Winds of Change Chapter 11
"Oh Jimmy" Lou stands and turns away from him. Words; she was always surprised by the power that words could have, but her heart had wanted to hear these words for long, and now they cut her deep "You cain't possibly love me, least whys not who I am now, maybe you loved that girl from so long ago, only I'm not her anymore."
Jimmy stood up, anger showing in his face as Lou turns away from him "God Damn it Lou! Yea, I loved her, that girl had my heart almost from the beginning. She saw through me, saw me in ways no one else ever did and made me feel good about myself; she was gentle and had a fierceness about her, a sweet, delicate fierceness. But the women she grew into, hell I think I love her even more, I respect her and I'm sorry she's had to suffer, but sweetheart, how can I not love the women who grew from such a fierce girl into the strong force of nature standing in front of me and to be truthful I've never thought I could offer you anything so I kept my distance, I thought you didn't need me and in some ways I's right, you don't need me for money or a place to live or to raise children with, you can take care of yourself and you sure as hell don't want or need Wild Bill," Jimmy paused and spun Lou around, his voice reflecting the intensity of his words "but I do think you need me to Love you. You need me to remind you every day that you're Loved. Not smothered, not kept, not held back, not abused or forced but Loved!" Jimmy pulls her in, their faces only inches apart "Tell me you don't love me Lou, tell me and I'll go."
Just for a brief moment as she look into the eyes that have haunted her dreams for so long, she thinks about lying, telling him she doesn't love him, that she never did and never well, but he knows her too well "don't lie Lou, I'll know" Jimmy says softly.
She reaches up and brushes the hair from Jimmy's face "I thought about you while I was in Virginia, I'd be in the barn or sitting on the fence at the corral and I'd imagine you with me and I'd talk to you just like you were there. It always helped to know you were somewhere out here, riding the prairie. You've been a source of strength to me and I do love you, so much sometimes it hurts. But someone I know once said 'Love don't never make sense if you ask me' and right now I'm scared"
"Of me?" Jimmy asks a bit surprised.
"Of you not loving me" Lou lets out a breath "I got things to tell ya, things you gotta know and after, well you may not love me anymore. Just give me some time Jimmy, time to come to grips with everything. Not just the things that have happened but the things I've done too. Love me a little longer, at least until you know the truth."
Jimmy pulls her in tightly, his tears falling on her hair "We'll take it slow honey, but I'm telling you nothing's gonna make me stop loving you."
They don't know how long they stood there; holding on to each other but it was only a few moments when they heard a knock on the door, Lou wiped her eyes and Jimmy turned his back to the door and looked out the window.
"Come in" Lou said
Dr. Dempsey walked in "Hello folks. Louise I need to have a look at your bandages and see how your wounds are doing. Mr. Hickok, the Marshal and Mrs. Cain are out on the porch why don't you wait for us out there.
Jimmy smiles at Lou "I'll wait." and walks out the door.
…..
Lou and the Doctor walked out on the porch "Well Doc, how's our girl doing?" Sam asked.
"Doing real well, I think it's ok to move her over to the hotel today. Also, she and I made a deal" he say's looking at Lou, "she's going to rest today and then tomorrow she can try riding a little, but not alone" he says looking at Jimmy "and not fast or far, then if that's goes well she can plan on leaving the day after tomorrow and head home to that baby I've heard so much about. Louise I will see you tomorrow afternoon." The doctor nodded his goodbyes and walks back into his office.
"Louise that's good news, honey" Emma says putting her arm around Lou's shoulder "Let's get your things, head over to the hotel and get you settled in and since Sam and I are leaving tomorrow we can make plans for supper tonight"
…
"Thank you for dinner" Lou said as the four of them stood on the sidewalk outside the restaurant
"Well it was our pleasure Lulabelle and now I think I'd like to take a walk, it's such a fine evening" Emma said taking a deep breath of the night air
"That does sound nice, I'd like that" Lou said.
"Nope" Jimmy say's looking at Lou.
Lou raises her eyebrows in surprise "What?"
"You know what the Doc said. You have to rest if you want to ride tomorrow." Jimmy looked over at Sam and Emma "you two go on ahead I'll walk Lou to the hotel."
Lou smirks "Help, I think I'm being kidnapped."
Jimmy shrugs "Choice is yours, walk tonight or ride tomorrow, makes no never mind to me" He winks at Emma who smiles and says "Lou, face it, he's right."
"I hate to admit it and I may never live it down but, yea he is. Good night Sam, Good night Emma. I'll see you tomorrow."
Emma and Sam watch them as they walk away "Think they'll figure it out" Sam asks offering her his arm.
Emma tucks her arm in his "I hope so. I surely hope so."
….
