Winds of Change Chapter 5

"Is she still sleeping?" Rachel asked Cody as he came into the kitchen.

"Yea, I sat in there with her for a while, she never stirred. Hell she didn't hardly move when I carried her up to the spare room over an hour ago. Exhausted I guess." Cody said cutting himself a piece of bread from the loaf on the table.

"When did she get here and what did she tell you about Kid?" Emily asked, she had just come in and sat down next to Buck.

"Boys, Emily, I reckon it's a longer story then we got from her already, but from what she said Kid was shot by deserters in their home, he was home on leave that's all we know and it's small comfort but at least he was at home with his family. Oh and well there's some other news, you boys are finally Uncles! She has a baby girl named, Jaimie"

"A baby? Well I'll be. A didn't see a baby anywhere Teaspoon, where is this niece of ours?" Cody asks buttering another piece of bread, Rachel lifts her eyebrows "What?" he asks.

"Well she's at Emma's, now hold on" Teaspoon put up his hands as everyone started to speak at once "Let me get it out, I'll tell ya what I know, and while that ain't much, just let me get it out before you go interrupting." The Old station master took a deep breath "They, she and Jaimie, rode Lightening all the way from Richmond to Emma's place…."

"That had to be a hellova journey, 1000 miles on horseback with a baby" Buck interjected "sorry Teaspoon continue"

..."she was there a few weeks before coming here she said that the baby had taken sick on the journey and need to rest more before coming the rest of the way here, but she also said she wasn't sure who'd be here and if we'd even want her to stay. Well that part I didn't understand. But hopefully after she rested and gotten some good food in her she'll feel like talking and tell us more"

"Yea Rachel you need to make sure she eats plenty, she needs to put some meat on her bones, she always little but now" Cody shook his head "hell I think my saddle weighs more than she does."

…...

"If its matt your worrying about don't, I'll see to it that he doesn't mess up your plans"

"What'ya mean"

"He was supposed to take over when you stop riding" Jimmy sits down next to Lou, she can

hear the hesitation in his voice, "I guess you're looking forward to that."

'I cain't think clear when he's this close' Lou says to herself as she walks away, she can feel his eyes on her.

"Sometimes. It's a big change, gonna miss working w/ all of you"

"You're doing the right thing Lou" Jimmy said walking up to her

"You think"

"I also think the kid is a lucky man"

"Thanks, sometimes it's hard to be sure about all of this"

"You love each other right" Lou nods slightly "Well that's all that matters, who knows maybe someday I'll get lucky too." He pats Lou on the shoulder and turns to walk towards the horses.

Lou turns and in a quiet voice says "It could have been you. It should have been you."

Shocked at what he thinks she just said Jimmy stops walking, he stops breathing too. 'Should have? Maybe, its always felt so right to be with her. Could have? No. He couldn't do that to her, to Kid neither.' Jimmy closes his eyes tight trying to force down the feelings erupting from inside. No No No his head is yelling at him. But his heart well his heart is whispering something else.

"I understand Jimmy, I do; I understand why you pushed me away, why you felt you couldn't get close to me. But I need to say something while there's still time" She walked closer to Jimmy, his back still towards her. He couldn't look at her, he couldn't trust himself. When it came to Lou it was always, 'can't, couldn't and could not, just once he wished he 'could'.

"Jimmy! Jimmy!" Lou takes a sharp breath, sits up and looks around trying to get her bearings. Rachel's house, she's in Teaspoon and Rachel's house in Rock Creek. Lou looked down at her hands it was a dream, just a dream but it felt so real. That trip to Seneca, the fight in Fenton and the feeling of Jimmy's back under her hands…..

with her hand gently on his back, she feels Jimmy take a sharp deep breath

"I know you feel it too Jimmy, I cain't say I understand it, 'cause I've never felt anything like it. I know it every time you walk into the room; I feel it every time we touch. But Jimmy, you're right I guess, about me doing the right thing. I'm gonna marry Kid, he's a good man and I love him, but I ain't marrying cause I love him more. If you'd ask me right now I would ride with you the rest of my life. But you made it clear that you won't, that you can't and I respect that. But I need to tell you just once how I feel, and then well, I won't ever say it again."

She places both of her hands on Jimmy's back and she moves a little closer.

"Jimmy you are my best friend and wherever you go you'll carry a piece of me with you. No matter what's happens, don't matter where life takes you I hope you know you're loved." Lou rests her forehead on Jimmy's back. "And maybe you cain't be my man, but you will always be my friend and you will always have part of my heart." Lou takes a deep breath and she lets her hand drop to her side, Jimmy feels the cool air on his back where her hands had been, he misses her touch.

