Chapter 6: Letting Him In, Letting Him Go

"So I would choose to be with you, that's if the choice were mine to make. But you make decisions too; and you can have this heart to break." ~ Billy Joel

I was startled awake by a loud pounding on the front door. I shot up quickly into a sitting position and looked around with confusion. I couldn't figure out where I was but then I caught a glimpse of the other body in the bed next to me, Juice. I asked him not to leave the night before; I liked how safe I felt when he was around. Another loud impatient knock. I jumped out of bed and stumbled out into the hall way and to the front door. There was yet another loud thump which made me wonder if the door would hold up much longer.

"Fuck, hold on." I bark as I opened the door to see Happy was standing there with an annoyed look on his face.

"It's about time." He said as he walked in. "Nice hair." I felt my hair, there was a large knot on the left side of my head.

"Sorry about that I was still sleeping." Happy looked at me like I was lying, especially since Juice just walked out of the bedroom in his boxers.

"Hey, Hap." He said as he rubbed his head and walked into the bathroom.

"Hey. Just sleepin'." Happy snorted. "Where's the safe?"

"In the back bedroom, in the closet." I pointed down the hallway before I walked into the kitchen to start some coffee, I needed it and a cold shower after the previous night. I was digging through one of the drawers to find the coffee scoop and found what I thought could be the key to the safe. Really Kip, I thought. "Happy!" I yell as I walk into the bed room to find him aiming a gun at the safe. "You don't need to shoot that. I think I found the key." I hand it over to him.

"Your brother was a fucking pig." He replied as he took the key. I wasn't going to disagree with him as I stood there waiting to see if the key worked; it was a perfect fit. Happy opened the safe and it was stocked full of guns.

"Holy Shit." I heard from behind me. "Half Sack was holding out on us." Juice walked into the room and next to Happy, who both stared at the mecca of guns.

"I'll let you guys go through that and take what the club might want." I smiled, there was another knock at the door. Lord only knew who it could have been. My assumption was it was Donna or Gemma. I opened the door and there stood Donna and Gemma.

"Hey, come on it." I just realized that my hair was a mess and I was still in my pajamas. "I have to go change and do something with my hair…I'll be right back." I walk back to the room where I had been staying. I change into a comfortable pair of pants and a t-shirt. I grab my phone and see that I have a missed call…from Liam. I listen to my voicemail.

"Hey. I am just calling to say I am sorry about last night. You're right I was drunk. You know how I get. Call me when you get a chance and I get it if you get too busy trying to get your brother's house cleaned out. I love you, Ky. I talk to you soon love."

My heart sank, he sounded like the old Liam. The one who took me on dates and wooed me. I sat down on the edge of the bed. I dial his number,

"Hello Love." Liam said from the otherline.

"Hi," I said in a whisper.

"How are things going?"

"They are going well. My brother has a lot of shite, it might take me longer to get through it all. I may be here a bit longer than I thought."

"It's okay love. Take your time." He said softly like he was talking to a child.

"Already, well I better go I have a couple of guys with a bunch of guns in the other room and two women in the living room waiting for coffee."

He laughed, it had been ages since I had heard him laugh. "Alright Ky. I will talk to you later. I love you."

"Yeah, I know. Cheers." I say. I couldn't tell him I loved him because well the truth was I didn't. I don't think he cared, he just had me around for looks. I looked up and saw Juice lounging in the door way. I stood up and walked towards him. He took me in his arms and hugged me; I fit just right and it felt right. He pet the side of my head where the huge knot was.

"You look like you have sex hair." He looked down at me and smirked.

"Yeah, I know. I am sure that is what everyone is thinking but let them think that." I smiled back at him. "I just talked to Liam. He was calmer almost too calm."

"That's good right?" Juice questioned.

I shrugged, "It could be the silence before the storm." I grabbed my brush of the dresser and started to brush out my hair. I then put it into a ponytail, Juice watched me the whole time. "We should get out there before they think something is up." He laughed and smacked my ass as we walked out the door.

The day went quickly, we made lots of progress. Towards the end of the early afternoon Donna and I were in Kip's room cleaning it out. We finally had some time alone. We talked about what happened the night before between Juice and me. She told me we made a cute couple.

"We aren't a couple." I said to her as I crawled under the bed. There was a box under there that I wanted to get. As I got close to the box my hand slid against something slippery and rubbery. I shot out from under the bed with it in my hand. "OH MY GOD!" I screamed as I flung the used condom across the room towards the door which was empty seconds before. I turn and look and it was sitting on Happy's foot. "Oh shite." I try to hold back my snicker but I just couldn't.

He looked down at his shoe and said, "What the fuck? You throwing your used condoms at me?"

"Not my used condom. Good lord…I wonder how long that's been under there." I gagged slightly as he picked it off of his shoe and walked over to hang it over my head. "Stay away from me with that nasty shite, Happy." I jumped up quickly and climbed on the bed so I standing higher than him. He smiled madly. As he started to swing it back and forth. "Seriously Happy!" I yelped as I jumped off the bed and took shelter next to Donna.

"She ain't gonna save you." He had that maniacal smile that scared me, he took another step closer to us.

