I woke up to loud noises. Cars honking, doors banging, and a lot of squealing. Sitting up, I realized I had fallen asleep on the kitchen floor. My stomach rumbled, and I began to search for food. There was a bag of bread on the counter. Peeta.

I grabbed a roll from the bag and sat back down on the floor.

I knew who was outside, who was banging on my door. It was the prep team. I stuck the rest of the roll in my mouth and walked slowly to the door. Bracing myself, I threw the door open.

"Ivy!" Octavia yelled. She was the only one excited to see me. Flavius and Venia exchanged shocked expressions.

"Your hair!" Flavius cried, "What happened to the beautiful strings of gold?"

"What are those monsters above your eyes?" Venia questioned.

"My eyebrows?" I asked, confused. Octavia patted their backs.

"It's okay. We'll fix her. Don't worry!"

They all grab my hands and run me up the stairs. They looked in all the rooms until they found my bedroom. Venia sat my in a chair. Flavius threw my window open and took a deep breath, like he liked the air here in 12.

Octavia sets a bunch of bags on the ground. They began to rummage through them until they found what they wanted. Flavius pulls out a bunch of tubes with goop in them. Venia had tiny scissors. Octavia had nail files and polish.

I felt my hair start to get covered in gunk by Flavius as Octavia was at my toes, trimming and painting. Venia whimpered as she attempted to tame my eyebrows.

"The Games were such a hit, Ivy! But we've had nothing to do since they've ended!" Flavius exclaimed with a pout.

"But now we have the Victory Tour!" Venia pointed out.

"We've been wondering how you and Peeta have been! Now, you have the rest of your life together! It's so romantic!" Octavia squealed. I tried to smile but couldn't. All of Panem thought we were living happily together, overflowing with love. They didn't know that these past weeks have been the worst weeks of my life. I didn't want to admit to myself that they were worse than the weeks following Madge's death, but they were.

"And you two are going to be mentors for the Quarter Quell! That's so thrilling!" Venia cried.

I was never alive for a Quell, but I knew that Haymitch had won the last one. The interesting thing about Quarter Quell's was that they had different rules, a special change in celebration of another 25 years of Hunger Games. Haymitch's Games had double the amount of tributes. The odds had been in his favor, because he defeated them all and was crowned victor.

I heard a knock at the door. The prep team turned around, as did I. Relief flooded me.

"Cinna," I murmured. His arms opened, so I ran up to him and gave him a hug.

"Are you almost finished here?" Cinna asked.

"Oh yes!" Venia cried.

"She just needs a little…" Octavia started.

"I think she looks perfect. You guys can go downstairs now," Cinna dismissed. They all slowly walked past.

"I did her hair," Flavius pointed out while passing Cinna. I giggled.

Once the prep team was out of sight, Cinna had me sit down in the chair again and made mild adjustments to my makeup and hair. I thought about how disappointed Flavius would be if he found out Cinna changed my hair.

"I brought your clothes up," he said when he was finished. He pointed at a rack with clothes hanging from it.

"No dresses with fire this time?" I asked.

"Not today," he replied. I frowned a little. I knew I wasn't the most attractive girl in the world, but I felt radiant and beautiful whenever I donned Cinna's clothing.

"How's the Capitol?"

"Interesting as usual. How are you, Girl on Fire?" Cinna asked. I took a deep breath. Cinna looked concerned as he walked over to the rack and came back with a pair of pants and a sweater.

"Barely alive," I responded truthfully.

"Give me your wrist," Cinna instructed. Thinking he wanted to put on jewelry, I put my hand out in front of him. His fingers held my wrist. Though his eyes were still concerned, he smiled at me.

"What?"

"You have a heartbeat. I would say you're more than barely alive," Cinna smiled, gently releasing my wrist. I gave him a grateful smile and got dressed in the pants and sweater.

The denim pants were tight on my legs, but the sweater was light and baggy. The combination made me look strong and cute. Next he gave me boots that laced up to my knees and a jacket that had many shiny buttons on it.

He wrapped a scarf a couple of times around my neck and gave me some gloves. Stepping back to look at me, Cinna looked thoughtful.

"Something's missing," he said. I gestured to my hair, surprised that nothing was on my head yet. Cinna laughed and smiled, "That's what it was! You have promise as a designer."

"Do I really?" I laughed.

"I have these earmuffs. Or do you have a hat you might like?" Cinna asked. I looked shameful as I delivered my response.

"My only hat is lying on the floor downstairs," I muttered.

