse. He had made her promise to think about it. She already knew what Digg would say. "Just tell him Felicity. If you wait and it comes out another way..." She swatted at her head. "Get out of my head Digg." Her phone buzzed. "Uggh," she groaned. Couldn't she break down in peace. For fraking five seconds? It was John. Shrapnel was on the move again. So she compartmentalized, like Oliver had taught her and drove to the foundry. It was time to get down to business.

(((Arrow)))

She was sitting at her desk when he came in and she knew he was furious with her. But when Diggle had called and said there was a bomb at the rally she knew she had to do something. Yes, she was pregnant but she was still a member of this team. If she could stop a bomb and save lives, including Moira, Thea and Miracuru pumped Roy in the process then dang it she was going to do it. Diggle sent her a look when she'd got there and she'd knew exactly what he was thinking but being that there was a bomb and lives hanging in the balance, including hers, she'd ignored him. For that she'd almost got shot, Digg had, and blown up,but they had stopped Shrapnel and his rein of terror on Starling was finally over Diggle sent her a look as he was adjusting his sling then he left the foundry quicker than a flea on a hound dog. Oliver stood there silently seething. She opened her mouth but didn't get a word out before he exploded.

"What were you thinking?!"

"I was thinking of saving lives, including your Mom and Sisters."

"At the risk of yours! Felicity you are the smartest person I know, how could you do something so stupid? You deliberately put your life in danger!"

"If you think for one second that I would sit in her in this...cave like an invalid while two people I care about and a thousand other peoples lives are at risk that I'll just sit here and do nothing then you must not know me at all. "

"You're pregnant Felicity!"

"You think I don't know that! I see it in the mirror everyday! It's kinda hard to forget!" She stomped her foot. "I am still a member of this team Oliver."

"This is my crusade, not yours," he yelled moving closer to her. They were like magnets and she stepped forward too.

"It's my life, its my choice!" She shoved a finger into his chest. " You have no right to tell me what I can or cannot do with my life."

"Yes I do." He yelled back moving closer. His hot breath fanning her face.

"No, you don't," she fumed. She put her hands on her hips. "Why in the he-" She was cut off with a kiss. Oliver was kissing her. A non-drunk, non-drugged Oliver was kissing her. For a second she didn't react. She was too shocked. It was only when he was beginning to pull back when she grabbed his jacket and pulled him closer. His hands moved up to cup her face, just like that night and he tilted his head to deepen the kiss. When he pulled back after what could have been minutes or hours she was breathless. Their lips and breaths still mingled when he spoke.

"That's why." Why could he read her thoughts? He still held her face and he pulled back just enough to look in her eyes. "I can't lose you." He stroked her cheek with his thumb. "Do you know why?" She gave him a imperceptible shake of her head. "In the beginning I was going to do this by myself. But then you and Diggle came along, now... I rely on you. So you see Felicity, we're more than friends, we're partners." He pushed a strand of hair behind her ear. "Do you understand now?" She nodded. He pressed a kiss to her forehead and left the room leaving her even more confused.

(((Arrow)))

A week passes and Oliver never mentions the kiss. So neither does she. They work side by side as usual. She goes to her second prenatal appointment, her baby is healthy and is now the size of a peach, she still calls it her little blueberry though. She can't believe her baby already has fingerprints and vocal cords. Each time she looked at the ultrasound she gasped in amazement. Her body was making that. It was a beautiful miracle. She's happy she finally reached the end of her first trimester, her nausea and fatigue had incredibly decreases, but in it's place were visible veins on her arms and some dizziness. Oh the joys of being pregnant. It was kind of amazing to watch her body change but she knew after the baby she wouldn't be thinking that.

