Chapter 16:Signs along the Way
They spent the rest of the day with Pavel in his Traumland. He had graciously offered them a hot meal and a place to stay for the night. When the Captain took out some cash to pay him for his hospitality, the old man swatted the money away.
"Your company is payment enough, my son." Pavel said as he limped away avoiding the hole that the Captain had fallen in earlier. "As a matter of fact, it's priceless."
"Pavel, what are you building here?" Maria asked as she too navigated around the hole.
Pavel stopped in his tracks and looked down at the broken dirt.
"That?" He pointed his cane into the open ground. "Well…" he looked up in the sky momentarily then back to the hole, "That is my salvation." Pavel smiled and winked at Maria. Meanwhile Maria was trying to make sense of his words. His salvation? Whatever could he mean? How could a hole in the ground be anyone's salvation? She looked to the Captain for an answer, which he reluctantly gave.
The Captain pointed to the statue of the little girl, which they had learned already was Nadia's resting place along with their three stillborn children. Then he pointed to the hole showing her the proximity to Nadia's gravesite.
"He's digging his own grave?" Even as she spoke the words she still couldn't believe it. "Why?"
"Insurance, I suppose. He doesn't have anyone to tell his final wishes to. I'm guessing he figures with the grave already dug, whoever finds him would take the opportunity presented to them."
"That's just…"
"Sad." The Captain finished her thought for her, "Sad is what it is." The Captain let out a long sigh then placed his hand on the small of her back turning her away from the sight of the grave to follow Pavel to his home. Only he himself couldn't help one last glance over his shoulder at the hole.
Pavel's cottage was just as charming and quant as the man. It was more practical than the fake buildings that had greeted them with its tiny kitchen and small dining area. There was a living area behind the hearth of the kitchen that Pavel had transformed into his bedroom. It had been years since he could climb the stairs to the loft. Plus there was a bathroom with running water. Better still-running HOT water, Maria couldn't wait to wash the filth of the past two days off.
Before long the three strangers were the best of friends. They laughed at Pavel's stories and cried at a few. Maria cooked them a small dinner out of Pavel's provisions. She had been fearful that she and the Captain wouldn't leave the man with adequate supplies before he received his next shipment.
"My dear," he had said, "you needn't worry about that. The provisions will outlast the man."
After the meal, Pavel played his accordion for them and Maria sang along with the songs that she knew. Their evening, however, ended far too early, at least for Maria. But as Pavel had gently put it to her, seven thirty for them translated to midnight to a lonely old man. Reluctantly she had tucked him into his bed all the while thanking him for his hospitality.
"I'm the grateful one." He had said as he raised a wrinkled shaking hand to caress her cheek. "God sent you two down this broken road to find me. So I must have done something right, somewhere along the way, otherwise my prayers would have gone unanswered. I hope you don't mind but for just a moment today I thought of you as my own. My own little Nadia with the same golden hair as her mama, you are just as I imagined our girls would have been had they…" He took the hand from her cheek and wrapped it around her own bringing it to his lips first for a gentle kiss then rested it on his slow beating heart. "I can rest now." She took this as her cue to leave the man in peace for the night. Just as she reached the door she heard him say, "And please my child, forgive me."
"Forgive you for what?" But her answer never came for he had succumbed to his exhaustion and was asleep before the words were even out of her mouth.
When she went back into the kitchen, she found the Captain had gone. Taking a lantern she looked out the door into the night and saw him over by the statue of the little girl. Closing the door behind her she walked over to see what it was that he was up to. When she got there she found the Captain once again in the hole, only this time she figured it wasn't by accident for he had a shovel with him.
"What are you doing?" She asked as she took a seat on the bench to watch his activity. At first he didn't answer her. He simply threw shovel full after shovel full over the top of the opening. "Captain?" She prompted again.
He momentarily stopped what he was doing and gazed out at the dark horizon refusing to look at her. "No man should dig his own grave." He spoke the words into the night then went straight back to work.
Silently she watched him in the dark. He was a man set to task. Again there was that hardened exterior about him that had been absent these past few days. There was a rigidness about his movements and in his stance and features. She wondered what it was that had brought it about, only briefly however, as the answer came to her quickly. It was Agathe again. Pavel's story of loss more than likely drudged up some of the pain that the Captain had only learned to deal with a month ago. How quickly it all came back to him. If only he would allow himself to feel the pain instead of the anger maybe then he could let her go.
