Chapter 63:

Flynn looked at Sharon to examine her reaction, but her face was sealed as always. He understood from her silence that she wanted him to go ahead and tell her whatever it is.

"Okay…" he said slowly, trying to select the words in his mind before verbalizing them. "I'll make it short. This one night I got a DUI. The next day I was told that if I didn't go to rehab, I'd lose my job. So what did I do? I went to a bar, of course," he paused for a second, but Sharon's face still didn't change. "That night I wasn't completely wasted, because there was this big robbery in some rich family's house, and I was called in, so I didn't have too much time to drink. Anyway, on my way there I… I stopped at a red light but there was no one around and I needed to get to that crime scene… so I started driving before the lights changed and, uh… I hit a girl."

"Oh, god," Sharon whispered, but her hand didn't move from his knee.

"A teenager. Nothing happened to her, because I was just starting to drive so the car was moving very slow, but she got really scared. She just ran off."

"So what did you do?"

"I couldn't catch her, but after that night I didn't need to be threatened with losing my job. I checked myself into rehab. The fact that I was too drunk to see her crossing the street terrified me."

"And how did your family react to that?"

"I never told them. Only my previous partner and Provenza know that story. By the time that it happened I'd already lost my wife, and my kids were mad at me." He looked down, unable to meet her eyes.

"So you couldn't tell them. It must've been horrible, keeping something like that from your family."

"Yeah, but I didn't want to give them another reason to stay away from me," he looked up again and frowned at her. "I'm surprised you're still here," he said sarcastically.

"Don't be ridiculous, you're not the same person you were when you were drinking," her voice was soft, almost caressing, and Flynn had a sudden thought about the ocean.

"I wish my kids would agree with you on that," he said sadly.

Sharon put her arm around his neck in a consoling half-hug, leaning her head on the edge of his shoulder. They sat in silence for a short while until Flynn suggested they watched a movie and they turned on the TV.

(***)

Sharon waited under the covers, looking around the bedroom absent-mindedly, while Flynn was getting ready for bed in the bathroom. The organization of the room was consistent with the rest of the house: it was just as clean and tidy, and Sharon loved it. Every item in the room was in its place and it made her feel peaceful. She smiled at Flynn when he got out of the bathroom and walked to his side of the bed.

"I'm so tired," she muttered, rubbing her eyes as he got under the covers and leaned on his elbow next to her.

"Yeah. It's because of that movie. It was so bad," he chuckled. "Remind me why we watched the whole damn thing?"

"I don't know," she said without admitting that she just enjoyed sitting in his arms for an hour and a half.

"Hey, I was thinking about your 'I love you' problem," he said suddenly.

"My what?"

"You know, why it's so hard for you to say it."

"Oh… and? Did you reach any conclusions?"

"I think you have negative connotation for that phrase. I mean, you went through a rough patch with Richard, and maybe even before him. I don't know because you didn't tell me much…" he paused for a second to put an emphasis on the fact that she refused to talk about some aspects of her past. "Anyway, you have some bad experience with love, so you prefer not saying it at all. Right? You're kind of afraid of love."

Sharon looked at him for a few seconds and then dropped her gaze. She tried to decide if he was right or not, thinking about her love life in the past.

"Did I make you sad?" he asked.

"No…" she muttered.

"I'm an idiot."

She tried to smile but it only made her look sadder. "It's just the thought of it is really sad… to be afraid of love," she said bitterly, and Flynn felt like someone was crushing his heart.

"Yeah, but you can let go of that fear now," he gave her a little smile, but her face remained serious.

"The thing is..." she said slowly, "you never know in life. Anything can happen and it messes up your plans and crushes your aspirations."

"Or... things turn out better than you expected," he said gently and she frowned at him. "What?"

"Nothing. Sometimes your optimism surprises me. Why aren't you like that at work?"

"I can't," he said in a fake seriousness, as if the mere thought of being optimistic hurt him. "It only comes out at night."