Title: The Lucky Ones
Characters: James "Bucky" Barnes & Loki
Captain America/Thor crossover, started during Captain America timeline, but has now moved to post-Avengers.
Rated M for slash
I don't own the characters, just the plot.
Once again a big thank you to my lovely reviewers! Moony, your words are gold to me! I always worry about them being too OOC, so it is such a relief to know you think I'm doing okay. Bucky, I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU REVIEWED! THANK YOU! :D TSA, you are always so sweet! I don't think anyone understands this story as well as you do. Your reviews are very near and dear to my heart, just like you are. *huge hugs* Yaoifanfake, your review had me wearing a giant goofy grin for a long time. THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU!
I apologize in advance for this chapter.
As always, please review or send me some feedback on Twitter( Loki_Can) or on Tumblr, canofloki . tumblr .com. Thank you for reading!
-The Lucky Ones- Chapter 12
Loki fumed. He had tried repeatedly to wrench his arm out of Thor's strong grasp, but his "brother" held tight. Infuriating! As he was led, muzzled and shackled once again, down a long gray corridor, deep in the lower levels of Stark's tower, Loki noticed the voices had returned. They had gone silent, blissfully silent, as soon as Bucky had been by his side and had stayed away during their time together. They were back now, whispering in his mind. Softly, like the wings of a moth, but impossible to ignore. Loki knew the voices were his own creation. He had started hearing them after he had landed with the Chitauri. Their barely intelligible mutterings stoked his anger, like fuel for a fire. At the same time, they also assuaged him, telling him he was right to feel betrayed, tossed aside, unwanted. They pushed him to seek vengeance, and they were echoed with precise accuracy by the Chitauri leaders. Almost as if the creatures could hear them, too.
Glaring at whomever was unlucky enough to catch his gaze, Loki was dragged into a large room with a glass enclosure. It was similar to the one he had been kept in on the helicarrier, though it was slightly bigger and obviously more permanent. Stark was with them, and he entered a code into an impressive looking array of computers, causing a door to open in one of the glass walls.
"I'll leave you to get the prisoner all settled in. Just push this button and it will seal the door behind you." Stark said to Thor. He nodded towards a couple of black-attired thugs standing off to the side. "You've got back up if you need it. I need to go talk to Fury. We're meeting in the conference room soon, so make it snappy."
Thor nodded to the man, while Loki rolled his eyes. The grip on his arm did not loosen until the pair were inside the glass cage. The space was empty, save for a small bench toward the rear wall. Thor stopped Loki and turned to face him, though Loki looked down, refusing to make eye contact.
"I will take the muzzle off. Your magic will not work with those chains on or anywhere inside this cell, but please do not try anything foolish again." Thor stated. Loki held still while the hateful device was removed from his mouth. He stretched his jaw, but said nothing and still refused to look up. Thor put a hand on Loki's shoulder. Loki supposed it was intended to be reassuring, but it felt bruising and violating. He shrugged it off immediately, and thankfully Thor did not attempt the touch again.
"Brother," he started. At that, Loki snapped his eyes up, meeting Thor's eyes with a poisonous glare, defying him to use that word again.
"Loki, please let me speak with you," The pleading words fell on deaf ears. Loki did not want to listen to him. What could he possibly say to make things better? Why was he even bothering to try? Nothing could fix him. He had long ago accepted his fate, that he was not entitled to happiness. No, Loki's destiny had been set in motion when he was just a baby. When his real father had rejected him and left him to die. Odin should have left him, too. This afternoon with Bucky had been nice, but Loki knew exactly what it was. A brief respite from the grim reality of his life. A life that was to be spent in a cell, or worse, ended by the very people who had once claimed to love him. He shook his head bitterly and turned his back on the man he once called brother.
Behind his back, he heard Thor sigh. "Very well, brother. I will leave you be, for now. I will return shortly." The sound of heavy boots retreating was cut off by the glass door shutting, locking Loki in this room. The two SHIELD agents were left to stand guard, and Loki resented that he could not get away from their ever watchful gaze. He did the best he could and walked around the bench to sit on the floor behind it, facing the wall away from the guards. He placed his elbows on his knees and his head in his hands. The voices no longer whispered, but instead roared a cacophony in his head. Undeserving! Evil! Liar! Monster! At some point, Bucky's name filtered through the noise. Better off without you. He does not love you. He cannot love you. You are not worthy of love. You are only worthy of pain.Then there was just laughter. Though it was mostly noise, he knew it was the mocking of everyone in his past who had ever meant something to him. Odin. Thor. Even his mother. It was their cruel laughter that echoed through his head, like fingers pointing, because he had dared to think he could be happy. That he had believed, if only for a second, that he could be loved. Loki ground the heels of his hands into his eyes and let out a keening cry, though it did little to drown out the noises inside his head.
