You see her when you close your eyes, maybe one day you'll understand why

Everything you touch, all it dies...

-Let Her Go, Passenger

Cissnei was glad when morning finally came.

Despite her tiredness the night before, every time she'd tried to close her eyes images would begin to flash before them, images she never wanted to see again. After a while, she'd given up on sleep; instead, she lay on her bed, restless and wide awake, with nothing to do but think.

There were many topics Cissnei could have chosen to think about, but few of them were pleasant. Cloud was too closely tied to Zack, and Zack was... a lot of things, but at that point in time dead was the most important of them. Thinking about her present situation meant facing the fact that by joining AVALANCHE, she had essentially betrayed the Turks. Just leaving was one thing. This... was something else.

I don't have to stay. I could go with Cloud, if he'll let me. She'd figure out his secrets, eventually. Being a mercenary would suit her; no ties, no alliances, just going where the wind took her, accepting whatever jobs she was given. And she could come to enjoy having Cloud around (though not like Zack, never like Zack; she would not fall into that trap again, and anyways, no-one could replace Zack).

All she had to do was learn how to look at him and not see someone else. That couldn't be so difficult, could it?

Cissnei propped herself up on her elbow. Tifa was up already; that meant she could get up, too.

"'Morning, Cissnei."

Cissnei yawned. She really hadn't gotten much rest. "'Morning, Tifa."

"Cissnei..." Tifa lowered her voice and glanced around. "There's something I'd like to talk to you about. In private."

"Oh." Jessie and Cloud were up too by then; there was no way they could talk there without being overheard. "Well, I don't know if I can... I might be leaving AVALANCHE."

"What? You just came."

"I know, but I think I want to go with Cloud. That is, if he'll let me. I haven't approached him about it, yet."

Tifa smiled. "That won't be a problem. I've convinced him to stay, at least for another mission. Actually... Cloud is part of what I wanted to discuss."

Cissnei blinked. Wasn't Tifa the girl who asked about Cloud when I first joined AVALANCHE? Cissnei wondered how much she would tell Tifa. She had no idea what the relation between Cloud and Tifa was, though they'd certainly seemed friendly with each other. Still, if Cloud didn't want Tifa to know the truth, then it wasn't Cissnei's secret to give away, even if there was a lot she didn't understand about Cloud's behaviour. "All right. We'll talk later. Right now, we should go downstairs."

"Wait. One other thing. Do you know a SOLDIER called Zack?"

Cissnei stopped, frozen to her spot. Tifa just looked at her calmly, not realising the effect her words had had. How does she - What does-

"He was sent on a mission to a town called Nibelheim once, wasn't he? You see, I'm -"

"You're right," Cissnei interrupted. Why does she want to talk about Zack? She must know more than I thought she did. "We need to talk, but not now. After the mission?"

"All right. After the mission. Don't forget about it, though."

Forget about it? I'm not likely to.

Sitting in a compartment on the train and staring out the window, Cissnei wondered if she shouldn't just leave AVALANCHE anyways. She didn't want to fight Shinra; she didn't really want to fight, in general. Not that she was a pacifist; a pacifist Turk would have been an oxymoron. Some problems had to be solved with violence; many problems ended up being solved with a stealthy, well-placed knife in someone's back. It was an unfortunate reality, but necessary to keep the world going.

At least, that had been her mindset when she'd worked for Shinra. Now? She didn't know. She could not accept Zack's death as an 'unfortunate, but necessary reality'. But she couldn't completely abandon her previous beliefs either. And how was AVALANCHE any different? You could use 'saving the planet' to justify blowing up a reactor, killing workers, destroying livelihoods.

Just as Shinra could use 'advancing important scientific techniques' to justify giving Hojo free rein and 'keeping company secrets safe' to justify hunting down someone who only wanted to escape from being experimented on and keep his friend safe.

If she stayed with AVALANCHE, she would eventually come into conflict with the Turks. Claiming she didn't care would be self-delusion; pleasant to believe for a short while, but ultimately hurtful. What did she have to stay for? Cloud could look after himself, strange though it may have seemed to her.

Type A security alert! Unidentified passengers confirmed. A search of all cars will be conducted.

