Chapter 8: Homeward Bound
"In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life: it goes on."
~ Robert Frost.
I rolled over in the small twin bed and saw his beautiful face. Juice looked so peaceful in his sleep; his eyelids fluttered slightly as if he were dreaming. What a way to wake up in the morning, I thought to myself. I nuzzled closer to Juice and put my head on his bare chest and listened to the steady thump of his heartbeat. Juice's breathing changed slightly, I knew immediately he was waking up. I looked up at him and placed my chin on his chest.
"Good morning beautiful." He smiled at me and took my hand into his. I smiled back. I could get use to this, I thought. I felt happy and safe for the first time in a very long time. "How did you sleep?" He asked as he placed my hand against his lips.
"I slept really well. I am looking forward to getting out of Belfast today and putting all this behind me. Behind us." I leaned up and kissed him. I started to pull away but Juice tugged me into him. He kissed me again this time it was deeper and more passionate.
"Let's stay in bed a bit longer." Juice had desire burning deep in his brown eyes.
"Mmm, that sounds nice." I replied as I kissed his chest. He rolled me on to my back; he was hovering over me. The muscles in his arms rippled as he held his own weight being careful not to crush me. I missed looking into his eyes. I missed feeling his lips on mine. I didn't know that I could hold the whole Ima thing against him, I mean I thought I was leaving him forever. I had also just told him that I was pregnant with another man's baby. We just felt so right, it was like we fit together perfectly. It was as if we were made for each other from day one. Juice started to kiss my neck and all my concerns were whisked away as I melted into a puddle of mush. I moaned with pleasure, I hadn't felt that good in a very long time. Hell, I hadn't felt that good since I had been with him the last.
"That is what I want to hear." He his voice thick with lust. He pulled up my shirt and started kissing my bruises one by one slowly moving my shirt higher and higher until I was completely shirtless. He started to work on my pants when there was a knock on the door. Juice sighed. Thwarted, I thought. We both looked at the door like to children caught in some naughty act. Wait, we were caught in a compromising position. I was grateful the person on the other side of the door a respectful enough not to just barge in.
"Rise and shine, we need to get on the move." It took me a second to place the voice to Jax.
"We're up, thanks." Juice replied as he kissed my forehead as he rolled back over onto his side of the bed, leaving me shirtless and cold on my side. "I guess we'll have to finish this later." He smirked.
"Will we now?" I raised my eyebrow challenging him, as I sat up in the bed. I didn't see the need of putting my shirt back on since I was going to change anyway. I caught a glimpse of my bruised skin in the mirror and stopped, I had avoided mirrors over the last few weeks that I didn't really understand the extent of my injuries. I had bruising under my right arm near my breast all the way down to my thigh. That must have been the side that was facing up I considered as I studies my bruises. I turned to look at myself full on in the mirror and I could see some of the smaller bruises were fading to nasty yellow color. Soon I thought all I will be left with is just the memory and nothing more. I looked up in the mirror to see Juice watching me. "I haven't been able to bring myself to look in a mirror since it happened." I told him.
"They'll fade. I think you look beautiful no matter what." He pulled his shirt over his head. I grabbed clothes out of my bag and got dressed. My favorite traveling clothes I thought as I pulled out a gray vintage t-shirt, the cotton was soft, even after all the years of wear and a pair of jeans. I wasn't worried about make-up, it would get messed up on the airplane. I put my hair into a low setting messy bun and turned to Juice who was still tying his shoes.
"Juan Carlos, you take longer to get ready then me." I jested.
"Some of us have boners to contend with." He said as he stood up and there was a bulge in his pants.
I gazed at him for a second, I couldn't understand why he was still so turned on. Then I realized I had been standing half nude in the mirror when I was looking at the bruises and that was all I could see, he was seeing me and not the discoloration of my skin. I grinned at him, then walked up and kissed him.
"You're an evil woman." He joked as he grabbed my bag off the floor. I didn't know if it was for cover or he was just being a gentleman. It was probably both. We walked down the hall to the main room of the clubhouse. Trinity was talking to Opie and Jax and Kerrianne was in the arms of her da. I loved those two woman so deeply. I felt the pain of losing them hit me hard in the chest, it took my breath away.
