I never left his side that night. I never left him knowing that I didn't truly understand him until we had joined together, until we had shared a moment so intense that my feelings towards him had changed. He was a man who was misunderstood by the people that surrounded him every day, he had been misunderstood his whole life. Behind his rough, arrogant exterior, he was fragile, lonely. Sasuke struggled to confide in people, to trust them with simple things because he was scared that they would judge him or inform the others of his words. He was just so…He was so frightened.
Lee would have been so crushed if he knew what had happened between the Captain and me. There was a love between us: on my behalf, it was simply a sisterly love that I had towards him, love for a friend but Lee had romantic feelings that I could not return. It was an unrequited love, his feelings greater for me than mine were for him. When he kissed me, I couldn't bring myself to tear away, to tell him that truth that I didn't think of him in the same way. I don't know what would have happened if I did tell him, the mere thought bringing an excruciating pain rushing to my temples. He was sweet and kind, and while I knew he could care for me the way I wanted to be cared for, I could feel nothing more than I did already.
Warm sunlight dimly lit the room as the sun sat at the centre of a distant sky. The blinds blocked complete light from entering the room but a single ray was directed upon my face, its yellowing glow bringing warmth upon the skin in its path. My eyes fluttered open as the memories of the evening before flooded back to me, the surrounding objects still blurry while my vision was restored.
I placed my hands at my sides, trying to lift myself from the bed but struggled to move any further than a few inches off the mattress. The tips of my fingers rubbed the remaining drowsiness from my eyes as I found myself trapped beneath him, Sasuke's arm slung across my waist.
The short tufts of his dark hair brushed against me as his head nuzzled into the crook of my neck, sending a tingling sensation across my skin. I twisted my head to the side. His handsome side-profile was visible within my line of sight while beads of sweat hung on his temples. His lips were slightly parted as he remained within his deep slumber, his extended breaths warm against my skin.
I couldn't bring myself to tear my eyes from him, so absorbed in the serenity of our surroundings. One hand reached forward as the tips of my fingers brushed the strands of hair from his eyes and against the smoothness, the warmth of his face. He looked so gentle, so calm as he slept that I could never have thought that someone like that had ever tried, had ever wanted to hurt me.
"Sakura?" The huskiness of his voice broke through the silence of our surroundings. His lips were parted, his eyes struggling to open as the light grew in the room.
A few moments passed before his eyes immediately shot open, switching back and forth as if he was searching for something until they met mine. Our eyes locked together, his dark orbs empty of all anger, the stress and grief of his past, and I could sense he was at ease and peace. It was something that I never thought I would see from him, that someone so 'cruel' could be in that state. And the relief flooded through me, when I realized that like this, he wasn't as dangerous as I had once thought.
He lifted his body away from mine as I felt all of the heat escape from between us. A shiver ran along the length of my spine as I became exposed to the cold air. Our eyes didn't dare to tear apart. His lips were parted but the words were frozen within his breath, as if he didn't know how to speak to me after the night we had had. His hand reached forward, tucking the strands of hair behind my ear as a ghost of a smile lingered upon his lips. The warmth of his palms pressed against my skin as his hands cupped my face, his head slowly tilting forward.
"You're still here," he whispered almost soundlessly, his lukewarm breath blowing the curling tendrils from my face.
Many things had happened between us the night earlier and I supposed he had been through many things the entire day. He had seemed aggravated when I first entered his room. I could sense that it wasn't just Lee and I that had caused this. But looking at him at that moment, it was as if he didn't want me to remember, he wanted me to forget that any of those things had ever happened, that he had treated me with such aggression. He was surprised that I had stuck by his side through it all.
"You asked me to stay."
My hand reached up and pressed against his bare chest as his head inched closer and dipped down into the space between us, his face only inches away from mine.
"I didn't mean to hurt you. I was too overwhelmed by everything going on yesterday," he spoke softly; his voice was like music to my ears and somehow beneath it all, I managed to sense the sincerity of his words, knowing that he was speaking the truth. I didn't think he was capable of treating me with such harshness after what we had been through together.
"I know." I whispered, reaching my hands closer to his neck.
His head lowered, his lips grazing tentatively over mine before I found myself in the same state of intoxication that came over me whenever we kissed. I tilted my head up as his hands tangled in my hair, the blood rushing through me as the kiss deepened and his lips moulded against mine. His scent lingered in the air around us and drifted up as I held onto him, his tongue massaging against mine softly, tenderly. He held me in his arms as if he didn't want to let go, the warmth radiating from his body, and I felt that there was nothing to fear, that I was safe in his arms.
The peace was always being stolen from between us.
The abrupt knocking on the door broke us out of our trance, returning us to the reality of the prison camp. His eyes widened with what I could only see as being shock and fear as our eyes met, as if he had only realised where we were. What the true situation was supposed to be between us. In the real world, I wasn't his lover - I was his prisoner, his 'toy'. His feelings may have changed towards me but that was all that I would ever be to him in that place, that camp I was locked up in.
"Captain Sasuke! Are you in there?" The door handle creaked beneath the overwhelming sounds of the Lieutenants voice beyond the door.
My heart thumped in my chest, and the breaths caught in my throat.
Sasuke lifted himself away from me and the heat between us dissipated into the air, his taste lingering upon my lips, his scent lingering in the air around us. All I could see were his broad shoulders and tufts of his raven locks as he reached for the clothes that were scattered across the floor and ran his fingers along the torn fabric of the clothes that were once mine. He didn't reply to any of the calls.
My body, which was still yearning out for him, was frozen in position, breasts barely covered by the white bed sheets. My cheeks flushed to a deep shade of red. I didn't know what to do or how to react in our situation, and it wasn't until that moment that I actually thought about the implications of what had occurred the evening before. What would Hinata have thought if I never returned the evening before? What would people think if they learned about my current situation with Captain Sasuke? Would they ever manage to find out?