Wasn't she one to talk? Her own chastising thought took her a little by surprise nearly knocking her off of the bench. Talk about what, she wondered but not for long, as Pavel's confession seeped back into her mind. He hadn't been the only one with the active imagination tonight, for she too had wondered briefly what it would have been like if she had been their daughter. Wasn't it odd how the world worked? Here had been this lonely couple longing to have a child of their own to love, and here she had been placed as an orphan into a loveless home. Why? She wondered and for the first time in her life questioned God's choices. Why Lord had our paths not crossed before? Would my life have turned out the same? Would I have turned to you for the love I so longed to feel within my heart? Would my path have still been the same?
"Maria." The Captain no so gently interrupted her thoughts before she could find any answers within herself. Which was fine with her, there had been one too many revelations for her already on this day. "I'm done."
She nodded her head, picking up the lantern and falling in silent step with him back to the house. They stopped just long enough at the work shed for him to throw the shovel through the door. When she went to peer in, however, he stopped her with a pull on her sleeve.
"Don't look in there." He closed the door shut blocking any view she might obtain with a pass of the lantern, "Not if you want to sleep tonight." Of course she was never one to blindly listen to orders, so she walked behind him and held the lantern high enough to look through the windows of the shed. And then she wished she hadn't. A quick glimpse let her know just why the Captain hadn't wanted her to look in. On the work table there was a finished casket and just as she passed the window she saw the back of the head of a statue of a little boy, a mate to Nadia's statue out in the yard. Not wanting the Captain to know what she had seen she held back the tears until he went into the bathroom. Then she let them flow into her pillow and again she asked the Lord, why?
When the Captain was finished with his shower he climbed the stairs to the loft where Maria was. Pavel had offered them his and Nadia's marriage bed, for he could no longer use it. Now the Captain stood before her looking a bit odd in Pavel's borrowed dressing gown. He looked so goofy and not at all like the man that had charged into her bedroom her first night at the villa when he chastised her about not obeying the children's strict bedtime. No dress jacket and tie tonight. She couldn't help but laugh at him, just a little.
"If you tell Max about this…" he gently threatened breaking the awkward silence.
"You'll what?" She just had to call his bluff.
He narrowed his eyes at her in great thought, "Well I'm not sure, but I'll think of something." He took a quick glance around the small loft. The bed and the bureau took up most of the floor space. A small child may have been able to squeeze him or herself into the little left over nooks and crannies. However, the Captain was neither small nor a child. "Did you happen to find any extra blankets? I'll use them to make a bed up on the floor."
"Captain, we've both had a long and very trying day. Well two days, actually." She looked up to the ceiling gathering some extra strength while questioning her own sanity, "What I mean to say is- I wouldn't mind sharing the bed with you."
If the last two days hadn't happened she would have found the look of surprise on his face comical. When it simply passed her by, she realized what an emotional toll she had been through.
"You…you…wouldn't?" She shook her head in answer, "Even after…" She raised her eyebrows as if to say…don't push it. "Normally I would be a gentleman and recognize your offer as simply being gracious and then gently turn it down as would be expected." He sat on the edge of the bed rubbing his temples feverishly, "But you are right. The last two days have been horrible for both of us. But the last three days for me—the burden of the secret-the guilt- whether you choose to believe it or not-has been downright hell, so I will gladly and with great gratitude accept your offer, Fraulein."
How could she be angry with this man? How? Someone please tell me what it is I'm supposed to do now, she silently begged. She was so confused over so many different things, she wasn't even sure sleep was a possibility.
Awkward movements on both of their parts followed his acceptance. Neither one would make eye contact with the other. The Captain chose to only lie beneath the blanket and not the sheet as well in order to keep some sort of barrier between them. Then when his hair gently brushed hers he readjusted himself on his pillow in haste.
"This pillow is wet." He stated before turning it over to the dry side.
"Sorry." She muttered into the darkness at the ceiling.
"You've been crying." He stated to the same ceiling. They were both lying flat on their backs with arms crossed over their chests. She could feel his rigid posture mirrored her own tight muscles. There would be no relaxation tonight. "You looked into the shed, didn't you?"
"Yes."
"I told you not to."
"I know."
"Ah Maria, everyone has a beginning and an end. Pavel has lived a long and fulfilled life."