Jimmy walks Lou to her room "You got your key" he asks, Lou takes to key from her purse and hands it to Jimmy. He unlocks the door and walks in; closing the door after Lou enters. Jimmy reaches out and without a word takes Lou in his arms and she falls easily into his embrace. They stand there for a long while, Jimmy stroking her hair and Lou's arms finding their way under Jimmy' coat and around his waist, her fingers slowly caressing his back "Lou, honey, you should get some rest" he pushes her away "And If I stay much longer, we won't be taking anything slow. I'll come for ya in the morning, we'll take a ride out of town before the day gets too warm and then be back to see Sam and Emma off." Lou lets her hands rest on Jimmy chest and just nods; she doesn't have the words for how good this feels or how confused she is. Jimmy gently kisses her lips and walks out.
….
The morning air was dry and warm and the sky a delicate blue without a single cloud. The breeze that was always present on the prairie blew across her skin as Lou stood by Haven Lake holding Lightening's reins. She and Jimmy had ridden a few miles outside of town and just as she promised the doctor she took it easy. But Lightening didn't seem to understand why she wasn't racing across the prairie, as she usually did. And Jimmy was keeping an eye on her making sure she wasn't getting tired. He'd been doing it all morning.
Noticing him looking at her out of the corner of his eye she said "Jimmy I'm fine, I swear and if I have to tell you again, I'm gonna push you in the lake" Lou smiled but he knew she meant it and would actually try although he doubted she had the strength right now.
"Alright Lou, but if you see me looking at you it's just 'cause I happen to think you look real pretty today." Jimmy said dropping his arm across her shoulders.
"Jimmy could I ask a favor" Lou said looking up at him.
Jimmy nodded "a 'course."
"Well, why don't you ride Lightening back and I'll take Sundancer that way Lightening can get a good run. He sure was antsy under me. And I'll catch up with you outside of town."
Jimmy frowned a bit "I don't know Lou, Doc said you shouldn't ride alone."
"I won't be alone I just won't exactly be right by your side" Lou smiled "And maybe I'd like a little time to myself" she teased.
Jimmy smiled back "Alright, but I better be able to see you if I look back and don't make me come back for you" he said handing her his reins and offering her a leg up.
Lou leaned down from Sundance and said in a low silky voice "Oh yea, and what would you do if you had to come back for me."
Well that was an invitation to trouble if Jimmy ever heard one, the kinda of trouble he liked. He reached up and wrapped his hand around her neck and gently pulled her closer "Well I'd say turn you over my knee, but that'd just bust open your stitches, so I guess I'd have to think of something else." He kissed the end of her nose "See you back in town." Jimmy swung up onto Lightening and spurred him into a run.
Lou watch her two favorite guys riding with the wind, Jimmy's hat bouncing against his back and his hair blowing as he leaned in against Lightings, dust kicking up behind them and even from here she could hear Jimmy laughing.
Lou kicked Sundancer into a Jog, 'Don't want Jimmy to have to come after her' she thought. Lou smiled to herself and slowed him down to a gentle amble.
…
Standing in the barn, Lou brushing Lightening as Jimmy put the saddles up, "Thank you jimmy for everything including riding him back today." She nodded at Lightening "You know you're his favorite rider, besides me of course."
"He is a fine horse, I like riding him, damn fast too. But I would have figured he would have like Ike or Buck, 'cause their so good with animals" Jimmy sat on a hale bale and watched her hands create rhythmic movements across the horses flesh.
"Well they both thought I rode him too hard, but that's just who he is. He's fast, rides like the wind and sometimes like the devil's after him. He likes it like that fast and rough. Sometimes when we'd be trying to beat a storm back to the station he ride right into it."
"Yea you rode hard, and maybe it was as much you as Lightening, we all thought you were a bit crazy to rid the way you did, we just figured you were just trying to prove something."
"I don't know maybe I was, but mostly I just like to ride fast."
"So why does he like me over the other riders."
Lou turned to look at him "Cause you let him run, you don't hold him back. You give him his head and let him go. You trust him."
She continued "He ain't like any other horse I've known, not only is he the fasted horse, I've ever ridden but he's stubborn and proud."
Jimmy smiled at that 'like rider, like horse' he thought to himself.'
"He likes a strong rider, someone in control that he can trust and that trusts him. I've always trusted his instincts. Ike would just try to keep him from getting hurt and well Kid rode him the way he wanted, only his way, he didn't trust him, Lightening didn't like him."
That surprised Jimmy "Really."
"Yea, he don't like Cody much either but don't tell him" Lou laughed as she closed the stall door and leaned against it. "Kid wanted to breed him with Katy, get Lightening's speed and guts mixed with Katy's stamina and heart but I told him Katy was too prissy for Lightening and honestly I figured he hurt her. I'd seen him with fillies and mares, he's spirited and he liked the ones with fire, the ones that try to bite him back."
Jimmy looks at Lou a serious but soft look on his face "Is that why you make such a good pair, 'cause you're just like him or 'cause he's what you like in a man?" Jimmy reaches his hand out to her.
