Hello Everyone! This chapter is a little shorter than the others but I hope you enjoy it all the same. There is a section in this chapter that some might find should be rated Mature, just so you know. Like always please Rate and Review.

-sdwash27

Chapter 13

He remembered which proved Dr. Sheppard had been right when he said it could only be weeks before Jackson's memories came flooding back to him. However, he had only regained just an inkling of visions that to him remained unclear leaving April to fill in the blanks. She didn't hesitate this time leaving nothing to his imagination. Matthew had been right all along to tell Jackson the truth and she had only wished she had not been so indecisive where Jackson was concerned.

She started from the beginning confirming that she had never been engaged to Jackson and that Matthew was the man she had been engaged to marry. She could tell he had been hurt by this confession for his eyes burned into hers with an expression of defeat. She didn't stop there finding new ways to hurt him with the tale of his ex-girlfriend Stephanie and his unborn child who he unknowingly abandoned since the accident. Then there was the fight he and April had right before his accident outside of Joe's. He had wanted her and pursued her although he knew she had promised herself to another man and despite his longing feelings for her she had denied him just as she had always denied him the right to truly love. As she spoke to him he knew she was no longer lying to him because with every word she said he found himself reliving it all, regretting now his decision to know every bloody detail. Finally she spoke no more realizing that she had said everything there was to say.

She stared at Jackson whose head mirrored the floor as it hung between his legs his hands pressed against his forehead for support. She wanted so badly to comfort him, but she felt she had already done enough to ruin his life. Her comfort was the last thing he wanted or needed she thought. She looked at her ring finger that still held the magnificent ring he had only momentarily put on her finger. It was truly a lovely ring but she knew it did not belong on her finger. She spied the little black box on the bar and carefully removed the ring from her finger and placed it gently back into the box as it belonged. She felt a sense of loss after her finger was left cold and bare almost as if she had just closed the final chapter to a story she felt would never end. Had she? She wondered as she looked once more to Jackson who had not said a single word since she had begun to talk.

"Do you remember anything about the accident?" she asked wanting to know what had really happened to him that night.

He stirred a bit before lifting his head to meet April's gaze. He was so devastated that it pained him to look at the woman who had willingly lied to him for weeks.

"Not much. I remember about as much as you do. The lights were so blinding I didn't get a good look at the driver or the car," he explained with very little emotion.

"I'm sorry Jackson. I should have been honest with you from the beginning. I can see that you feel hopeless and if I could have done things differently I would have never agreed to Derrick's proposal."

"A little too late don't you think," Jackson retaliated unable to look at her for more than he had too.

He was angry and not just at April. He was mad at Dr. Sheppard for playing god with his personal life, his mom, and everyone else who readily went along with the stupidest idea known to man. Wasn't Derrick supposed to be some supernova hot-shot neurosurgeon, he pondered allowing misery to fill his heart.

"Jackson that's not fair. I was doing what I thought was best for you and your recovery. We all were."

"You were doing what was best for me," he repeated finding that his voice was beginning to rise. "And how do you know what's BEST for me?"

April felt herself going into a shell as she listened to him continue to berate her. He had become so angry and she knew she was to blame.

"I thought I was being a friend," she said very hesitantly looking to Jackson to show her just a bit of compassion.

"You put our friendship on hold so that your paramedic boyfriend would feel better about himself. You didn't have the right to make decisions in my personal life April."

"It wasn't like that," she tried to explain. "Jackson you believed I was your fiancé, as crazy as it was, I couldn't break your heart all over again."

"And lying to me for weeks was a better alternative?" he asked his voice beginning to crack. "April you've broken my heart more times than I can count."

"Jackson I thought I was helping you, that's all. I never intended to hurt you or anyone else. I just wanted my friend back and to be close to you again. I thought you would understand that my intentions were good."

"That is the most selfish thing you've ever said to me. You throw away our friendship and you think you can redeem yourself by filling my head with false claims of love and devotion. You can't have it both ways. When are you going to learn that? You claim you don't think of me romantically but you pretend that you are my fiancé. You allow me to hold you close to me and whisper I love you's in your ear and you don't push me away. What kind of game are you playing April?"