-oooooooooooooooooo-
"A Frost Giant?" Bucky sounded incredulous.
Thor had just finished explaining to Bucky what he could about the events leading up to Loki's fall. Ending with the revelation of Loki's true parentage, his true identity. Bucky's mind raced, trying to take in everything he had just learned. Thor had taken him down to one of the basement levels in the tower, and they now stood in a harshly lit, gray walled corridor. Bucky leaned against a wall and tried to think. "But he doesn't look any different from you."
"Odin gave Loki a powerful spell when he was an infant, to ensure that he would be accepted on Asgard. And he was. He was raised as one of us." To Bucky, it sounded like Thor was saying this to try to convince himself it was true, when he should have known otherwise. It angered him.
"He never fit in! I could see that just from the few days I was there. You're kidding yourself if you think he ever felt at home there." Bucky insisted.
"It is true," Thor acquiesced. "He was treated differently. In my youth, I believed it was only because we were so unalike. Not because they thought less of him," Guilt was easy to read on his features. "Loki used to call me the golden child. I believe you use the same phrase, do you not? It was known by all that I would inherit the throne one day. But only because I was the firstborn, so I thought. Loki believed it was because he was less worthy than I."
"He never felt like he could measure up to you, no matter what he did." said Bucky, quietly, remembering how Loki had interacted with Thor when he had been with them on Asgard.
"But he did," insisted Thor. "To me, he always did. He was my brother, I loved him. Loki was so busy fretting about what the others thought him to be, that he never stopped to realize that I thought him above everyone." He looked down in genuine sadness.
"I know you loved him," Bucky tried to reassure him, understanding that his guilt made Thor feel at least somewhat responsible for Loki's actions. "Did that change when you learned about what he is? Is it changed now?"
The blond man looked taken aback. "Of course not! You know, as children, we were told tales of Frost Giants, tales that made them out to be monsters. I vowed to slay them all, with Loki by my side. I believe Loki hates himself for what he is, and perhaps he thinks I do too, but I do not. I cannot. Even after all he has done."
"Thor, we need to help him." Bucky stated plainly. "What can we do?"
"Loki will face justice for his misdeeds, at the hands of our father.." Thor paused, then added, "...my father. I cannot change that. But I want to know what happened in the time I was apart from him. He has changed. The madness I saw in him when he fought me on Asgard, it is far worse now. Darker. Evil. Something or someone caused that, and I need to know so I can speak for him when we return home."
"Will he tell you?"
Shaking his head, Thor replied sadly, "My brother still holds much anger in his heart towards me. He will no longer speak to me. I am hoping you can get him to talk."
"Me? You're going to let me see him? But Fury told you not to let me anywhere near him." Bucky's heart filled with hope, though he was reluctant to allow it."
"I do not care for that mortal's wishes!" Thor spat in a raised voice. "I have more concern for my brother, and you are what he needs right now. I will do wrong by him no longer."
Bucky grinned. "What are we going to do?"
Thor returned the grin. "Follow me."
The Asgardian led the human further down the corridor. They stopped just outside a set of black double doors.
"Stay behind me, out of sight" instructed Thor. Bucky understood, and was glad he was wearing that cape. It was laid wide on his broad shoulders, giving the shorter man plenty of room to hide. Thor glanced over his shoulder, ensuring Bucky was concealed, then opened the doors and called out to the two guards.
"You two, I would have words with you. Out here." The guards glanced at each other, then the closer one shrugged and led them both out of the room. Bucky understood what to do, and as Thor turned, he stepped with him. It was done so discretely, so fluidly, neither guard noticed the other door swinging open and then shut again behind Thor's back.
From inside the room, Bucky could hear the god's booming voice leading the two guards back down the hallway. Bucky smiled a bit, thinking he had underestimated Thor's cleverness. That smile faltered quickly though, as he looked around the space. A computer control panel filled up one side of the room, and the other was a glass walled enclosure. Visible behind the flat bench, Loki's hunched form broke Bucky's heart.
Rushing up to the glass, he called out, "Loki!" The figure didn't move, and Bucky was afraid to yell louder, for fear of alerting anyone outside. He banged his fist on the glass. Loki's shoulders visibly tensed, but still he did not turn around, or even move. "Loki, please! I'm here. Please come talk to me." Still nothing. Bucky pressed his forehead to the glass, tears forming in his eyes. What else could he do?