"Let's go find it," Cinna said. I was somehow warmed by the fact that Cinna was letting me wear some of my own clothes for the Tour's beginning. During the Games, I only had Peeta from home. Since I didn't have Peeta anymore, having even an old hat with me would remind me of district 12.

Cinna approved of the hat. Just as he was arranging my hair under the hat, Effie barged in. She gave me a large smile and rushed over as quickly as she could on her high heels.

"Ivy! Are you ready for another big, big, big day?" she shouted as she hugged me.

"I think so, Effie," I smiled.

No, I was definitely not ready. I may look the part, but I felt nothing like a victor, much less a victor who was in love. Effie gave me a satisfactory nod and turned to yell out the door, which she left open. Snow was falling outside.

"She's ready! Get Peeta out here!" Effie yelled as she led me out the door. Once I was on the doorstep, she left me alone. I took a couple steps out the door and looked up, letting the snow fall on my eyelashes. Smiling, my chilled hands found their way to my pockets.

I stood there, looking at the snowfall for what seemed like hours. Then, I turned and saw Peeta exiting his house. My face spread into a large grin, because finally I could be myself. It was acceptable now to be in love with Peeta. I took a couple of shy steps towards him, listening to the snow crunch under my feet. He didn't see me yet.

I loved Peeta but hated this. Our love shouldn't be like this, with me getting to kiss him and be in love with him when I knew he didn't love me in return. Yet, when I saw his face in through the snow falling, my problems were forgotten. I ran towards him.

Peeta saw me running across the yards to him, and he started towards me. I flung myself at him. He caught me in his arms, holding me tightly. I missed having his arms hold me. How had I forgotten what it felt like?

I let my face hide in his shoulder.

"Hey, Ivy," Peeta murmured. The cameras were near. I pulled my head out of his shoulder as he set me on the ground. Our hands were still entwined, fitting perfectly together. I felt my face rise to meet his as his lowered to find mine. Our lips touched gently.

This was the first time we had kissed in a long time. I felt Peeta's hands leave mine, so he could wrap his arms around me, pulling me as close as possible to him. My hands moved so they were sitting comfortably on his chest, like it was rehearsed almost. The kiss never deepened; it only stayed light and innocent. And almost bland. He pulled away slowly, our foreheads still resting against each other.

"Hey, Peeta," I laughed. Our hands found each other again, and we started walking. I slipped a couple times on the sidewalk. Peeta would chuckle when I would almost fall, but he would always catch me before I could hit the ground.

We made it to the train. Peeta and I went our separate ways to tell people goodbye. Well, mostly Peeta told people goodbye. No one came for me. I stood by Haymitch, and we watched Peeta side by side.

"He's so happy," I said.

"I know, sweetheart," Haymitch took a swig of something and grimacing. I wondered why he wasn't drunk, but it seemed like he was never drunk anymore.

"I just want this all to be over," I said, still smiling. I had to try to look happy for the cameras sake.

Haymitch was lucky; he could just pretend to be drunk whenever he was depressed. And when you won the Hunger Games, that was most of the time.

"It will be soon. Don't worry," Haymitch muttered. Peeta came back up.

"You already finished saying goodbye?" Peeta asked, grabbing my hand. I gave him a sad smile.

"No one to say goodbye to," I responded. Peeta tried to smile in return, but it looked like it was hard for him to smile.

"Let's go," Effie shouted. We boarded the train and waved from the windows. As soon as we were out of sight, Peeta left for his room. And I went to mine.

My eyes shot open, and I gasped for breath. Sitting up, I looked out the window. It was pitch black; there wasn't one star. My blankets and pillows were all on the floor. I felt my forehead covered in sweat.

The nightmares were getting worse. Tonight wasn't a normal nightmare though. Tonight I dreamt about Peeta. I saw him crying. He wasn't hurt or dead. He was crying. Like a shadow, I had crept behind him in the dream and saw why he was crying.

I was lying on the ground. My body. Surrounded by blood. It looked like I was dying or already dead. And Peeta was crying.

I tried to stand up from the bed, but I fell to the floor. My legs wouldn't work at first. I sat on the ground with my hands covering my eyes. The pressure on my eyes caused swirly, colorful patterns to appear on my eyelids. So I let my hands fall to my sides, slowly opening my eyes.

Eventually, I could stand up and made my way to the door. I opened it and let it slam behind me. Not knowing where to go, my legs led me. They ran somewhere. When I stopped, I was leaning against the railing on the last train car.

