Chapter 4

April 6 1863

Rachel puts the water on for tea as Lou sits down at the table; together they had taken care of Lightening, they got him brushed down, made sure he had fresh oats and Rachel even had a sugar cube in the pocket of her apron that she let him have. Teaspoon had gone to the marshals' office and told Barnett he was taking the day off, now they just sat quietly. Teaspoon softly takes her tiny hand in his.

"Sweetheart, I know it's hard, but we have to know" Teaspoon continued to hold her hand "Where's Kid."

"Kid's dead Teaspoon, I'm so sorry, so sorry!" She cries and looks at them both crying for another lost member of their family.

Rachel leans in "was it in the war, in battle?" Lou looks up she can't tell them, she will never tell them, at least not all of it. She'll lie. Lie to protect them, their memories.

*Kid loses his grip on her dress, he stumbles and falls back, Lou reaches for him but it's too late, Kid begins to fall backwards, Lou can't understand why she can't catch him since he seems to be moving so slowly, he tumbles head first down the stairs and lay motionless at the bottom.

"No he died in our home, shot by renegade soldiers, deserters from the confederate army." The water was boiling on the stove; Lou stood and walked over to the stove to get the kettle. She took a deep breath…

…She let it out slowly "You have the right to know everything; it's just that some of it will be hard."

Lou pours the tea and sits down "But maybe I should start with the good news, least wise I think it's good" Lou smiled at them "Teaspoon you got your wish, you're a grandpa. Her name is Jaimie, we never got around to talking about girl's names, just assumed it would be a boy and well we wanted to name him after Jimmy. Her full name is Jaimie Hunter McCloud."

"Hunter is her middle name! She carries my name, well well well!" Teaspoon was the one crying now "Well where is this beautiful granddaughter of ours?" "Why wouldn't you bring her to meet us? I have always thought I would make a wonderful grandfather."

"Oh Lord Teaspoon, you would, you will." Lou reached over and took his hand."

Then Teaspoon's face fell "Oh Lou is she alright, did something happen to her."

" No no she's fine, I left her at Emma's for now, I wasn't sure she was up to making it the rest of the way here. It took us so long just to get there, she'd gotten sick and I had to layover in Louisville for a while till she was well enough to travel, plus I didn't know who was here or if you'd even want to see me"

"Why, why wouldn't we want to see you honey?' Rachel asked.

"I hadn't written, not even once and well so many things have happened I guess I wasn't thinking straight. I don't even know where any of the boys are, I don't know how we made it to Emma's place. I don't know anything anymore."

Rachel dried her eyes, lifted her chin, looked at teaspoon and forced a smile "You know you made it home. That's all you need to know for now. Tell us about Jaimie. How old is she Lou? Where was she born? Teresa and Jeramiah must be very excited to have a niece" Rachel had so many questions. A baby!

"She's almost a year now; she was born last May at the farm in Virginia. I knew by the time we got there that I was expecting. But Kid was anxious to enlist so I didn't tell him right away, maybe I should've, things might have been different. He assumed, well everyone did really, that the war would only last a few more months and he didn't want to miss takin part. He enlisted and left a few weeks after we got to Virginia.

*During a trip to Richmond to get supplies Lou managed to slip away to the doctors and he confirmed her suspicions he told her she was about 3 months along, maybe a bit more. A baby, the thought made her smile, she would make the best of all this, leaving her family, moving to Virginia even Kid's temper. Because this baby, their baby deserved the best she could give him. A boy, yep a boy, it has to be! Wait till I tell Kid!..."Kid I have some news for ya" Lou was smiling as she met him outside the mercantile "Me too Lou" But Kid wasn't smiling, he reached down and took her hands in his "Ain't no way to say this easy, so ….. I enlisted today, I' m leaving day after tomorrow" Lou wasn't listening anymore she looked at Kid "Is the buckboard loaded?" Kid nodded, she turned climbed up and with a 'Ha and a snap of the reins she headed for the farm, leaving Kid to mount Katy and keep up. He left 2 days later.

"He came home on leave a month later and well by then you could tell I was carrying a baby. We were very excited. But he only had three days then he was gone again. By then it was clear that the war wasn't going to end swiftly."

*The front door flew open "Lou, where are you darlin'. I'm home!" Lou came running down the stairs "Kid Kid and threw herself at him. Kid pulled her tight and swung her around and suddenly stopped "Lou?" he said looking down "What's that? That bump under your dress" Lou smiled "Well Kid I reckon that's your doin', it's a baby. You're going to be a Papa."