"Hey Kylee, you are going to want to see this." I hear Juice shout from the living room. He had been working on opening the files on Kip's computer. I took at advantage of Happy looking out of the room to dart out the door.

"You'll only be safe for so long." He said to me as I ran down the hallway.

"What do you have for me?" I asked as I sat down on the couch next to Juice and looked at the computer screen. "What is it?"

"It's your brother's will and bank account information." I looked at the numbers on the screen. "Holy FUCK!" I sat back on the couch.

"He left everything to you Ky." Kip left me over a hundred thousand dollars in cash funds and there were also IRAs and stocks. "He set you up."

"Well that was nice of him," I said as I got up off the couch. I started to feel dizzy and nauseous all of a sudden. I ran to the bathroom where I vomited the entire contents of my stomach into the toilet.

"You okay?" Juice walked into the doorway as I was putting cool water on my face and neck.

"Yeah, I'm fine." I look up at him. "Please don't tell anyone else about the money. Things have a way of getting back to Liam."

"No problem."

We left it at that. It was 5:00pm when Happy and Donna left. Leaving me and Juice alone again. It wasn't hard to not think about what happened between the two of us when we were so busy.

"Do you want to get some food?" He asked me. I had been feeling slightly queasy all day, I hadn't really eaten anything since my stomach pyrotechnics.

"Sure." I said weakly as a leaned my head against the back of the couch.

"You really need to eat more. You have pecked all day, you're like a little bird." Juice was concerned.

"I haven't felt good today. I wonder if I am coming down with something." I closed my eyes willing away my upset stomach.

"Well why don't I go out and get you some chicken noodle soup and ginger ale." He stood up, grabbed his cut and put it on. "I'll be back in a little bit." He walked out of the house and I heard him drive away.

I laid down on the couch and snuggled under a blanket; I must have fallen asleep because I woke up to Juice touching my shoulder saying, "Hey sleepy head, your soup is ready."

"Mmm, okay." I sat up on the couch and he handed me a bowl of soup. "Thank you Juice." I stare at him.

"What is it? Is your soup not warm enough?" Juice's concerned eyes stared back at me.

"Did your parents really name you Juice?" I ask him.

He laughed, "No, it's Juan Carlos."

"That's a nice name." I smiled as I took a bite of my soup.

Juice kissed my forehead. "So is Kylee." I was so grateful for him. I couldn't remember the last time someone took care of me.

We finished clearing out my brother's house in just around three weeks. I had been sick almost every one of those days. One of my last days in Charming I was sitting at Jax and Tara's house and I got sick.

"How long have you been getting sick?" Tara asked me.

"Um," how long had it been? "Shite." I just connected it.

"What?" She asked.

"Tara…I think I might be pregnant."

"Juice?" everyone knew that we were close. I was sure they all thought we were having sex when the truth of the matter was we hadn't.

"No, we haven't had sex. It would be Liam's." I frowned at the thought of carrying his child and what it meant.

"I actually have a test if you want to take it." I nodded as Tara walked to the bathroom, I followed her.

"Good thing I have to pee." I joked trying to make light of the situation. Tara handed me the pregnancy test and walked out of the bathroom. I peed on the little stick, funny how something so insignificant can change your life. I sat in the bathroom and waited for the test to give me the answer. And finally there it was the little pink plus sign. "Fuck." I muttered.

I walked out into the living room where Tara was sitting with her sons, Thomas and Abel. She looked at me and I started to sob; my dreams of living in Charming were shattering in front of me. There was no way I could ever be with Juice, not when I was going to have Liam's child.

"How am I going to leave Liam now? He'll ever let me leave, especially since I am going to have his baby." I sobbed as I sat on the couch and put my face in my hands.

"It's okay. Everything will work out." Tara rubbed my back trying to comfort me but I couldn't find comfort.

"How am I going to tell Juice?" I asked tearfully.

"You'll figure it out. We'll be here to support you, no matter what happens."

Thankfully the SAMCRO was on a run and would be back my last day in Charming. I had a red eye flight out of California to New York and then a flight straight to Belfast. I woke up early my last day in Charming. I don't know it was my nerves or if I was going to be sick. Stupid baby was kicking my ass. I had everything packed and ready to go and sitting by the door. I decided not to sell Kip's house and to keep it around for the club. It was the least I could do for them. There was a knock at my door. I got up and answered it. It was Juice.

"Hey, you're here early." I hadn't realized he would be back so soon.

"Just got back and I thought I would come spend the day with you." He smiled at me and took me into his arms. "Fuck, I've missed you. I hate to think about what it is going to be like here without you. Well at least only for a few months right?" He said hopefulness oozed out of him in waves.

I smiled back weakly. How could I tell him? I looked up at him and kissed him passionately. I didn't want to lose Juice; I wanted to be with him. "Love me, Juice." I told him.

Juice kissed me fervently as he picked me up and carried me to the bedroom; never allowing his lips to move from mine. He placed me on the bed and took off his kutt and his shirt. Holy shit… that man had abs I could've wash clothes on.

Juice kissed me gently, "Are you sure?" He asked.

"Yes." It's not like I could get pregnant again.