"Take these." He whispered as he thrust clothes into my hands, eyes busily switching between me and the door.
"Where did you get these from?" I couldn't have helped but ask as I ran my fingers along the smoothness of the fabric.
"It doesn't matter. Just put them on."
I pulled the dress over my head, swinging my legs over the side of the bed as he hurriedly buttoned his dress shirt, fingers twitching. The knocks grew louder, growing faster in pace as the soldier on the other side grew impatient and the sounds disturbed my ears. The atmosphere between us had lost all of its peace, growing more tense as the seconds passed by.
Sasuke took a quick glance at me from over his shoulder, nodding his head as he adjusted his shirt once more, leaving the top buttons open. He took a few steps forward, feet heavy against the ground with each step he took as he heaved a deep sigh, barely inches away from the door. The keys jingled in his hand as he leaned forward, the handle creaking as it twisted within his grip.
"What happened to you? You had me thinking that you were dead or something," The Lieutenant said immediately as Sasuke slowly inched the door open, his worry evident within his voice.
Unconsciously, I leaned back, trying to conceal myself within the shadows of the room. I didn't know what would happen if he saw me, what he would think about our situation. I knew that there must have been some people around the Captain that would have been knowledgeable about the fact he took a prisoner for himself. However, they wouldn't have known what was truly happening in his room each night that I visited, would they?
Leaning against the wall, I listened to what was occurring around me, outside the warmth of the room, the guards shouting at passing prisoners after roll-call had taken place.
Roll-call. I'd missed it. The others would assume that I was dead.
"Are you okay, sir? You don't look too well."
Sasuke lifted his head until he was able to meet the Lieutenant 's eyes. I could sense there was some hesitation within his actions as he took a single step back into the room. He didn't say anything. I knew he would struggle to say something, no matter how much authority he held, no matter how much fear he could bring the other soldiers. And me. Because when he let me in, let the passion indulge between us, he'd shown his raw emotion, and I knew, I could tell, that it would have been hard for him to come back from that.
He raised his hand, brushing the strands of hair from his face. Turning his head, he scanned his eyes over the room, briefly meeting my eyes. His lips were parted; the words were frozen within his breath. He heaved a deep sigh, slowly exhaling as he held out his hand. "Get in."
My eyes widened at the sound of his words, hurriedly trying to search for a hiding place. Who knew what he would do if he found out what was happening? What was Sasuke trying to achieve by doing this? I followed the Lieutenant 's actions as he stepped inside, his body freezing at the sight of me. My hand pressed against the roughness of the wall, my eyes darting back and forth from Sasuke to the Lieutenant, who couldn't tear his eyes away from me, his mouth dropped in shock as his eyes widened. He took a step back, not knowing how to respond to this.
"What is she still doing here? You always send her away before it gets too late," He finally spoke after a moments silence, turning his head towards Sasuke before his eyes rested upon me once again. The light from the window shone on him and made his blonde hair look lighter beneath its glow.
I slowly lifted my head, our eyes meeting as the tension within the room grew thicker. His eyes didn't have the same darkness, that frozen quality that the other soldiers had. They were kinder, almost warm and welcoming, something that I hadn't seen for a long period of time. And I could tell from that one look that he was different from the other, not willing to hurt other people.
"Things happened and she ended up staying here longer than usual." Sasuke's dark eyes rested upon the clock on the wall, it's ticking droning on and on as it solemnly announced that it was now 9.03 am. I was supposed to be in the kitchen. "I've got a meeting in 20 minutes. Get her back to the others."
"You can't be serious. I can't do that! And what makes you think that you can trust me with something like this? I'm just like the other soldiers here."
Naruto's eyes switched back and forth between Sasuke and I, furrowing his eyebrows together as if he would have been able to create a darker image of himself. He was hesitating and he was worried, worried about being caught with me, worried of trying to aid me in an 'escape'. He would have done anything to not be in this situation.
"We both know you're not like the others, idiot." Sasuke stepped forward until they were face to face, his hand tugging on the fine fabric in his hands as he adjusted his tie. "So just do what I say!"
"So I don't even get a say in this?"
"No, Naruto." I could sense the irritation in Sasuke's voice, his eyes lighting up. "So for the last time, do what I say and don't try to complain."
Neither of them gave me a chance to say anything, not that I even had anything to say. It was almost like it wasn't even there.
He turned his body in my direction, taking a few careful steps towards me as he avoided the remnants of the shards of glass that remained on the floor. His hand brushed against the fine fabric of his coat as he lifted it into his grip. Our eyes met as he tilted his head up. I expected him to say something, anything, before we returned to our lives like the night before had never happened. I wanted him to kiss me one last time, hold onto my hand, brush the hair from my face, but he did none of it. And said nothing, merely nodding his head in acknowledgement of my existence before he swiftly turned himself in the other direction and paced himself towards the door.
"Wait! What if someone asks why she is with me?" Naruto called out as Sasuke's hand rested on the door handle, the shining metal creaking within his grip.
"You may be stupid but you should be able to come up with something."
There was nothing but complete silence between the pair of us as he escorted me along the hallway, occasionally casting his eyes upon me as his feet thudded against the ground. I didn't know whether I should have spoken to him, part of me urging to ask him how much he actually knew about the Captain's situation with me. It was frightening knowing that someone who I had never even exchanged words with could know something about me that none of the closest people around me had knowledge of.
"You know, he talks about you sometimes," He spoke almost soundlessly as my feet continued to shuffle along the hallway. I lifted my head at the sound of his words, my eyebrow raised in curiosity. "He says things unconsciously, as if he doesn't even realise that he's doing it. He worries about you sometimes."
