The Orb of Time – Part I

Peeta's mouth burned.

He had in his lap a bowl of spicy fries and mayonnaise, and was eating them hungrily. He had been waiting on Gale for two days and two nights night. There was no sign of him as of yet. The last thing he had witnessed was the substantial colossus of-a-man recoiling off the tarpaulin of the trampoline, writhing in the air with the ferociously fanciful Petunia.

Placing a jewelled hand over his heart, Peeta felt a slight pang of yearning. How could this be? He detested that foul...strong...magnificent...melon-shaped magpie of a man. He cursed himself in his conflict. How could he loathe such a man, and yet adore him so much? ?

Digging his nails into his tattooed arm, Peeta let out a keening wail. Casting his bowl of spicy fries behind him, he began to flail and whirl about. Flopping onto the ground, he mooed indignantly. Then he grazed for a bit. This always helped him gather his thoughts and keep his figure looking FIERCE.

Pulling out his wand, Peeta decided to get all wingardium leviosa up in this joint.

"Wingardium Leviosaah!" he howled, swishing his wand about his person, and wiggling his toes. "Hoopsie!"

His feet lifted off the grassy plane, and gracefully he floated into the cockpit. He strapped himself in and pulled his visor over his cerulean eyes.

'SET PHASORS TO STUN! REVERSE THE POLARITY! SHOOT THE PORCUPINE! GATHER ME SOME CHRYSANTHEMUMS! TING. TANG! WULLA WULLA BING BAAAANG!'

The plane shuddered into awkward motion.

Speeding down the runway, Peeta's F117-Nighthawk lifted with a huge shebang, and sped upwards through the firmament, the stratosphere, the atmosphere, the polarsphere, the colosshperher... ?

The rotund Gale spread his arms and legs into the formation of a breast-stroke, and hovered serenely past the rings of Saturn towards Jupiter. Such was his vastness, that he eclipsed the planet. Yawning widely, Gale lethargically rolled onto his back, and began to practise his air aerobics. Drifting past Gale in the murky deep of space, the coyote vacantly – and flatulently – propelled himself forward. Taking a nibble out of Gale's right toe, the coyote continued on. Yea verily.

"My toe!" Gale bawled. He swivelled himself onto his front, and attempted to rotate his arms and legs to gain forward-thrust. He pushed Jupiter out of the way, who giggled behind its fan, looked confused, and tottered off upstairs. However, in the planet's place there was no coyote to be seen.

A waft of smoke swirled through the negative space past Gale's flaring nostrils. Outraged, he turned to look for its source.

There, hanging in the ORB OF TIME, sat Petunia. One of his eyes was bulbous and crazed, while the other hung loose, chilling with his thighs. Catching sight of the multi-faceted man of wonder, Petunia sucked his eye back into his eye socket, and transformed into a pen.

He took out his notepad and bent over it, placing his eye-socket to the page and scribbling down a recipe for cranberry oatcakes and sweet disaster. Disliking this recipe, Petunia burst forth into his original form, and lunged at Gale with a turret punch. Off came Gale's wimple.

The wimple flew off Gale's face and dropped into the eye of Jupiter. Jupiter exploded.

Both Gale and Petunia were recoiled by the force of the blast. They span multiple times into the constellation of Pisces, where they fell into a large aquarium containing various types of crabs, razor clams, and a solitary marine bacterium.

At that moment, A USAF Nighthawk zoomed past on the other side of the glass, and Gale caught a glimpse of Peeta's face peering out from the cockpit.

"My lusty wench!" Gale bellowed, realising that this was his chance to prove his worth to the man-woman he so desired.

Peeta slammed on the brakes of his darling aircraft right above the enfolding action. Pressing his hand against the window pane, he caught sight of Gale's randy gaze. A devious smile pricked the corners of his mouth – closing his eyes, he decided to present Gale with a simple but all-important gesture.

A ladybird.

Raising his arms above his head, he began to mime the opening carapace, and the unfolding of glittering (diaphanous!) wings. Wiggling his eyebrows in an attempt to mimic feelers, Peeta KNEW Gale would appreciate this erotic display.

And Gale did. His erection was too hard to control.

"Down, boy, down!" he reprimanded his upright invertebrate giraffe's cranium.

"Aw – Gee!" said the giraffe, frustrated. "Crikey there, sorry mate. I'll go back to fixing the Barbie." That said, the giraffe retreated back towards its cosy little home located in Gale's groin.

And now, Gale was ready for battle.