Chapter 5: Say Something…
"Words may sting like anything, but silence breaks the heart." ~Phyllis McGinley
Tara and I arrived at Gemma and Clay's house at the same time as Juice, Chibs and Tig pulled up on their Harleys. Tig pulled off his sunglasses, he winked and then smirked at me as he walked past. He had the bluest eyes I had ever seen, they were like the color of the sky on a cloudless day. His eyes were such a contrast to his dark hair
"Hello darlin'." Chibs came up, put his arm around my shoulder and pulled me into him like he had been friends for ages. As I thought about it, it felt like we had; like had always been a part of Charming and SAMCRO.
"Hey Chibs. How are you feeling after last night?" He was completely sloshed by the time Juice and I left. We left him face down in the lap of a Cara Cara girl. The club was not private about what they did with the women, who they called Croweaters. It just happened, no matter who was around.
"Never been better." He grinned at me.
I shook my head, "Ah the joys of being Scottish. I never thought I would meet anyone who could hold their liquor better than the Irish but I met the Scots." I jested. Chibs snorted out a laugh as he released me.
I looked over at Juice and smiled. He frowned and looked away as he walked into the house. "Not going to be weird, right?" I lean over to Tara. She shook her head and shrugged; she was just as dumbfounded as I was by Juice's icy behavior.
"Did you break his heart, love?" Chibs asked blatantly before confessing; "the boy's been moping around more than normal today."
"I don't know." I said as we walked into the house and I tried my best to not think about how Juice treating made me feel. It smelt wonderful in Gemma and Clay's place; just like baked chicken, potatoes and best of all fresh bread. I loved fresh bread, it reminded me of the good parts of my childhood, when my parents were alive and my mum loved to bake. Her bread was the best…well at least from a child's perspective.
"It smells delicious in here Gemma." I said as I walked into the kitchen. "Can I help you with anything?"
Gemma hugged me and kissed my cheek. "Glad you could make it sweetheart. If you want you can chop these veggies." She turned me towards a counter full of broccoli, cauliflower, carrots, cucumbers, celery, cherry tomatoes and snap peas. I took a knife from the cutting block and started chopping up the vegetable for everyone. While I was doing that Donna and Tara were setting the table for everyone. I felt like I was with a family; it had been a long time since I had felt that.
"Hey darlin'" I heard from behind me. I turned around to see Jax, standing in the doorway to the kitchen.
"Hey Jax. How are you?" I smile warmly at him turning my attention away from the veg.
"I'm doing well. How are things coming along at Half Sacks?" He asked with a smile.
"It's coming along slowly; my brother has a lot of shite. I feel like I will be here forever cleaning out his house." I sighed as I loaded some of the vegetables on to a tray that Gemma had set aside for me.
"Let me know if you need anything, I'll send over some the guys over to help." Jax offered.
"Actually if you could spare a few guys tomorrow, I have some things that either need to go to you guys or be put into the giant rubbish bin that is supposed to be delivered tomorrow. Kip has a gun safe which I am assuming is full of guns; you guys can just have them. I have to find the key first." I shook my head, "I have no clue where he left it." I didn't even know where to begin to look for the stupid key.
"I'll send over a few guys over tomorrow morning." He said as we walked out of the kitchen and into the dining room. Gemma had sat me between Juice and Happy. Happy was the sort of man I wouldn't have wanted to meet in a dark alley while I was alone. He had a shaved head, dark brown eyes and a scowl on his face. I wondered if there was a soft place in his heart or if he had a heart at all; he seemed so dark, so hard. As I was thinking that he turned to me and smiled. It was warm and touched his eyes; making him a lot less daunting than I thought.
"You enjoying your stay so far?" Happy asked.
"I am. Well as much as I can." I look slightly towards Juice, who seemed to be listening to our conversation however, when he saw I was looking at him he turned back to his food. It was so awkward. I shouldn't have kissed him. I couldn't understand why was he ignoring me; I think that was what hurt the most.
