Chapter 7: With my Last Breath

"I don't want you save me. I want you to stand by my side as I save myself."
~Ale Morales

It was a cool and rainy day in Belfast, but come to think about it when wasn't it cool and rainy in Belfast. I missed the sun and the warmth it made me feel; who was I kidding, I missed Charming. I had thought about my Charming family and Juice every day I had been back. It had been three months since I had left them and the sting of Juice's betrayal with Ima still burned me deeply. I would find myself starting to cry when I thought about it. Thankfully Liam had never been around when one of those moment stuck me has hard as a speeding truck. The truth of it was Juice broke my heart, worse than Liam ever could have. I didn't understand how one moment he was telling me he loved me and the next he was letting some whore go down on him and all the while I was still around. It was as if he wanted me to see it going on. Was that his way of pushing me away? Or was that his way of showing me that I was the one who betrayed him by never coming back? None the less, I was heartbroken over the whole thing still. How could one man, who I had only known mere weeks hold such an effect over me and I still wanted to beat Ima senseless. Stupid whore.

"Earth to Kylee," I was pulled out of my thoughts and looked up to find Trinity was hovering above me. "You okay? Do you need anything?" She was like a mother hen since I had been back. Making sure I was comfortable and taken care of properly.

"Oh no, I am okay. I was just thinking." I glanced at the time. "Shite Jonah is probably outside waiting; he is going to be so pissed that I wasn't downstairs waiting for him at 7." I jump up too quickly to grab my bag. My body ached, a reminder. "I'll see you when I can get away again." I hugged her and ran out the door and down the stairs of her flat. That's when I see him…Jax, he still looked like a blonde haired god. What the hell is he doing in Belfast? I got to the bottom of the stairs and instead of going to the car that is idling to my left, I walked over to Jax. "Jax?"

"Hey darlin'." He responded like it wasn't some big of a deal that he was in Belfast. We both turned and looked at the club house doors, the same time as the club house door where Happy, Chibs, Opie, Tig and Juice all came out.

"What are you guys doing here?" I asked, I had often dreamed they would show up but I never thought it would be true.

"Here on club business. Have to meet with a few Irish members. Belfast Charter is our home for our visit." He smiled, I didn't smile back. Truth of the matter was I miserable, I rarely had the energy to pull myself out of bed in the morning.

Chibs walked up and pulled me in his arms. "Hello love. How are you? How is the wee one?" He touched my stomach, I wanted to flinch at the gentleness of his touch. Jonah honked the horn impatiently. I look back at the black car that was waiting for me; I was sure that I had already pissed him off enough that I was going to pay. Jonah was not my favorite person in the world. He told Liam everything I did. He was one of Liam's most trusted men. I looked back at the men who I considered my family for a short time and could feel Juice's gaze burning me. I glanced at him quickly then turned back towards Chibs and Jax.

"I have to go." I said as I turned and walked away. How could I have been so cold towards them? They were the sunshine I needed, I felt their warmth covering my body. I wanted nothing more than to run back to them and bask in that feeling a few more minutes longer. But I didn't. I knew Liam was already impatiently waiting for Jonah's phone call to say he had me and that we were returning to the compound.

"It's about time." Jonah growled at me as I got into the back seat of the car. I would have liked to hand him over to Happy. I was sure his body would be unrecognizable when he was done. I smiled at the thought. "What are you smiling at?" Jonah asked as he glared at me in the mirror.

"Nothing." I was short as I replayed the whole situation over in my head again. I disliked Jonah the most out of all Liam's associates. He was ruthless and followed anything the Liam said. I am sure that if I wouldn't have went back to the car when I did Jonah would have come and pointed a gun at me to get me moving. It wouldn't have been the first time in the last few months. Jonah had beady, gray eyes that were cold, they lacked any compassion or feelings for that matter. His only redeeming quality in his looks was his golden blonde hair. When I first met him it was a messy array on his head, now he shaved it. I am sure that made him feel more intimidating. If I had my choice between meeting Happy in a dark alley or Jonah….I would have chosen Happy. At least he would possibly show me some compassion even though he had no mercy for his enemies. Jonah lacked kindness. I think that is why Liam like him so much. He could send him out on a hit and he wouldn't fall apart; hell, he didn't care, killing a person was just like waking up in the morning for him.

The rest of the ride back to the compound was quiet. I kept seeing Juice's face when he saw me. Surprise and happiness, maybe some relief in there. Sure I missed him, but I didn't know how I to handle everything with him, because of the whole Ima business. If I ever got out of Belfast and back to Charming; I guess, I would deal with that then. The car came to a halt and I got out before Jonah turned it off. The walls that surrounded the house were tall and always reminded me of being in a compound. I am sure that was the purpose of them. The house itself was rather large by Irish standards, I would have considered it a manor estate.