My head hung, watching the rungs as they rapidly disappeared. I let my hair blow wildly in the wind. This was where I felt most free. On the last train car staring at the disappearing land as we headed off to who knows where.

I shivered and looked at the pajamas I was wearing. A tank top and thin cotton pants. My arms crossed, still leaning against the railing, watching the snow fly on either side of me as the train sped ahead. I should've put on a robe or something a little warmer, but I only cared about getting out of my room. I always felt trapped after a nightmare, as if staying in my room after something happened in my sleep would make it happen in reality.

Something heavy landed on my shoulders. A wooly blanket.

"I knew you would be back here," Peeta murmured, standing next to me. I pulled the blanket he had set on my shoulders closer. We stood in silence. This was where it had all begun, hadn't it? On the back of a train. Watching our home disappear before our very eyes. I took a deep breath and squeezed my eyes shut.

"I'm… sorry," I stammered out.

"What?" Peeta asked, like what he heard was unexpected. My eyes opened to a squint as I stared at the falling snow. My hands tightened on the railing.

I needed Peeta. Even just as a friend. And I knew I was in the wrong, not him. If anyone needed to clear up this mess, it was me.

"I'm sorry. And I've been sorry ever since the roof after the last interview. I knew how you felt about Katniss. It wasn't fair of me to think that what happened in the Games was real. It was unfair of me to expect anything… in return," I said. Peeta breathed out, his breath making swirly patterns in the air. The blanket slipped a little, revealing my bare shoulder.

"I'm sorry, too," Peeta said. He grabbed my hand as I reached to pull my blanket up over my shoulder. I looked up at him surprised. There weren't any cameras here.

"You didn't do anything wrong," I answered, looking away from him again. Out of the corner of my eye, I could see him run his hand through his blonde curls.

"Yes, I did," Peeta argued. He sounded truly angry with himself. He had no reason to be. He did nothing wrong, and I knew that deep down Peeta also knew that he had no need to apologize.

"What did you do?" I asked, thinking he wouldn't be able to answer.

"The whole Games, I thought everything you did was a lie. I thought the real you was different than you were in the Games. I thought the Ivy in the Games was too good to be true and that real Ivy was the complete opposite. I was a jerk," he answered. "I was a jerk to think you were any less perfect than you were."

I tried to forget the nice words he said to me. It would just mean more hurt later, and I was done with allowing myself to get hurt. I took my hand away from his.

"You weren't a jerk to me," I said, still not understanding. I heard a loud sigh come from Peeta.

"You want the truth?" Peeta asked me.

"Yes," I said. He turned to face me. His hands held both mine. I looked at him blankly.

"I loved you."

"Loved," I repeated in past tense. Peeta continued on.

"But I thought you were a fake and that your love for me was fake. I convinced myself that Katniss was for me. And then, after the Games, you were so distant. I didn't know what to do. I tried to move on," he murmured. This was all too good to be true. Had Peeta really loved me? Really and truly loved me, Ivy Undersee?

"Tried?" I asked. A little part of me felt cruel. I was doing it again. I was making Peeta say things I wanted to hear.

"I think I still love Ivy Undersee," he laughed. I took my hands out of his and set them on the railing. I squeezed my eyes shut. This was what I had wanted, wasn't it? Then why did I feel so sick inside? "Is something wrong?"

"You lied once," I said. I hated that I had to think this way. But I never wanted to feel how I felt that moment in the cave when I first discovered Peeta didn't love me. The hurt seemed to go away as the act continued and got deeper, but it didn't really go away. It just saved itself for later, when I was home and alone in 12. A victor who had really won nothing.

I felt his arms wrap around me from behind. His lips moved on the top of my head. Every part of me tingled. I felt myself wanting to kiss him again, to be like we were in the cave. Deliriously in love.

"But I'm telling the truth now," he whispered. I turned around, still in his arms. Peeta gently picked up a strand of my hair that had blown into my face. He tucked it behind my ear, holding my face up to his.

Peeta leaned down and kissed me. He drew me closer to him, and my hands automatically went around his neck.

I wanted to believe that he was telling the truth. But we had kissed many times. A kiss didn't prove anything.

I pulled away for a second and looked into his eyes.

Peeta frowned, wondering why I had pulled away. My hands moved to his shoulders as I continued to study his face.

I wasn't sure yet if he was telling the truth or lying. But I smiled and let him kiss me again.

*A/N Hey, everyone (meaning anyone who is even reading this)! I don't normally say this... but pleas review! I want to know what you guys think of this story! Thanks if you've read this far!*