"Yes I know, but that's not why I was crying." With each word they spoke her muscles eased just a bit. It was as if they were talking the awkwardness right out of the room.
"You were crying about…about our situation?" The Captain propped himself up on his elbow and peered down into her face, "I told you I will do everything in my power to fix this Maria. I gave you my word and I mean to stand by it." Forgetting about boundaries he gently swiped the hair off of her forehead then caressed her face in the sweetest of touches all the way down to her cheek. The touch itself was so pure, so full of concern it broke some sort of damn within her and her tears fell anew in full abandon. No one had ever touched her like that before. All the way to her heart.
In surprise the Captain wiped his hand away as if it was fire and he had just burned her skin. What in the hell just happened, he wondered, and how the hell was he going to fix it? He felt like a new father left for the very first time with an uncontrollable baby- helpless and useless. Good Lord, he had never seen anyone cry from so deep within their own soul. It hurt just to watch it.
"Ma…" He began, but was interrupted when she groaned out the inner turmoil of her mind through her gut wrenching sobs.
"Who am I? I just," She choked a little when her body was confused whether it should be sobbing or talking, "I don't know how I got here, or where I should go from here. What if things had been different for me? What if I had ended up here with Nadia and Pavel and had been loved? Would I still want to become a nun? Or were you right and I only ran from the pain?" She curled up into a ball, surprisingly not away from him but to him, pushing her forehead into his chest. "Am I just hiding from my own life?"
Her body became wracked with gentle sobs that she silenced into his skin. Not thinking twice he offered her the comfort she was unknowingly asking for and wrapped his arms around her tight. There wasn't much he could do for her right now. This was something she had to face on her own, but she didn't have to do it all alone. So her held her through it all and whispered to her that it would all be all right in the morning, until she fell asleep.
Unfortunately somewhere near dawn he woke with Maria still tightly wrapped around his body, sensing that it wasn't going to be all right in the morning. Some sort of sixth sense tingled up his spine causing him to free himself from Maria's grasp. As quietly as he could he made his way down the stairs from the loft. Checking in on Pavel, he bowed his head in reverence when he realized his worst fears had been true. Somewhere in the night while Maria fought with the ravages of her lost life-Pavel had lost his. He should have been saddened by the news, instead though, he felt relieved. Pavel was once again with his true love and he wasn't alone when it happened.
Odd how that worked, the Captain thought, and was reminded of what Maria had said to him last night. If things had been different, they wouldn't have been here for Pavel. If the last three days hadn't had happened Pavel would have died alone in this cabin with no one to tend to him. It was strange when he thought about it. How every action, every step, every decision brought you down a different path in life. Was it God that had brought him and Maria here? Fate, or destiny, he didn't know, but he did know what he had to do.
While Maria continued to sleep, the Captain set to task. He gave the man his final bath and dressed him in the finest clothes that the Captain could find. By the time Maria was up and ready to face the day, he had Pavel laid out in is handmade coffin resting in his place next to Nadia. With Maria by his side they buried Pavel and placed the statue of the little boy next to the little girl. Placed just right, the odd hand of the little girl fit right into the hand of the little boy. When the two wooden hands connected, Maria met the Captains eyes and they shared a smile.
On this crazy trip they had now brought one life into this world and helped another to leave it. For the first time in days he felt all was right with the world. Once everything was done, he and Maria set off back down the broken road heading for home. Looking back at the two statues, however, he felt maybe it wasn't so broken after all. Maybe it was right where they were supposed to be.
A/N
I APOLOGIZE FOR THE GREAT DELAY IN UPDATES. I WOULD LIKE TO PROMISE THAT THERE WON'T BE SUCH A DELAY IN THE NEXT, BUT I WON'T. LIFE RIGHT NOW IS CRAZY BUSY AND I WON'T MAKE A PROMISE I DON'T THINK I CAN KEEP. BUT I WILL TRY. I HOPE THIS CHAPTER DIDN'T DISAPPOINT. I REALLY NEEDED A TURNING POINT AND I AM HOPING I FOUND IT IN PAVEL'S STORY. THANKS AGAIN FOR READING, PLEASE REVIEW, EVEN IF YOU DIDN'T LIKE IT, LET ME KNOW. AND HOPEFULLY I'LL HAVE ANOTHER UPDATE FOR YOU SOON!