"Trin," I whimpered, realizing that I was leaving my best friend and didn't know when I would see her again. She had been one of the first people to accept me in Belfast. I would forever be grateful for her acceptance and unbending friendship.
"Oh, lovey." She ran up to me and we embraced me as tears flowed freely down our cheeks. Kerri released her da and made her way to us and wrapped her arms around us both. Trinity and I, each took hold of Kerrianne, our circle was complete.
"I am going to miss you both so very, very much!" I exclaimed as I freed them from my embrace. We had been inseparable since the first day, I moved to Belfast; we were instant friends. "Promise me, you will come to Charming to visit me."
"Of course." They said in unison.
Trinity looked directly at Juice and threatened, "You better be good to our girl. Or there will be hell to pay." I knew that Trin's threat was not idle and she would make sure that Juice paid if anything happened to me; that was the sort of friend that she was.
"You have nothing to worry about." Juice looked at me, then back at Trinity. The look on Trin's face made me think she didn't believe him.
"I had words with the other members and they will give you the Liam treatment if even u hair is slightly askew because of you." I knew exactly what that meant. I knew Seamus hadn't let his brother or Jonah see the light of the day. They had taken their last breaths sometime over the night, while I was sleeping peacefully in the arms of the man I loved.
One of the members of the Belfast charter walked into the clubhouse and yelled, "Time to go!" They would escort us out of the city limits and we would travel the rest of the way to the airport on our own. A newspaper that was discarded on one of the tables caught my eye.
TWO MEN FOUND DEAD, THIS MORNING
The photo was of Liam and Jonah. They were sitting up against a fence, each had blood dripping from a wound to the head; I could only assume that they had been shot. Relief washed over me in waves, I let out a quiet sob but contained the tears that were threatening to spill out of my eyes. I would never have to worry about Liam deciding he needed to get revenge or have him think he needed to get me back.
I handed the paper to Juice, who quickly glanced at it; "Good." Was all he said as he tossed the paper back on the table and took my hand into his. There was no sound of sympathy or compassion in his voice or in his actions. As much as I hated the fact that my freedom came down to Liam's death, I couldn't help but savior the liberation.
We walked outside to a day that was actually sunny and warm. It was much like my outlook on my future, but I was sad to leave Northern Ireland on a day where the sun shone brightly and there wasn't a cloud in the sky. Those were the days I use to look forward to; the days when I would spend all day basking and worshiping the sun. I shouldn't have felt sad; I would have more sun than rain in Charming. I would have way more warmth and happiness than I had in years. Juice handed me a helmet and I climbed on the back of his motorcycle. I glanced back at my best friends and the SAMBEL clubhouse one last time before adjusting myself against Juice.
"Bye Ky!" Trinity yelled. I turned to see Kerrianne and Trin waving at me, I waved back and blew them a kiss. I knew our paths would cross again, we didn't meet in this life to never have our paths cross again. I loved them like sisters, hell they were my sisters.
I turned around as Juice kicked his bike to life. I grabbed on to my new life tightly as we drove away into the Northern Irish countryside. It was relaxing riding through the north on the back of the bike. I cherished my memories, I had made in Ireland and Belfast but it was now time for a new chapter in my life.
We arrived at the airport about two hours after we set out from the Belfast clubhouse. The club had arranged a flight out of a small town Irish town, where Elliott Oswald's freight plane was waiting to take SAMCRO home. A flight that would take me home. I thought about all the hoops that the Sons must have had to jump through to get me back to Charming. I couldn't help but smiled at the thought of how much they care about me; I wasn't even their flesh and blood but they treated me as if I were. They didn't know how much I appreciated them at the very moment. They really did save me.
Juice pulled his bike to a halt next to Happy's bike. Happy was already taking off his helmet and getting off of his bike before we had settled into our spot.
"Are you ready to go home?" Juice asked me as he helped me off of his motorcycle.