Dinner was delicious. I spend most of my time talking to Happy. After dinner, the ladies cleaned up the meal to help out Gemma and the guys enjoyed beers and smoked. While Tara and I were doing the dishes I felt my phone vibrate in my pocket. I pulled it out of my pocket and glanced down at it, Liam's name flashed across the screen. My stomach dropped and reality hit me hard in the chest, popping my bubble of happiness.
"Excuse me, I should take this," I said as I walk out into the back yards. "Hello?"
"Why haven't you called me today?" Were the first words out of his mouth sharply.
"I've been busy Liam; it slipped my mind." I said calmly.
"How can calling me slip your mind? I knew it was a bad idea letting you go to Charming on your own. Who are you fucking?" He had been drinking, I could tell by the slur in his voice and how angry he was.
"REALLY?" I shot back feeling my anger rise in return. The distance between us has made me bolder. "You're kidding me right? Why do you think I am fucking someone? And I am actually glad you didn't send anyone with me!" I didn't need one of his shadows following around.
"Did you forget your place so quickly?" He yelled into the phone, my ear was ringing. He was full of venom. I didn't know what to say back. I was so angry but I didn't want to provoke him any further.
"Call me back when you are no longer drunk, Liam." I spit back and I hung up on him. There would be hell to pay for that. If he remembered, who was, I kidding he would remember.
"Trouble in paradise?" I hear from behind me. I turned and looked; it was Juice. He had a large, low ball glass full of a light brown liquid which I could only guess it was the scotch that the guys were passing around the table.
"Paradise?" I growled my voice full of anger. "There is no delight in Belfast." I realized I was taking my anger out on Juice. "Only here." I mumble quietly as I looked down at the ground and then back up at him; he is staring at me. "What?"
"What did you just say?" He asked me quietly, his voice had lost its edge.
"Nothing. It doesn't matter," I replied, shaking my head. Juice stepped closer to me. He was close enough, I could smell the scotch on his breath. "What is your deal anyway?" I asked him.
He looked at me with puzzled brown eyes; like he hadn't just ignored me for over two hours during dinner. I don't know if anyone else had noticed the discomfort between the two of us but I certainly felt it. "What are you talking about?"
"Really?! Where were you for the last two hours Juice?" I ask him.
It was like it hit him. "Oh. I…I was trying to put distance between us. I don't want to care about you and get close to you, Kylee. You are just going to leave and you're someone else's old lady."
He was right, it was unfair to make him care for me. It was unfair to me too. I suppose in some way it was unfair to Liam too. I needed to deny myself the one thing that I was starting to want so badly. I wanted to have the family that the Sons provided each other. I wanted to have a lover that wanted me for who I was and not who he wanted me to be and not because I was a good accessory to make him look good.
"You're right, we should keep our distance from each other." I said as I started to walk away but he grabbed my arm.
"The thing is, I don't want to stay away from you. It made me jealous that Happy had all your attention during dinner. That he made you laugh and smile, when it should have been me. I was kicking myself because I was being such an asshole." Juice admitted to me. I let out a small giggle at the thought of being jealous over Happy, he wasn't even close to my type. Juice took advantage of my aloofness and kissed me. I didn't stop him; how could I when every fiber of my being burned for him. The kiss was soft and wanting. I was breathless when he pulled away.
"Now tell me that you want to leave that." He whispered into my ear and turned and walked away. I didn't want to leave it but I had to. I needed to be honest with Juice and why I had to go back to Belfast; he at least deserved knowing that I didn't want to leave.
I went back into the house and Gemma smiled at me, "So you and Juice seem to have gotten close." She must have seen us through the window.
"Did you see that?" I felt my cheeks flush.
"Yes. It would be nice if you stayed here and made Charming your home. You fit in well; that's not an easy task sweetheart." She put her arm around me and gave me a side hug.
"I can't right now. But maybe one day." I said just as Juice walked into the kitchen with Chibs and Tara.
"Hey, I was getting ready to leave, do you want me to drop you off at your place?" Tara asked. She had an early day at the hospital the following day and had to call it a night.
"I can take her home." Juice winked at me.
"Are you sure?" Tara asked him but looked at me.
"I wouldn't have offered if I wasn't sure." He turned to her. She raised her eyebrows at him and turned to leave.