She and Oliver hadn't spoken much. He's been stressed and dealing with Laurel. She had came to the Arrow claiming she had evidence that Sebastian Blood had killed his father. He's been incredibly stressed so she had bothered him. She spent most of her time with Diggle but she knew he was losing patience with her. He had eased up on her some when she had told him Oliver knew she was pregnant. He had said that meant it would be that much simpler to tell him he was the father. She had begged him for more time and he had given in to her. She's excitingly sharing all the new baby info and showing Digg her newest ultrasound scan when Oliver walks in.

"Hey," he say to both of them.

"Oh hey. Didn't hear you come in," she replied spinning in her chair to look at him.

"What are you looking at?"

"Oh new ultrasound photos." He nodded.

"Can I see?" That shocked her.

"You want to see?"

"Yeah, is that alright?" He asked hesitantly.

"Yeah I just did think you'd care but here…" She hands them to him.

He looks at it for a moment in wonder before bringing his other hand to stoke the picture with his finger.

"Amazing," he whispers.

"I know, I can hardly believe it myself. It seems impossible but then…I look at those pictures and I know it's real. There's really a baby in here," she places a hand on her slightly extended abdomen. "He's the size of a peach now."

"He?" He questioned his eyebrows raising.

She blushed. "I'm not sure yet…I just picture it as a boy." He smiles.

"You're going to be a wonderful mom."

"I hope so, it's all so overwhelming. But I can do it right? My mom raised me alone and I turned out alright."

"You turned out more than alright, you're remarkable. Besides you won't be doing it alone." She looks at him a moment a smile on her lips. "I mean you have Digg and Me," he stutters and looks to Digg. "The both of us. We'll help you right John?"
Digg smiled and looked at her. "Of course, I going to get us some dinner. Any suggestions?"

"I'm kinda craving Chinese. I want my usual." Oliver looked up from where he had started to sharpen his arrows.

"Wait Digg," he said before turning to her quickly. "Felicity you can't have sushi!" Her eyebrows rose.

"How do you know that?" Is it just her crazy pregnancy or is Oliver Queen blushing?

"I...uh...may have done some research," he stutters. A huge smile breaks out and before she knows it she's laughing, harder than she has in a long time and she can't stop, she's holding her stomach and tears are rolling down her cheeks. She had to put her glasses on her desk because they kept fogging up.
Oliver looked to Diggle who just shrugged and said "Hormones." Which only made her laugh harder.

"What did I say?" He asked confused. She wiped her eyes and answered him between chuckles.
"Oliver Queen...big bad vigilante...looking up...pregnancy facts." She held onto her belly sore from laughing. "Remind me to wipe your search history later." He looks at her hand resting on her stomach and starts to get up.

"Are you-"

She waves her hands at him. "I'm fine, Oliver I know I can't have sushi. So does Digg, he's been on so many food runs the past few weeks I don't even have to tell him anything anymore."

Diggle laughed. "You got that right. I've been upgraded from Black Driver to Delivery Boy. This girl," he points his thumb at her. "Has eaten from every restaurant in the city. The take out manager at Dim Sum knows me on a first name basis now."

"Hey! I can't help it if blueberry likes dumplings." She crosses her arms.

"Felicity, the first order of dumplings was for the blueberry, the next two however were all you."

"Are you saying I'm fat?" she was teasing but she managed to keep a grumpy face. She wanted to see how far she could take it. Oliver had sat head whipping between her and Diggs conversation almost looking sad that he wasn't in on their discussion. "Do you think I'm fat Oliver?" His eyes widened and he looked to Diggle.

"It's a trap," Diggle whispered to him.

"John Diggle I can ruin you're life in just a few clicks. I know Lyla too so there's other parts of your life I can ruin."

"You wouldn't," he replied.

"Oh I would." She fist pumped the air. "Girl power. We always stick together. Especially on this issue."

"Remember when I told you you were going to be a cute whale?"

"Yeah," she dragged out.

"It's happening sooner that we thought." She picked up a pen and threw it at him. He left the room laughing but not before pointing at Oliver and mouthing "Tell him." Leave it to him to ruin a happy moment. She sidled over to Oliver and bumped his shoulder.