I was about to go in when the door burst open. "Where have you been?" Liam snarled at me, then looked at Jonah with annoyance.

"She took her own sweet time getting out of Trinity's and then she went to go talk to some of the Sons. I didn't recognize them though." He said point blank to Liam. Stupid Jonah. Now Liam is going to find out that SAMCRO was in Belfast for a visit.

"Really?" He turned to me, there was always so much anger in his lovely green eyes. I missed the days when I looked at him and all I saw was a future full of love. Now, I saw nothing more than hate. "Do you want to tell me what he is talking about?" His tone was cool and quiet but stern. I felt like a child whose parent was asking them who ate the last cookie.

"Not really." I reply as I started towards my room.

"You will tell me! NOW!" Liam yelled. I turned to look at him. His brown hair was unruly he looked like a little boy who was about to throw a major temper tantrum. I glared at him. He knew how much I detested him. He kept me and locked me away anyway.

"Why should I tell you, Liam?" I shot back. My bravery wavered as he walked up to me and towered over me.

"Tell me." He shoved me against the wall and grabbed my arms tightly.

I twisted under his grip and glared back at him. He pushed me harder into the wall, so hard I knocked my head against it but I refused to say a word. "I take it from your silence that Charming is here. You probably have known the whole time that they would be coming. Do you think they are going to take you away with them? Do you think that they would want to bring you with them, you stupid whore."

I wanted nothing more than to spit in his face and grab his balls and squeeze them until they popped. I hated this man more than anything I had ever disliked before. I felt violent towards him; there had been times when we were walking down the stairs and I would have the urge to just shove him. Liam shoved me at Jonah.

"Put her in her room." Jonah grabbed my arm.

"Get your hands off of me." I struggled to get away, "I know where my room is and I can make it there myself. Or are you worried I will get lost along the way?" I shot back at Liam. "After all, all I am is a stupid whore. Maybe I should start acting like one!"

I got to my room where unknown to Liam, I had a prepaid cell phone hidden. Seamus had given it to me; he told me to call whenever I needed him. I dialed his number.

"Aye?" Seamus' voice was clear on the other side of the phone.

"It's me." I whisper

"Is it bad love?" He questioned, but he already knew the answer.

"I want out." I told him, "SAMCO is here and I want to leave with them. I don't know how long they are going to be here or when they are leaving."

"I will find out and we'll get you out of there." Seamus promised.

"Thanks Seamus." I welled up.

"Anything for you love." He hung up. We kept the calls short when I did talk to him. We didn't need Liam to walk in and find out our plan.

It was several days before I heard from Seamus again. It was rather quiet around the compound. I pretty much stayed in my room which I felt was my haven of safety. Liam never came in there anymore and the maids brought me my food, so I was okay. Then when I finally heard from Seamus it was in a text.

Be ready by 7pm. XO, Seamus

I had already packed a bag with some of my favorite clothes and shoes. I knew I could purchase more when I got to Charming. I just needed to get out of there. I needed to feel safe again and comfortable in my own skin again. I hated myself for allowing Liam to treat me the way he had for so long. I was just a shell of the girl who had returned from Charming.

Seven o'clock came and I was sitting up front near the entry way when Seamus came in. He took my bag just as Liam walked into the house with a few of his "business" associates.

"Hello Seamus." Liam said as he glared at me. I am sure he was surprised to see his older brother. "What are you doing here?"

"Oh, I thought I would get the little lady out of the house. We're going to go out of town for a few days. I am sure the fresh air will do her some good; she looks paler than normal." Seamus touched my cheek gently.

Liam never disrespected his older brother, he always held him in high regard. He was higher ranking than Liam was, he knew if he said the wrong thing Seamus could have wiped out his empire he had been building for himself.

"Okay. See you soon love." Liam kissed my cheek. I said nothing. I wiped his kiss off my cheek like a disrespectful child and walked out the door with Seamus.

The drive back to SAMBEL's clubhouse seemed to take forever. I didn't know if was my excitement for freedom or the truth that I needed to tell them that made it feel like we were crawling along. When we finally got there it was quiet. I prayed that they hadn't already left; not that I couldn't have flown to Charming on my own. I just wanted to feel safe doing it. I took a deep breath as I got out of the car and hoped I was walking towards my future.

Seamus and I walked into the club house and I saw the back of Trinity's head and heard Juice's voice, so full of sorrow. "She was probably cold because of what I did to her in Charming. I fucked up and I know it. She is probably still pissed about that."

"Don't give yourself that much credit, Juice." I said as I came into view. "You're not the reason I was cold; Belfast can do that to a person." Trinity grabbed my hand when I reached her side. I whispered in her ear, "I am going to tell them." She looked up at me with concern knowing the pain that I had been baring. All the guys were there as I grabbed the hem of my shirt and started to slowly lift it up revealing the deep purple and yellow bruises that covered my abdomen and ribs.