A sudden noise startled Bucky. He jumped back and watched in shock as the door to the cell opened. Looking around wildly, he saw no one who could have opened the door. No one else was in the room. A disembodied voice came over a loudspeaker, echoing in the room. It was Stark!
"Don't say I never helped anyone out, okay, Romeo?" Stark's voice rang out. "Now don't do anything stupid and make me regret doing this. You don't have a lot of time, so make it count."
His head swam in confusion, but Bucky was not one to waste an opportunity, especially in this case. Loki was still sitting, but turned toward the now opened door with his own confused expression. Bucky rushed to him, ready to join him on the ground, but Loki stopped him by standing up. Bucky stopped, unsure now.
"You should go, Bucky." Loki stated, his voice as flat and emotionless as his face now was. Only his tear-stained cheeks belied his state of mind.
"Loki," his name was a plea on Bucky's lips. "Loki, please. Talk to me."
"No. Leave. There's nothing for you here." And then Loki turned his back and crossed his arms in an obvious dismissal. Bucky refused to leave that easily.
"Everything I have ever needed - will ever need - is here. I've got nothing else." Tears spilled down Bucky's cheeks, making his voice crack, but he didn't care.
"You do not need me!" came the response, the words no longer emotionless, but laced now with venom. Loki spat them out as if they tasted bitter in his mouth. "And I need you even less. Now go, before I throw you out."
"So that's why they call you the God of Lies," laughed Bucky, bitterly. "You're not fooling anyone here."
Loki growled and sprung on the shorter man, grabbing him by the neck and lifting him so his feet dangled above the ground. Bucky's hands scrabbled frantically at the fingers around his throat, unable to breathe and also unable to loosen them. More tears squeezed out of his eyes as he struggled. "Maybe I should just kill you. Would that convince you?" Loki snarled. Abruptly, he released his grip, sending Bucky tumbling to the ground, gasping and coughing. Loki smirked and walked to the other side of the cell, away from the door, Leaning against the glass with an amused smile, he watched the human try to catch his breath.
"What. The. Fuck?" Bucky sputtered. He coughed a few more times, stood up, and then found his voice. "Why would you say that, Loki? How could you do that? What the hell is wrong with you?" He was yelling now, not caring how it burned his raw throat.
"I told you to leave, and you refused. Like I said, there is nothing for you here." Loki stated calmly.
Suddenly it hit Bucky. He heard exactly what Loki was notsaying, the meaning hidden underneath those words. As much as he wanted to approach, Bucky knew that keeping a safe distance was much safer right now so he stayed where he was. "Loki. You are not nothing. I know why you're saying that. You don't think you're worth anything. But you're wrong. You're everything. To me."
The amused grin Loki wore fell as he listened. Green eyes still glued to Bucky, narrowed, but no longer as cold as they had been moments ago.
"I am the one who isn't worth anything," continued Bucky. "I've done nothing with my life. Absolutely nothing. I've been given more time than anyone else, and what do I have to show for it? A lifetime of regret and loneliness. You were the only thing that ever mattered to me, Loki. The only one who could have given me a purpose."
By this time, Loki's entire demeanor had changed. Gone was the arrogant stance, the smug smile. He now stood with his shoulders hunched, arms crossed and eyes cast down. Bucky took a few steps closer, but stopped when Loki started to speak.
"You have no idea. You do not know what I am. I am not the same man you met all that time ago." Loki's eyes never left the floor.
"Because you're a Frost Giant?" asked Bucky bluntly. Loki whipped his head toward Bucky, shock and horror plastered on it.
"What? How...?" he couldn't even get the words out.
"Thor told me." Bucky said, to which Loki bristled, so he quickly added, "Loki, I don't care about that!"
"Well forgive me if I don't believe you." Just like that, the anger was back. "What do you know of it? Did Thor tell you about us? That we are vile creatures? Monsters, with blue skin and red eyes. That we live in an icy wasteland with nothing but fighting and killing to keep us entertained? Did my "brother" regale you with the story of the great war we waged on your people hundreds of years ago? That it was Odin who put a stop to it by defeating my real father? My father, who knew I was useless even when I was just a baby."
Every bitter sentence brought Loki one step closer to where Bucky was standing, until he was practically looming above him. Bucky refused to cower. He looked up at Loki in defiance. "Did he tell you that as children, we were raised to loathe Frost Giants, to fear them? This is what I am, Bucky. I am a monster, in every sense of the word."
Loki did not break eye contact as he reached up to his own throat and pulled the chain out from his leather armor, the tags clinking softly. He took it off his neck and held it out. Too distraught to think clearly, Bucky lifted his hands in reflex and looked down as Loki dropped the dog tags into them. "As I said, I have nothing for you. So get out."
I is an evil, evil Can of Loki!