"Wait, I have to grab my bag out of your car." I followed after Tara as I passed between Chibs and Juice one of them smacked my ass. From the cheek I figured it was Chibs, I would have loved to see Juice's face when he did that.
Tara and I walked out to her black Cutlass. She turned to me as she was about to get into her car, "so Juice is talking to you now, that's good. Please tell me he told you what the silence was about earlier."
"He did. He told me it was because he wanted to keep his distance from me. Which I get; it's unfair of me to let him get close. I told him, it was a good idea that we kept our distance. He then told me he didn't want to. He kissed me again. Tara, I don't know what is wrong with me. I burn for him. Fuck, I have only known him for a day and I am completely mad for him." I confessed and boy did it feel good.
A soft smile flashed across Tara's face. "You need to be honest with him about Liam. He is going to want to protect you from him but, I am sure you know that already."
I did. "He was listening to me on the phone with Liam earlier. Things are going to be rough when I go back home. He already thinks I am fucking someone. I am sure the truth of it is, is that he is. Which I could care less about. I know Juice deserves the truth, I will tell him. I just have to figure out how and when." I grabbed my bag out of the back of the car. "I'll see you later. Have a good day at work tomorrow."
"You have fun going through all that shit your brother collected." She laughed at me as she got into her car.
I went back to the house as Happy was coming out, "Jax wants me to come destroy a safe at your place tomorrow." He said gruffly.
"Alright. I guess I will see you tomorrow then. Is there anything that you want me to pick up from the store…beer, coffee…food?" I asked as he started to walk away.
"Nah, I'll be okay." He said as he got onto his Harley. I watched him drive off. He was one person I would not want to get on the wrong side of. I didn't think I would ever talk back to him even in gest. While I stood there in though I felt a hand on the middle of my lower back.
"Oh Jesus!" I yelped, "You scared me." It was Juice.
"Are you ready to go?" He asked me.
"Yes, just let me go say goodbye to everyone and thank Gemma." I walked into the house; Donna and Opie were getting ready to leave as well and Gemma was standing with them. She was an amazing hostess. "We are going to leave, Gemma. Thank you so much for the wonderful meal. I cannot remember the last time I had such good food." I hugged her.
"You're welcome. I may come over tomorrow and help you get that place cleaned. That is if you would accept my company." Gemma offered.
"I would love it. I would really appreciate any help I could get." I really did appreciate it and it meant a lot to me coming from the Queen. I turned and walked out the door, Donna and Opie followed, after saying goodbye to Gemma. Donna grabbed my hand and linked her arm into mine making me walk slower than I was. Opie passed us but not before putting his hand on my shoulder and saying goodbye to me.
"So," Donna said with curiosity filled her blue eyes. "Thing were awkward at dinner, weren't they?"
"I wish I was the only one who noticed that." I rolled my eyes.
"Things seem to be better now though, what happened?" She asked as we got closer to Opie and Juice, who were standing near their Harleys.
"They are better but they are just as complicated. I'll tell you more tomorrow." I said to her as we got to the guys. Juice looked at me and smiled. Which made me feel all flushed and hot.
"Okay. I will be over after I get the kids off to school." She waved as she climbed on the back of Opie's bike and strapped on her helmet.
Juice handed me a helmet and climbed on his bike, I climbed on after him and put my arms around his waist. Being close to him was so hard for me, I didn't know how long I could restrain the desire that was growing inside of me. As I thought that; Juice gave his bike gas and we took off. He didn't take me to my brother's house right away, instead we went for a ride, through the city of Charming and into the lands that surrounded it. It was exhilarating to be on his bike with him. It felt like I was flying, my hair blew wildly behind me. Our ride out of town lasted a good hour before he turned us around to head back to Charming. When we reached Kip's house the moon was high in the evening sky. The evening was cool ride was cool and I wasn't prepared to ride as long as we did. I was only wearing a light shirt. I shivered as I parted from Juice's warm body and got off the bike.
"Thank you for the ride. I really needed that." I told him as I took off my helmet and placed it on the motorcycle. I hugged my body trying to keep what heat I still had left with me.