Oh, no.

Cissnei leapt to her feet. She could not allow herself to be caught by Shinra. They could not know that Tseng had allowed her to leave, knowing the things she did. He had taken a huge risk for her; she had repaid him by joining Avalanche.

Jessie ran in, looking flustered. "We're in trouble. I'll explain later. Hurry! Get to the next car!"

Cissnei bolted after Jessie. 'We're in trouble'? Oh, you don't say.

Unidentified passengers located in Car 1. Preparing for Lock Down.

We have to get out of here. Cissnei flung the door open and ran into Car 2. So much for stealth. Shinra will definitely be alerted now.

They made it out of Car 2 before it was locked down... then Car 3... then Car 4... once in Car 5, Cissnei was able to breathe normally again. Shinra hadn't caught her. Yet. As soon as this mission was over and she'd talked to Tifa, she was leaving Avalanche. She couldn't risk something like this again, and besides, she'd begun to get too comfortable in Avalanche. She'd find a way to blend back into the background; she was tired of doing things that were important. Important positions got people killed; as a Turk, she'd often ended up being the one doing the killing.

"... Scary," Tifa muttered, finally having caught her breath. Cissnei felt a little sorry for her. She wondered how experienced Tifa was with these things; she hadn't come on the previous mission, after all. And this would certainly not be shaping up as a pleasant first experience for her. "So we're jumping, huh?"

Cissnei glanced at Barret. "Yeah, I think so."

"Ok! I'm ready to jump!" She glanced at Cissnei. "Uh, you wouldn't mind jumping with me, would you?" she asked with a small smile.

"No problem," Cissnei replied, returning a small smile of her own. They approached the window and Cissnei took Tifa's hand. Before Tifa could get a chance to hesitate or change her mind, Cissnei pulled her forwards. Tifa's grip tightened and Cissnei heard her breath in relief as their feet finally hit the ground.

Cloud came down next, and Tifa relaxed further. "Whew, you're ok."

Cloud shrugged. "It was just a little jump."

Cissnei watched the exchange carefully. Clearly, Tifa cared for Cloud. If she told her what she knew about him, she wouldn't be putting him at risk. Though that didn't necessarily mean that she should tell him. There might have been other, more... personal reasons for him not to want her to know his secrets. From what she'd seen of him so far, he was far from open about things.

Cissnei wondered how Cloud felt about Tifa. He'd seemed more relaxed in her company than she'd seen him before; when she'd looked over at them chatting, he hadn't given off that general vibe of coldness. But that could mean anything from him being reasonably comfortable around her to them being close friends to them being... more than that. With Cloud, she could never tell.

Still, she wished she could get Cloud to relax and open up the same way Tifa apparently could. Tifa was like Aerith in that way; both were good with people, both could make people feel better with as little as a smile or even just their presence. But somehow Cissnei couldn't be jealous of Tifa the same way she'd been jealous of Aerith, and not just because Aerith had dated Zack. Aerith had always struck Cissnei as being oblivious, sometimes almost wilfully ignorant, of the world around her, whereas Tifa was here, fighting Shinra. Even if she still wasn't convinced that that was necessarily a good thing, it at least showed that Tifa knew what the real world looked like.

"Good," Barret said, landing and interrupting Cissnei's train of thought. "So far everything's going as planned."

Seriously? You mean you planned for us to almost get caught on the train?

"The reactor's just down this tunnel. Now get a move on!"

Hey everyone! My holidays have just finished, which means I'll be updating this more rarely from now on. I'll still be working on it as much as I can, though, so please be patient :).

Ok, so this was kind of a slow and difficult chapter to write. Things should start to get pretty interesting soon, but to get there I need to just follow the original script for a while. Irish-Brigid: when you steal someone else's identity then go running around with people who were in love with him, ending up as the 'rebound guy' is kind of unavoidable XD. As for qwq qweqq, I'm really glad you liked the last chapter! It was probably one of my favourite to write so far. Tayashia, I'm looking forwards to adding Aerith too. I'm not sure Cissnei will be as pleased about her inclusion, though :).

If anyone else has read this and is interested, please do leave a review! Reviews make my day.