"Jimmy I'm gonna ride on to Seneca I'll meet you at the way station." Lou saddles Lightening and rides away, leaving Jimmy alone to start breathing again and to try to control the emotions that only Lou can stir up.

Lou sat in the bed looking at her hands; it should 'a been different, that was just another moment when things should 'a been different.

"It should all have been different" she says out loud. "Lou honey" Rachel calls through the door "you alright."

"Yea Rachel, come on in" Lou, sitting up, swings her feet off the bed and runs her fingers through her hair, still in her boots and clothes she doesn't' even remember getting up here.

"How long have I been asleep?"

"Oh about 2 hours, you ok I heard you call out" Rachel asked as she sat on the bed with her arm around the young woman she thought of as a sister and a friend.

"Yea, just a dream" Lou said leaning against Rachel.

"You want to come down and get a bite to eat; we'll be sitting down to supper soon." Lou smiles "What I need is a bath, is the tub still set up in the back room?" Rachel laughs "It sure is and I have water boiling on the stove I figured you might need that when you woke up. I put your saddle bags in there and some fresh towels, supper will be in about 30 minutes. See you down stairs"

…...

God it felt good to be clean and to wash her hair, she'd almost forgotten how dirty you from spending a week on the trail. Lou put on clean pants and a shirt, pulled a comb through her hair and joined her family for dinner.

She watched them all from the doorway for a minute before joining them, she listened to the sounds of their voices, it was the best music she'd ever heard; being with them might just be the healing she is looking for.

"Evening all, Cody I hope you left me something I'm starved." They all stood as she walked in "Oh Emily! It's so good to see" Lou hugged the young women that she only knew as Ike's love and now she's married to Buck, wonder how that happened maybe Ike was working some magic from the other side "Lou" Emily hesitated "I'm sorry about Kid" Lou nodded "thank you."

Buck reached around Emily to hug Lou but Cody takes her arm and pulls her into the vacant chair next to his "Sit down. All this chatter," he shakes his head "just letting all this good food get cold" Lou smiles at him as he hands her the mashed potatoes, then he puts an arm around her and pulls her in and whispers "hope you plan on staying little sister, it ain't been the same around here without you."

Dinner was difficult, Teaspoon and Rachel trying to make small talk while everyone tried to avoid the subject of Kid, but she knew they had questions and they had the right to at least some of the answers.

"Rachel, that was delicious as always. Thank you" Lou said leaning back in her chair.

"You ever learn to cook Lou, or did Kid go hungry?" Cody regretted the words as soon as they popped out of his mouth. "Cody!" Rachel admonished. "Damn, I'm sorry Lou" Cody said just looking down at his plate.

"Ya'll don't have to tippy toe around me" Lou looked around the table "Well actually Cody, I can cook, I always could. I just never told you boys about it."

"What?' Buck asked. "Then why did we have to eat burned biscuits and Jimmy's porridge 3 times a day, if you could cook." Lou smiled remembering a summer weekend so long ago "Well next time you see Jimmy get him to explain it to ya, he knew I could cook."

Lou sighed and her face saddened as she looked around the table "I know you all got questions so if you want, go ahead and ask."

"Now Lou you don't have to say anything" Rachel put her hand on Lou's shoulder as she walked by picking up plates.

"I want to, I need to and you all got a right to know what happened to Kid."

Cody not one to hold back or mince his words asked "Lou how'd he die?"

Lou took a breath, let it out slow and began "We were at the farm in Virginia. The farm had belonged to Kid's Grandfather, and his uncle, the one who wrote to him right before we left; well he said we could live there. It was about 30 miles north east of Richmond, near a little town called Acquinton. Jaimie was about 5 months old then" Lou's smile was the brightest they'd seen since she came back "I cain't wait for you all to meet her, she's the prettiest little thing you'll ever see."

Lou took a sip of the coffee Rachel had poured and continued her tale. "It was the end of Oct, Kid had come home on leave, 2 or 3 days was all he had. He said he'd seen battle at Manassas, Bull Run, Shepherdstown, Ashby's Gap, a few others. Its bad Teaspoon, families' torn apart just like you said would happen. But the fighting, I ain't never seen anything like it and I hope I never do again. Thousands and thousands dead and the bodies, the dead and wounded" Lou shakes her head. "I hope none of you ever have to see what I saw coming home. I'm glad Jaimie won't remember any of it and I'm glad you're all out here and not there. I know the war's spread all over but there in the heart of it all, the fighting was everywhere, some battles getting as close as 10 miles from the farm. I think that's why he got to take leave 'cause he was so close.