"When, where, How? Lord Lou I don't know where to start." Kid just kept looking down at her little belly. "As for the 'when' and the 'where' well I cain't be too sure but the Doc says I'm going on 5 months, as for the 'how', I'll leave that to your imagination." Lou wrapped her arms around kids neck "Lou how long you known" Kid looked at her face and knew "Why didn't you tell me."

"You were going to leave, I didn't want you to worry and you said it was only going to be a few months, and well your back now. It's been hard here by myself I'm just glad your back."

Kid walked into the kitchen "You should've told me Lou, you can't keep secrets from me. It's not right you not telling me. How can I take care of you if you keep things from me?"

"I don't need you taking care of me; we've done fine the last month without you, it's been hard but I managed. Why aren't you happy about this, our baby."

Kid turned and with a dark look in his eyes said "I am happy but I don't like being kept in the dark not by you. Don't ever lie to me again."

"Jaimie was born at the house, Kid hired a farm hand before he left and so I had a little help with the big chores and things like that. His name was Jacob, he was able to get the doctor for me and he got there just in time to deliver her, otherwise I would have been alone. There was a farm about 5 miles from us and Mrs. Schuler came and helped me for a few days but after that, well it was just us. Hadn't heard anything from Kid at that point, three months without any word, I sent letters but I didn't know if he got them. He finally came home in Aug, well it was wonderful to see him and for him to meet Jaimie, but Kid looked terrible, he wasn't hurt but he'd lost so much weight, and he'd seen so much death in such a short period of time you could see it in his eyes. He got to spend a few days with us before his regiment pulled out again. I didn't see him again until the end of October."

*"Ain't she beautiful Kid, just perfect"

"What's her name"

"Well I thought we'd call her Jaimie since we were going to call a boy James"

"She don't have blue eyes"

"What? Oh Babies eyes change color Kid and mine are brown too ya know."

"Different color brown and it's just she don't look like me"

"I'm sure all the fellas that come courting her will appreciate that fact"

"She aint mine is she….she's got Jimmy's eyes"

"Kid you're seein something that aint there."

"Tell me you didn't sleep with jimmy,"

"Kid you're hurting me, let me go"

"You didn't answer me Lou"

Lou looks at the two people whose influence had helped her to become the strong women she was, "While I was in Virginia, you two were always in my heart, whenever there was a hard day or a bad time, I would remember something you told me or taught me, thinking of you got me through more than a few rough days. And when I was most alone I would think of the boys, of my brothers and for all their irritating ways when we rode for the express, I would remember their strength and I would wrap myself up in it. I would think of Buck's his arm around my shoulder, how he always seemed to know everything would be fine, about Ike's compassion and gentle spirit and how he could say so such with just a look. I would think about Noah's independence and know if he could overcome so much than so could I and I would think of Cody's funny stories, they always made me smile but it was his fierce sense of family and how much he loved us all that kept me from falling apart some days. I thought of Jimmy a lot and I would just talk to him like he was there, sitting with me on the fence at the corral. And if I closed my eyes I could see you all and feel you around me. You were all with me, through everything, through it all" Lou wipes the tears from her cheeks "I can't talk anymore, please tell me about you and the boys, I need to know how my brothers doing."

Teaspoon looked at Rachel wiping her eyes, she'd given up trying to keep back the tears; he smiled, picked up his tea cup, lean back in his chair "Well now let's see where to start. Ah! I know, you can congratulate us, we got married last year."

"That's wonderful" Lou hugged them both again. "It took you long enough."

"Yep all that living in sin and with her being the school teacher I guess she had to make an honest man of me "Rachel lovingly swatted his arm and picked up telling the news where Teaspoon had left off "Buck lives here in Rock Creek,"

"Here!?" Lou said

"Yea he lives behind the Livery, built a little house there. He bought the Livery about 6 months after you left and he and Emily got married last year." Lou's eyes got big "Yep Ike's Emily, there's a long story and I will let them tell you, they are as happy as I've ever seen two people.

"Of course you know Cody joined the army, been scouting in the Dakoda territories, he comes home every few months, when he can. He rode in day before yesterday he's out riding with Buck and Emily. They are looking at a spread a few miles out of town. Bucks thinking about starting that ranch all you boys, used to talk about."

"Cody's here?" Lou said Buck too they're both here Lou was happy to see them, needed to see them, but didn't know how she was going to tell them that their friend and brother was dead.

"Yep, He rode in claiming he missed his family but I'm pretty sure it was Rachel's cooking he was missing" Teaspoon said "he was only planning on staying till tomorrow but I am sure he will stay a few more days now that you're here."

There was a long silence.

"And Jimmy" she asked half afraid of the answer. Jimmy had the devil doggin' him for a long time, seemed like there was always someone wantin' to make a name for themselves by standing on Wild Bills dead shoulders. She will always remember the day he left with Rosemary. She should have looked for him, should have left Virginia sooner and found him.