"What the fuck?" Is all I heard, I didn't know who said it could have been all of them for all I knew. I hadn't shown anyone but Trinity my bruises. "I'll kill him." I made out one voice and it belonged to Seamus.

I was taken back to the day that it happened as I glanced down at my bruises.

I was out with Trinity and Kerrie, we were shopping for the baby. I got back with loads of goodies. I walked into the house to find Liam and his goons waiting for me.

"Hello Liam." I smiled with my arms filled with bags full of baby stuff. He did not return the smile.

"Who is Juice?" He asked me. I hadn't mentioned Juice in his presence, I only talked with Trinity and Kerrie. I knew that they would never had told him anything.

"Don't you mean what is juice?" I asked, knowing damn well what he meant.

"No! WHO!" He snarled. As he pushed me towards the dining room. Shite, I thought, I forgot to put my computer away. I had received an email from Tara earlier that day, she was wondering how things were going. She also told me all about how Juice had been moping around since the night I left. When they had talked she mentioned that he was extremely upset about how he left things with me.

"It doesn't matter who Juice is." I replied, "I came back to you, shouldn't that count?"

"The baby is his isn't it?" He was so angry; I had never seen him that irate before.

"No Liam, the baby is yours." I pleaded. I knew nothing good was going to happen.

"You lying whore, it is his. You were fucking him the whole time you were there!" He threw me against the table and I fell to the ground spilling baby things everywhere. "That is fine, that thing growing inside of you will never meet its father!"

I tried to curl up in a ball, I was successful blocking the first few blows with defense of my own, but then Liam's associates came and grabbed my arms and legs. I remember the first few blows one was from Liam and the other was from Jonah. I screamed and struggled to get away. I begged them to stop, telling them that it was Liam's baby. I finally blacked out. I remembered waking up in the hospital alone and with only one heart monitor beeping. Mine.

"They killed the baby." I said. I told them the story about what happened. They all sat there in silence. I couldn't look at any of them so I stared at the small cigarette burn in the gray carpeting. "I guess in a way it was a blessing. I no longer have any ties to him." Seamus muttered something unintelligible about how he was going to rip his brother limb for limb, then he stormed out of the club house. I sat down on the arm of the chair where Trinity was sitting. "I want to come back to Charming if you guys will take me back with you." I looked up at the faces of the six men who I had just revealed my deepest and most shameful secret. I thought about what Kip would have done if he was there. I do not doubt he would have killed Liam himself. Their faces were a mixture of concern and anger. I saw something crazy in Happy's face. It was same face I saw in my imagination when he beat Jonah to a pulp.

Juice walked up to me and took my hands into his hands and kissed them. He made my stomach jump and the butterflies jumped into action. "You need to come home." He said quietly. Home. It sounded so right. I stood up and let Juice take me into his arms and embrace me. This was my home, I thought. If I had to go through all the pain and loss for that one moment, it was totally worth it. He kissed my forehead and turned towards Jax and the other club members. "You all know what I think. And I am sure I know what you think too."

"Come home, so I can give you shit." Happy said.

"Ah, Hap did you miss me?" I was slightly shocked.

"I am not admitting to anything. But there is a used condom with your name on it sitting somewhere in the clubhouse. I had the prospects save one they found."

"Gross!" I gagged.

Jax looked at me, "I think we all agree that you need to come home. That is really the reason why we came here. Trinity called me and told me you were in trouble. We didn't hesitate, we were on the next plane." I looked at Trinity, she really was my best friend.

"Thank you, Triny." I took her hand in mine.

"We've got trouble outside." Seamus walked quickly back into the clubhouse. "Liam is here with Jonah."

The guys all tensed up and then stood up and put their hands on their guns. "Please just wait." I said. I turned towards the door waiting for the storm to come. In they walked full of their normal brute.

"I knew you would be here." Liam said his voice was full of venom. "Do you really think I would let you leave that easily?" He tried to grab my arm but I back away right into Juice, put his arms around me defensively. "So this must be the man who fucked my girl and got her pregnant." He looked pointedly at Juice.

"You got your story all wrong. The baby was yours, we had sex after she found out she was pregnant." He shot back. Damn you, Juice, I though.

"I knew you were a slut." He shouted at me.

"Really! Really?" I yelled back. I pushed Juice away and walked up to Liam. "Why do you even care? You killed everything we ever had! I haven't loved you in over a year. Why do you want me here still?"