"He only worries about me because I'm his toy. If I die, he has to go find a new one," I said nonchalantly, dismissing the idea completely. The immediate quality of my answer had thrown him back a few moments. My head slowly lowered until all I was able to see were my feet as they were carried across the floor.
A chuckle escaped from Naruto's lips. I could sense his strong gaze upon me as he continued to escort me back to the others, a feeling of discomfort growing within me. I sent a look of distaste in his direction as I questioned why he was being like this. Was he plotting to hurt me just like the others? Why was he examining me so closely? A part of me wanted to question whether what I had just said was true or not. Was that the only reason why he cared? Or was there another reason behind it all.
"You don't really understand, do you?" He asked with a hint of questioning in his tone. "He may be a bastard but Captain Sasuke genuinely worries and cares about your well-being. He would never admit it but it was obvious he was relieved that he had been in the kitchen that day the baby was born before anything bad happened to you. He even went after that soldier who had slapped you and do you know why?" He took a deep breath as I shook my head, "Because he cares."
My body froze, my head lifted, my eyes were wide. It had taken a few moments for me to finally comprehend what he had said. The way Sasuke had treated me had finally begun to make more sense. The fact that he had comforted me when Moegi had died, that he had ensured that I was fed, that he felt guilty after hurting me was all due to the fact that he actually cared, not those excuses that he continually gave me to avoid the truth.
I didn't really know how I was to react or respond to those words. I could only question how long he had actually felt that way. Why had he never mentioned anything about it? I always sensed that there was something that Sasuke wasn't telling me, but was this really that? It was strange to think that someone who initially wanted to hurt me had now become worried about my welfare. For someone that had seemed so cruel on the outside, there was something so peculiar about him on the inside, something more sincere and kind.
Part of me couldn't have helped but wonder that if he felt such feelings towards me then why he could have possibly hurt me. If I had gone after the soldier who had slapped me, why would he have done it himself? Even if he had told me he didn't mean it.
My lips parted but the words were frozen within my breath, unable to be said. I lifted my hand, brushing the strands of hair from my eyes as I heaved a deep sigh. "He has never said anything about it," I spoke almost soundlessly, as if I was trying to avoid being heard.
"He's the kind of person who won't even admit it to himself. He's too arrogant and full of himself some-"
As distraction came over him, his voice faded away before he was able to finish his words. My eyes scanned over his features, searching for a reason behind his sudden change in attitude. His own orbs were directed along the length of the hallway as the sound of feet shuffling grew audible, a figure approaching us from the darkness. The atmosphere had grown incredibly tense as he limped forward, my eyes following his actions in curiosity. But once the ray of light shone upon him, fright had overcome me.
A scar had cut across his cheek, a thin layer of blood crusted and dried as a fresh drop streamed down his face. It was as though someone had dug his nails into his skin and tore through his flesh. I assumed I should have thought that he deserved for that to happen to him after all that he had done so far to me. He treated me with so much hatred within himself and I didn't know what had caused this. I had never done anything to him.
"Shouldn't she be at work?" He asked with a strong harshness to his voice. His eyes grew dark as he shot a look of distaste in my direction, his nose wrinkling in disgust at the sight of me.
"She was caught causing trouble yesterday so I had to deal with her, Lieutenant Kabuto," Naruto created an excuse out of thin air, briefly casting his eyes upon me before they returned to have the venom shot towards him from Kabuto's eyes.
A smirk briefly played at Kabuto's lips as he watched me before it had suddenly disappeared, as if he came to understand that Naruto's words weren't true. Sometimes I couldn't help but question whether Lieutenant Kabuto also knew something about it, whether he actually knew the truth of the situation.. Once again I realised there was so much that I didn't know.
"I have no time to talk to you right now. I have many things to do," Naruto broke through the silence that surrounded us as I met Kabuto's eyes once more. There was nothing but darkness within them, disabling me from seeing his true emotions, just as it had been with Sasuke for so long. I could sense nothing but anger and hatred from within his presence, as if it radiated from him and could infect everyone else.
Naruto tugged at my wrist as he gripped it tightly, as if he could sense no good from Kabuto just as I had. It was as if I was frozen as he tried to drag me away, unable to move as he turned in the opposite direction. His head turned, his eyebrow raised in curiosity as my eyes were unable to divert from Kabuto's. There was something about him that was drawing me in, convincing me to stay though my mind could only battle against these thoughts.
Naruto tugged harder until I span in the opposite direction, my feet unconsciously beginning to walk away from the scene. I could do nothing, unsure of what was actually happening to me. My head twisted, my eyes cast upon Kabuto's figure. I raised my head, meeting his eyes as his lips parted.
"I'll get you, bitch. I will get you someday."
Naruto made no reaction to his words as Kabuto turned in the opposite direction and retreated to where he was supposed to be. They had only been meant for me to hear. A warning message for what was to come in the future. A threat.
I didn't know what I had done to deserve it.
The door handle creaked within my grip as I shoved the door open, my eyes switching back and forth as the Lieutenant 's strong gaze remained upon me. No matter how much I tried, I wouldn't be able to imagine what reaction the others would have as I entered. I didn't return the evening before. I didn't turn up for roll-call or work that morning. What would they have thought happened to me?
I took a few steps forward, the floorboards creaking beneath my feet as I scanned my eyes over the surroundings. They were all in their usual positions, as if nothing had changed in the time that I was absent. But there was a strong silence which created feelings of discomfort within me. There was nothing to be heard but the clicking of utensils on dishes, the shuffling of feet over the floorboards. It seemed so peculiar, so strange as if there was something missing.
What had happened to them all?