"Both I guess" she says walking towards him.
He takes her hand "You like to bite back do ya?"
Lou looks into his eyes as they grow dark "I ain't a china doll, if that's what you're asking."
Jimmy takes her other hand and draws her a bit closer "You like a strong rider Lou, someone taking the lead?"
Lou wonders when they had stopped taking about horses "As long as they trust my instincts, I ain't found no one like that yet."
Jimmy reaches up to stroke her cheek "You sure about" His other hand moves around her waist to draw her in to stand between his knees.
Lou closes her eyes and leans in a bit; sure he's going to kiss her.
"Don't close your eyes Lou" Jimmy says his voice husky with passion "Look at me sweetheart." Both of his hands on her waist, she opens her eyes. "Kiss me Lou."
She hesitates, unsure, her mind and her heart both racing, but Jimmy won't let her shy away "Trust me Louise…. kiss me."
Lou steps in, her knees brushing against his inner thighs, and without taking her eyes off of him she leans in and her lips make gentle contact with his but she leaves just enough space that her tongue can reach out to slowly lick his lips sending an electric shock through his body and as his lips open she breaths deep, quite literally taking his breath away and her tongue begins to coax his into a dance she's leading. She feels hands gripping tighter and tighter onto her waist, his fingers digging into her skin through her shirt. Lou holds his face in her hands and dives deep giving up any self-control she might have had. This is the mouth she has wanted for so long and the kiss she has dreamed about for two years, this is the man she loves. Jimmy lets her lead, doing all he can to maintain control over himself as he matches her passion with his. This wasn't anything like what he remembered from their one time together all those years ago, he wonders how he let her go. Her hands are in his hair tilting his head up opening his mouth a bit giving her tongue more room to explore. Without her realizing he had moved his legs and picked her up to sit astride his lap and instinctively her legs wrapped around his him, his hands on her hips and his hardness pressing against her. He can't remember when he took a breath, but if he died right now suffocated by her kiss; by her love he'd die happy. When this kind of perfect love happens, when two souls meet for the first time or for the thousandth time, time stands still and the world stops turning, they didn't know how long they had been there and didn't care, all they knew was that they had finally found each other.
….
"Sam what's wrong" Emma asks seeing the look on his face as he turns from the stable doors.
"ummmm well… we'll just have to get the buckboard later" He says trying to steer her away from the door.
"Sam what is wrong with you. Let me go, there isn't anything in there I haven't seen before."
"I ain't so sure Emma, it's Lou and Jimmy." Sam says, blushing a little.
Emma's eyes grow big "Are you kidding, move, let me see."
"Emma Cain you get away from that door, that's private, 'tween them" He says leaning in a little to look over Emma's head for a better view.
Emma clears her throat and turns away from the door "Well it looks like they're figuring it out."
"Yep" Sam says looking around and scratching his head trying to figure how to get the buckboard.
"Well it's about time, I always thought they was well suited for each other" Emma said.
He looked at Emma a bit surprised "I thought you liked Kid."
"Oh I did. I loved him like I did all the riders, but he wasn't right for Lou, he didn't know what to do with a strong willed women like her."
Sam raised his eyebrows and shook his "I don't either."
"Sam Cain, I ain't nothing like Lou."
"Ha! What? just cause you cain't shoot and don't ride?" Sam stands tall over Emma, his hands on his hips "Let me tell ya, you two are so much alike I'd swear you could be sisters. Stubborn both of ya and you got minds of your own, independent and opinionated." Sam saw the looked forming on Emma's face "Of course I wouldn't have it any other way. But right now we gotta get in there."
Emma looked at her wonderful husband and wondered how he did put up with her sometimes and then she smiled at him sweetly and shoved him so he fell against the stable doors making a huge ruckus "There now they know we're here."
...…
Lou and Jimmy stood by the buckboard "Lou you take care of yourself now ya hear. And that beautiful baby too." Emma hugged her close "Give him a chance Lou, tell him. He's got a right to know, he's gonna find out anyway, it's better coming from you."
Lou nodded to Emma as Sam gave her a brief hug and shook Jimmy's hand. Emma also hugged Jimmy tight "she's worth fightin' for" she whispered in his ear. Jimmy helped her up to take her seat next to Sam. "I love you both" she said as they drove away.
They stood there on the sidewalk a long time watching the buckboard getting smaller and smaller until Jimmy finally asked "what did Emma mean Lou? 'Give him a chance he's got a right to know'…. What do I need to know."
As they walked back into the hotel and up the stairs Lou couldn't bring herself to look at him "it's about Jamie" she said as she unlocked her room and they walked in "Jamie, well….."
Jimmy looked concerned as he shut the door behind him "Is there something wrong with her Lou?"