He was so gentle with me, something I hadn't been accustom to, and Liam was rough and quick, he took, Juice gave. Juice made sure I was comfortable and felt loved. Most of our morning consisted of having passionate sex. By the end I was exhausted and I snuggled into Juice's arms.

"I love you, Kylee." I heard him whisper as I drifted off to sleep.

The next think I knew I was being rudely awaken by Juice's phone ringing.

"Yeah. Okay. Yeah, I'm with her right now. We'll be there shortly." He said to the person on the other line. "Jax wants us at the club house." Juice kissed my forehead as he got out of bed. I smiled as I watched him dress, his glorious body had been all mine for the whole morning.

I showered and dressed in a maxi dress, which turned out to be a not so good choice to wear on the back of a motorcycle. But I survived. We got the club house and it was full of people.

"What is this?" I asked Juice.

"Your going away party." Juice smiled and kissed my hand. My going away party. Only he didn't know how long I would really be gone. It was more like my goodbye forever party.

"Wow, thanks. Hey can we talk?" I asked him as Chibs came up and grabbed me from behind and swung me around, making my already upset stomach more nauseous. The time that Juice and I had alone was not going to be now.

"Hi Chibs." I fought back my urge to vomit as he put me down.

"Going back to your mick lover huh?" Chibs jested.

"Shut up." Was all I could say.

"Come have a drink with me love." He pulled me towards the club house and away from Juice.

"I am not in the mood for a drink. I'll have a soda or a water, I don't like to drink before I fly." I lied, I would have rather have been three-sheets to the wind before leaving for Belfast.

"Oh, love being drunk while flying is the only way I go." He laughed as we walked into the club house.

After talking with him and Opie for a while I decided I needed fine Juice and tell him the truth. I would be leaving in a few hours and I owned him the truth. I saw Tara she nodded at me as if to encourage me. I found Juice sitting by Happy and Tig.

"Do you mind if I borrow him for a few minutes?" I ask them.

"Juicy going to get lucky?" I heard Tig snicker as we made our way out of the clubhouse.

We walked out to the boxing ring and sat on the edge together. I twisted my hands together, my stomach was in knots. I looked at Juice and he smiled at me.

"I have something I need to tell you." Fuck…it was happening. How could I tell this man I had fallen so madly in love with that I was pregnant and I wouldn't be coming back? How could I be giving up everything I wanted so badly? I sat there quietly for a few moments.

Juice took my hand into his, "it's okay Kylee. Tell me."

"It's not okay Juice. Nothing is okay." I said as tears started falling down my face.

"Fuck tell me you're scaring me." His words came out in a growl.

"Juice, I'm pregnant."

Juice looked at me with a confused look on his beautiful face. "But we just…"

"It's Liam's…" I looked at him, his eyes were hooded with anger and pain. "I didn't know, until a few days ago. I should have realized, I have been so sick in the mornings. I just didn't connect the dots until Tara said something to me."

"What does this mean?" Juice asked me with panic in his voice.

"I won't be coming back, Juice." I couldn't look at him when I said that. "He won't let me when he finds out I am pregnant."

"Don't tell him, stay here. Please." He pleaded with me. "I love you."

"I love you too." I finally admitted. "But I can't. If Liam were to find out I was pregnant, I didn't tell him and I had the baby here. He would wipe us out. I cannot let that happen." I wouldn't let it happen, I cared for Juice too much. I would've given up everything to keep him safe.

Juice said nothing. He just stood up, ran his hands over his head and walked away. He just walked away. I didn't see him for the rest of the time I was at the party. Chibs ended up offering to give me a ride to the airport. As we were walking out of the club house, I saw that back of Juice's head on the other side of the boxing ring.

"Give me a second Chibs." I touched his shoulder.

"No problem darlin'." Chibs nodded as he made his way to the car.

I walked towards him, "Juice?" I said as I turned the corner and I saw her, Ima, between Juice's legs giving him a blowjob. He looked at me with panic.

"Fuck." He said as he pushed her away trying to pull up his pants.

"Can't you see he is a little busy, sweetie?" Ima spit at me, her voice was like nails on a chalkboard.

"Fuck you!" I spit back, as turn to walk away; Juice grabbed my arm I tried to pull away. "Let go of me, you fucking bastard." He still wouldn't let go so punched him right in the jaw.

"What the fuck?" He said as I ran off to Chibs, who was waiting in the car for me. Juice was right behind me. "You're the one who is never coming back!" he shouted at me. "You're the one who got knocked up by your abusive boyfriend in Ireland."

"Thanks for rubbing that in my face. At least you could have waited until I was gone to get your dick sucked by that whore. Now go back to your porn slut because you just made my leaving a whole lot easier, asshole." I yelled as I got into the car and turned to Chibs. "Go please." I started to cry. I cried for Juice, I cried for the love that I lost, I cried for the baby growing in my womb who never had a chance of having a normal life. Leaving Charming right now was the best thing for me. I don't think I would ever be able to look Juice in the eyes again.

"You okay love?" Chibs asked after we had been driving a while.

"I'm fine." I sniffled as wiped away the tears from my eyes. I was resolved to never to cry for Charming again.