I was broken from my trance as my eyes darted to the clock which solemnly ticked the seconds by. It reminded me of how much time was passing before me, those seconds lost and never to return. Then I could not think of anything but how much time had actually passed since I had arrived. It had only taken a few weeks before we had lost track of the days. Months, perhaps a year, possibly even longer time had passed.
I heaved a sigh, breaking through the surrounding silence.
Their heads turned almost immediately, searching for the source of the sound. They directed their eyes upon me, their strong glares burning holes through my body as they found me standing at the centre of the room in a daze. Some eyes were widened in shock, in disbelief while others had their eyebrows raised in curiosity. I scanned my eyes over the group, noticing that some were missing from my line of sight. Including Hinata. The anxiety grew within me, trying to understand what may have happened in the time that I was gone. What was going on?
"Sakura! Where have you been?" One girl asked as the silence had returned.
I supposed that was the question on everyone's mind, where I had been for the last 12 hours as if I had disappeared from the face of the earth. I didn't know how I was supposed to respond, the words frozen within my breath. It was forbidden for me to have told the truth and an excuse would have been too complex. And so I said nothing.
"What happened to you?" Another asked after a few moments silence.
I watched them, my face blank but my thoughts couldn't help but travel elsewhere. What had happened to Hinata? Where was Kurenai and the others? They would have been in so much trouble if they were caught not doing their work. What had happened to them?
I also couldn't help but wonder why all of the other girls suddenly seemed to care about me.
The girl approached me, her hand resting on my shoulder reassuringly as if she was trying to coax a response out of me.
"Where are Hinata and the others?" I asked as curiosity and worry came over me and conquered all emotions in my mind.
For a strange reason as my eyes scanned over their faces once more, they all seemed so foreign, as if I had never seen them before. It was if the rest of the girls that I worked with had been replaced, only a few familiar faces visible within the group of them. I began to ponder over the thought something horrible had happened to all of them, this possibility growing more believable once I noticed that none of them would respond to my question.
"Where are Hinata and the others?" I repeated, a hint of anger was evident within my tone.
I realised that her hand was still on my shoulder, pressing down as if she wanted to force me into a seat. The heat within the room was growing uncomfortable, beads of perspiration sitting on my temples as one slid down my pallid cheeks. The atmosphere was growing more tense as the seconds passed by.
"They are in the resting area," She hesitated to respond, removing her hand from me as she slowly stepped backwards. "Look, you're already late and I've noticed more soldiers patrolling around here recently. You better just stay here," She warned before I even had the chance to react to her words, remaining in my initial position. Her words made me feel as though they were trying to hide something from me, as if something had happened and no one wanted me to find out what was really occurring around us.
"Why does it feel like everyone is trying to hide something from me? What is going on?" Some had returned to their work, stirring pots as fear grew evident upon their faces. The sound of soldiers speaking to each other became audible from beyond the door. My hand had curled into a fist as I tried to suppress my infuriation.
"No one is hiding anything from you. You are acting as if you're trying to hide something from the rest of us. Where were you last night?" Ami only responded with another question.
"What happened after I went last night?" I began to think that this would continue until I would answer her question. It made me feel as though it would have been better just to reveal the truth at that moment, just to have it over and done with before this grew out of control. I assumed I would have probably had to tell the truth of my situation with Captain Sasuke sometime or another.
"If you're so stubborn in wanting you questions answered then go to everyone else. And don't complain that I never warned you when you get into trouble."
I turned in the other direction, my feet clicking against the ground below as I walked towards the door. My hand rested on the handle as it creaked within my grip, a gush of wind washing over me as I pulled the door open. I supposed I was just going to be stubborn as she had said. That feature of my personality had remained despite how long we had been there for.
I grew skeptical that this would have resulted in an even worse case scenario than it had been last time I had to visit the resting area to find Hinata. I walked along the paths, following them carefully as I cast my eyes upon the different groups of people surrounding me to distract myself from these thoughts.
My thoughts suddenly returned to Lee who I hadn't seen since the day earlier. I was hoping that I didn't come across him, knowing that I would have been unable to face him after what had happened between Sasuke and I. There wasn't anything between us for me to have treated the situation like I had cheated on him but he had romantic feelings towards me and telling him would only have crushed him.
I tried to avoid any of the soldiers lurking around the area, making it appear as though I was actually doing my work as I scurried past them, holding a pail in my hands. If they noticed any peculiar behaviour they would have reacted immediately. I wasn't sure if I was going to get there and back alive.
My hands pressed against the door as I shoved it open, allowing myself into the building. A faint creaking was audible beneath the shouts of the soldiers in the distance. I took one step inside, able to sense the presence of other people around me as I moved closer inside. However, I could see no one around me, invisible within my line of sight. The area looked just like the way I had left it behind but the atmosphere had grown more tense and I couldn't help but feel a sense of danger and trouble within the room.
My fingers ran along the smoothness of the walls, trying to guide myself around as the darkness grew more intense the further that I travelled inside. It felt so much larger when the crowds were no longer there, as if I could have made a single sound and could hear my echo from across the room. There was still no trace of anyone else, my eyes scanning over the different bunks and areas in search of them. I wasn't able to understand why Ami may have lied to me telling me that they were here when it was evident that they were not. But only one question remained in my mind; what was going on?
"Do you think they may have returned?" A faint voice broke through the silence.
My ears pricked up at the sound as my feet continued to carry my weight through the building.
"I don't think so. It's been over 12 hours since they left. I don't think they'll be coming back," Another replied. They were speaking about me. But why were they here? Shouldn't they have been doing work?
"You don't think they're dead, do you?" The worry flooded through this person's voice and I could hear someone's muffled sob as they covered their mouth.
"It's highly likely. People always die around here."