"Home. It's such a lovely word." I smiled at him and nodded, "yes, yes I am." I looked over at Happy, who was looking sort of upset…that is if Happy could have ever looked distressed. "What's wrong Happy?" I asked as I walked towards him, he glanced over at me.
"I wish I could have been the one, who had killed them." He had a crazed look in his eyes. The one that would have normally scared me, but as I got to know Happy I knew that it meant for me. Plus, I had just tolerated Jonah's glares which could have rivaled Happy's.
"Don't worry Hap, you did kill them plenty of times, in my imagination. I had a great fantasy of you maiming and killing Jonah. He was unrecognizable after you got done with him." I grinned remembering my day-dream.
"Good!" He smirked at me. "At least I could help you that way. I feel helpless when it comes to what happened to you and the baby." Happy's steely frown returned and his brown eyes clouded over again.
He had shown me his caring maybe almost vulnerable side for one split second; I never expected it, but none the less appreciated. "There is nothing anyone could have done. Everything happens for a reason, Hap. Liam would never had let me leave if I was still carrying his child. Your being here right now means more than you could ever know." I touched his arm gently and smiled up at him. Happy responded with a solemn nod.
"Let's get out of here." Jax called. As he kicked his Harley to life and rode it up the airplane's cargo hatch.
Juice had asked me if I wanted to ride up with him but I chose to walk up instead. I felt safer that way. I overheard Jax say, we would be in California in about 10 hours give or take, depending upon head winds. I was looking forward to seeing Tara, Gemma and Donna, however I was especially excited to being alone with Juice. We needed to talk about the whole Ima thing, but at that point I wasn't really in the mood to discuss that gash. I wanted a new start with him and bring her up would only bring up the past.
Finally, the clubs' motorcycles were loaded and secured. The guys went to great lengths to make sure that their bikes were not going to fall over. God forbid there was a scratch on one of them. I wanted to snicker at the guys, but I refrained. Juice walked over and took my hand into his and guided me to another part of the plane that Elliott Oswald had outfitted with several couches and chairs. He was kind enough to see to our comforts. I settled on the couch next to Juice, who quickly got up to go speak to Jax and Opie. That flight was the first time I flew sans seatbelt. Hell, it was the first time I had ever been in a cargo jet.
"Now Kylee since you aren't hiding anything from us." Chibs vaguely referred to my pregnancy but left it at that. "Would you like to see what it is like to be drunk whilst flying?" He gleefully inquired as he held up two bottles of Jameson.
"Aye Scot. Tis a bit early for me but let's go." I threw some of my Irish at him. I knew I couldn't drink him under the table but I would try. "I'll try and defend my Irish heritage against you. Did you lift those from SAMBEL?"
"Aye. They won't miss them. What are they going to do take them back now?" Chibs laughed out his admission.
My favorite parts of flying were the taking off and the landing. If the pilot did it right it was like being on a roller coaster. Chibs sat down on the couch that was across from me. He pulled the cap of the Jameson and handed it to me.
"Am I supposed to drink this all by myself?" I inquired as I looked at the full bottle. I could tell by Chibs' smirked, that the bottle was meant for just me.
"Nah, I'll help." Happy took the bottle from me and took a long drink of it. "I hate flying, especially take-off and landing."
I looked at him in disbelief. "Really? Those are my favorite parts. I love watching the land get further and further from me. It's exhilarating." He handed me the bottle of Jameson; I took a drink of it and then I handed it Chibs who took a long drink.
Juice walked over to us and looked at me, "Being influenced by these two already?"
"You can join us for a drink." Chibs handed him the bottle. I moved over so he could sit by me. Happy sat next to Chibs. Soon after Opie, Jax and Tig joined us in our drinking. Chibs was right there was nothing better than flying at 50,000 feet and drinking. The plane ride consisted of us drinking and then passing out…well I passed out before I was too drunk. I was exhausted from everything that had went happened over the previous few days; shit, the prior month. I needed to sleep for a few days straight to regain my energy and a normal state of mind. A patch of turbulence jolted me awake. The first thing I noticed was Juice wasn't with me. I glanced around and I saw him and Opie talking. I was about to get up and tell him to come back and hold me but I caught part of their conversation.