"No Jimmy she's perfect, but it's just that…well….her…Kid ain't…." Lou sighed.
"Spit it out Lou just say it"
"Kid ain't her father" Lou looked down at her feet she couldn't bear to see the look on his face.
"Oh God Lou, did something happen? Did someone hurt you?"
Lou looked at him stunned that rape was what he thought of first "No. Lord Jimmy. She's yours! You're her father."
They stood in silence for a few moments Jimmy's expression going from stunned to surprise to angry in a matter of seconds "That impossible!" he shouted "We….me and you…we…it was only that one time, and I was careful." He spun around and began pacing the room "You gotta be wrong, how could you be so sure anyway? And why did you tell Emma? Who else knows?"
"Well, for starters it wasn't just one time, one night maybe, but if memory serves me it was three times and apparently not careful enough." She shouted back "And I didn't tell Emma, all anyone has to do is look at her Jimmy and see." Lou didn't know why she was shouting "I'm sorry Jimmy." Lou looked at Jimmy who had stopped his pacing by the window and turned to look at her. His face was tight and his eyes were furious, his hands balled up in fists "That what you meant!" he yelled.
"What Jimmy? I don't know what you're talking about" Lou took a step back making sure the door was behind her, she wasn't afraid of Jimmy but experience of the last few years had convinced her that running instead of fighting is sometimes best.
Jimmy growled "when you first came too, at the Doc's you asked about…..Jam...Her….. I told you that Buck had sent word they were safe at home; you said 'now they know, they all know'. Lou they all know, the family, they know don't they?" She didn't know what to say "TELL ME!" He yelled.
"Yes YES!" she yelled back. "They all know. She has your eyes and hair, she looks exactly like you."
Jimmy stood stock still, hardly evening breathing "Move away from the door Lou. I gotta get outta here. I gotta think."
"Jimmy please, please let me explain" Lou cried not moving away from the door.
"Explain!? Explain what? When were you going to tell me….."
"I'm. I'm telling you now." Lou stammered.
"…if I hadn't come for ya, would you have told me?" But before she could answer Jimmy's face fell as a realization hit him "Oh God. Kid! Did he see her? Did Kid know?"
Lou didn't know what to say, didn't know how to make this better, she knew now that she had lost him. She nodded "yes "she said and watched as the light left his eyes. She moved away from the door, Jimmy stormed past "I need to think" he ground out through his teeth as he past her.
Lou sat on the bed, trying to stop the trembling in her body and knew what she had to do.
...…
Jimmy rode all night trying to make sense of what Lou had told him, part of him was thrilled that Lou was the mother of his child, but what his thoughts kept turning back to was that their family all knew what they had done and worst of all the Kid knew he had betrayed him. Jimmy sat under the stars and prayed to Kid that he was sorry. He just didn't know how to make it right. His mind raced with all that she told him and that she had waited so long. He didn't sleep at all and by day break he was calm enough to know he had to talk to her. He had so many questions and he had calmed down enough to know why she couldn't tell him, at least in the beginning. He rode back towards town knowing that somehow he, they, needed to make this right.
As he rode past the surgery he noticed Dr. Dempsey sitting on the porch, "Ahh Mr. Hickok, there you are."
Jimmy turned to look at the Doctor and pulled Sundancer to a stop.
"I trust you and Louise went for a ride yesterday and all went well?" the doctor inquired.
Jimmy nodded "Yea it was fine"
"Good, Good, well would you remind Louise that she had appointment with me for yesterday afternoon and that I need to see her if she plans on leaving today."
Jimmy nodded "Sure thing, she probably just forgot" she had a lot on her mind Jimmy thought to himself as he rode towards the hotel.
"Oh Mr. Hickok" the clerk called to him "I have a note for you, sir" he handed Jimmy the note and said "if you're looking for Miss Louise, I believe she checked out."
Jimmy looked at him and back at the note in his hand and his blood went cold. He raced out of the hotel and towards the livery and saw that Lightening was gone. Jimmy tore open the note, it was in Lou's' handwriting and only said 'I love you, I'm sorry. Good Bye.'
…..
Oh my God she finally told him. That was so hard and after they had begun to get so close. This is a long chapter I know, but if I had written another chapter without her giving up at least one secret I would have gone nuts not knowing!
OK so now I have to take a wee break. I have another story I need to finish for a challenge and I am writing a training course I am teaching in 2 months (have I started it yet hell no)…but knowing my muse he will think it's funny that I have to sit at this very computer and WORK…. while he wants to play so maybe I will give up something so I can finish this story ( I wanna know how it all works out too, Where did she go? Will he catch up to her? Will he even try? And when she gets home, what do you think they will all be saying?)….hummmm maybe give up sleep or eating ( I could stand to lose a few pounds).
Thank you all for your encouragement. It has meant a lot to me. I dearly love our characters and it is wonderful to share it with all of you.