A faint light was visible in the distance. There were a few figures surrounding it, some remaining in complete silence while the other two continued to converse with each other almost soundlessly. I crept along the floorboards, trying to avoid being heard as if I was eavesdropping on their conversation. My hand lifted from my side, brushing the strands of hair away from my face. They crowded closer together, worry and fear evident upon their faces as a single tear streamed down Kurenai's cheek. I had to know what happened.
"What is going on?" I finally asked, curiosity evident within my tone as my voice tore through the silence. "Why are all of you here?" They all should have been able to understand the consequences of their actions, knowing that there was a strong possibility that they would be caught causing trouble.
Their heads turned immediately, shock and relief were the only visible emotions upon their faces. Kurenai cautiously took a step forward, cradling her baby in her arms, as she stood only inches away. A single hand reached forward, the tips of her fingers brushing against my arms as if she was trying to ensure that I wasn't just a figment of her imagination. "Sakura?" she asked, her voice barely a whisper. "I thought…I thought you had been killed."
She looked somewhat relieved by my appearance, relieved that I had not yet been killed by the soldiers that continued to hold us captive. The other girls moved forward before the relief was suddenly wiped from Kurenai's face. She took a step to the side, trying to look at what may have lay behind me, as if she was trying to search for something.
"What happened to you? Where's Hinata?" she asked, her worry playing at the features of her face as the relieved smile slowly faded away.
"What are you talking about? I thought she was here with you."
I felt the atmosphere grow more tense as I finished speaking, sensing that there was something wrong about our situation. They didn't know where Hinata was and neither did I.
"She went to look for you after you didn't come back," Ino replied, her eyes widening as she came to realise that neither of us knew of her whereabouts. "I thought she had found you since you're here."
"Sakura." Kurenai started, the baby fidgeting around in her arms as a cry escaped from his lips. "Where have you been? Where is Hinata?"
I felt myself growing weak, grabbing onto the rails of one of the bunks to hold myself up. My free hand clasped over my mouth, feeling the shock wash over me. Hinata was missing and it was my fault. The tears were building in the rims of my eyes, threatening to spill onto my cheeks. It was my fault. I finally regretted the intimacy between the Captain and I, regretting what had happened between us the night earlier. If I had returned the night earlier, Hinata wouldn't have gone out in search of me. She would have been with us. She would have been safe.
"You don't know where she is, do you?"
"No. I-I don't."
The tears streamed down my cheeks, my body slowly dropping to the ground. I didn't know where she was. I didn't know how I could have helped her.
I felt like I was walking into a vast space of emptiness, searching for someone that I no longer knew existed or not. I knew my aim, what I should have been doing, but for some reason it didn't matter anymore and I couldn't bring myself to understand why. There was no point in searching for her anymore. Perhaps it was the war which caused this, the camp itself. Gradually we could no longer care about anyone but ourselves. The longer we stayed there, the more we would lose our morals and values, the more we would lose our identity. We wouldn't be able to tell right from wrong.
For a few moments, there was no guilt within me, no guilt knowing that Hinata could have been hurt due to my actions. I thought I shouldn't have bothered about her and gone out to search for her - she brought it upon herself to leave and come looking for me and I myself didn't want to get into any more trouble. I didn't ask her to 'help' me so it was purely her fault. And then I thought it was better that she was finally gone.
I did a lot of walking that day, back and forth along the same paths, like I was walking away from the real problems around us. There had been a lot of time alone with my thoughts, time to realise how much had changed and how much I didn't know. I didn't know what the Captain felt for me - I wasn't aware of his real feelings and others knew more about this than I did. I had no idea what was occurring around me and no idea whether I would ever leave. I didn't even know who I was anymore. At the start, I was the Sakura Haruno who fought for what she believed in, aware that I didn't deserve this treatment or anything that they had forced upon me. What happened to her?
I didn't even take a moment to think about what I should have been doing, or the fact that I was supposed to be in the kitchen, working, when in fact, I hadn't done a single thing. I didn't take a moment to think about the fact that the other girls were doing all of the work while I was out looking for my friend, who could have been dead because of me. I didn't think about the fact that all of this happened because of what had happened between Sasuke and I the night before, because I let the passion take over me.
I walked around the next corner, scanning my eyes over the surroundings as I felt the exhaustion come over me. My legs, which were already weak and fragile, could no longer withstand my weight and I slowly sunk to the ground. I leaned my back against the rough walls of the building, squeezing my eyes shut as there was no one visible within my line of sight.
It felt so calm and peaceful.
The serenity only lasted for a few seconds, faint cries growing audible from nearby. My eyes shot open, darting back and forth as thoughts of Moegi rushed into my mind. The eagerness to have wanted to help them wasn't there like it had been with Moegi, another sign that I had definitely changed. Despite this, there was still a small part of me that urged me to go and find out what was going on. After all, no one deserved to die in the camp even after all that we had been through.
I lifted myself from the ground, following the sounds as if time was repeating itself, my hands tracing along the concrete walls. They were inside. I took a few steps forward, slowly pushing the door open to be greeted by the everlasting darkness. It was just like the scene earlier when I had found Kurenai and the others yet this time the light from a small lamp cast a faint glow nearby. My weight was carried towards it, my feet shuffling against the stained vinyl floor below. The figure grew visible and I found what I had been looking for since I returned.
Even when I didn't think I could find her. I never realized how lucky I must have been.
A strained cry escaped from her lips, muffled as she clasped her hands over her mouth. Her knees were tucked up, brushing against her chin as if she was trying to conceal herself within the darkness. As I moved even closer, it grew evident that she was shivering, her body shaking vigorously. Water had been drenched over her, her wet hair plastered to her face as drops of red liquid were streaming down her bruised arms.