"Well he came home for a visit over a year ago" Racheal said "he rode with Rosemary for a while, a few months maybe but he said he thought it was time to move on, we never did get the whole story, he asked about you and Kid but…" Lou looked away and nodded.

"Cody found out about 6 months ago that Jimmy was scouting for the Army in western Kansas" Rachel got up to refresh her tea "Anyone want more?" she asked, Teaspoon nod yes.

Lou still shaking her head "I know I should have written or come home sooner, so much sooner, there just didn't seem to be a good time."

"Don't worry about that Lou I keep telling you your home that's all that matters. Honey, what about your brother & Sister are they at Emma's too?" Rachael asked.

"No" Lou paused of all the things that could still make her mad, so angry this was one of the worst. Of course she was more angry at herself she'd let it all happen.

"When we left here we were going to get them, that was the plan but Kid thought it would be too dangerous at the time to take them into a war zone, I didn't even get to see them. I just couldn't bring myself to argue with Kid anymore."

Lou's mind traveled back to that day, the day things changed, the day she knew a different kind of fear.

"What do ya mean we ain't stopping?! We're only half a day's ride from there, Kid we have to get Jeremiah and Teresa, you promised!" Lou was yelling now as she jumped off her house and grabbed the reins of Kid's horse. "Don't do this Kid, don't you make me choose 'tween you and them. I'll choose them every time, I have too."

"Lou I ain't arguing with you, now mount up. We're goin'." Kid said his voice harsh.

Lou looked up at Kid with tears in her eyes but conviction in her words "Kid I can't leave them, and I won't. I'll go to St Jo and get them and I'll take them back to Rock Creek if I have too."

Kid jumped off his horse and roughly grabbed Lou by her arms "Damn it Lou it's too dangerous for them in Virginia, and they will only slow us down. Now do like I say and mount up." Kid yelled.

Lou was crying, almost hysterical, "No Kid, No!" as she tried to pull away from Kid's angry grasp she shoved him trying to put distance between them.

Kid still had hold of her arm and drew his right arm back and slapped Lou across the face knocking her to the ground. Lou lay on the ground more stunned by the violent act than the slap itself. Kid stepped back horrified that he could do that. "Oh God Lou, I am so sorry" Lou flinched and turned away as Kid reached for her. "I didn't mean to… Oh God Lou please." Kid was crying, he pulled her to him, holding Lou close, she didn't return the embrace. Kid was rocking Lou and stroking her hair "I promise Lou I didn't mean it, I just feel so frustrated and anxious to get home. I promise it won't happen again. Please I love you. Tell me you know that, tell me you know I love you." Lou remained silent and stunned.

"I did get to spend some time with them on the trip here; I wanted them to meet their niece" Lou said with a small smile on her face.

Rachel was bringing a fresh pot of tea to the table when the door suddenly blew open and Buck came running in "Is that Lightening we saw in the stables?" with Cody close on his heels hollering "Lou, Kid?" "Where you two been for so long"…

Lou stands up and turns to face her brothers. Bucks smile fades slightly seeing and something in her eyes, he pulls her gently into his arms, "Lou, my sister how I have missed you." Lou returns Buck's hug, feeling his gentle strength, she starts to lose her resolve to be strong. Both of her hands are gripping tightly the back of Bucks coat holding on for dear life. Cody still unaware that something is wrong is calling "Kid, Kid, Where you hiding."

"Cody" Teaspoon calls out "Cody stop" he puts his hands on Cody's shoulders "Kid ain't here Son" he says through the tears in his voice "Kid was killed in Virginia."

Cody stopped and felt emotions choking his throat as he put a hand on Teaspoons shoulder to steady himself and looked at Buck, whose eyes were filling with unshed tears and then at Lou who was beginning to lose her grip on Buck's coat it was Buck's hold on her that was keeping her from collapsing. Cody walked to Lou and took her gently from Buck, picked her up, carried her into the sitting room and sat down in Teaspoons big chair; he began to rock her and cried softly into her hair. "Oh Lou, Lou" Lou in that moment, surrounded by more Love than she had felt in so long, finally gave in to the overwhelming grief and sadness that had been her constant shadow for months, and sobbed into her brothers shoulder.

****Cody for all his clowning could feel and express more than most and he could always be counted on. And boy did he step up here; I wasn't expecting that, I expected it to be Buck, but Cody Loved Lou as only a big brother could. He always saw her as his sister where the others riders had at one time or another had a crush on her, he never did. He truly was her wonderful big brother. Don't ya just love him?