It was the second day he was home when we heard horses riding up and then gun fire. I was up stairs and Kid came running up, he to me told me to hide with Jaimie in the closet in the bedroom, the soldiers just kicked the door down and came running in, Kid started down the stairs, I was right behind him, he opened fire as he reached the bottom, I ran down after him but one of them shot him in the chest at the bottom of the stairs, I grabbed his gun and got off a few more rounds, I shot one coming in through the kitchen and then as quickly as it started it was over. Jacob, our hired hand, had come in behind the soldiers and took out the last one. They had shot him in the barn and took him for dead before they came to the house; he collapsed and died in the doorway, he saved my life." Lou looked away, chewing in a fingernail trying not to cry. "He was a good man, a good man. Don't know what I'd a done without him there all alone. He saved my life."

"You need ta let her go Mr. McCloud, and you otta ta do it right now.

There now ain't that better. Miss Lou you go on inside, take care of yourself and look after the little one."

Lou looked back up at her family biting at her bottom lip to keep the tears from falling. "The shot Kid took to the chest, well I tried to stop the bleeding but I couldn't help him and he died. I tried honest I did, I tried to save him." Mostly the truth Lou thought to herself.

"Kid!" "Kid, oh God I'm sorry" Racing to the bottom of the stairs as the

soldiers come in.

"Well well well what have we here? Looks like you done killed a man pretty lady,

what'd ya do push him down the stairs?" He staggers a bit, liked he had too much to drink

"Pretty sure that's a hanging a'ffence. But I think we might be able to work something

out to keep you from hangin', how's bout a trade so's my friend and I don't

tell the law about what you done." Laughing he begins to walk closer

"Who are you? Get outta my house!" Lou shouts drawing Kid's gun from his holster.

"You aint gonna shot me little lady. Well at least not before my friend behind you shots you first."

Lou spun and saw a soldier coming at her through the kitchen and without giving it

A second thought she shot him, killing him where he stood. His friend began firing in Lou's direction,

a bullet caught her in the right arm and she dropped to the floor behind Kid's body as

a bullet hit Kid in the chest.

Lou heard another shot and watched as the soldier drop to the ground. She saw Jacob standing in the doorway, with a gun in his hand and his shirt soaked in blood.

"I ran upstairs to check on Jaimie when I heard more horses, I didn't realize it at the time, but I took a bullet, in my arm…"

"Oh Lou" Buck took her hand.

…." we hid in the closet, tried to keep Jaimie quiet and I listened as the soldiers ransacked the house, they spent the rest of that day and night camped outside. They took all the food, guns, ammunition and money they could find. We stayed hidden in the closet for almost 2 days before coming out to see ta Kid and Jacobs bodies" Lou felt the tears on her face. "I buried them out behind the barn. I didn't have the strength to get them much farther than that. They should have been buried up on the hill, it over looked the pond that would have been best. But at least he's in Virginia, that's what he wanted more than anything else." Lou took the handkerchief Rachel offered her as Teaspoon looked away wiping his own tears for his lost boy and for all his girl had to endure.

"Lou that was in October, why didn't you leave then, why did you wait to come home?" Buck asked her.

"My arm wasn't hurt that bad, I've had worse, but I didn't have a doctor and with taking care of everything well the arm got infected and I was pretty sick for a while. By December the fighting had gotten closer, there were a few small skirmishes around Fredericksburg, that's about 50 miles straight north of Richmond, but by the middle of December it had become a huge battle. The southerners considered it a great victory, but I don't know how 20,000 men dying could ever be a victory. But by the end of December there was no way to get out. We were east of Richmond; the trains hardly ran and the ones that did were full of soldiers and here I was a Union sympathizer, widow to a Southern loyalist, living in the heart of it all. If I had wanted travel papers I doubt I could 'a gotten any. And there was no way to get west without crossing battle lines somewhere or going through the heart of the city. If it had been just me I would have run for it and probably done alright, but with the baby, I wasn't willing to risk it. And where there weren't battles there were desperate folks, hungry, and homeless. And when Lincoln declared all the slaves free in January, well things went from bad to worse. You had colored folk, trying to head north and some going to join the Union Army, that wasn't bad, they were just trying to escape but of course the Rebels didn't recognize the proclamation that they were free and they intended to keep their slaves. They considered them runways and my sentiments being what they are I felt it best to lay low."

"Things being that bad what made you decide to leave when you did?" Buck asked.

"Well" Lou looked around the room "I was about to be arrested"

"FOR WHAT" five voices shouted at once.

Lou shrugged "I couldn't lay low."

…..