"Hinata? What are you doing in here?" My voice was barely above a whisper but her head immediately lifted at the sound of my voice.
The teardrops on her eyelashes glistened under the influence of the light. Earlier tears had mixed in with the dirt upon her face and a fresh scar which had cut through her cheek. It was like she had been a victim of one of their cruel games, like the soldiers had targeted her.
My lips parted but I struggled to say something else, the words were frozen in my breath. I didn't know whether I should have asked what had happened to her. I crouched down by her side in worry, lifting my hand as I brushed the strands of hair from her face. The scars became more prominent the closer I became.
"Sakura! Thank god you're safe," She tried to lift herself from the ground, grabbing onto the walls but she slowly sunk back down into the pool of water around her in failure. "I thought something bad happened to you. I thought you could have been hurt."
She was speaking so quickly that my mind barely had any time to process what she was saying. There were so many questions in my mind, so many things that I should have asked her but it was like I didn't have the courage to speak to her, knowing it was my fault that she found herself in that situation.
I struggled to even conjure up a response, my eyes switching back and forth around our surroundings for a distraction.
"I'm fine, Hinata. I-I just… last night I…" I started, the words flowing out of my mouth before they came to an abrupt stop. Sasuke's words prohibited me from telling the truth. She couldn't know what had happened and even I was ashamed by my behaviour.
Her lavenders eyes stared back at me, filled with hurt, with defeat, with anger, and I could barely look at her. Those eyes which I once found solace looking into because they were so peaceful and calm, were now so frightening and I doubted that I would ever find the solace in them again. She could sense that there were nothing but lies within me.
"There's nothing wrong with you. Nothing bad happened to you, did it?" She cut through before I had the chance to finish my sentence. There was a hint of urgency within her voice as if she, to some extent, knew what was actually going on. Her words were true and I couldn't lie to her as if I had actually been hurt.
"No, nothing bad happened to me."
The temperature around us started to increase drastically, beads of perspiration hanging on my temples. The air was almost suffocating and I was struggling to breathe. I cautiously lifted my head to meet her eyes, sensing the darkness and infuriation within them.
"Then where were you?" She placed her hands on my shoulders and shook me back and forth, as if she could have shaken a response out of me.
"Where did you go?"
"Hinata, I…"
"I risked my life by going out to search for you. I thought you could have been in trouble yet you were perfectly fine!" She shouted as I felt myself unconsciously back away from her.
The anger within her couldn't be suppressed which was evident from her words and the features that had grown dark with fury. Those earlier thoughts, those which had made me feel as if there should have been no guilt within me, had returned. I regretted coming to search for her in the first place with the kind of attitude she was displaying towards me. How dare she speak to me like that?
"I never asked you to look for me!" The infuriation was within my own voice. I could feel the venom and the hatred grow inside me, like Sasuke's characteristics had become my own.
I felt like I knew the thoughts in her mind. She was trying to protect me like we should have done with Moegi. She didn't want to lose me either. She didn't want me to become hurt yet in the process, she was hurt herself. My eyes widened in shock, my jaw dropped. I shouldn't have spoken to her like that.
What had become of me?
"I did it because I cared about you! But it's like you don't care about what happens to me," she shot a look of betrayal in my direction. Her words pierced into my heart, able to feel the hurt and the pain within her voice. "That soldier forced himself upon me because of you, Sakura. He wouldn't have hurt me if I didn't go out to look for you. He hurt me and it was your fault!"
She lifted the lamp, crushing the glass within her hands as tears threatened to spill from her dark eyes. Broken shards fell onto the ground, piercing into her skin as the light became lost from around us. Drops of blood dripped onto the ground, streaming down her arms as her eyes widened in pain, a cry of pain escaping from her lips. I hurriedly tore the fabric from the end of my dress, trying to wrap it around her hand as she slowly backed away from me.
"Hinata, I-I'm sorry. I didn't know," I rested my hand on her shoulder reassuringly as the tears began to spill onto her cheeks.
The venom in her eyes was shot in my direction as our eyes met once more.
"Don't touch me, you bitch! Get out!" She growled, shoving me aside as a cry escaped from her lips."
"Hinata…"
"I said get out!"
I lifted myself from the ground, complying with her words as I left her behind, alone and isolated like she had been the evening before. She needed someone with her and I wasn't that person. I could sense that our friendship was now tearing at the seams, broken apart in only a few hours. She hated me and the others would also when they knew what had really happened to her. And I felt for once that I actually deserved it. A number of hours earlier, I was enjoying the intimacy with the Captain and now I felt disgusted by my own behaviour.
"You weren't at work earlier," His voice broke through the everlasting silence that surrounded us. My head lifted at the sound of his words, meeting his blank eyes as if there was no emotion within them any longer. I didn't feel like I wanted to speak to him, to spend time in his company that night. I was still shaken by what had happened, Hinata's words replaying in my mind continually.
My head dropped as I watched my feet and the ground below me, the cool breeze carrying the dust across the room. His feet thudded against the ground as he walked towards me, settling into the comfort of the bed as he sat by my side. He heaved a deep sigh and I could feel his gaze upon me. He sat there for a few moments, his eyes never tearing away from my figure and he didn't say anything else, the silence returning between the pair of us. It was like he didn't want to disturb me.
I heard the shuffling of fabric as he lifted his hand, resting it on my shoulder as his lips parted slightly.
"Who died?" The softness was evident within his tone as he whispered, leaning his head closer as if he was being cautious of anyone else hearing his words.
"What made you think someone had died?" I asked, questioning the strange quality of his words.
"I haven't seen you this silent since that girl, your friend, had died. I thought maybe it had happened to someone else."