"What else was I supposed to do? Jackson I'm sorry for hurting you. You make it sound so horrible," she responded wanting to cry and never stop.

She dabbed at the corners of her eyes with the sleeve of her sweater fighting back the militia of tears that desperately wanted to break free. He was antagonizing her. Didn't he understand that she risked a lot in pretending to be his fiancé? The last few weeks although she enjoyed spending time with Jackson had been absolute torture, wanting him and wanting another. She was the epiphany of indecision and she hated herself for relinquishing the backbone she fought hard to develop.

"You can stop pretending that you don't want me as much as I want you," Jackson boldly stated getting up from the couch to walk over to an emotional April.

He grabbed hold of her hands and brought them to his lips, kissing her knuckles softly before continuing on.

"You can leave that ridiculous paramedic and save him the heartache and come back to me. I love you and no matter how many times you try to deny it, I know that you feel the same way," he declared.

April gasped for air unable to control the tears that were now streaming down her face. Why did he have to always put her in such a difficult position? Of course she loved him, but being with Jackson was unpredictable and that scared her. She clung to the idea of being safe and rational and she had found that in Matthew. She felt his hands capture her face and she dared to meet his hypnotic gaze. She found herself falling into a sea of blue as she looked into his eyes.

"Jackson we shouldn't do this," she said her eyes now finding a home just past Jackson's shoulder and right into the living room.

She stared at the picture of her Sisters sitting on the mantle just above the fireplace. Boy how she wished she could transport herself back to Moline where she could rid herself of her tortuous feelings for the man who stood before her.

"Don't hide from me April. Let me remind you what it feels like to be loved?" he asked finding that his lips enjoyed nibbling the collar of her neck bone.

Her lips quivered as he brought his lips to hers kissing her slowly at first. After a moment of sensual tender caresses he feverishly took her mouth in his enjoying the sweetness of her lips. He could feel her body giving into him with every kiss he planted. He lifted her up in his arms and she let out a soft purr as his hands began to explore her natural curves. She wrapped her legs around his waist in a secure hold inviting him to lean her body back against the bar. There were no words between them only deep panting and soft murmurs as they both removed their garments. It had been such a long time since she had seen Jackson fully unclothed in all of his glory and she was quickly reminded of how bad she wanted him unable to take her eyes off of him.

"Are you sure you want to do this," Jackson asked. If there was anything he learned about April it was that she did not take casual sex lightly. She was a very religious woman and the idea of pre-marital sex remained a big issue for her.

April wrapped her arms around his neck and leaned up to kiss him once more. She knew exactly what she was doing and as wrong as it was she couldn't find the strength to say no to him. She allowed him to enter her remembering all too well why it had been so hard to maintain a non-physical relationship with him. He stroked her warm center with such care and familiarity enjoying the soft whimpers that escaped from April's parted lips. He stared down at her pale ample breasts unable to resist taking them in his mouth as he continued to satisfy her core. This action made her clutch his back with her fingernails breaking the skin as she quickly reached an orgasmic climax.

She looked up at him with unexpected eyes when Jackson lifted her up from the bar and forcefully brought her hips down on him in a straddling position. He leaned his lean body back against the wall adjacent to the front door for support and to allow her to have more flexibility as she rode him relentlessly. He found himself losing control of himself as April brought her lips to his collarbone. Her lips were a gentle and unsuspecting surprise and before he knew it she had forced his hand sending him into a cycle of explosive waves.

He released her allowing her feet to come down to the surface. She consciously brought her head to his chest and wrapped her arms around his firm waist. He found his fingers tousling through her long sizzling tresses as they both tried to catch their breath. Jackson had never experienced bad sex with anyone but there had never been anyone quite like April Kepner. She excited him in ways no woman had ever been able to do. April was his sexual counterpart and he didn't know how he could ever give her up.