"No problem. You can have ride whenever you want." He grinned. I was sure his words had double meaning. I wanted to ask him in so badly but didn't trust myself alone with him. "You're cold aren't you?"
"A bit. I have been colder." I thought of my first winter in Belfast, it was such a wet cold, one that chilled you to the bone and you couldn't seem to get rid of it. "Would you like to come in?" I asked against my better judgment because I wasn't ready to say goodbye.
"Sure." He took off his helmet and got off of his Harley.
As we walked into the house, I turned to him and said, "Let's get this straight…we will not be having sex."
"Really woman! Are you really thinking about that?" He jested.
"Ha. Ha." I said dryly. "Do you want a beer? It seems to be the only thing that Kip had in his fridge when he died." I walked to the fridge and opened it up, looking at the bareness of it; if I was going to stay there I really had to buy groceries.
"Yeah, I'll take one." His voice was in my quiet in my ear. I knew if I turned around I would be face to face with him. I would be able to look up into his beautiful brown eyes, that made me turn into mush when I looked into them. I stood there with my back to him, he moved my hair to one side of my neck and kissed the bare side.
"Juice, please don't." I was barely able to whisper. How did he know that was my sweet spot? How did he know I would melt into a puddle at his feet if he kissed my neck softly like that? He didn't stop. "Juice." I turned to meet his eyes were full of fire and passion. How could I say no to him, when he made me feel so alive? I hadn't felt that way in a least five years.
"What?" His voice was full of lust. "Do you want me to stop this?" He kissed my neck again. I let out a quiet moan. "It doesn't seem like you want me to stop." He did it again then he kissed me. I was on fire. Every nerve in my body was raw and sensitive to his touch. He pulled me against his body, I could feel the growing bulge in his pants. Nothing good could come of it, my conscience thought loudly. You could get him killed if you sleep with him, it screamed.
I pushed him back, breathing heavily I look at him and just said, "I can't!" I turn away again to try to hide the large tears that are building up in my eyes.
Juice softly turned my face so I was looking at him; his eyes had changed from raw lust to concern. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have, you set down the rules when we walked in the door and I didn't listen. There is just something about you that makes me, senseless." He took me in his arms and just held me as I cried, large exhausting sobs. I was emotionally exhausted, too much had happened in too short of time.
"I don't want anything to happen to you." I proclaimed as I wiped the tears from my eyes.
"What do you mean?" Juice frowned at me.
"I…I…" I falter as I tried to figure out how I to tell him that I was dating a high ranked member of a well-known Northern Irish "club". A man who saw me as his property and if he were to find out about Juice…well, it wouldn't end well.
"It's okay. You don't need to tell me right now." He said to me. "Do you want me to make you tea?"
I stared at him with utter confusion, why wasn't he going to push me and why was he offering to make me tea? I just nodded at him and said, "There is good tea in the cabinet above the stove." At least my brother had enough sense to keep good tea in his home.
"Go sit down on the couch," He turned to fix my tea. A few minutes later he arrived with my tea, "Here you go." Juice sat down next to me and I snuggled into him. "Feeling better?"
"A little, thank you." I looked up at him through my eye lashes. "I am sorry. Believe me if it wasn't for Liam, I would have…" I trailed of thinking about how I yearned to be touched like that again.
"If you don't love him, you should leave him." He said like it was that simple.
"Juice," I pulled away from him and looked at him straight on. "It is not that easy. I have been trying leaving him for months now. I haven't been strong enough to do it until now. I have to get some things in place before I leave him."
"Like what?" Juice questioned as he searched my face.
I took a deep breath, "Like finding other members of his club that will okay my leaving. I need to prove that I will not share anything that I have seen in my seven years of being in Belfast. I could be killed for just walking away and not saying anything. Anyone who helps me could be killed as well. Fuck if Liam found out you and I kissed. I am sure he would…"I shudder at the thought. "He would probably kill you or me or both of us. I can't let anything happen to you."
"So go back to Belfast and then come back to me." He kissed my forehead. Oh, sweet, stupid Juice if it were only that easy, I thought. I would most likely end up dead and he probably would too.