He lifted his hand away from me as if it was suddenly wrong for him to have done so. My eyes followed his actions, watching as he brushed the tousled strands of hair away from his face. For a moment, I could hear his faint breaths, the oxygen travelling through him. Hs eyes switched to his wristwatch, witnessing the seconds pass by at the speed that they were.
Thinking back to his words, I couldn't help but feel that they justified what Naruto had said earlier about Sasuke caring about me. If he wasn't worried, he wouldn't have asked somewhat personal question as if they would help him understand my behaviour. Sasuke wanted to know why I was so silent and he did worry about me. I tried to shake that thought out of my mind as Hinata's words reappeared once again. He had only been a slight distraction away from her.
"Hinata was hurt because of me. She was attacked because she was looking for me and that whole time I was here with you," I finally answered, the words slipping through my lips with ease.
I didn't understand why I felt so comfortable around him, why I felt that I could tell him everything yet I struggled to say these same words to the others. When I told Kurenai what happened with Hinata, I hesitated, aware that she would be horrified and would begin to judge me just like everyone else had once done. With Sasuke, I felt like it didn't matter what he thought of me as if I knew that he wouldn't have thought those same things about me.
"Is she still alive?" he asked as if my response didn't answer his initial question.
I directed my eyes forward, watching the clock on the wall, the time moving at a slower pace.
"Yes," I spoke slowly. "But it doesn't change anything between us. She may be alive but now she hates me and I assume everyone else does too. I don't have anyone to rely on out there."
The shuffling of his movements grew audible as I heaved a deep sigh, feeling the warmth of my breath in the air around me.
"You didn't see the way she looked at me, as if I betrayed her. And I did betray her trust. I always promised I would come back and I didn't. I was too busy to care about her."
"You regret what happened between us."
I watched him from the corner of my eye as he spoke, his head lowering as he looked at nothing but the vinyl floor below. I supposed he was speaking the truth though, that was how I truly felt about what had happened the night prior. Yes, at the time I may have enjoyed the moment, wanting him to caress me in his arms, craving the softness of his lips upon mine. Even at that moment there was a part of me that hoped it would happen again but there had been too many consequences for it and I faced losing the people I cared about most. Sasuke only ever wanted me to please him.
"It shouldn't have happened, we both know that." The hesitation was dripping from my voice. "It's not like I didn't expect it eventually, when I'm your…'toy'. It was just the wrong time, especially after what has been happening around here lately," I replied, tilting my head to the side as I stared into nothing but complete emptiness.
I pictured what could have been happening elsewhere at that moment, watching as the others continued to support Hinata, holding her in their arms as she wept and stained their clothes with her tears. There wasn't enough room for me in that world of theirs.
"Why do you always do that? You should have at least some respect for yourself? Is that all you think you are? A toy?" I could feel the anger within his voice as he responded almost immediately as my words had finished. His words were so hypocritical.
Wasn't he the one that initially gave me that title?
"Well isn't that what I am to you, Sasuke. A toy, just liked you always say!"
My hand curled into a fist, my muscles tightening in infuriation. How could he have something like that so easily when he knew that it was his fault that I thought of myself in that way. I could feel the venom growing within me. A single man was able to arouse so many different feelings within, could have made me both hate and lust for him at the same time.
"I know what Naruto said to you. You were just a toy at the start but too much has changed since then and you know too much about me for me to just treat you like a toy," His voice dropped in silence as if he was trying to return the serenity to the room.
"You already know how I feel about you."
"You make it so hard for me to know what you feel." I dropped my head, my voice no louder than a whisper. "You're such a complex person."
He didn't say anything for a few moments, his lips pressing together into a straight line as he tapped his fingers against the wooden chest
"I know." He broke through his silence, lifting his hand away. "I've struggled with emotion for so long, I don't know what to do to express what I think about you."
"All you have to know is that I struggle to stop thinking about you."
The fine silk of his shirt rustled against the rest of the fabric as he raised his arm, his hand held out in my direction. The tips of his fingers traced along my jaw, my head unconsciously turning to face him. Our eyes met once again, his dark orbs were now kinder and softer, glistening under the faint light above us. They were so beautiful. He was so beautiful as he cupped my face within both of his hands, his thumbs brushing along the softness of my cheeks and I could feel the temperature of the room steadily increase. His head tilted forward, his lips pressing against my skin.
"That makes two of us."
A sudden gunshot tore through the silence, ripping through the peace between us. I flinched in shock, a shiver running along the length of my spine. I didn't understand what was happening, my body frozen in shock as Sasuke's hands were gently lifted away from me. Those sounds hadn't been heard for weeks, as if the army's killing rampage had come to a stop like they wanted us to die more humanely. My breathing had increased rapidly, worried that I could have been next, worried that someone was coming out to get me as Kabuto's words replayed in my mind. He threatened to kill me.
Another loud crack was audible in the distant air. Followed by another. Then another as death continued around us. My hand held onto Sasuke's wrist, my fingers tightening with each gunshot as if he would be able to protect me. I glanced up at him as his eyes darted around the room, and he stared out into the distance through the window.
We waited for a few moments, my breath hitched in my throat. I didn't dare to let go of him, my eyes briefly switching back up to watch him, the blankness evident upon his face. What was going on out there beyond that window?
The tears gathered at the rims of my eyes, fear conquering all emotions within me. I didn't know how to react to what I had just heard, knowing that someone could have been hurt or killed. I clung onto Sasuke like a child that needed protection as he sat in the same state that I was in. His skin was cold, ice cold compared to the warmth which normally radiated from him. We didn't know who else could have been a victim as cries of pain and shock grew audible in the distance, echoing in the surrounding air towards our ears.