"…I don't want to bring it up with her Op. She has already been hurt so badly, plus she hasn't brought it up yet. I feel horrible about what I did to her with Ima. I needed to blow off steam that night. I told her I loved her that morning and then I let Ima give me a blowjob, and that is certainly a way to tell a girl you love her right? I look at her and I feel that sting even though I am the one who caused it." I knew that they were talking about me and what to do next.
I yawned and decided to not pay attention to what they were saying and try to go back to sleep. Eventually Juice moved me slightly so he was spooning me on the couch. He thought he was being careful and trying not to wake me but I was already awake, I turned over to face him.
"I'm sorry did I wake you?" He whispered seeing there was no need to talk in a normal tone when I was just inches from his face.
"No, I was somewhat awake. I am groggy, stupid airplanes and stupid whiskey." Never again, I thought to myself. Juice had concern in his eyes, he opened his mouth like he was going to say something and then stopped. I sat up on the couch, we were too close together for what he was going to say to me. "If you want to say something Juice, just say it." I stood up and started to walk away, I was surprised how nice it was traveling in a cargo plane; slightly louder than traveling in a normal plane but it was far more comfortable. I heard Juice get up and follow me.
"We need to talk don't we?" He said quietly with defeat. I knew he didn't want to bring up Ima but he was going to, I was sure that is what he thought I needed to heal or he had to make things right with me. He was probably right. But at that moment, I was dealing with leaving Liam, shooting someone (even if he was a complete sadist) and the death of the baby, so the Ima thing was the least of my concerns but it if made Juice feel better I would deal with it when he needed to. "Every time I look at you I see your face when you found me with Ima."
"What am I supposed to do about that Juice?" I asked putting up my walls, getting ready for a fight.
"Nothing. I just want you to know, that I have never regretted anything more in all my life. I betrayed you. I told you I loved you and the first time I am given a chance to prove myself I fuck up. I probably deserve no better than Liam." He paused rubbing his head. "I don't deserve your forgiveness but I am asking for it." I couldn't remember the last time I had been apologize to. I considered him as he stood there, he looked at me his stance was defeated. "Without you I have been broken." He finished
I smiled sympathetically, "Juice, honestly what happened with Ima broke my heart. She's a worthless piece of human being who is taking up precious air. I cannot say that I haven't been mad at you for the past few months because I have. Whenever I thought of you, I would see Ima giving you a blowjob. It still stings, it probably will for a while. But that doesn't mean I cannot forgive you because as soon as I saw your face in Belfast I forgot about it and forgave you. I don't know still if I can trust you especially when Ima is still in the picture. It's just going to take time."
"She can be out of the picture." Juice replied without delay. I knew that couldn't be true, because she worked at Cara-Cara which the Sons owned. They also helped with security there when it was needed, she would always be around until she lost her beauty, got pregnant or contracted an STD. All of which I hoped happened to her immediately.
"Not really, Juice. You guys are at Cara-Cara, so she will never really be gone. All I know is if I see her anytime soon I will lose my fucking mind. Too much has happened and I feel like I am going to snap. She might be that straw that breaks me." I looked at him. "Anyway, I am willing to work through this with you but I need you to promise me something."
"Anything." Juice quickly replied.
"Hear me out before you make any hasty decisions, because you might not like what I have to say." He raised his eyebrows. "Juice, I need you to promise me you will never cheat on me. I know that some of the guys have clauses, basically what happens in another charter stays there but that doesn't work for me. I have already been treated like shite for years and I can't handle being lied to or cheated on."
"I promise." He didn't even hesitate. I closed the space between us and looked up at him.
"Are you sure? I feel like I could be asking a lot from you."
"Why? Because you would get to worship my body?" Juice snickered.
"What? Are you kidding me? Do you think your some sort of sex god?" I scoffed. He raised his eyebrows at me. "You'll have to prove it to me, then I will decide if I should worship your body…granted it's sexy enough to be." I ran my hand down his chest to the top of his jeans.