"Hey...what's wrong?" He looked up at her.

"There's just so much I've missed."

"You've been busy."

"I promised myself I wouldn't miss anything else. I've been too involved with myself and Laurel to even know what you've been going through."

"Oliver it's not important." He stood up quickly causing her to step back.

"Yes it is," he said firmly as he moved closer to her and suddenly she was reminded of the last time they were left alone in the foundry together."I want to know what you're craving, when you're feeling sick, be the person your excited to share your scans with, know what part of the baby has grew in any given week. I want to know these things Felicity and watching you and Diggle talk so easily..it makes me want what you guys have."

"Don't be so hard on yourself Oliver." He took her hand in his.

"I'm not, it's all true. I need to be a better..." He paused for a second and she tilted her head. "Friend." He smiled at her.

"What?"

"Nothing."

"No. no, no. You smiled. I want to know what it was for."

"Do I really smile so rarely that there has to be a reason?" He asked shrugging.

"Oliver Queen you're avoiding the question."

"No I am not."

"You're doing it again!"

"Am I?" He asked flirtily as he stalked closer to her his hands out.

"Don't you dare," she said as she started walking backwards only to run into the med table. He started tickling her relentlessly. "Stop, please." She laughed and so did he, his mouth open and his head thrown back, eyes crinkling in the corners. She would have let him tickle her all day if hekept laughing like that. "Uncle..." She gasped. He finally stopped and somehow his arms had ended up wrapped around her and she was flush against his body. She was entranced by his blue eyes and their gazes never parted except when his eyes drifted to her lips. She wanted it, oh how she wanted it. To taste his lips on her again, run her hands over his shoulders. She mentally shook those thoughts away and did the only thing she knew to do to keep him from kissing her. She talked. "What made you smile?" She whispered, not wanting to break the happy spell. He looked back into her eyes and she began to regret ever opening her mouth for anything other than his kisses.

"You tilted your head," he said simply. Her eyebrows drew together."You just did it again," he said as he put his palm against the pulse point in her neck. "You did it the first day I met you, it made me smile, my first real smile since being back from the island. There was just something about you." He smiled and his eyes glazed over in the memory.

"It was probably because I was having none of your lame excuses." He tilted his head.

"Mmmm among other reasons." Then he was looking at her lips again and this time she did nothing to stop him. His lips had barely brushed hers when a voice interrupted them.

"Felicity, I think they forgot to put soy sauce in the bag, do you have extra from las-" He looked up from the bag. "Oh...am I interrupting something?"

She and Oliver jumped apart going to separate parts of the room. Felicity under the pretense of grabbing the left over soy sauce and Oliver to grab some bottles of water. They sat and ate in silence and neither mentioned what had happened. They instead talked about the case and whether or not Sebastian Blood was a killer but for the rest of the night and the days to follow Felicity couldn't get it out of her mind. It was like someone had handed her a life preserver then ripped it back at the last second, she had only had a taste and she was craving more.

She blamed her raging hormones.

(((Arrow)))

He caught her looking at him several times the last week and sometimes he could feel her stare on the back of his head when he was in a meeting. He was an idiot. What was wrong with him? He had told himself she was off limits and here he was playing with her rapidly changing emotions.

After the first kiss in the foundry he had did the something he wasn't proud of, he ignored it. She didn't bring it up so neither did he. But then he was alone with her which happened so rarely and he found himself touching her. The first kiss had only wet his appetite and when he felt his warm body flush against his he couldn't help but lean down to brush his lips against her soft ones. He'd cursed both with anger and relief when Digg had interrupted. He needed to stop and he needed to do it now because he was going down dangerous one way road, and that road was named Felicity Megan Smoak, which meant there would be no return. He desperately held onto the last few strands of his self control and tried to figure out how to be close to Felicity yet far away. What he told her had been true. He did want to be close to her, but how did he do that without losing his heart in the process?

He wasn't sure it was possible.