"I better go and see what's going on," He broke through the silence, wriggling out of my tight grasp as he lifted his body off the bed and took a few steps forward. "Stay here. I'll be back as soon as I can."
I reached out towards him, yearning for the warmth that I could find from his skin. "Don't go."
"I have to, Sakura."
"Please."
"I can't."
He lowered his head, planting a soft kiss on my forehead before he turned in the opposite direction. His feet thudded against the ground with each step, hand resting on the door handle as it creaked within his grip before allowing in a gush of cold air from the hallway. I could do nothing but sit and watch him in fright, still shaken by the sounds of the gunshots. I pondered over the thought that it could have been someone that I knew, worry growing within me for Hinata and the others, especially after what had happened to her the night before.
I sat for a few moments, no sound escaping from my lips as I drummed my fingers upon my other arm. As each minute passed, I began to question Sasuke's whereabouts, why he had not yet returned. The wait and anxiety was growing unbearable. What if it really was someone that I knew and Sasuke didn't want to return with that news? Perhaps that was what had been keeping him. Another ten minutes passed and there was still no sign of him. The faint sounds of people talking grew louder, like crowds were gathering around the victims.
I lifted myself off the bed, glancing at the window from the corner of my eye before my feet unconsciously carried me towards the door. I couldn't have just sat there knowing that people I cared about could have been hurt or killed. Leaving the warmth of Sasuke's chambers behind, I escaped into the hallway, cautiously following the sounds to find out where they could have been. The hallway had grown so long that night as I walked and walked with no end in sight, passing the odd soldier in my pursuit.
The moon bestowed a dim light from my path as I finally escaped, clouds drifting across the night sky. I could sense the oncoming rain, watching as the clouds above grew darker and darker and I could see almost nothing but darkness. My feet crunched upon the cold gravel as a crowd of people grew visible in the distance. If it was possible, I would have wanted to go back in time at that point. I wanted to prevent myself from continuing along the same path, knowing that only death waited for me at the end.
"Oh my god!" my jaw dropped, my body was frozen at the sight before me.
A single raindrop landed on my temples and streamed down the length of my face, the tears following close by. The flash of lightning flickered in his lifeless eyes, awaiting the crack of thunder as a storm brewed in the distance. The downpour of rain increased drastically soaking my clothes, my hair growing damp. I sunk to the ground by his side, brushing the strands of hair from Lee's face as he stared endlessly in my direction. His eyes would never be able to tear away.
The gunshots had pierced through his body at a breakneck speed, a pool of blood surrounding him. It was as if one gunshot hadn't been enough to take his life. The killer hadn't even discarded the gun as it lay thrown by his side, Lee's blood splattered all over the cold metal as the rancid stench lingered in the air. He was hurt. He had died before I had the chance to tell him the truth about what I really felt and all day I had ignored him because I couldn't have even faced him then.
I felt Sasuke's presence behind me as two men rushed forward, dragging Lee's remains at his order. He muttered words beneath his breath and as much as I wanted to, I couldn't stop them from taking him away.
The tears streamed down my face.
"Let me go."
I yanked my wrist out of his hand as he pulled me back into his room, the redness and pain still lingering across my skin. It was too warm in there, compared to the bitterness of the wind that swept across the camp outside, and I wanted to be back out there, with the rain beating down and streaming down my skin than be inside while Sasuke paced himself around me. The water dripped down from his jacket and his hair pressed against his face, skin pale as a shiver ran across his skin and his nerves jostled.
"I told you to stay inside, why didn't you listen to me?" He asked, breaking through the silence that I had set between us as he swept a hand across his face and wiped the beads of water away.
He said this as if I was wrong for being out there, as if I was wrong for caring about the other prisoners or my friends. For seeing Lee for the last time. But no matter how annoyed and mad that made me, I could only think of Lee and what would they would do to him.
"Where did you take him?" I stepped forward, my clothes clinging onto my skin. "Where is he?"
The fear seeped through my voice, the fear that I held for him at that moment, for his parents, for all of us. Lee wouldn't receive a proper funeral compared to those outside - he would probably have been thrown into the mass graves beyond the fence, never to be seen by the human eye ever again. He was gone before I had the chance to say goodbye. His parents wouldn't even know that their only son was dead.
"He's dead, Sakura. He's not coming back." He pressed both of his hands down on my shoulders, trying to steady my shaking body. I didn't even realise I had been shaking, my fingertips red and numbing.
"You're just going to throw him out with all of the others, aren't you?" I had to ask, my voice raising in my throat until I was almost yelling at him, the water dripping into a puddle from the bottom of my skirt.
"Sakura, you have to calm down."
"He was my friend!" I cried, the breaths catching in my throat, the words choked and strained. "He shouldn't have to have died like that!"
Nobody should have. Out there in the darkness. Parted from all of their loved ones as war roamed around us and the evil sunk between us all. Nobody should have been shot so helplessly, especially someone like Lee, who tried to light up the world around him, who was always so optimistic and bright.
And I didn't even have the chance to say anything to him before he was taken away. I hadn't spoken to him after he told me how he felt about me the day before, when he kissed me, when I later succumbed to my feelings about Sasuke. I couldn't even help but realise how much this situation seemed to mirror that which happened with Moegi and how cruel a game God must have been playing with me when all He did was take away and hurt the people around me.
"I know." There was nothing but peace and regret, his sympathy light as I stared into his eyes, his thumb brushing against my cheek. "I'll find out who did this."
A/N: Despite having so much free time, I still managed to take a while to get this chapter out and for that, I'm sorry, probably too much time spent on netflix, because that's just what you do ;)
Apologies for killing off Lee, it just kinda happened, and for Naruto being OOC, but hopefully you enjoyed this chapter...maybe..
Until next time,
coolgirlaamy xxx