"You two really need to just get it over with and fuck." I heard Tig say from behind me. He walking through the plane to use the bathroom which was in the front near the cockpit. We laughed, but the truth of the matter was we did but we didn't have the privacy that I would like or the time.
"I think he's right you know." Juice pulled me close to him.
"Not here. Not now." I said. I would not become an exhibitionist. I would not become like one of the crow eaters. I am better than them. I thought to myself. I didn't need to throw myself at Juice. "Let's just go lay back down. I'm still somewhat tipsy from the damn Jameson." We went back to the couch which was now taken by Tig; I hadn't even see him pass by us again. That was fine there were some blankets piled near one of the sides of the plane so we took one of the pillows that Tig stole from us and went to lay on the blankets. I nestled in next to Juice with my head on his chest letting him have the pillow. I laid there and listened to his heartbeat, before I knew it I was being woken up the by sound of landing gear and Juice caressing my hair.
Juice quietly said, "Hey Ky, we are almost home." I stretched out, my muscles were sore and my side ached terribly. I cringed as I sat up. "Are you okay?" Juice asked.
"I'm fine. I'm just sore." I stood up slowly clutching my side. Opie who was sitting in one of the chairs near us noticed me.
"You should get that checked out by the doc when we get back." Opie said with concern.
"Didn't they give you any pain meds?" Juice asked.
"Yes of course they did but somehow they disappeared. I'm sure they ended up in Liam's pocket. He didn't care anymore, plus I am sure he wanted me to remember what the pain meant. It will go away. I was just laying on that side so I am sure that is why I am sore there." I tried to smile through the pain.
"Stop making excuses, you are going to see Tara when we get back." Juice stated very matter-of-factly.
"Fine." I knew there was no use in arguing with him because I was pretty sure that one of the Sons would carry me against my will to see Tara.
"We should all sit down." Jax came walking towards us from the front of the plane, "We'll be landing in about 5 minutes." He sat down next to Chibs on one of the couches.
The landing was bumper than I would have liked, but watching Happy's face turn pale white made all the head jerking worth it. I smiled at him, he grimaced back at me. "Don't worry tough guy, I will keep your secret." I said to him as we came to a stop. Instead of riding out of the plane with Juice on his Harley, I walked down the large ramp ahead of them. I needed to stretch my legs on solid ground. The plane was large enough to walk around in but as you walked around you were jostled from time to time; it was nothing like being on the solid ground. The guys drove their Harleys down the ramp, where Juice stopped near me. I happened to be standing with my eyes closed and facing the sun with a funny smile on my face. I had missed the sun.
"Someone is happy to be back." Chibs winked at me as he pulled up next to me.
"I am so glad that it is sunny out." I replied as I walked over to Juice, who was holding out a helmet for me. I strapped it on and climbed onto the back of his bike. From what I understood of the plans we were going to head back to the clubhouse before going home. The guys needed to check in with Clay and Bobby. I am sure it was to fill them in on what happened in Belfast and to discuss what SAMBEL was up to. Thankfully the ride to the clubhouse wasn't that long, my side was continuing to bother me and I was exhausted even though I did get some sleep on the plane. There was something about traveling and the time difference was starting to kick my ass. I just wanted to shower, go to bed and possibly sleep for days.
We got back to SAMCRO's clubhouse where were people sitting outside waiting for the guys to return. I was surprised that there were so many crow eaters waiting as well, wait maybe I wasn't, most of them knew that the single guys tended to want to seek comfort in them when they got back from a run. I picked out the familiar faces of Tara, Gemma and Donna. I was glad to see them. The guys lined their bikes up next to the motorcycles that were already parked and turned them off one by one. Tara and Donna went running up to Jax and Opie. They really did love their men. I smiled as I took off my helmet and got off of Juice's bike. He laced his fingers into mine as we walked towards the clubhouse.
"Glad to have you back, darlin'" Gemma embraced me and kissed my cheek. "How you feeling?" Concern burned in her eyes.
"I'm tired and sore but nothing a good night's sleep won't cure." I said to her, Juice recollected my hand as Ima walked out of the club house with a smile that soon faded when she saw me.