"I hope you don't hate me for seducing you," he said unsure of her response.

A part of him felt that she would chastise him for pressuring her to break her promise of abstinence. He expected to hear all about Jesus's disappointment in the two of them.

"I could never hate you," she admitted erasing the previous guilt she had felt for sleeping with him.

She wondered if she had ever been wrong to give in to her heart and allow Jackson to have his way with her. She loved him. He made her feel alive, wanted, and sexy; three things she would have never imagined she'd feel after many years of being alone and feeling insecure about her appearance. Jackson was good for her soul, and she wanted so badly to give her heart to him completely and throw away the key.

Jackson smiled at her admission pleased that she had not blamed him for their union and that she had not mentioned a single word of Jesus's contempt for their actions. The only question he had was whether this meant something to her or if she would prefer it be swept under the rug to prevent Matthew from ever finding out.

"What are you thinking?" he heard her ask bringing him back to earth where he belonged.

"The future and how bad I want you in it," he said sincerely making an effort to kiss the top of her forehead. He was relieved that she didn't pull away from him as she had done many times before in the past.

"Jackson we lead two very complicated lives. You are expecting a baby with my intern and I am engaged to a very decent man who doesn't deserve the heartache I've caused him. I don't know how this will work?"

"End things with Matthew and as for Stephanie you know that we are no longer together. She will not be a problem I promise you that," he said confidently.

"Jackson I can't just jump into a relationship with you, what would people think?"

"I've never given a damn about what anyone thought about me, and I refuse to start now. I know what I want. I've always known and I'm not going to give up on you so easy."

"Jackson this is crazy," she said snuggling out of his intoxicating grasp." I don't know what to say,"

If she was going to think clearly she needed to put some distance between them or else she feared all rationality would be lost. She realized it would be a lot easier if she and Jackson weren't still standing in their birthday suits. She found her clothes lying between two bar stools taking very little time to dress herself. She turned to Jackson who had also dressed himself glad that he had taken a hint from her.

"Nothing about us has ever been crazy," he answered with conviction.

Even when he didn't always understand her religious views or her neurotic behavior, he never once thought they didn't make sense. April belonged with him as he belonged with her and he was so tired of fighting against her. He would not make a fool of himself again; if she didn't want him now after everything they had just shared then he would have to walk away.

"Spend the day with me tomorrow and let me show you a good time," he suggested hoping that she would agree to his proposition.

"I have to work Jackson, I can't just take off. My boards are approaching and I need to keep busy until then."

April took a seat next to Jackson who was now sitting at the bar and grabbed his hand. "Not that I wouldn't want to spend the day with you," she said with a smile.

"You can play hooky for one day April and I can help you study for the boards," he teased batting his eyes like a love-sick school girl. "Please," he whined before fondling her earlobe with his lips. She giggled while swatting his arm.

"Jackson Stop."

"I will if you will spend the day with me tomorrow, I promise you want regret it."

She rolled her eyes at him angry that she was not able to resist his charming ways. This man really had her heart and she didn't know if she would ever be able to say no to him again.

"Fine, I'll call the hospital in the morning," she decided. "I guess April Kepner's coming down with a bad case of the flu," she giggled trying to conjure up a believable cough.

"Yeah you should really work on that if you want to sound convincing," Jackson playfully stated taking the imitative to wrap his arms around her petite waist. He placed his head over her shoulder and placed a tender kiss on her cheekbone.

"This can really work Kepner," he whispered to her. "Trust me."

She knew that she could trust him; she had never doubted his sincerity. She only hoped she could trust herself to do the right thing where Jackson and Matthew were concerned. She was more confused now then she had ever been and after the sin she had just committed how would Jesus ever bless her with real happiness.

"Ok," she said softly hoping he did not hear the insecurities in her tone.

She had decisions to make and she owed it to herself to not take her relationship woes lightly. She looked up at Jackson who met her expecting face with a warm smile deciding that tonight she would spend the evening enjoying the company of her best friend, a man she loved more than she ever thought possible.