He looked at me like he was considering why he wanted me there still. "You're mine." He grabbed my arm to pull me away. "I do whatever I want with what is mine." He started to grab his gun from its holster that was under his arm. I could tell that there were other guns being pulled at the same time from Jonah's reaction. I hit Liam in the fold of his arm and was able to grab his gun from him. I pointed it at him. "What are you going to do little girl? Do you really think that you would be able to shoot me?"

"You? No. Him?" I turned to Jonah and pointed the gun at him, "Yes." I pulled the trigger and shot Jonah, I was aiming for his chest but hit him in the shoulder. I wasn't that great of an aim.

"ARG," he screamed out as he dropped his gun. "You fucking bitch." He tried to grab his gun that he had dropped. It was too late Happy and Tig were standing over him with guns pointed at him. Liam looked at me in disbelief.

"What?" I ask him. "Did you not think I had it in me? You would be surprised what being beat up and treated like shit will do to a girl. You're going to let me go live my life and be happy." I handed the gun over to Juice, who stood behind me tensely as I stepped towards Liam. "Do you remember when we met?" I asked him.

He looked at me some softness came back into his eyes, something I hadn't seen in months. "How could I?"

"Do you remember what you told me?" He shook his head. "You told me you wanted me to always be happy. Liam I haven't been happy with you for a long time. You are no longer the man that I fell in love with. You haven't been that man for a long time. Just let me go." I said.

"He'll let you go." Seamus looked intentionally at Liam. "HE has some justice to deal with." Seamus pushed his brother in the shoulder and out the door. Tig and Happy took Jonah outside with him. I didn't hear any more gun shots which meant Seamus would see retribution would be carried through with him a well.

"Could it really have been that easy?" I said out loud as I collapsed on a chair. "Am I really free to go?" Relief flooded over me. I started to laugh. "Holy fuck, I need a drink."

Juice went into the kitchen of the clubhouse and came back with a bottle of whiskey. "Here." He handed me the bottle and I took a long drink out of it. The light brown liquid filled me with warmth.

"So when are we going home?" I asked him.

"Tomorrow morning. We were going to leave without you. You seemed like you didn't want us here." Chibs replied.

"I'm sorry about that. I have been so unhappy since I left Charming." I looked at Juice.

"About that." Juice said. I could tell he was going to go into a long apology.

"Shut up Juice. Not tonight. Too much has happened tonight, let's just pretend for one night that didn't happen." I snuggled up close to him. "Hey Hap." I turned to him, he had returned and was sitting at one of the table with Opie and a few of the Sons from the Belfast Charter, they were talking a drinking beers.

"Yeah." He twisted in his seat and looked at me.

"You should know I am one hell of a shot." I said with a wink, he didn't need to know that I was aiming for Jonah's chest and not his shoulder.

"I'll keep that in mind and always make a prospect do my dirty work when it comes to you." Happy joked.

I smiled he was like an older brother to me now. Come to think about it they were all like my brothers, all of them but Juice. How could I have ever thought that Belfast was my home, when my home should have always been Charming. The place where I was welcomed from the start as a daughter, friend and lover. My thoughts then went to Trinity and Kerrie, how could I dismiss their friendship and loyalty? They had been there with me through the hardest times in my life. They were two of the most amazing people I had ever met. I would be sad to be leaving them. I yawned and stretched my ribcage still twinged in places. I grabbed my side.

"Are you okay?" Juice's brown eyes were full of concern.

"I'm fine, occasionally my ribs hurt. I was told they broke two on each side so it takes time to heal. I am tired though. It's been a long day and I just want it to end."

"You can take my bed." Opie offered. "I'll sleep on the couch."

"Thanks Op." I grabbed my bag from the floor, I glanced at the blood stain on the rug next to it. I shuttered at the thought of shooting at another living being again. I just hated that man so much, I never thought I would dislike someone the way I disliked Jonah. I knew if I didn't do something I would have been the one with the bullet in my head. I walked down the hall to the bathroom, I wanted to brush my teeth and wash my face. There as a knock on the bathroom door, it was Juice.

"I told Opie not to worry about giving up his bed because you could sleep with me tonight. I just want to hold you." He gave me a slight smile. "Even if it's just for one night." He extended his hand to me and I took it. I followed him to the bedroom he was staying in. He sat down on the bed and I took of my pants and put on my yoga pants for pajama bottoms. Even though he had seen me naked before I was self-conscious around him. I was excruciatingly aware of the bruises on my body. I started to lift up my shirt and change into one more comfortable when I felt his lips on my stomach. "I am so sorry that this has happened to you. If I could take away the pain you have suffered I would." I just looked at him. I loved him with every fiber of my being. I couldn't find it in me to tell him at that moment so I showed him. I kissed him with passion and wanting. When we parted I finished changing and climbed into bed next to Juice. For the first time in months I knew I would get a goodnight sleep.