Chapter 48 Rejection hurts

Iziah;

Two weeks John had stayed with us, no really noticed a difference, he stayed away from us. He ate in his room, he only came out when he knew we were all in our rooms or out, my sister wasn't making things easy, I couldn't blame her but I still wanted to slap her. The one night John joined us for dinner, she did nothing but make catty remarks, until John left the table and went to his room. Raven refused to stop her remarks and I didn't really wish to have another fight with her about it. I over heard them one night around midnight, she was up getting something to eat and John had snuck out to get something to eat, I couldn't hear the traded insults properly but I heard John's deep voice end the conversation.

"I hate him too you know"

John hadn't been on Messenger for a while, I tried to talk to him the one night he was on, but he simply refused and logged off. I didn't understand it, wasn't he the one fighting to talk to me, to be friends with me and now he just didn't want to know? How the hell was that even fair?

Well after midnight I slid out of my cupboard and down the hall to John's room, the light poured out from underneath so I knew he was awake. When he opened the door he looked surprised to see me, no offence Cena but who else would it be? Harm, Jam and Rae made it clear they had no interest in being friends with him.

"Izzy,"

"Hey, you busy?"

"Uh no"

"Can I come in?"

He held the door back, "Its your house, do what you want"

He hadn't done much with the room, partly because he wouldn't be staying too long, when school started back I guessed he would be staying in one of the student dorms. He went back to his bed where his laptop was laying.

"You haven't been on Messenger for a while"

"Don't really feel like talking"

I could sense it, he wanted to add 'to you' which just made everything worse. I thought we were friends. "Fair enough" I took a seat on his bed, inches away from him.

"John I wanted to say thank you"

"For what?" He didn't look up but I could tell he desperately wanted too.

I made him look at me, my hand touching his, the contact made him look at me. The guilt still raged in his eyes and that just killed me more, it wasn't his fault so why was he feeling so guilty?

"For saving me, if it wasn't for you I would be dead"

John let out a sigh as he withdrew his hand from mine, "I'm just sorry he hurt you Iziah. I should of known when he started asking questions"

"What questions?"

John turned away again, I took his chin and made him look at me, "What questions John?"

"Just if we were together, and if I liked you and he even gave me tips on how to get to you. Now I know why he was so fucking eager, he wanted you closer to him"

"Is that why you asked me out?"

"Thats why I stopped. I didn't want him near you, I just thought it was creepy, I never imagined that he..." John let out a sigh "I'm sorry, I should of realised"

"John, trust me, this was the easiest way for you to find out, if you figured it for yourself you wouldn't of believed it and this outcome would a hundred times worse."

"That really don't help Izzy"

I couldn't help the little giggle, "Yeah I'm not very good at this sort of thing, I don't usually give comforting words, I'm usually the one who makes it worse"

He didn't say anything which made me ask the question that was burning inside my brain, "John why do you not wanna talk to me?"

"I can't. It's just too hard, I look at you and just see what he did to you. You don't see him when you look at me?"

I shook my head, "Nope. Don't get me wrong, I hate your father, I hate him with everything I have. I fear if he comes near me again I will kill him, I'll kill him with my bare hands. I get this unspeakable rage at the mere mention of him, but when I look at you all I see is you, you're not your father, you would never do what he did, you are not him John and I believe deep down that you would never hurt me."

"I'm sorry for what he did Iziah, I hate him too you know"

"I know you do"

I shuffled away from him and instead settled on the bed next to him, he was currently watching a movie, well it was paused while I was talking to him but now I guess we could watch it together, if he didn't want me to leave that is.

"Can I watch with you?"

"Sure" He clicked un-pause and we went quiet to watch the movie, it wasn't so bad. I didn't usually like action movies but it was at least it wasn't a chick flick.

"Do you think I could ever be in a movie Iziah?"

"You? In a movie? This is the greatest nation alive! We have all sorts of people to keep people like you even making a movie, quit your day dreaming melon-head!"

"Dude not nice" John laughed, "And I am not a melon head"

"See, this is what I'm good at, saying well timed insults to bring down your self-esteem little by little"

"Gotta admit, you're good at what you do"

I couldn't help myself I slid closer to him, he didn't say a word as I took the laptop off his lap and put it on the blankets, his eyes never left mine as I lowered my lips to his, kissing him softly and letting him know that it was ok to kiss back. I was afraid he wasn't going to and then he did, the gentle pressure of his lips and softness of his arms wrapping around me, pulling me onto his lap. I took my chance and slid my tongue to his mouth. I had never done this, I had only seen this on movies and it was nothing like it was on the movies. One moment he was pulling me closer, the next moment he was pushing me away until I was back on my feet beside him. He didn't say anything to me but it was clear that a line had been crossed and he didn't want to cross that line, not with me at least.

"Just go" Ice riddled his voice and slithered up my body like a blanket, quickly I marched out of his room and went back to my room. It was only when the cupboard door was shut that I allowed a few tears to slide down my face. Rejection was a bitch but it cut even deeper to know the reason I was rejected. I was now tainted, what man would want me know after know what had happened to me. John's rejection and my tainted-ness didn't make anything any easier.